Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > An Unexpected Birthday Present
Everything Changes
3 reviewsA fan's golden birthday turns out to be more than she ever imagined when she attends a concert for Panic! At the Disco.
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Amanda's POV
It felt like something straight out of a book or a movie. Yeah, I had seen plenty of movies with almost the exact same kiss. All of my thoughts and senses focused on the feeling of my lips pressed against his, my body so close, and his hand tightly around mine. My heart kept at its rapid pace, keeping me assured that I had no idea what I was doing. I had kissed few boys in my life, and not many times with each of them, so I expected to have less experience than Ryan the rock star. Despite the warm feeling that was enveloped within me, I was still nervous deep down.
If there had been a window in the room, my thoughts and worries would have flown right out of it, but instead they leapt out of me but then they must have bounced back. In a moment, I had gone from thinking about nothing but Ryan to all of the reality that was going to come crashing down on our kiss. My thoughts abruptly went from wonderful to doubtful, and it willed me to break away. Immediately, I wished I hadn't.
He looked down at me, first with confusion in his eyes, and his eyes filled with it more and more as I stumbled backwards, nearly falling down from my feet being so clumsy. As I regained my balance, I could just tell that I had disappointed him, but it still didn't make sense to me. If he was unsure of his feelings, wouldn't he leave me alone? I mean, that fact alone had gotten me down enough. With the kiss, he just tempted me, tempted us. So I basically didn't know what to do.
I averted my eyes from him as soon as I saw his lips part, about to say something to me. My ears were acute, wanting to hear what he had to say the first time. Thankfully, they took in a different noise before Ryan's voice: someone knocking on the door.
My eyes turned then, wide with hope that it was my good friend on the other side. I raced over, about to call out her name once I got there. But before I got the chance, the other voice came from the other side. Again, it was one that sounded oddly familiar to me, and I almost instantly put a name to it: Spencer Smith.
"Ryan! Ryan, are you in there?" he called, followed by more raps against the door. I looked down again and stepped aside, waiting for Ryan to come to the door or Spencer to open it. Either way, I needed to get out of their way, and I did so silently.
Ryan's POV
I felt that: that jittery feeling in my lips when hers made contact with them. It was like the spark, telling me that there was something between us and I wasn't just imagining it. I hoped she felt it to as we were both so close together, right there in that moment. It was so evident that she hadn't, however, and it made my heart sink.
The confusion in my eyes was true. I had wanted to show her. I wanted to know what was wrong. Why she had broken the wonderful kiss, what made her want to back away from me as if I was going to hurt her or something. I wasn't. That was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do to her. It was obvious something was wrong, and I wanted to fix it. So I drew in a quick breath, and opened my mouth, not knowing what the hell I was about to ask her, but it was going to be something that I wanted to know from her that would have come from the surface of my thoughts. Instead, I heard a knock on the door loud and clear, and a warm, familiar following after.
"Ryan! Ryan, are you in there?"
Amanda had run to the door first, and as I watched her head go down once more, I knew that she must have anticipated her friend to be on the other side. I looked to her sympathetically before calling back to Spencer. "Yeah, it's me, Spence. We're locked in." My eyes never shifted away, although I still directed my words toward the door so he could hear me.
"We?" I sensed the perplexed tone in his voice when he responded. Before I could answer back, he opened the door, his eyes wide in astonishment once he saw Amanda. He reached out and grabbed my arm tightly, saying soft words to me so that she wouldn't hear. "Are you okay, Ry? She didn't hurt you or anything? Beg you to fuck her or something, did she?" He looked me up and down once, but I ignored him. I knew that I was fine. She hadn't harmed me at all.
"No, Spence," I assured him, staring at Amanda all the while. "Just give us a few more minutes, will you?"
"But, Ry, we have to go. The bus has been waiting. We've been looking for you everywhere. We should have been on the road half an hour ago!"
I finally scowled back at him.
"Yeah, but..."
"No! We have a show tomorrow!" We're already late as it is! We have to move!" With that, he took my wrist and began tugging it, forcing me to take a step out the door. After that first tug, I planted my feet on the ground, willing myself not to budge another inch.
"But I can't just go!" I paused, not wanting to explain the whole thing to him right there. If we had to leave, I didn't have the time to explain. I just needed to stall. My mind raced, quickly coming upon an idea. "Spence, I need you to keep pretending that you're looking for me. I'll come meet you later; I just need to sort something out right now. Please, Spence..." Hope then filled my eyes as they stared at him.
I saw his lips squish to one side in consideration, his eyes averting to Amanda, who was still standing behind me, and then back to me. He sighed, dropping my wrist and scratching and shaking his head. "The things I do for you..."
At this, I grinned and pulled him into a swift embrace, uttering my thank-you's to him softly before practically shoving him out the door and turning back to Amanda.
