FicWad

*Disclaimer: I Do NOT Own My Chemical Romance. They Own Me.

---Has anyone told you how beautiful you are Mr. Way? Has anyone told you how funny and talented and perfect you are?
I wish I could... but that would be GAY, and I'm not gay. Even if I was it wouldn't matter... because you're not gay either.
I love it when we share stage kisses Mr. Way. I've watched the 'I'm not Okay' video so many times but only for one thing. So I could see the beautiful kiss I give you. So I could see the thing that for pure affection I would never be able to give you unless it was just for show.
I've watched you while you've slept in the bunks. It may sound creepy but I have. I watch you breath softly and the calm expression on your face, and I wish that I could be next to you, us holding each other.
I hate not seeing your beautiful face every day. When we get off tour I almost beg for us to be able to live together. I know you have your own life and your girlfriends but I just can't help it.
I want to kiss you and hold you every hour on the hour Mr. Way. I want to be able to whisper sweet nothings in your ear when you are sad or depressed. I want to tell you... that I love you.---
"Frank!" I looked up quickly to see him.
He has this confused look on his face that makes me want to kiss him so badly.
"Huh?"
"Are you ok?" Gerard asked.
"Uhh... yeah, just thinking." I bit my lip and looked back down.
As I looked back down my eyes ran down his body and strayed for a half-second on his crotch. I blinked and looked down at my feet. He had an extremely tight pair of pants on. I started thinking of ANYTHING but Gerard as to keep myself down.
"Don't think too hard Frankie, you'll hurt yourself before the show." He laughed slightly.
I smiled and punched him softly. I loved his laugh and his smile. He was just so plainly gorgeous.
I looked back up at him and caught his eye for a few seconds before he looked away and put a little more make-up on. I felt myself blushing through the white make-up I was wearing.
"Come on guys, you're on." The manager shouted into our dressing room.
I stood up and grabbed 'Pansy'. We walked out and as we came through the doorway Gerard and I just barely brushed hands.
We stood in our positions and waited to play as Gerard screamed out to the crowd. I loved his voice... shut up Frank.
We started playing our first song and I started off slow. I began playing harder and going with the song. I played my heart out for Gerard and made sure I didn't kick him in the nuts this time.
We finished the last show of the tour and went off stage. I looked at Gerard and he was so hot when he was all sweaty like that. I wanted to jump on him.
Gerard turned to look at me. Look away Frank... look away now. Shut up brain... you can go screw yourself.
He looked at me funny.
"Frank, what are you doing?" I love you.
"I... " No brain... you're going to make me look away.
"Dude, are you ok?" I want you.
I looked away quickly as he came to check up on me. I started to jog to the bus.
"Frank?!"
"Gerard, we're going to the 'end of tour' party. You coming?" I heard Mikey ask.
"Nah... maybe later."
I reached the bus and swung open the door. Behind me I heard Gerard calling me. I'd rather him be moaning my name instead of calling it... shut up Frank.
I went to my lower bunk and sat on the floor. I started rubbing my eyes. I smelt him... he was in the bus now.
"Frank... what going on?"
I love you but I can't tell you.
"Nothing."
"Frank... you were staring at me and walked off for no reason. What's up? Did my good looks piss you off or something?" I could tell he smiled at the last sentence.
"They didn't piss me off... " I muttered.
"What does that mean?" I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck.
I looked up at him, straight into his beautiful hazel eyes. I could almost taste him. Oh wait I can... wait a second.
I just kissed him. I just kissed the man that I loved. He kissed back but pulled away a second or two later.
"F-Frank what are you doing??" he looked at me with no hint of love or lust in his eyes. Just plain surprise and confusion.
"No... " I whimpered.
He doesn't love me. I stood up and went into the back where the bathroom was. I slammed it shut and locked it before sliding against it crying softly.
He doesn't love me... he's straight and now I'm gay because I intentionally kissed a man because of my feelings for him.
I heard soft knocking on the door.
"Frank... are you ok? Come out here so we can talk ok?"
"No!" I sobbed out into my hands.
"Frank, what's-"
"I love you!" I banged my head sadly against the door.
He didn't say anything. It's been 30 seconds and he hasn't said anything.
1 minute.
5 minutes.
10 minutes.
11 minutes.
"Frank... come out here so we can talk please." He said calmly.
I cried a little louder.
"Please Frankie."
I moved away from the door and unlocked it. It opened slowly and I let out a sob.
Gerard looked in and ran his hand through his, now shorter, hair.
He slipped into the small bathroom, closing the door.
"Frank... what's going on?"
"I love you Gerard." I muttered sadly "And you obviously don't love me. I know you're straight... but I thought... s-sorry."
"Frank... "
Silence. He stopped talking again. A few seconds later he was giving me a friendly hug.
"I know... I don't love you the way... you love me, but I do and will always love you as a friend Frankie. This doesn't change anything between us ok? The guys don't have know if you don't want them to. I'm sorry Frank." He whispered softly into my ear.
I cried harder and let him hold me.
"I'm s-s-sorry Gerard." I whispered softly. "Don't worry... I don't mind if you replace me."
"What?"
I looked up at him and kissed him softly. He kissed back slightly, and I guess for me. I stood up and walked out of the bathroom... out of the bus... and out of his life.
That night I killed myself easily with only my last thoughts of Gerard and no one else. I love you.

[A/N: REVIEW! -angry face- (=