FicWad

Hello everybody! Hooray! I can't believe I got so many good reviews from everyone! Thank you so much!! Just for that, I wrote this chappie sooner than I was planning to. I even have a good book I'm in the middle of, but I wanted to write more! XD so thank you muchly! What's going to happen in this chappie? Do I detect the plot advancing? cackle You'll have to read it and see! And now, review responses!

xxACoalminexx- Kya!!! Thank you so very much for the reviews! It's okay, I didn't mind the double post ^_^ I'm so glad you like it! It's encouraging to hear from readers who liked the story so I know I'm doing okay with it. XD thanks muchly!

alkenore- You're welcome ^^ I wasn't sure if the chappie would be okay with the format I had- I thought the phone conversation might be confusing since you only got to read Brendon's half of it- but it turned out! Boysex? hee You'll have to wait and see! But I can promise upcoming hotness from our favorite boys ^-^

isuckatlifen- haha yeah xD Pete's not really part of the story for now, I'm just using him as an outside character that the band knows to tie it all together. He's kind of the evil plotter, cackling from the sidelines hehe :] thankee for the review!

candygirl05- I'm so glad you said so! I'm trying really hard to keep them in character while still making what's happening believable... I really hope it's working out okay. Of course, it's not exactly a stretch of the imagination for them to be together hehe :D

And now, on to the fic!
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Chapter 7: I write sins, not tragedies.

For a minute, I thought I was hearing wrong.

For a minute, I thought maybe I was still dreaming.

After he hung up the phone, I could hear Brendon shuffling around in the other room through the thin walls of the hotel, before he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, calling out to me that he was going out. I didn't answer. I was still... a little shocked, to say the least. He must have figured I was still sleeping, because a minute later the door opened and shut. That door shutting had condemned me to the silence, a silence in which my thoughts were raging loud, making my ears ring. I spent the rest of the day cooped up in my room, not really talking to anybody, even Spence or Jon, although they showed up at my room to hang out a few hours after Brendon left. If the guys noticed something was up with me, they didn't show it. I mean, it's not exactly unusual to have a bad day once in a while, being on the road constantly like we are.

Still... what he said had really shaken me. First, with everything he said about dad... he was right, of course, and I'd known that he knew how I felt about it, but... did he have to talk to Pete about it? I hate it when people discuss things that 'upset' me. I don't like being upset, but I like it even less when other people know about it. When they talk about it behind my back. I understand that he was only worried about me, but frankly it's none of his, or anyone's, business but my own. I can take care of myself and I can deal with my own shit.

Then... he said... oh god, I can't even think about it... he said that... shit. Shit, shit, shit. This is all wrong. I must have heard him wrong. And what the hell was that? Did he seriously say that I'm... that I'm... touchable/? That isn't even a word! And besides that... it's just weird, I don't know. That implies that he's... attracted to me in some way. And then Pete said that he thought Brendon had a thing for me, but of course he denied that. Brendon's not gay... well, I don't think he is, anyway. I mean, he never actually /said/... but that doesn't really matter. Pete can't be right about this. Brendon just wants a piece of ass, but even I'm not that desperate. I'm not an easy fuck. But... for my sake... I hope I don't ever /get that desperate. Brendon would never actually have any sort of feelings for me, and I'm not foolish enough to trick myself into thinking that he really cares.

I kept thinking the same things over and over, until even I got sick of the topic. I tried writing songs about it, but everything came out in a jumble, minus my usual eloquence, and I couldn't turn it into anything usable. Just wild, crazy, flying-every-which-way thoughts... but I guess that's how things were when it came to Brendon. Nothing was simple, straight forward or planned. He has a way of bringing out the part of people that's real. I suppose that's a reason that I love him, but... all it's doing now is damning me. I can't be real for him. I can never be real for him, or he'll find out the one thing that I can't let him know. Not ever.

I sighed, for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, and looked over at the bedside clock. It's almost midnight, and he's still not back yet. Where the hell did he go? Not that I'm all that eager to talk to him anyway, whether he knows I heard what he said or not, but still... I'm going to have to start worrying about that idiot soon.

