Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You play with Fire, It's gunna burn You
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You play with Fire, It's gunna burn You
(#) Silvana 2007-08-24
He slept with his girlfriend's sister? Wow. That's harsh. However, you didn't say raped, you said slept with. Therefore she had to have agreement with it. Am I right? Yeah, anyway.
One thing i noticed you wrote 'I wish people wouldn’t judge me on what U did.' I'm guessing the U is meant to be an I. Just thoguht I'd point that out.
What song was the lyric from?
Good chapter.
You play with Fire, It's gunna burn You
(#) jackfinger 2007-09-23
Pretty good job. I like how you write Frank...very different from how some other people see him...but so much more gentler and caring. Other people always want to make him a girlfriend beater and just really stupid acting. I like how you gave him flaws but still kept him likeable.
The only thing I noticed was the American vernacular. You're characters talk like they are English. In America we don't say lesson..we say class. We don't say wanker..we say jerk, dick or asshole. We don't say arsehole either. We don't use bird in the place of girl, or bloke/mate in the place of friend or buddy. if you need anymore help on the way Americans talk you can usually search for American slang or search British slang, and use the words they use in the definitions (sort of backwards).
I always search Australian and English slang dictionaries when I am writing people that are not from the same area as myself. Just helps add to the realism of the story.Author's response
sorry but i just keep things english. It does say in the summary that its set in Gosport to make it easier for me. Because I write things in my notebook then just type it up. so obv i don't have american stuff then.
thanks for the nice comments though
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