FicWad

Mikey could feel his eyes close and he gave into the darkness. He could faintly hear the sound of Frank walking away and the muffled sound of crying before his consciousness faded completely. As the first moments of sleep overtook him, he could see sparks of light that appeared to be upon his eyelids. Intrigued, he tried to focus in on them.

There were blue dots and white sunbursts. There were red streaks and purple splotches. He tried to figure out if it was because of the drugs but before he came to a conclusion the lights faded and a new scene played before his eyes. He was walking along the Jersey shore. It was winter and he could feel the cold, damp air blow against his body. He could tell that it had to have been late in the day buy the way the sun illuminated only the clouds closest to the horizon.

"Mikey." A man's voice said his name. He could feel himself freeze, the painful realization of who the voice belonged to setting in. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to face the person behind him. He took in the man before his eyes, noting how happy he looked. He looked happy yet concerned. As he studied his face, he saw that there wasn't a trace of pain or anguish ingrained into his soft features. Mikey's eyes brimmed with tears as he stood face to face with the man he never though he would see again.

"Gerard." The name felt familiar and foreign all at the same time. He wanted to say so many things to him but no words came out. Mikey watched as his brother smiled at him.

"It's good to see you again." Gerard had always had a way of breaking the silence. Mikey wiped his eyes and quickly spoke as fast as his disabled lips would let him.

"Gerard, why? Why did you leave like that? Did you even think before you did it? Did you think about how it would fucking kill me? Or how the band would be? /Why/?"

On the last word, Mikey could feel himself slowly break down. He wasn't sure what this whole scene was. He didn't know if it was a dream or some kind of weird reality but that didn't matter. He wanted to hear answers from Gerard's mouth, even if they were only a figment of his imagination. He felt like his knees were non-existant and soon felt the first grains of sand beneath them. He looked up, and Gerard's face was level with his. He noticed that Gerard was kneeling right in front of him.

"Mikey, listen to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left like that, that I left you like that." He paused, taking in a quick breath. " I couldn't deal with things. I know how that sounds but I mean it. I'm in a better place now. There's no more pain, there is no anxiety. It's the most amazing, beautiful place I've ever been." His words were gentle and somehow they still stung Mikey.

"Well, I'm glad you're in some great place but what the hell am I supposed to do here, huh? Need any company? Because I've gotten myself into a real fine mess and I could totally just be on my way to join you." Mikey watched as his brother's face twisted in concern.

"So I've noticed. Mikey, you can't go on this way. You need to stop or it'll kill you. Maybe not right away physically but mentally. I don't want to see you as a hollow shell. I don't want you to be empty."

"Really?" Mikey replied, almost bitterly. "Then maybe you should have considered that before you killed yourself."

"I can't change what happened. I wish I could but I can't. What I can change is what happens to you. You need to get of these drugs. It'll be hard...really hard but you have to do it." Gerard's pleading voice was thick with intensity. It was a tone of voice Mikey had never heard him use in his life. He stared at Gerard a moment before speaking.

"I don't know if I can do it. I...They, they take away the pain, they fill the emptiness." Mikey whispered, watching as Gerard leaned in close to him, slipping his arms around the younger man. Mikey could feel himself relax in the safety of his brother's arms. He could feel an achy, hollow feeling well up in his core. He had missed this for so long and it was almost to much to bear.

"I'm sorry I did this to you." Mikey could feel Gerard's warm breath on his cheek. Gerard's grip loosened and he leaned back slightly so that he could look into Mikey's eyes. "I know you can beat this. You're strong, even if you think you're not. I...I don't have much more time." Mikey could feel his eyes widen.

"No. You can't go. Please." He knew he was on the verge of begging but he didn't care. This meeting was too short and he needed more time.

"Mikey, I love you. I love you more than you could ever know and I don't want to see you here for a long, long time." Mikey could feel himself crying again.

"I love you too. Gerard, don't go, please don't leave me again." Mikey watched as his brother's form started to fade in and out. The desperation he felt was like nothing he had ever felt in his life. He tried to reach out to grab him, touch him, anything but his hands glided through him as though he didn't exist. He realized Gerard was speaking again, but it sounded wispy and far away.

"Mikey, you can get through this. I know it..." He was almost completely gone now.

"Gerard!"

"We'll meet again, when both our cars collide." and then he was gone. There was nothing there but open air and bluish red twilight. It was then everything swirled together and faded to black.

It was only a minute later when Mikey could feel himself fall back into reality. He was sitting up straight in bed, the comforter strewn across the bed. He was breathing heavily. His eyes adjusted to the dark and he tried to focus in on something but he couldn't. All he could see what a vivid picture of Gerard in front of him. It was clear to him what lay ahead. He knew what he had to do and for the first time in his life, he was completely terrified.