Categories > Comics > Jhonen Vasquez


by ShannonThePerson 4 reviews

A rather...odd short about Johnny and Squee's small Uno-playing adventure.

Category: Jhonen Vasquez - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Johnny C., Squee - Published: 2005-12-06 - Updated: 2005-12-07 - 830 words - Complete


"Take your time. I do have all night. Just to let you know."

Squee stared down at his hand of cards nervously, then back up at the man who convinced him to play in the first place. His brown eyes watched Squee blankly, as if in some sort of trance, playing with a small lock of hair. Squee stared at the blue 6 card sitting on top of the already played cards. Blue 6...Squee knew that then he'd either have to play a blue, a 6, a wild card, or draw cards until finding the previous three card types mentioned. The small child stared at the 12 cards in his hand. A red 7, a green reverse, a red draw 2...only one yellow could be seen in his deck. And that yellow happened to be a 6. Squee nervously set the card down, carefully eyeing the scary neighbor man. Johnny cringed as he looked back at his hand.
"Fuck," he growled under his breath, reaching for the deck. He yanked one card out, studied it for a moment, then yanked out another, then another, then another. Johnny began to his with fury, which frightened the young boy across from him. After a moment, Johnny pulled up a card, but instead of adding it to his collection of cards which grew from 6 to 35. Johnny flipped down a wild card, a creepy grin spreading across his face like butter on toast. After this metaphor crossed his mind, Squee began to grow increasingly afraid of toast and butter. Squee stared down at the now-planted card as Johnny stretched, gripping his hand. A Wild card.
"Blue," Johnny said slyly. "Now draw 4."
Squee looked at the card curiously. Yes, it said to draw 4. Underneath, however, a small note was written in liquid whiteout-"Or else your organs will be mine to use for recreational purposes." Squee's face palled, then he proceeded to draw four cards, as directed. Knowing that he hadn't had a blue in his hand for awhile, he prayed to any living god that one of those cards was a blue. Because irony was the biggest snottiest bitch alive, of course, his prayer was not answered by any of those gods. In fact, he got all reds. Squee's eyebrows curved, sad. He lightly pulled up one card, then another. Squee prayed to any of the gods he missed the last time that a he wouldn't be caught in the drawing card void. Those gods of course ignored him as well, seeing as how most people saw him as a worthless child. About 5 minutes of unnerving silence and after the whole deck disappeared into Squee's hand, the small child looked up at Johnny.
"Uhm...I can't seem to find any blues," he muttered nervously. Johnny smiled, flipping his hand around to where Squee could see the cards. There was nothing but blues, with the occasional miscellaneous different card thrown in. Johnny snatched Squee's hand away from him, then smashed it together with his own, and proceeded to shuffle the cards.
"I'll tell you what. Let's start over. This time, I won't give you the bloodstained cards, all right? Even though that was just by accident. I don't know how the blood got there anyway."
Squee's eyes widened. "N-no, I really need to get going anyway..." Johnny frowned.
"Come on. The cards aren't going to eat you. Though they can try to slit your throat...but that's beside the point. Though, if you really need to go, I guess I'll let you. I'm not a hostage taker forcing you to play cards while your parents are hunting you down for ransom."
Squee sighed, picking up his teddy bear, Shmee. His parents wouldn't care if he got kidnapped; in fact, there were several occasions where they told Squee to go do it himself.
"Before you go..."
Squee turned around, to see the box of Uno cards being held out towards him.
"Take these. Think of them as, you know, like a birthday gift. Though I don't know when your birthday is."
Squee nervously accepted the box and thanked the scary neighbor man, before reluctantly making an exit. The door quietly shut. The taller man smiled. "Well, that was no fun." He sighed, then slumped down. "I need more friends."

The young boy spent the rest of that night fast asleep...well, at least he tried. Then the dreams of the kamikaze-obsessed Uno cards came to mind...soon, he found himself on the roof with a sleeping bag. He didn't even know why he let Nny convince him to come over to his creepy, blood-stained house that reeked of salt. Salt didn't smell too good, unless you were used to it, like the scary neighbor man, who was silently watching the boy, wishing Nailbunny was still around. Maybe then I'd have someone to play cards with.

...too bad he was only a floating head last time he spoke to me. It's hard to play cards when your head is floating.

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