FicWad

Joe sat down on the couch; he looked out the window lazily. He and Steven had just had a huge fight at the recording studio. It wasn't like it was out of the ordinary; they fought constantly, but for a second it seemed like the fight in the 80's. Joe had left before things blew up completely, and went to cool off in his room. Him and Steven always fought, but this time he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt. He felt the guilt that he had actually hurt Steven this time. Why now did he feel guilty, he couldn't figure that out. Maybe he should apologize to Steven, then again maybe Steven needed to be alone. He didn't know what to do or how to act so he stayed in his chair.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

There was a knock on the door that got Joe's attention from the window. Who could it be? Maybe it was Tom, good ol' Tom coming to see how Joe was after he'd left the studio in such a hurry. The truth was Joe was filled with feelings he'd never thought or acted on before. Why now all of a sudden was it such a big deal, he thought as he went to answer the door? Steven, who looked like he had something to say, greeted him. "Steven?" Joe said surprised that he would be here after the fight. "Joe, I had to come and say I was sorry." He said leaning against the door panel. "Come on in," Joe said moving from the door to allow Steven in. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have snapped at you. All you wanted was what was best for the band," Joe said sitting down in the easy chair. "But your right you know, it should have been played how you said," Steven replied sitting across from Joe. Only the coffee table separated them, but that wasn't enough to keep them from each other.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

"What are you talking about, your way the song should be was so much better. I was rushing, not everything can be hard drive rock, you some variety in there," Joe said shocked by what Steven had said.
"But not everything should be played down to mushy emotion stuff," Steven offered back.
The light hit off of Steven at just the right angle giving his eyes and hair a beautiful glow. Wow, Joe thought, he'd never noticed before what beautiful eyes Steven had or how the light played off the highlights in his hair.
"Are you ok?" Steven asked concerned at how Joe had blanked right before him.
Embarrassed Joe sat up straight quickly "yeah, I'm fine."
"Fine? You know that just means your fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional right?" Steven said his eyes twinkling with a knowing smile.
"Yeah," Joe said just above a whisper, "I know."

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What was he saying? 'I'm a fucked up insecure neurotic emotional mess.' Why would he tell Steven that? Why would he even feel that way? So many questions poured in and out of his head, each one stemmed from the thought of Steven in his room. What! Why would he be thinking about that? "Steven I..." he couldn't think of what to say.
"I know," Steven, returned in a caring voice as he scooted over on the couch to make room for Joe to sit down.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Joe walked around the coffee table and took up Steven on his offer and sat next to the singer. "I..." he started but was unable to complete the thought. Too many emotions were flying around for him to get his thoughts straight.
"Calm down, it's ok to be speechless," Steven said resting a reassuring hand on Joe's shoulder.
Joe shivered upon contact. Was this right? Shivering at contact from Steven? Steven was always leaning on him one way or another, but why did he feel something now? What was he feeling? Was it real? Or was it just a spur of the moment thing? Had he always felt it? So many thought, what was he really feeling or thinking for that matter?
"Joe you sure your ok?" Steven asked reaching a hand to his cheek.
Joe felt his temperature spike at the contact; with all his strength he was able to open his mouth to say, "yeah, I'm great right now."

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It was with that sentence that the realization of what he was feeling hit Joe. He'd felt this before, that's why it was so familiar, it was just so hard to pinpoint. He was feeling love. Love, For Steven? Something had to be wrong he must have been hallucinating. Joe pinched him self as a way to wake himself from this dream. It was then that he realized he wasn't hallucinating. What he felt was real. How long had he held these feelings? Did Steven feel the same way? Only one-way to find out if he is feeling what I am.

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

"Steven I have to tell you something," Joe said swallowing hard trying to work up the nerve to get this off his chest.
"Shh." Steven said putting a finger to Joe's lips. "I know, I already know," he said closing off the little space that was between them.
'Steven was right, He knew exactly what I was thinking.' Joe thought losing himself in this moment.