FicWad

Author's Note: Finally, an update! I've been working on this story for a week. Funny, crack is supposed to be random and don't get me wrong, this IS random (especially towards the end), but I tend to go overboard and OOC, so here's the (hopefully) IC version. Enjoy, and as always, I appreciate a review. :P

Title: Extra Credit

Pairing: Yzak x Gilbert (Theme 10, hydrogen)

Rating: T for language and implied shonen-ai.

Warning: Total CRACK inspired by a Gil/Yzak doujin. :P

Summary: Yzak is failing Chemistry class and Professor Dullindal decides to give him 'extra credit'.

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor claim to own, Gundam SEED/Destiny nor its characters. They belong to their creator Yoshiyuki Tomino.



The dismissal bell rang long and loud, masking the low groan of relief that rose from the students. Professor Dullindal's weeklong Chemistry class had been pure torture and had culminated in a 100-item surprise quiz today. Slumped in their seats, everyone looked like overcooked vegetables. The ones who managed to stand shuffled to the door like arthritic old men. Even Athrun Zala, erstwhile top seed of the class, dropped his head to the armrest with a heavy thud.

"He's on his fuckin' period," Dearka grumbled as he and Yzak joined the line for the door.

Yzak glanced at the dejected form of Athrun. "Who, Zala?" His weariness lifted a little and he smirked. "I think he's upset because he failed the test."

"And you didn't?" Dearka snorted in contempt. "What are you, Mr. Brain?"

"Just what do you mean by that, huh?!" Yzak hedged and glowered at Dearka.

Dearka sighed loudly, with drama. "See! You can't even understand what I said, and you expect me to believe you passed that nightmare exam?"

"Hah! Not just 'passed', dweeb." Yzak poked Dearka hard in the chest. "Aced it. Aced it like icing on a cake."

Dearka goggled at him. "'Icing on a cake'? What?" He began to laugh. "Dear heavens, that is so gay," he continued in between gasps of laughter.

Yzak turned beet-red as he groped for words, and finally shot back, "Well, what normal teenager says 'dear heavens'?! Of course, an /abnormal /teenager!" He smirked in triumph.

"B-brilliant." Dearka recovered from his fit and rolled his eyes. "Remind me not to ask you for comebacks." He smirked when Yzak began to sputter angrily. "Stop, you're spraying me with spit. Nasty."

"Dearka you fuc--"

They both jumped at the loud, deliberate cough from behind. The smiling face of Professor Dullindal jumped out at them and they shrank back. Nothing good comes from a smile like that.

"I couldn't help but overhear you boys. Unfortunately Cadet Jule, you're failing my class..."

"Told ya," Dearka gloated.

"...And you, Cadet Elsman, are passing my class."

Dearka stopped in mid-gloat, mouth frozen in a grin. "What?"

"You're passing my class," Dullindal repeated. "And he's not." He nodded at Yzak.

"Oh. Really." The grin began to falter as Dearka shot Yzak a nervous look, and took a big step away. "Oops."

"SO!" Yzak shouted, advancing on Dearka. His comically-red face would've been hilarious without the death-glare blazing in his eyes. "Trying to steal the number one spot from me huh? You snake! Why I ought to --"

"He's not number one. Far from it," Dullindal said smoothly, stepping between the two boys. "And from the sound of it, you want to be number one."

"Damn right," Yzak muttered, shooting a dirty look at the bewildered Dearka.

"How am I passing, I flunked the last two quizzes?" Dearka asked from behind the professor.

"You're mistaken. You passed." Dullindal looked over his shoulder and smiled at Dearka. "Now, go home and study more. You have to keep your grades up."

"Yeah, we were just leaving. C'mon Yzak."

"No I'm not, not anymore! Jerk." Yzak turned his nose up at him.

Dullindal's smile grew wider. "Oh, which reminds me, Cadet Jule - I need an assistant for an experiment at the lab. If you're not going home, I think this is a good opportunity to raise your grades. This counts as extra credit."

Dearka could almost hear Yzak's ears clap at the mention of "extra credit". His shoulders slumped and he watched the cheery Yzak leave with Dullindal.

"You're passing?" Athrun raised his head from the armrest. "How?"

