Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Everything Must Belong Somewhere
I pulled myself to my feet and silently cursed Joe's drunken self for making walking away look so simple. This was in no way easy. I was stumbling and tripping over things that didn't even exist. At least I didn't think they existed. Things still seemed to be a bit blurry at the moment, so I couldn't be sure. Fuck me.
I think I walked about half a block before I ran into Joe again. I tried to ignore him by simply not acknowledging his presence. He was the second to last person I wanted to be around at the moment. I headed for the bar door. It was only midnight and I wasn't done drinking yet. After all, it was Joe that got us kicked out, so maybe they could let me back in without him.
"Charley, what are you doing?" A more sober Joe stood in front of me.
"Petting a pony. What the fuck does it look like I'm doing. I'm getting more to drink." I tried to open the heavy door. They should have taken people's alcoholic standards into consideration. Drunk people can't open heavy things.
"Charley, stop. You can't go in there." Joe carefully grabbed my hand. I shoved him away roughly. Partly because I was beyond angry at him and partly because I was too drunk to not end up doing things roughly.
"No, you can't go in there." I swatted at his incoming hand again and I went for my second unsuccessful attempt at opening this door.
"Jesus, Charley. Go home, sober up, and get some sleep"
"Nope. You brought me out here to have fun and I'm going to have fun. Preferably without you, jackass." I tried to drunkenly maneuver my small body around him, but due to my clumsiness and sprained ankle, I failed to get very far.
"Come on, I'm taking you home. You'll make an ass of yourself." He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me in the opposite direction of the bar.
"Then let me. I fail to see how any of this concerns you at any rate. You've said all you had to say and I've heard all I want to hear from you. Leave me the fuck alone." I leaned against a brick wall because I was beginning to feel lousy from the fight rising up in me and the alcohol that wouldn't go down.
"I know you want someone to be as pissed off as you are more often that not, but Charley, I am not Pete and I won't fight with you like he did. We're all older now. Let it go. Quit being so difficult. You act like this world owes you something, but it doesn't. No one owes you anything, but yourself. I know all the sarcasm you give everyone on a daily basis and the asshole you show everyone is just to cover up the fact that you're a scared little girl. You try to hurt people first before they can hurt you and because of it, you'll never have a successful relationship with anyone ever." Joe had let go of my hand and was now holding my chin to force me to look at him in what would seem to be an attempt to make his words hit as hard as he intended for them to. "I've seen you fuck over more people than necessary and I've rarely seen you get what you actually deserve for it. You're a selfish, spoiled, little girl, Charley. Yea, you loved Pete and he fucked you over. Worse things have happened." Joe dropped his hand from my chin and walked away from me for the second time tonight.
Everything that he had just yelled at me was sinking in quicker than the alcohol I had recently consumed. For conversations like the one I had just unwontedly taken part in, it wasn't considered unacceptable to be much more drunk than I seemed to be.
I couldn't help thinking that Joe was right about most everything he had said. I was selfish. I was an asshole. Unjustly so. And maybe I deserved to be Pete's mistake and one night stand. Maybe I deserved to have Patrick show up at my apartment at nine a.m. giving me orders and yelling at me for it. Maybe I deserved to have Joe tell me exactly what everyone else thought, but didn't have the nerve to say. Maybe I deserved every negative thing that had ever or would ever happen to me.
My head was spinning with guilt and regret and it was proving to be too much for my heart to bear. I felt alone and dizzy and confused. I thought of all the shitty things I had ever done in my life. I thought of bailing on Pete so long ago when I should have stayed around to work it out. I thought of bailing on my parents to live with Pete because I blamed them for the death of my brother. I thought of bailing on my job and on Zak because I couldn't tell him the truth about what I had done to him. I thought about every time I had bailed on someone that had been to selfless towards me and how I had acted so selfishly towards them.
I began to feel more and more dizzy and before I knew it, the ground rushed up to meet me.
I think I walked about half a block before I ran into Joe again. I tried to ignore him by simply not acknowledging his presence. He was the second to last person I wanted to be around at the moment. I headed for the bar door. It was only midnight and I wasn't done drinking yet. After all, it was Joe that got us kicked out, so maybe they could let me back in without him.
"Charley, what are you doing?" A more sober Joe stood in front of me.
"Petting a pony. What the fuck does it look like I'm doing. I'm getting more to drink." I tried to open the heavy door. They should have taken people's alcoholic standards into consideration. Drunk people can't open heavy things.
"Charley, stop. You can't go in there." Joe carefully grabbed my hand. I shoved him away roughly. Partly because I was beyond angry at him and partly because I was too drunk to not end up doing things roughly.
"No, you can't go in there." I swatted at his incoming hand again and I went for my second unsuccessful attempt at opening this door.
"Jesus, Charley. Go home, sober up, and get some sleep"
"Nope. You brought me out here to have fun and I'm going to have fun. Preferably without you, jackass." I tried to drunkenly maneuver my small body around him, but due to my clumsiness and sprained ankle, I failed to get very far.
"Come on, I'm taking you home. You'll make an ass of yourself." He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me in the opposite direction of the bar.
"Then let me. I fail to see how any of this concerns you at any rate. You've said all you had to say and I've heard all I want to hear from you. Leave me the fuck alone." I leaned against a brick wall because I was beginning to feel lousy from the fight rising up in me and the alcohol that wouldn't go down.
"I know you want someone to be as pissed off as you are more often that not, but Charley, I am not Pete and I won't fight with you like he did. We're all older now. Let it go. Quit being so difficult. You act like this world owes you something, but it doesn't. No one owes you anything, but yourself. I know all the sarcasm you give everyone on a daily basis and the asshole you show everyone is just to cover up the fact that you're a scared little girl. You try to hurt people first before they can hurt you and because of it, you'll never have a successful relationship with anyone ever." Joe had let go of my hand and was now holding my chin to force me to look at him in what would seem to be an attempt to make his words hit as hard as he intended for them to. "I've seen you fuck over more people than necessary and I've rarely seen you get what you actually deserve for it. You're a selfish, spoiled, little girl, Charley. Yea, you loved Pete and he fucked you over. Worse things have happened." Joe dropped his hand from my chin and walked away from me for the second time tonight.
Everything that he had just yelled at me was sinking in quicker than the alcohol I had recently consumed. For conversations like the one I had just unwontedly taken part in, it wasn't considered unacceptable to be much more drunk than I seemed to be.
I couldn't help thinking that Joe was right about most everything he had said. I was selfish. I was an asshole. Unjustly so. And maybe I deserved to be Pete's mistake and one night stand. Maybe I deserved to have Patrick show up at my apartment at nine a.m. giving me orders and yelling at me for it. Maybe I deserved to have Joe tell me exactly what everyone else thought, but didn't have the nerve to say. Maybe I deserved every negative thing that had ever or would ever happen to me.
My head was spinning with guilt and regret and it was proving to be too much for my heart to bear. I felt alone and dizzy and confused. I thought of all the shitty things I had ever done in my life. I thought of bailing on Pete so long ago when I should have stayed around to work it out. I thought of bailing on my parents to live with Pete because I blamed them for the death of my brother. I thought of bailing on my job and on Zak because I couldn't tell him the truth about what I had done to him. I thought about every time I had bailed on someone that had been to selfless towards me and how I had acted so selfishly towards them.
I began to feel more and more dizzy and before I knew it, the ground rushed up to meet me.
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