Categories > Books > Harry Potter
To Sirus a.k.a. Why Remus Shouldn't Quit His Day Job
2 reviewsBad poetry leads to badly-written seduction each and every time. Sirius' first day back from the veil is a tricky one indeed. Post-war and very silly.
4Funny
TITLE: To Sirus a.k.a. Why Remus Shouldn't Quit His Day Job
SERIES: Harry Potter
RATING: PG
CHAPTERS/ONE SHOT: One-Shot
GENRE: Romance/Humor
PAIRING/S: Sirius/Remus
SUMMARY: Bad poetry leads to badly-written seduction each and every time. Sirius' first day back from the veil is a tricky one indeed.
NOTES: AU; implies that Sirius eventually gets out of that 'ragged archway' of doom. Beta'd by fellow FicWad writer PerfesserN: I beta his multi-fic story, he supports me to write stuff like this. GIVE THIS GUY A BIG E-HAND! Terrific writer! Dedicated to Lady_Sirius, who plays the best Sirius Black (and Remus Lupin) in the whole damn universe.
~
It was over. Voldemort was dead. Harry and Ginny were happily married and raising a brood of very ginger children. Hermione and Ron were engaged and training to be partnered Aurors. Luna Lovegood was the youngest Ministra of Magic to date, having defeated a rather grey-looking Scrimegeour in a landslide victory, along with some Muggle chap with a fancy suit named Saxon. Somehow, without warning, the man beyond what was deemed impossible came back.
On that day, the dusty old house was silent, and its two occupants found themselves on the couch in the main living room, reclined on the cushions. Pillows sat around haphazardly arranged, looking like they had not been used for years. On the coffee table were old scraps of parchment, yellowed photographs, relics of the past. The only light camp from an overhead lamp, for all shades had been drawn years ago and forgotten about. In the still air, a voice began to read aloud some verse.
I want you to know, love
wherever you are
I'll follow your movements
by the light of your star
I want to remember
your hand clasped in mine
the promise you made
that we'd last for all time
I want to embrace you
softly say your name
press our body together
until they're one and the same
I want to run with you
through wide open fields
the wolf and the dog
no matter what yields
I don't want to forget you
but the task is so hard
for there's no one around here
as unique as you are
"Ah-ha! Slant rhyme! The first sign!"
Remus Lupin looked wearily at Sirius Black, who was absorbed in a heavy yellow pad of paper. They were sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, which made it hard to see what Sirius was exactly 'ah-ha'ing about.
"The first sign of what, may I ask?" Remus' tone was that of someone who was used to asking inane questions to grown men with the Peter Pan Syndrome.
"Really purple poetry." Sirius let out a mock shriek as Remus rewarded his sudden burst of alliteration by stealing back his writing pad. It was obviously his, as on the back cover, someone had written 'property of RJL' in scrawling black penmanship.
"I didn't bring you back through the Veil so you could be my personal critic. Besides, that was written during a moment of weakness."
Sirius cocked one eyebrow in sheer surprise. "And this 'moment of weakness' lasted for over 200 pages of this sappy slime?"
His unsolicited critique was rewarded with a miniature pillow to the face. Another pillow followed, this time directed at the crown of Remus' head. reducing both men's speech into paroxysms of pure laughter. Once subsided, Sirius scooted closer to Remus, resting his head on the other man's shoulder.
"So, what did you bring me back for?" he asked, huskily.
Remus gazed at Sirius with shining eyes. "If you must know, my Padfoot . . ."
"Oh, I must, my dear Moony!"
The two men's faces were close together, their noses rubbing in an impromptu Eskimo kiss.
"Oh Sirius, let me tell you . . ."
Sirius was becoming very excited by Remus' tone. He barely contained his primal urges to jump the poor wolf as he strained to hear his lover's voice.
"Sirius," Remus said in a deadpan tone that clashed with his thin smile, "you have absolutely got to do something about Kreacher. He's a nightmare."
Sirius' mouth slumped open, and any excitement once felt was turned to unabashed shock, while all blood flow resumed its regular route to his brain.
"Oh . . . but . . . I just . . . " Sirius stammered, but Remus seemed to hear none of it. Mouth set in a firm line, he dragged Sirius kicking and screaming all the way to the house-elf's quarters.
And thus Sirius spent his first day back from the veil as so: stuck in a dingy servant's room with a cranky Kreacher, trying to teach him some manners. All the while, of course, he was planning an equally harsh comeuppance for Lupin. And so he did. Later that night, Sirius crept into the lycanthrope's bedroom and exacted a most wonderful revenge.
