Categories > Books > Artemis Fowl > The Charity Case
Chapter One: Ultimatum
Artemis Fowl II was not one for making friends. It wasn't that he was naturally anti-social; it was just that every attempt he made to be more gregarious was met with painfully astounding insights into just how stupid the people around him were.
Not everyone was an idiot of course; there were many very intelligent people throughout the world. The trouble with most of them was they tended to assume that a 14-year-old boy would just turn out to be one of the idiots of the world that they themselves were trying to avoid.
The only people whom Artemis could even hope to befriend were the reasonably intelligent who were forced to stay with him long enough to get to know him. This was how all of the young boy's friendships had formed but they were very rare in occurring. Artemis took as many steps as possible to avoid people getting to know him; it was very bad for business.
Sadly it was because of these very steps that Artemis felt were so necessary that people would think the boy was anti-social and try to make him make friends. One of these people, the one who was, at the moment, the most pertinent to Artemis's life, was the school psychologist for St. Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, Dr. Po. Dr. Po had spent the past two years attempting to dissect and analyze the contents of the Irish boy's mind with little success. Every week when he saw Artemis he was lead to believe the boy was in need of some different diagnosis, a conclusion he would reach entirely by following the trail Artemis would leave for him. One of the few ideas that Dr. Po had arrived on by himself was that his patient needed more constant companionship from boys his own age. This was an idea he had been hammering into Artemis during their sessions for months, much to the young boy's irritation.
Dr. Po, not being an idiot himself, had seen this irritation and had, at the end of the previous school year, offered Artemis a lifeline: The next year St. Bartleby's was going to be accepting a new student from England. This boy would be attending on one of the scholarships the school offered yearly to children who applied in order to diversify the culture of their learning environment. Put bluntly the boy would be a charity case far away from home. It would be Artemis's job to take the boy under his wing and help him adjust to his new life.
Artemis did not much like the idea of playing big brother to some lost little boy but at least this way he could prove to Dr. Po that having friends his age not something he was meant for; or, if he played it well enough, he could convince the doctor that he and his new friend were inseparable and that he was now a happy boy with no need of further psychological analysis. It seemed he would win either way.
Shortly after having made this agreement Artemis found good reason to forget it. The dealings and irritations of school lost their significance under the weighty matter of capturing the legendary Fairy Thief and then the weightier matters of running for his life and remembering an entire below-ground civilization. It was a pity Dr. Po couldn't know about the latter matter for then he would have known that Artemis already had friends, albeit not human ones, and the whole matter might have been discarded.
As it was Artemis was forced to remember his previous agreement when, towards the end of his summer vacation, he received a very politely worded notice that essentially told him that he had made a commitment and he had better not back out of it. Aside from this it also told him that he would now be rooming next door to his new ward (no one had a roommate at St. Bartleby's, especially not Artemis) and that the boy's name was Matthew Burbenshire. No picture of the boy was enclosed but for some inexplicable reason the name brought to Artemis's mind images of young boys from the Twenties shining shoes one the street corner and saying things like "Gosh, thank ye mister," when ever they got a quarter. Artemis didn't care how much any quarter might be worth, he would never degrade himself so much as to say something as ridiculous as "Gosh."
He took another look at the paper, it didn't really tell him anything about the boy except that he had a very common name. He supposed he could have Butler trace Matthew's government and school files but he didn't think it was worth the effort. He would just wait for the school year to begin again and allow himself to be surprised.
"Well, Mr. Burbenshire," he said with a slow smile, "let's hope that you're someone worth my time. I'd hate to be disappointed by one of peers again."
And with that he went off to plan, Artemis Fowl II was not someone to let something like this wait.
Artemis Fowl II was not one for making friends. It wasn't that he was naturally anti-social; it was just that every attempt he made to be more gregarious was met with painfully astounding insights into just how stupid the people around him were.
Not everyone was an idiot of course; there were many very intelligent people throughout the world. The trouble with most of them was they tended to assume that a 14-year-old boy would just turn out to be one of the idiots of the world that they themselves were trying to avoid.
The only people whom Artemis could even hope to befriend were the reasonably intelligent who were forced to stay with him long enough to get to know him. This was how all of the young boy's friendships had formed but they were very rare in occurring. Artemis took as many steps as possible to avoid people getting to know him; it was very bad for business.
Sadly it was because of these very steps that Artemis felt were so necessary that people would think the boy was anti-social and try to make him make friends. One of these people, the one who was, at the moment, the most pertinent to Artemis's life, was the school psychologist for St. Bartleby's School for Young Gentlemen, Dr. Po. Dr. Po had spent the past two years attempting to dissect and analyze the contents of the Irish boy's mind with little success. Every week when he saw Artemis he was lead to believe the boy was in need of some different diagnosis, a conclusion he would reach entirely by following the trail Artemis would leave for him. One of the few ideas that Dr. Po had arrived on by himself was that his patient needed more constant companionship from boys his own age. This was an idea he had been hammering into Artemis during their sessions for months, much to the young boy's irritation.
Dr. Po, not being an idiot himself, had seen this irritation and had, at the end of the previous school year, offered Artemis a lifeline: The next year St. Bartleby's was going to be accepting a new student from England. This boy would be attending on one of the scholarships the school offered yearly to children who applied in order to diversify the culture of their learning environment. Put bluntly the boy would be a charity case far away from home. It would be Artemis's job to take the boy under his wing and help him adjust to his new life.
Artemis did not much like the idea of playing big brother to some lost little boy but at least this way he could prove to Dr. Po that having friends his age not something he was meant for; or, if he played it well enough, he could convince the doctor that he and his new friend were inseparable and that he was now a happy boy with no need of further psychological analysis. It seemed he would win either way.
Shortly after having made this agreement Artemis found good reason to forget it. The dealings and irritations of school lost their significance under the weighty matter of capturing the legendary Fairy Thief and then the weightier matters of running for his life and remembering an entire below-ground civilization. It was a pity Dr. Po couldn't know about the latter matter for then he would have known that Artemis already had friends, albeit not human ones, and the whole matter might have been discarded.
As it was Artemis was forced to remember his previous agreement when, towards the end of his summer vacation, he received a very politely worded notice that essentially told him that he had made a commitment and he had better not back out of it. Aside from this it also told him that he would now be rooming next door to his new ward (no one had a roommate at St. Bartleby's, especially not Artemis) and that the boy's name was Matthew Burbenshire. No picture of the boy was enclosed but for some inexplicable reason the name brought to Artemis's mind images of young boys from the Twenties shining shoes one the street corner and saying things like "Gosh, thank ye mister," when ever they got a quarter. Artemis didn't care how much any quarter might be worth, he would never degrade himself so much as to say something as ridiculous as "Gosh."
He took another look at the paper, it didn't really tell him anything about the boy except that he had a very common name. He supposed he could have Butler trace Matthew's government and school files but he didn't think it was worth the effort. He would just wait for the school year to begin again and allow himself to be surprised.
"Well, Mr. Burbenshire," he said with a slow smile, "let's hope that you're someone worth my time. I'd hate to be disappointed by one of peers again."
And with that he went off to plan, Artemis Fowl II was not someone to let something like this wait.
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