FicWad

---
Chapter 23 - Intermittent Feelings
---




In what felt like, the smallest waiting room, he felt completely lost.

A nurse appeared.

"Hi!" he gasped out, standing up quickly, almost falling over the chair.

"Is she OK? I haven't heard in a while." He frowned, he was displaying all the signs of a new father. The nurse smiled.

"She's fine, we're about to bring her out." She said, Patrick stood back as they wheeled her out.

"We'll monitor her in recovery for a few hours before transferring to post-natal..." she advised him, Patrick reached down and squeezed her hand, he kissed her forehead softly.

"When will she wake up?" he asked.

"Not for a while."

Patrick looked back down at her, stroking her hand firmly, she was so pale. She'd lost a lot of blood, he knew that, but she looked half dead. The opposition of such emotions really played on him. He followed them as they took her to the unit.

---

As Petra woke, she felt the brunt of whatever the hell had happened.

"Hey!" Patrick smiled, Petra stared at him dozily.

"Where am I?" she frowned,

"You're in recovery, do you remember anything?" he asked softly, stroking her face gently.

"Should I?"

"Probably not!" he said laughing softly.

Petra stared at him, her features were being softened by the sedation.

"You passed out and-"

"-the baby." Petra said suddenly.

"The baby's fine! He's fine! He's beautiful Petra!" Patrick said, breaking this amazing news to his wife was exhilarating.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"He's being looked after by the nurses, they're bringing him down in a little while." He smiled.

"You've been in surgery, they had to do a c-section, there was a knot in his cord and it was stopping his blood supply." He whispered, making sure she didn't worry.

"Is he alright?" she asked.

"He's amazing." Patrick said.

"I can't wait to see him!" she said and her eyes watered.

"I can't wait for you to see him! He's the most perfect thing in the world!" he smiled, he kissed her gently and she gripped his cheek and pressed her lips against his hard.

It seemed only minutes passed but it has been an entire hour and it was then the nurse came in with the tiny trolley.

"He's quite vocal!" she commented as she reached in and scooped him up.

"I think he needs his Mom..." she said softly, handing him to Petra.

Petra gasped for air and her hands shook as she reached out and took him.

"Oh my god!" she cried, his blue eyes looked straight to her.

Petra broke easily, sobbing heartily over the fact she was holding the child that had been inside her for so long.

Patrick covered his mouth as he held back tears.

"See he's happy now." The nurse said, grinning and then leaving them both to cherish their first moments with the child.

Oliver's eyes stayed fixed on Petra's, exploring the woman who he innately knew as his mother, she would be his refuge for so many years to come, and that nice chap who held him first, he was pretty nice too.

"You are more beautiful than I thought possible, look at you!" she said when she had composed herself, Patrick brushed her hand across her cheek and wiped her tears.

"You unfortunate soul having me as your mother - do you know what you got yourself into??" she asked, Patrick laughed quietly.

"I'd say he's very very fortunate." That familiar voice said.

They both looked up to see Ria.

"Ria look!" Petra said excitedly, Ria smiled widely, almost proudly as she saw yet another success case, she peered over and laughed.

"I have a baby!" she said with a huge smile.

"Isn't he a character, look at him.....he's so handsome!" Ria smiled.

Ria hugged her tightly.

"You did a great job Petra. Well done."

"I didn't do anything..." she said softly, besotted by her son.

"How do you feel?" Ria asked. Petra was still staring at her child.

Ria smiled knowingly at Patrick and then back to Petra.

"I'll leave you both. I'll be by in a few hours." She said.

Patrick hugged her.

"Thank you for everything Ria."

"Ach, I was just doing my job."

"Well thank you for doing your job." He said, she almost blushed and then left the room quietly.

Patrick walked back to the bed and he sat down next to Petra, softly kissing her cheek.

"My beautiful family." He smiled and kissed her ear softly.

Petra started crying again. He smiled and laughed gently.






Petra hobbled around the kitchen. Her stomach was weak from the surgery.

"You know, you could've got them to do a boob job while I was under..." Petra said factually as she pulled out the orange juice from the fridge. Patrick looked from his stool where he was holding his sleeping son.

"Are you kidding?"

"I always wanted D cups."

"Babe, you got D cups!"

"Yeah now I do but in a few months I won't! These saggy bags will need work - will you pay?"

"I am not having this conversation with you."

"Fine, you'll just have a haggered wife with saggy tits then."

"You're tits are perfect." He muttered.

Petra shut the fridge and looked at him. She just watched him for a moment, he was drinking coffee, reading a newspaper and just holding the baby. She leaned against the fridge and smiled.

Noticing the quietness, Patrick looked up and saw his wife looking on fondly.

She walked over to him and kissed him softly.

"Did I win that one?" he asked with a little frown.

"No." she said, kissing him again.

"I'm confused."

"Welcome to my world sweet pea." She laughed gently, she drank some orange juice.

"I'm going for a bath, you OK with him?"

"Of course." He said excitedly, the thought of having him to himself further made him happy.