Remus enjoyed every minute of it.
~fin~
SERIES: Harry Potter
RATING: PG
CHAPTERS/ONE SHOT: One-Shot
GENRE: Romance/Humor
PAIRING/S: Sirius/Remus
SUMMARY: Bad poetry leads to badly-written seduction each and every time. Sirius' first day back from the veil is a tricky one indeed.
NOTES: AU; implies that Sirius eventually gets out of that 'ragged archway' of doom. Beta'd by fellow FicWad writer PerfesserN: I beta his multi-fic story, he supports me to write stuff like this. GIVE THIS GUY A BIG E-HAND! Terrific writer! Dedicated to Lady_Sirius, who plays the best Sirius Black (and Remus Lupin) in the whole damn universe.
~
It was over. Voldemort was dead. Harry and Ginny were happily married and raising a brood of very ginger children. Hermione and Ron were engaged and training to be partnered Aurors. Luna Lovegood was the youngest Ministra of Magic to date, having defeated a rather grey-looking Scrimegeour in a landslide victory, along with some Muggle chap with a fancy suit named Saxon. Somehow, without warning, the man beyond what was deemed impossible came back.
On that day, the dusty old house was silent, and its two occupants found themselves on the couch in the main living room, reclined on the cushions. Pillows sat around haphazardly arranged, looking like they had not been used for years. On the coffee table were old scraps of parchment, yellowed photographs, relics of the past. The only light camp from an overhead lamp, for all shades had been drawn years ago and forgotten about. In the still air, a voice began to read aloud some verse.
I want you to know, love
wherever you are
I'll follow your movements
by the light of your star
I want to remember
your hand clasped in mine
the promise you made
that we'd last for all time
I want to embrace you
softly say your name
press our body together
until they're one and the same
I want to run with you
through wide open fields
the wolf and the dog
no matter what yields
I don't want to forget you
but the task is so hard
for there's no one around here
as unique as you are
"Ah-ha! Slant rhyme! The first sign!"
Remus Lupin looked wearily at Sirius Black, who was absorbed in a heavy yellow pad of paper. They were sitting on opposite ends of the sofa, which made it hard to see what Sirius was exactly 'ah-ha'ing about.
"The first sign of what, may I ask?" Remus' tone was that of someone who was used to asking inane questions to grown men with the Peter Pan Syndrome.
"Really purple poetry." Sirius let out a mock shriek as Remus rewarded his sudden burst of alliteration by stealing back his writing pad. It was obviously his, as on the back cover, someone had written 'property of RJL' in scrawling black penmanship.
"I didn't bring you back through the Veil so you could be my personal critic. Besides, that was written during a moment of weakness."
Sirius cocked one eyebrow in sheer surprise. "And this 'moment of weakness' lasted for over 200 pages of this sappy slime?"
His unsolicited critique was rewarded with a miniature pillow to the face. Another pillow followed, this time directed at the crown of Remus' head. reducing both men's speech into paroxysms of pure laughter. Once subsided, Sirius scooted closer to Remus, resting his head on the other man's shoulder.
"So, what did you bring me back for?" he asked, huskily.
Remus gazed at Sirius with shining eyes. "If you must know, my Padfoot . . ."
"Oh, I must, my dear Moony!"
The two men's faces were close together, their noses rubbing in an impromptu Eskimo kiss.
"Oh Sirius, let me tell you . . ."
Sirius was becoming very excited by Remus' tone. He barely contained his primal urges to jump the poor wolf as he strained to hear his lover's voice.
"Sirius," Remus said in a deadpan tone that clashed with his thin smile, "you have absolutely got to do something about Kreacher. He's a nightmare."
Sirius' mouth slumped open, and any excitement once felt was turned to unabashed shock, while all blood flow resumed its regular route to his brain.
"Oh . . . but . . . I just . . . " Sirius stammered, but Remus seemed to hear none of it. Mouth set in a firm line, he dragged Sirius kicking and screaming all the way to the house-elf's quarters.
And thus Sirius spent his first day back from the veil as so: stuck in a dingy servant's room with a cranky Kreacher, trying to teach him some manners. All the while, of course, he was planning an equally harsh comeuppance for Lupin. And so he did. Later that night, Sirius crept into the lycanthrope's bedroom and exacted a most wonderful revenge.
Remus enjoyed every minute of it.
~fin~
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