FicWad

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses, to join Gary Parker and Sydney Stump in holy matrimony..."

"Boy, this wedding has a hell of a lot of people." Pete said, sidling up to Patrick after the ceremony.
"I know. I can't believe my sister knows so many people."
"I can't believe your sister's finally married. Their engagement lasted long enough."
"You're next, aren't you nervous?" Patrick asked. Pete shrugged.
"To be honest I'm more nervous around Rachel right now." Pete replied. Patrick chuckled. It was true, Rachel was heavily pregnant and with Pete's annoying remarks around her 24/7, she wasn't exactly a pleasure to be around.
"Why isn't she here?" Patrick asked.
"She's too knocked up to drive. And she won't get in the car with me in case I crash." Pete said. He froze. He looked at Patrick, ready to apologize, but Patrick was laughing again, obviously he hadn't heard the comment. At least that was what it looked like, but in all truths he was ignoring the comment. He couldn't let it consume him. Amanda had died and he had to accept the circumstances. One of the hardest things for him to do was get ready to talking about her and not break down in tears. He'd managed well so far, the only thing stopping him was knowing Amanda would hate him to be crying over her.
"Knocked up? Is that the medical term for it?" He asked, raising his glass to his lips. Pete shrugged again.
"Well, I prefer to call it knocked up. 'Cause when you say pregnant, if can mean many things."
Patrick groaned, he was off on his 'intellectual talks' again.
"Like?"
"Like, for instance, people say the clouds are fluffy and pregnant. Now that just sounds stupid. But if you say knocked up, it brings the reality straight back to what it is."
Patrick frowned, trying to understand.
"So, you don't find it insulting?" He asked.
"Not really."
"So the fact people might assume that your fiance is a whore who did her job wrong wouldn't offend you?"
"Oi, that's my girl you're talking about."
"Yeah, but that's what people will assume if you tell them your girl is 'knocked up'." Patrick pointed out.
"Whatever." Pete said, pulling his sidekick out as it beeped and vibrated. "I'm sort of glad she's not here. She might get real mad at some stupid little thing and break some elegant plate. Or break my neck."
"Hello?" He asked, raising it to his ear. "Oh, hey honey. Yes, it's all going fine. Are you okay? Alright, good... Why? Why don't you just lie down and wait for me to come home?"
Patrick raised his eyebrows as he took another drink.
"Okay, okay. I'll see you. I love you."
He hung up and groaned.
"Guess who's getting a ride from my mom to come and join in the party?"
"The knocked up chick?" Joe asked, popping out of nowhere, scaring Patrick and making him spill his drink.
"Why do people make me do that all the time?"
"Hey, that's my knocked up chick to you. And where the hell did you come from?" Pete asked.
"Buffet." Joe said, pointing towards the table, his mouth full.
"Daddy!"
Patrick turned around to see his three year old twins running towards him. They stopped at his feet and he bent down.
"Hey you guys! Are you having fun?"
"Uncle Joe stole my burger!" Josh said. Patrick looked up at Joe and raised his eyebrows.
"He... he was waving it in my face!" Joe said, pointing at Josh.
"No! Rude to point!" Danni said, slapping Joe's hand. Patrick laughed.
"That's it, my girl, you tell 'em." He said, smiling as she took his hand and held it above her head, doing a little twirl.
"You like my dress?"
"I love it, Princess. You look beautiful." Patrick said, as she turned around and he kissed her hand like she was a Princess.
"You guys did a great job going down the aisle today." He said to Josh and Danni. Josh coughed on purpose, exactly the way Pete did when he wanted to be included in a conversation. Patrick turned to him and straightened his little tie.
"You were especially great. Better than Auntie Sydney's new husband, I reckon. You look like a little gentleman in your suit."
Josh nodded and grinned at him, before spotting Pete.
"Uncle Petey!"
"Hey, tyke." Pete said, lifting him up and hauling him onto his shoulders to make him giggle.
"What do you say we go and wait for Auntie Rach to come?"
"I want my burger!" Josh said, tapping his head. Pete looked at Patrick expectantly, who shrugged.
"If he wants one..." Patrick said, while Danni inched closer and put Patrick's arm around her.
"Alrighty, let's go get you a burger. And because you owe me, you wait with me outside so I don't get my head chopped off by a very angry Rachel." Pete said, walking away with Josh, occasionally jumping up in the air so Josh flew up higher, yet still holding onto his legs.
"Howdy. What's going on here? Where are they off to?" Andy asked, also appearing as if from nowhere.
"They went to get Josh a burger 'cause I stole it from him." Joe said.
"That's sick."
"I know, who steals food from a three year old?" Patrick asked.
"No, I meant eating meat." Andy shrugged. Patrick rolled his eyes.
"Daddy! I want to dance."
"You want... to dance?"
"Uh huh!"
"Sweetie, did you ever see Daddy in Dance, Dance?"
"Yeah! You sucked!"
"Alright, who taught my daughter that?"
Joe and Andy both pointed towards the door where Pete had just gone out with Josh, after stopping his moaning by fetching him another burger.
"Sure. I bet it was one of you two." Patrick said, standing up and taking Danielle's hand. "Alright honey, you want to dance? I hope you're prepared to be embarrassed."
"It was you who taught her that." Joe said, as they watched Patrick lead Danielle away.
"Was not! It was totally you." Andy argued.
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"It /was/."
"You know what? I am not having this conversation." Andy said, his nose in the air. "I'm going to get a beverage."
He walked away and Joe followed him.
"May I offer you an alcoholic beverage, Mr Hurley? Or how about a cigarette? You have a choice between weed or nicotine..."
Joe was cut off by Andy pushing him, causing him to stumble onto the dance floor. He looked around to make sure no one saw, and again followed Andy, still teasing him.
"So what about you, Danni? You think you'll have a big wedding like this?" Patrick asked Danielle as he shifted with her, his attempt at dancing. He figured he wouldn't look as stupid if he just shuffled from side to side.
"Yeah!"
"And a big band to dance to?"
"Fall Out Boy!" She said excitedly. Patrick laughed.
"I don't think we're quite wedding material, sweetie."
"Daddy?" Danielle waved Patrick to bend down, and as he did, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Love you."
Patrick smiled and hugged her tightly.
"I love you too, honey."