Amanda's POV
As soon as the door was closed and Ryan stepped closer to me, I ran for it, wanting to get as far away as possible. I didn't care anymore. There wasn't any hope between us, as far as I knew in that moment. He was a rock star. A twenty year old rock star that constantly had to be going places. He didn't even live in the same town as I did. There was just no hope, even aside from the fact that I didn't even know him all that well. I wanted to, sure, but he wouldn't have time for a six-/seven/teen year old girl from Wisconsin. I didn't want him to waste his time with me. He should have been out writing more music for the world to hear and left me behind. So I just thought that I was doing him a favor by trying to escape. Evidently, we didn't see eye-to-eye.
He firmly grabbed my forearm, crushing all chances for me to leave. "Just listen to me," he said calmly as I struggled, trying to get away. I squirmed and thrashed about all I could; trying to escape his grip on my arm, but it was no use. He was much stronger than I was, and I couldn't get away. Eventually, I gave up and almost started crying again, wanting to tell him everything that had been going through my mind just a few moments before.
"No, Ryan!" I yelled in anger. But he was angrier.
"Listen!" He shouted over me.
"LET ME GO!" I began resisting his grip on my arm again in a desperate struggle for freedom, knowing all the while that it was useless. By the time I stopped moving that time, I was extremely tired. It was as if all the energy had been drained from me, and I was left there, almost nothing. I felt like falling asleep, but willed myself not to. He must have seen how tired I was, because he let me go. With that, I sank to the floor, catching my breath, my arm still warm and throbbing from his grip on it.
I heard him sigh, and saw him sit down next to me, but didn't move or acknowledge it in any way. If I would have had the strength, I would have reached up, opened the door, and shoved him out, but I was still too exhausted. Instead, he gently turned my head to face his. My eyes didn't even have the strength to look away, I just stared right back into his eyes. I started shaking, although I was unsure as to why. I could feel his breath hit my face again as he moved his face closer. Some part of me still wanted to close the distance between them and kiss him again, but I had convinced myself that it was impossible. And anyway, he began to speak.
"What's wrong?"
That was when I looked away stubbornly. The thoughts were shoved into my head too deep: I didn't want to see him ever again. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. There was absolutely nothing wrong. At least, there wouldn't be if I hadn't ever met him. But I couldn't let him know. I had to refuse my feelings for him. It was for the best.
"If you have to go, go! Leave me! I don't care. It doesn't matter. We wouldn't last anyway. No matter how much I like you. It won't work. It won't! Leave, for crying out loud...!" I felt that oh so familiar lump in my throat as I shouted the words in his face.
It felt like something straight out of a book or a movie. Yeah, I had seen plenty of movies with almost the exact same kiss. All of my thoughts and senses focused on the feeling of my lips pressed against his, my body so close, and his hand tightly around mine. My heart kept at its rapid pace, keeping me assured that I had no idea what I was doing. I had kissed few boys in my life, and not many times with each of them, so I expected to have less experience than Ryan the rock star. Despite the warm feeling that was enveloped within me, I was still nervous deep down.
If there had been a window in the room, my thoughts and worries would have flown right out of it, but instead they leapt out of me but then they must have bounced back. In a moment, I had gone from thinking about nothing but Ryan to all of the reality that was going to come crashing down on our kiss. My thoughts abruptly went from wonderful to doubtful, and it willed me to break away. Immediately, I wished I hadn't.
He looked down at me, first with confusion in his eyes, and his eyes filled with it more and more as I stumbled backwards, nearly falling down from my feet being so clumsy. As I regained my balance, I could just tell that I had disappointed him, but it still didn't make sense to me. If he was unsure of his feelings, wouldn't he leave me alone? I mean, that fact alone had gotten me down enough. With the kiss, he just tempted me, tempted us. So I basically didn't know what to do.
I averted my eyes from him as soon as I saw his lips part, about to say something to me. My ears were acute, wanting to hear what he had to say the first time. Thankfully, they took in a different noise before Ryan's voice: someone knocking on the door.
My eyes turned then, wide with hope that it was my good friend on the other side. I raced over, about to call out her name once I got there. But before I got the chance, the other voice came from the other side. Again, it was one that sounded oddly familiar to me, and I almost instantly put a name to it: Spencer Smith.
"Ryan! Ryan, are you in there?" he called, followed by more raps against the door. I looked down again and stepped aside, waiting for Ryan to come to the door or Spencer to open it. Either way, I needed to get out of their way, and I did so silently.
Ryan's POV
I felt that: that jittery feeling in my lips when hers made contact with them. It was like the spark, telling me that there was something between us and I wasn't just imagining it. I hoped she felt it to as we were both so close together, right there in that moment. It was so evident that she hadn't, however, and it made my heart sink.