"Beats me." Dearka shrugged, scratching his head. He sat down beside Athrun, deciding to wait for Yzak to finish.

**

"What's the experiment about, sir?" Yzak could not keep the bounce out of his step as he entered the dark Chemistry lab, Dullindal following close behind.

"It's..." Dullindal paused and frantically ran through his mental file of experiments as he shut the door tight behind him. Too bad there was no lock on the door.

Truth is, there was no experiment he needed help with at the lab. Not he, the super-genius Gilbert Dullindal.

"It's titled "Gaseous Transition in Muonic Hydrogen and the Electron's Induced Pseudoscalar Coupling," he replied, barely missing a beat.

"The /what?" /Yzak exclaimed before realizing he shouldn't have made his ignorance obvious. His hands flew to his mouth and realizing again that this action gave him away, he pretended to cough fitfully.

Dullindal chuckled softly from behind him and patted his back. "Are you all right?"

Yzak drew out the "coughing fit" to make it seems plausible, letting it peter out.

"Yes sir, I'm fine."

"That's good. Chemicals get to you?" The thumps stopped and became slow firm caresses down Yzak's back.

"Uh, yes...?" Yzak said, unnerved by the sudden intimate touch. He took a step away from Dullindal. "I'll turn on the lights, it's too dark here." The professor's hand dropped back to his side. Relieved, he hurried to the wall and flicked the switches on.

"Here's the list of materials I need you to get." He raised a piece of paper. "Everything's in that closet." He pointed to a solitary closet at the far end of the room.

Yzak nodded, picked up the list, and went to the closet. It was a narrow walk-in type around ten feet long. The shelves were neat but crowded with bottles of chemicals, petri dishes, and test tubes.

Dullindal waited a few minutes. Any time now, Yzak would ask for his help. And like before, with the other "assistants" he had, Yzak did.

"Professor," Yzak's head popped out of the door. "I can't find the hydrogen. I've looked everywhere but it's not here."

He looked up from the table he'd been arranging with a nonplussed look. "Oh? It was there yesterday. Check the yellow shelf."

"That's exactly where I checked."

"Well, it should be there. It's not like it could walk away on its own." He pushed himself from the table. "Let me help you find it." With a small secret smile he followed the youth into the closet.

***

Fifteen minutes without Yzak was enough to bore Dearka to tears. Athrun had left minutes ago, leaving him all by himself. He walked into the empty hallway, looking to the left, where Yzak and the Professor had disappeared, then to the right, towards the staircase and the exit. Shrugging, he decided to follow his ill-tempered friend. It's not like the Professor told him he couldn't watch and learn, anyway.

***

The yellow shelf leaned against the 'dead end' of the walk-in closet. Lined on three sides with shelves, the narrow space couldn't accommodate two people standing shoulder to shoulder, so Yzak moved to step around the professor to give him room. Dullindal, however, blocked his way. Yzak looked up, trying to hide his unease at how close they stood to each other.

"Excuse me sir, I need to move out of the way so you can...uh. Search around."

"Don't worry, I can see quite well." Dullindal leaned forward, as if to peruse the shelves. Yzak stepped back and his calves hit something hard. He glanced over his shoulder and saw he was backed against the shelf. Panic flared when the professor took another step forward, whittling the distance between them to less than a foot.

Dullindal grinned. Against the light, he looked sinister. He reached forward and Yzak shrank back, ridiculous thoughts of facial caresses and hair-stroking crowding his mind. At the last moment, Dullindal's hand turned a degree to the right and went past his head to move canisters and bottles about. Yzak breathed a sigh of relief.

"There it is. It's behind the nitrogen. Can't blame you for missing it. Let me get it." He leaned forward, bracing himself against the shelf frame, completely blocking the small space Yzak had tried to squeeze through earlier. Their bodies touched; his face neared the youth's, closer and closer. He could see the lovely flecks of gunmetal gray in the boy's blue eyes, eyes that were now wide with fear. He smiled down at him and for a heartbeat considered satisfying his intense longing for the boy with a kiss when --

BLAM!

Yzak's head whipped towards the door where a wide-eyed Dearka stood looking at them.

"Dearka!" The blond's face had never seemed more angelic as it did now. He struggled frantically under Dullindal, who frowned and glared over his shoulder .