Just then, from down the hall where I lay moping, I heard the latch click and the door handle turn, and just as suddenly a crash resounded down the hall from somewhere near the door. The hell...?

"Ryro, ah'm hoo-oo-oome!"

Oh, no. No, no no. That voice sounded very slurred to me. And now he was singing. I couldn't tell what, it was too broken up, but... Brendon was clearly wasted.

This is the LAST thing I need right now! I thought angrily, throwing back the covers and stomping down the hall to the source of the commotion and chaos. Said source was laying on the ground looking up at the ceiling with fascination. He appeared to have fallen over after tripping on the rug, and taken out a lamp from a nearby table with him. He looked up, startled, when I approached him, as though he'd forgotten I was there. Huh. He probably had.

"Ryro? S'at you?" Brendon squinted up at me, waving a hand in front of his face.

"Yes, you drunk, it is me."

He smiled suddenly, one of those wide, dazzlingly sunny smiles of his that no one else on this earth has ever been able to duplicate. His whole face lit up, and I almost smiled back before I remembered that he was wasted and I was going to have to deal with him. Great.

"Ry-ry, I'm so glad I found you!" he scooted himself forward slowly across the floor and latched onto my leg, pulling himself up hand over hand until his hands rested on my shoulders and he held on tight, swaying unsteadily on the spot. "I got lost, Ry!" he giggled suddenly as though that were the funniest thing that had ever happened to him.

I sighed. He may be a clueless wonder and a wasted one at that, but he was still my best friend. "Did you?" I commented sarcastically, slipping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him up, slowly dragging him down the hall towards his room.

"Yep," he said tiredly from the vicinity of my shoulder, "but I knew I'd find you! Know why?"

I decided to humor him. "All right, why?"

"'Cause I'd never lose you! We're always gonna be together, huh Ry?"

I stopped dragging him suddenly, eyes widening slightly. And what exactly did he mean by that? Always together... that was a dream that would never happen for me. I shook my head slightly, almost missing the hurt that welled up in his eyes. But not quite. I tightened my grip on him slightly and pulled him up again, because he was starting to slip out of my grasp. Stumbling through the doorway, I managed to get him into his room and I tossed him down on the bed like a dead weight. It groaned under the sudden weight, although I suspected it was because I'd thrown him down rather than because Brendon weighed very much. He groaned, rubbing his head, and I realized he was probably feeling like shit. I shouldn't treat him so roughly, even if he was being stupid.

"Bren...," I said slowly, sitting down next to him, "you know that things won't always be this way, right? It won't be a different show, a different city, every night for the rest of our lives. It can't last forever, and what's going to happen then? You have to be prepared for that."

In an instant his head was on my shoulder and he leaned against me, breathing softly by my ear. I felt myself tense up as I always did when he got too near, and I looked down at him only to see that his eyes were closed.

"I know... I know that, Ry. Just... let me pretend a li'l longer, okay?" He nuzzled slightly into my neck and for a moment I forgot to breathe. I let out a long breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding, and reasoned with myself. He was only drunk, he didn't mean that he wanted to stay with me. Nothing he said or did made any sense to him right now. Nothing he-

And then he was kissing me. Brendon brushed his lips lightly over my own, nibbling lightly on my bottom lip. My eyes were sliding shut- and I knew it, I knew it meant nothing to him- my fingers were tangled in his hair- and I knew I was going to get hurt, and badly but... as our kisses grew more intense and desperate, and hearing him moaning softly into my open mouth... I suddenly didn't care. I met his kiss with equal passion and desire, holding onto him as if he would disappear if I ever let go.

My breath hitched as his mouth trailed slowly up my jawbone to my ear, and then slowly, god, so slowly, he kissed and sucked and bit his way down my neck, biting down on my collarbone and then soothing it with his tongue. I couldn't stop a moan from escaping my throat, and I felt his smile against my skin.

This was wrong, so wrong, but after all... I write sins, not tragedies.

*