Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > An Unexpected Birthday Present
Tell Me Now or Hold It Back Forever
0 reviewsA fan's golden birthday turns out to be more than she ever imagined when she attends a concert for Panic! At the Disco.
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Amanda's POV
I regretted it when I whirled around like I did upon hearing that he was trying to get my attention. I was a bit dizzy but still just sad overall when I stared right at him once again. The matching expression on my face wasn't intentional at all, it just came along with how I was feeling and I decided not to hold it back. Above everything, I wanted to be honest with him and his honesty in return. That was the only way both of us would make it out of here without being hurt, whether severely or just barely. But I had the feeling that if anyone was going to end up with the damaged heart, it was going to be me.
Brace yourself. He's about to tell you what you don't want to hear, I thought after he hesitated to say anything. Why else wouldn't he just come out and say it? "I don't like you that way. It wouldn't work between us. I'm really sorry..." Except he won't be. I felt the tears beginning to well up in my eyes just at the thoughts, but I held them back once more, waiting to hear what he had to say.
"I'm sorry..."
As if that helped in any way. It didn't. It made my thoughts worse. And the most inferior things about my thoughts were that I was being so dramatic about it. He was just a guy. Some stupid guy that at the time, I wish I had never met. Inside, the thoughts hung above the rest, sending me into a very sad state that I really didn't want to be in.
"For what?"
Somehow out of my bleak state of mind, I had managed to get the words out without my voice shaking or letting him know how my negative thoughts were making me feel.
"For..."
There was that hesitation again. I wished it would end.
"For being forward like that. I didn't mean to make you think that..."
He looked down at his shoes again, like I had been doing earlier. He stopped himself, obviously unsure of how to put it. I got the picture, though. I was still a bit mad, but not enough to be outraged with him. I could still talk to him as long as I kept my nerve and put my mind over my heart.
"...that you like me in that way?"
Ryan nodded, still looking down at his shoes. I gradually did the same, letting out a deep sigh. I didn't know where to go from there. I still felt the need to cry, feeling as thought my body would not be satisfied until it sobbed. I commanded myself to stay as I was, though. He didn't mean it. I knew that at the time, but the only thing I was wondering was why it made me feel that much worse.
"So why did you?"
Ryan's POV
That last question hurt. A lot. I wasn't expecting it too, but I felt like someone was digging their nails into my heart. Occasionally, I would glance up at her, detecting the sadness in her expression each time. I was stuck there. I didn't want to tell her that I didn't know. That would make me feel stupid, not to mention in front of her. No like I cared, though... right?
"Uh..." I started off, stupidly as I had predicted. Before she got the chance to protest to my indecent answer, I spoke again. "Because I'm not sure if I do... er..."
"Like me in that way?" she repeated for me.
"Yes!" I said, my eyes hopeful as I looked up at her. That was honestly what I had meant to say, and I hoped she understood where I was coming from. Her dismal expression didn't change much when I gazed at her, however, and it brought my hopes down. I kept thinking: why do I have to be such an idiot?
If I could've done anything to comfort her, I would have gone up to her and hugged her, but I figured that wouldn't help much, seeing as I was still unsure and.. Well I knew how girls acted if you get too close to them. That was basically what put us in the entire situation. Instead, I focus intently on my thoughts, trying to decide if at all possible, if I did like her that way or not.
I regretted it when I whirled around like I did upon hearing that he was trying to get my attention. I was a bit dizzy but still just sad overall when I stared right at him once again. The matching expression on my face wasn't intentional at all, it just came along with how I was feeling and I decided not to hold it back. Above everything, I wanted to be honest with him and his honesty in return. That was the only way both of us would make it out of here without being hurt, whether severely or just barely. But I had the feeling that if anyone was going to end up with the damaged heart, it was going to be me.
Brace yourself. He's about to tell you what you don't want to hear, I thought after he hesitated to say anything. Why else wouldn't he just come out and say it? "I don't like you that way. It wouldn't work between us. I'm really sorry..." Except he won't be. I felt the tears beginning to well up in my eyes just at the thoughts, but I held them back once more, waiting to hear what he had to say.
"I'm sorry..."
As if that helped in any way. It didn't. It made my thoughts worse. And the most inferior things about my thoughts were that I was being so dramatic about it. He was just a guy. Some stupid guy that at the time, I wish I had never met. Inside, the thoughts hung above the rest, sending me into a very sad state that I really didn't want to be in.
"For what?"
Somehow out of my bleak state of mind, I had managed to get the words out without my voice shaking or letting him know how my negative thoughts were making me feel.
"For..."
There was that hesitation again. I wished it would end.
"For being forward like that. I didn't mean to make you think that..."
He looked down at his shoes again, like I had been doing earlier. He stopped himself, obviously unsure of how to put it. I got the picture, though. I was still a bit mad, but not enough to be outraged with him. I could still talk to him as long as I kept my nerve and put my mind over my heart.
"...that you like me in that way?"
Ryan nodded, still looking down at his shoes. I gradually did the same, letting out a deep sigh. I didn't know where to go from there. I still felt the need to cry, feeling as thought my body would not be satisfied until it sobbed. I commanded myself to stay as I was, though. He didn't mean it. I knew that at the time, but the only thing I was wondering was why it made me feel that much worse.
"So why did you?"
Ryan's POV
That last question hurt. A lot. I wasn't expecting it too, but I felt like someone was digging their nails into my heart. Occasionally, I would glance up at her, detecting the sadness in her expression each time. I was stuck there. I didn't want to tell her that I didn't know. That would make me feel stupid, not to mention in front of her. No like I cared, though... right?
"Uh..." I started off, stupidly as I had predicted. Before she got the chance to protest to my indecent answer, I spoke again. "Because I'm not sure if I do... er..."
"Like me in that way?" she repeated for me.
"Yes!" I said, my eyes hopeful as I looked up at her. That was honestly what I had meant to say, and I hoped she understood where I was coming from. Her dismal expression didn't change much when I gazed at her, however, and it brought my hopes down. I kept thinking: why do I have to be such an idiot?
If I could've done anything to comfort her, I would have gone up to her and hugged her, but I figured that wouldn't help much, seeing as I was still unsure and.. Well I knew how girls acted if you get too close to them. That was basically what put us in the entire situation. Instead, I focus intently on my thoughts, trying to decide if at all possible, if I did like her that way or not.
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