Outside, Pete was sweating in the practically 100 degree weather. Holding Josh above his head wasn't helping much, either.
"Can I put you down, pal?" He asked. This was stupid. Now he had to ask a three year old's permission to save him back ache.
"No! Up!" Josh said, lightly slapping Pete's head.
"Ouch. Oi, touch my hair and you're for it, mister."
Josh laughed and messed Pete's hair up. Pete's mouth fell open and he looked up at Josh.
"I can only hope you don't have bits of burger on your hands."
A grey car pulled up and the passenger door opened, and an irritable looking Rachel stepped out. Pete walked over, Josh still on his shoulders.
"Hey, honey." He kissed Rachel and ducked down to put his head through the window.
"Thanks for giving her a ride, Mom."
"No problem. It was the least I could do to spare a poor pregnant woman sitting alone when you boys are having fun."
"Oh, I'm not sure fun is scheduled for tonight, now." Pete whispered. Josh put his head through the window too, somehow managing to stay on Pete's shoulders.
"Hey, Joshy!" Pete's mom said. "My, you're getting so big."
Josh smiled at her, that was his greeting. It made people fall in love with how cute he was.
"You're the spitting image of your daddy!"
"No burns!" He said, pointing to his face.
"Side burns, Joshy." Pete said. "Anyway, mom, I better... before I get sat on or something."
"Hey! I heard that." Rachel snapped. Pete looked at his mom, a scared expression on his face.
"Bye, mom."
"Bye honey. Take care."
Pete turned around to Rachel as the car pulled away, and he bent down, sliding Josh off his shoulders. He took his hand and held his other out for Rachel.
"Care to join me, my beautiful sweetheart?"
"Don't patronize me, Pete." Rachel said, walking ahead of him. Pete rolled his eyes at Josh, who copied him as Pete led him into the hall again.
"Nuh, uh. It's this way, honey." Pete said, leading Rachel into the right room. He waved Patrick over desperately, giving him a wide eyed, pleading look. Patrick always seemed to calm people down. He came over with Danielle clinging to his chest.
"Hey, Rach. Glad you could make it." He said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "How're you feeling?"
"I'm eight months pregnant and it's one hundred degrees outside. How do you think I feel?" She asked, not meaning to be rude. It was hard to be rude to Patrick.
"Uh... not very comfortable?" He suggested.
"Correct. I need a drink."
"Um, remember, no alcohol, baby." Pete called as she walked toward the bar. She turned around and walked back.
"Don't, call me baby. I have one inside me and it's driving me crazy!"
"Uh... why don't I get you a drink?" Patrick asked, edging away towards the bar with Danielle.
"Here... why don't you have a seat?" Pete asked, pulling one out for her at a table.
"Thank you." She said, sitting down. Pete sat down next to her and pulled Josh onto his lap.
"Don't play with the knife, Joshy." He said, handing him a napkin instead as Josh reached out for the cutlery.
Patrick came back over with a cup of orange juice and two cokes, while Danielle carried another in her hands.
"Don't spill it, sweetie. Good girl." He said, as she reached up and set it in front of Pete.
"That's for you." Patrick said to Pete, indicating the cup.
"Thank you, my lovely." Pete said to Danielle, while Patrick lifted her onto a seat.
"That's for you." Patrick said, setting the orange juice down in front of Rachel.
"Yours, and yours." He said, putting Josh and Danielle's cokes on the table. "And don't think it's because I'm giving in. You're only allowed coke since it's all they're serving, alright?"
"Yes, Daddy." Danni said with a smile.
"So, if is safe to ask how my God son's doing in there?" Patrick asked with a nervous laugh.
"No." Pete and Rachel said simultaneously. Pete in an apprehensive tone, and Rachel in a sharp, 'shut the hell up' tone.
"It's your God-daughter." Rachel said, matter of factly. Pete turned to her.
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really."
"This is great! You can all join in our bet!" Joe said, his habit of appearing from beyond nowhere showing up again.
"Yeah! Fifty bucks says girl, right, Rach?"
"Excuse me?" Rachel asked.
"It's a tradition. Every time someone has a baby, we have to make a bet on something." Andy said, with a shrug.
"It's true." Joe nodded, at Andy.
"Well, it's stupid."
"Hey, I'm never wrong!" Joe argued.
"You bet Josh would be born with sideburns." Patrick said.
"No burns!" Josh sang.
"I'm totally gonna win."
"Can I ask you two something?" Pete asked Andy and Joe.
"Sure." They both replied.
"Where the hell do you guys come from when you do that?"