Petra ran the hot water and soothed in some bath soak too. She slid in and allowed herself to sink in just below her lips. When she was sure she was safe, she let the tears go. She let it all out, all the emotion, all the stress of the last few weeks of giving birth, bringing him home, becoming a mother, a real one. Not text book. Just doing what she could. And it was hard. Harder than anyone could have warned her. She just couldn't let on.

Petra had this unstoppable skill of pulling herself together. It seemed that as she pulled the plug on the water that had safe guarded her for those 40 minutes, the disillusion went with it.
She had clarity and a knowing nature of caring for her son.

As she walked out the bedroom she could hear Oliver was crying intensely. She walked into the living room and Patrick looked to her.

"I couldn't find any milk." He said, as if he had to excuse the reason for Oliver crying.

"I'm sorry - I forgot to express some this morning..." she said gently, reaching out for him.

"I'm sorry!" he said nervously.

"Patrick! It's fine - he's just a little hungry..."Petra reassured him.

"He was reaching for my breasts!"

"Wow!" Petra laughed.

She sat down and calmly allowed him to latch on, covering herself with her cardigan.

"Oh yup - he's hungry!" she gasped.

"Bloody hell Oliver!" she gasped, Patrick laughed and sat down beside her, peering over.

"Getting more action than me." He remarked with a smirk.

"Like I said, you're never getting near me again." She teased. She softly touched Patrick's hair and he smiled up at her.

"Well.....when you change your mind....I'll be here." He said, she giggled, pulling his hair gently over his forehead.

"Right...."

She finished feeding him and handed him to Patrick.

"Wind him for me?" she asked. Patrick took him and gently did as she'd asked while she slipped her top back over her shoulder.

A huge belch came from him and Patrick and Petra stared at each other.

"I actually felt that...." Patrick said, a little unsure of how normal it was.

"What a good boy!!" Petra smiled at him, Oliver only stared at his Mothers eyes, the ones he was fondest of.

"Which one?" he asked.

"Both of you!" she said, stroking both their heads.

"Why doesn't daddy go and get one of your cute hats and put it on that head of yours." She smiled.



After a few days, she was ready to take her first venture into the outdoors, it was the first time she'd felt well enough. Patrick loaded up the buggy and the baby bag, Petra shut the front door and set the alarm and made her way to the car. Patrick closed the back of the car after loading up and he stopped as he saw Petra walk casually to the car.

"Um...Pets?" he said cautiously.

"Yup?" she asked, stuffing her mobile and keys into her shoulder bag.

"You're..." he stopped. Petra frowned at him and then noticed where his eyes were looking. She looked down to see two areas of leaking milk on her T-Shirt. She gasped slightly.

"Oh for-" she bit her tongue and she looked at Patrick who saw the despair in her eyes. She walked disheartened back to the house, re-set the alarm and as she pulled off the T-Shirt and threw it in laundry, burst into tears.

For a good few minutes, she sobbed.

It was too hard, the toll on your body was immense and being sleep deprived affected her badly. She made herself stop crying. She wiped her eyes angrily and looked in the mirror, dabbing cold cotton balls under her eyes.

"He's so worth all of this." She said, she laughed. She could feel how hormonal she was, but she had to be strong for Patrick. He was still so anxious about them both.

She made her way out to the car again and put on a big smile.

"Stupid breasts!" she shrugged off. Patrick looked at her, knowing instantly she'd cried. Like she'd done most days for the last few weeks.

This was why he was anxious.

He knew she was putting on a front.

"Come on sweetheart, take me somewhere exciting!" she smiled.

She looked behind her at Oliver.

"Where we can take Ollie." She added.

"Dang, strip club's out then?"

"Heck no, he'd love it, all those breasts!" she giggled.

"Like Father like son." Patrick said proudly.

"Just take us somewhere!" she said playfully slapping his forearm.

---

They sat on the beach, it wasn't sunny but pleasant enough for them to sit and watch the water for a while.

"When do you have to go?" Petra asked, knowing what Patrick was thinking about because he'd gone quiet and was looking at Oliver like he missed him already.

"4 days." He said sadly.

"You'll be back in no time." She smiled, she took his hand to reassure him.

"I guess." He mumbled, Petra knelt behind him where he was sat in the sand and she hugged him, giving him the security he needed.

"I promise it will!" she whispered, softly kissing his cheek.

"Petra....so much in my life has changed." He said softly. They both looked down at Oliver.

Petra peering from over his shoulder, still holding him tightly.

"I don't know if I wanna be doing this anymore." He said, Petra stared at him.

"What?"

"The whole music thing.....I don't know if I want it, I mean...I know the whole reason we're here now is because we wanted the band to get extra exposure but now I have you both for real...it's worth so much more than I thought even possible!" he said. Petra moved around to his side and looked at him.

She took his hand firmly and he looked at her with so much uncertainty.

"That's a decision you have to make, but which ever one you make, I will support."
"Will you?" he asked.

"Without question."

She kissed him reassuringly.

"We love you." She smiled.