The confusion in my eyes was true. I had wanted to show her. I wanted to know what was wrong. Why she had broken the wonderful kiss, what made her want to back away from me as if I was going to hurt her or something. I wasn't. That was the exact opposite of what I wanted to do to her. It was obvious something was wrong, and I wanted to fix it. So I drew in a quick breath, and opened my mouth, not knowing what the hell I was about to ask her, but it was going to be something that I wanted to know from her that would have come from the surface of my thoughts. Instead, I heard a knock on the door loud and clear, and a warm, familiar following after.
"Ryan! Ryan, are you in there?"
Amanda had run to the door first, and as I watched her head go down once more, I knew that she must have anticipated her friend to be on the other side. I looked to her sympathetically before calling back to Spencer. "Yeah, it's me, Spence. We're locked in." My eyes never shifted away, although I still directed my words toward the door so he could hear me.
"We?" I sensed the perplexed tone in his voice when he responded. Before I could answer back, he opened the door, his eyes wide in astonishment once he saw Amanda. He reached out and grabbed my arm tightly, saying soft words to me so that she wouldn't hear. "Are you okay, Ry? She didn't hurt you or anything? Beg you to fuck her or something, did she?" He looked me up and down once, but I ignored him. I knew that I was fine. She hadn't harmed me at all.
"No, Spence," I assured him, staring at Amanda all the while. "Just give us a few more minutes, will you?"
"But, Ry, we have to go. The bus has been waiting. We've been looking for you everywhere. We should have been on the road half an hour ago!"
I finally scowled back at him.
"Yeah, but..."
"No! We have a show tomorrow!" We're already late as it is! We have to move!" With that, he took my wrist and began tugging it, forcing me to take a step out the door. After that first tug, I planted my feet on the ground, willing myself not to budge another inch.
"But I can't just go!" I paused, not wanting to explain the whole thing to him right there. If we had to leave, I didn't have the time to explain. I just needed to stall. My mind raced, quickly coming upon an idea. "Spence, I need you to keep pretending that you're looking for me. I'll come meet you later; I just need to sort something out right now. Please, Spence..." Hope then filled my eyes as they stared at him.
I saw his lips squish to one side in consideration, his eyes averting to Amanda, who was still standing behind me, and then back to me. He sighed, dropping my wrist and scratching and shaking his head. "The things I do for you..."
At this, I grinned and pulled him into a swift embrace, uttering my thank-you's to him softly before practically shoving him out the door and turning back to Amanda.
Amanda's POV
As soon as the door was closed and Ryan stepped closer to me, I ran for it, wanting to get as far away as possible. I didn't care anymore. There wasn't any hope between us, as far as I knew in that moment. He was a rock star. A twenty year old rock star that constantly had to be going places. He didn't even live in the same town as I did. There was just no hope, even aside from the fact that I didn't even know him all that well. I wanted to, sure, but he wouldn't have time for a six-/seven/teen year old girl from Wisconsin. I didn't want him to waste his time with me. He should have been out writing more music for the world to hear and left me behind. So I just thought that I was doing him a favor by trying to escape. Evidently, we didn't see eye-to-eye.
He firmly grabbed my forearm, crushing all chances for me to leave. "Just listen to me," he said calmly as I struggled, trying to get away. I squirmed and thrashed about all I could; trying to escape his grip on my arm, but it was no use. He was much stronger than I was, and I couldn't get away. Eventually, I gave up and almost started crying again, wanting to tell him everything that had been going through my mind just a few moments before.
"No, Ryan!" I yelled in anger. But he was angrier.
"Listen!" He shouted over me.
"LET ME GO!" I began resisting his grip on my arm again in a desperate struggle for freedom, knowing all the while that it was useless. By the time I stopped moving that time, I was extremely tired. It was as if all the energy had been drained from me, and I was left there, almost nothing. I felt like falling asleep, but willed myself not to. He must have seen how tired I was, because he let me go. With that, I sank to the floor, catching my breath, my arm still warm and throbbing from his grip on it.
I heard him sigh, and saw him sit down next to me, but didn't move or acknowledge it in any way. If I would have had the strength, I would have reached up, opened the door, and shoved him out, but I was still too exhausted. Instead, he gently turned my head to face his. My eyes didn't even have the strength to look away, I just stared right back into his eyes. I started shaking, although I was unsure as to why. I could feel his breath hit my face again as he moved his face closer. Some part of me still wanted to close the distance between them and kiss him again, but I had convinced myself that it was impossible. And anyway, he began to speak.
"What's wrong?"
That was when I looked away stubbornly. The thoughts were shoved into my head too deep: I didn't want to see him ever again. I didn't want to have anything to do with him. There was absolutely nothing wrong. At least, there wouldn't be if I hadn't ever met him. But I couldn't let him know. I had to refuse my feelings for him. It was for the best.
"If you have to go, go! Leave me! I don't care. It doesn't matter. We wouldn't last anyway. No matter how much I like you. It won't work. It won't! Leave, for crying out loud...!" I felt that oh so familiar lump in my throat as I shouted the words in his face.
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