FicWad

"Ryan, Brent found out something. You should really know this. Promise us you'll stay calm. You might want to lay down 'cause this is pretty serious."

Ryan leaned back and rested his head on a large rock. "I'll stay calm. What is it?" He asked looking at Brent and then back at me.




Held my breath and just as I was about to speak Brent whispered into my ear.

"It looks like the finger tips on his other hand are dead too" He said fearfully

I looked back at him with mournful eyes.

"Tell me what is going on!" Demanded Ryan as he sat up and faced me.

I took a deep breath of the stale cave air and then forced those dreadful words from my soul.
"Ryan, Your wrist is broken. We think fragments of bone cut the blood supply off from your hand. The tissue is dying and your hand might have to be amputated when we get you to the hospital."

Ryan stared at me with wide sad eyes. He didn't scream he didn't curse he didn't even throw things he just somberly nodded his head and began to weep. I wrapped my arms delicately around his broken body trying to comfort him.

I fell asleep on the floor of that cave with Ryan to left and Brent to my right. I awakened around three am with Brent's hand placed dangerously close to my crotch. I giggled and carefully moved his hand off of me then looked to Ryan. I expected to see him sleeping there like the angel he was, but when I turned to look all I saw was a vacant place. Alarmed I shook Brent awake he mumbled something and stared at me with tired eyes.

"Ryan's missing!" I wailed
"What? How?"
"I don't know he's gone!"


"Ryaaaaan? Ryaaaan? Where are you?" Shouted Brent and I as we left the cave in search of our friend. We hurried around the surrounding area in hopes of finding Ryan. Then suddenly I caught sight of a strange hobbling figure up ahead of us. I watched the figure rip off there scarlet stained scarf and hurl it to the wind.

"There he is!" I cried picking up a run. I watched him walk off the path and clumsily climb a small rock. "Ryan? What are you doing?" I said out of breath.
He glared at me with glassy eyes and a foreign expression on his demure face.

"I'm sorry." He blushed looking away from me.

"You had us worried." Remarked Brent breathing heavily

"I can't do this anymore. I just can't. Guitar is my life. If I lose my hand I'll lose my life." Ranted Ryan

"Ryan, it's my fault. It's my entire stupid fault. I'm so sorry." I confessed tears in my eyes

"NO" he said strongly "It's not your fault. It was an accident. Please don't cry. The band will still be good without me. Brent can even re-join and take my place. It will be perfect."

At this point Ryan was still standing atop a small boulder, which Brent and I could not see over as we were standing on the path.

"No. We're not replacing you. You can switch places with me and be the lead singer. It will work out. We'll find a way." I protested

"Singing isn't the same as playing guitar." Tears rolling down his cheeks

Brent and I looked at each other both not knowing the right words to say. Ryan smiled at me one last time and then walked behind the boulder into a small clearing. I climbed up on top of the boulder so I could see him standing at the edge of the clearing over looking a steep cliff. Once I was firmly atop the boulder he turned to me and said,

"I've lost my true love. There's nothing left to live for."

And then he did the unthinkable. He hurled his battered body and soul off the cliff. I shouted in disbelief and ran towards the edge of the cliff. I looked down hopefully, but there was no sign of him. I dropped to my knees in a fit of grief and began to cry. Brent came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. If he hadn't been there I would have surely jumped off that cliff.

Brent walked me down the mountain listening to my mournful mumbling.

"I've lost my true love. There's nothing left to live for." I repeated over and over. The words stabbing into my heart like rusty daggers. On are way down we ran into the rescue squad, who were too late. We told them that Ryan had jumped or rather Brent told them I was a proper mess and could hardly speak. Once arriving back at the park ranger station Jon and Spencer met us. They stared at Brent with wide nervous eyes. I ended up telling them the entire story. While I talked forcing the painful words past the lump in my throat, Brent searched out the snobby park ranger from the night before. I heard a woman yell, but I continued to talk. Moment later Brent returned with a small bloodstain on his shirt and a smirk on his face.

"It's not that serious. I'll wait to tell the ambulance crew where she is until tomorrow morning." He scoffed proud of himself. He had beaten the park ranger severely and tied and gagged her in a janitor's closet. I never did find out what became of her.

A canceled tour, a flight home, a thousand interviews, and the saddest funeral I have ever been to, came after the day we lost Ryan. For a long time I would cry and shout in my sleep blaming myself for not stopping him. Somewhere between writing this short story and writing a song dedicated to Ryan for Panic! At The Disco with its newest old member Brent to play I came to an end. I found closer. Ryan would be miserable, absolutely miserable, if he were still alive. At least now he's and in a better place. Of coarse I miss him more than anything in the entire world, but it would kill me to see him upset. I'm grateful he came into my life.

I may have lost my true love, but I still have a few things to live for.