"Uhm." Dearka blinked at the pair. "Hi? The experiment's over?"

Dullindal pushed himself off Yzak and turned to face Dearka, careful to keep Yzak boxed in. "Didn't I tell you to go home? Why are you still here?"

Dearka shrugged. "I was bored. And Yzak and I go home together."

"I remember he said he's not going with you. And you're trespassing." Dullindal put his hands on his hips.

"Trespassing?" Dearka repeated incredulously and crossed his arms over his chest. "This isn't your property! This is school property!"

Dullindal raised an eyebrow and pointed to the closet door. Tacked askew onto it was a piece of white paper that proclaimed, "Gilbert Dullindal's Private Closet" in bold red paint.

"Oh. I missed that." Dearka nodded and stepped back. Then he frowned; Yzak felt a lift of hope. "Wait! Why do you own a closet in the Chem Lab?!"

"Part of the perks, I suppose." He pushed the can of red paint under the shelf with his foot.

Understanding dawned in his eyes. "Oh, right. Sorry. I'll just wait outside then."

"Dearka you idiot!!!" Yzak screamed in frustration. Dearka grimaced and rubbed his ears.

"Geez Yzak, what's your problem? Just come out of the closet. I'll wait for you." He pulled the door shut, cutting off a stream of obscenities and a deeper maniacal laughter from inside.

Just then, his cellular phone beeped. He pulled it out and read the text message.

The professor turned back to panicked boy, leering at him. "So, Cadet Jule - or shall I say Yzak? You can't know how long I've been --"

Three loud knocks interrupted him. Pursing his lips in annoyance, he ignored it and continued, "You've been a very good student in class, and you deserve ---"

The knocks turned to an insistent hammering on the door. "Yzak! Hey Yzak! Open up!" Dearka hollered through the door. "Yzaaaak, I need to tell you something!" Dearka began to pound the door with a volley of rhythmic knocks. With both hands, it sounded.

Knowing he wouldn't make any progress with the ape wrecking his door, Dullindal answered it with barely-concealed impatience.

"/What/." Glowering, he planted himself square in front of Dearka.

"Oh, hi, 'scuse me sir, it's Yzak." He tiptoed and peeked over Dullindal's shoulder. "Oi Yzak! Your mom told me to remind you about your facial! She said you're due there in half an hour."

Dullindal and Yzak froze, then simultaneously facefaulted.

"We also need to pass by the pet store coz your bunny's out of pellets," Dearka continued, failing to notice the alarming shade of red Yzak's face had become.

"And, what was that, wait," he raised the phone to scroll through the message, "she if you wanna schedule an appointment for a manicure/pedicure, coz the lady's at your house right now," Dearka finished with a smile.

Dullindal sneaked a curious glance at Yzak's hands. "Shiny perfect nails," he murmured.

Yzak drew a deep breath to scream at Dearka, when suddenly --

"Bunnies? A manicure/pedicure?" Athrun popped up from behind Dearka and peered in at Yzak.

Dearka, Dullindal, and Yzak all jumped a foot in the air at Athrun's voice - and total chaos ensued.

"Dude!" Dearka yelled, "You'll give me a heart attack! Where the hell did you come from?"

"I followed you here."

"You left before I did! What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Actually I overheard the professor earlier, and thought to ask for credit too." Athrun boldly stepped up to Dullindal. "Sir, I'm failing your class and I need extra credit."

"What!" A rabid Yzak turned on Athrun. Thoughts of Dullindal's the Pervert flew from his mind. "Zala you mongrel, don't you even /dare/! This is /my /extra credit and hell if you're stealing it! Go away!" He hollered.

Athrun ignored him. "Sir, if there's a report you need done, or an experiment, or maybe I can carry your books home --"

"Zala! He asked /me/, not you, so quit it!"

"You can't possibly do everything he needs done!"

"Oi, Yzaaaak," Dearka shouted over the din, "Come /on/, your mom will kill me if you're late."

"Professor, I'm failing. I've never failed. This is humiliating. My father - Councilman Zala, as I'm sure you're aware of - won't be pleased."

"Oi Zala! Namedropping! Foul!"

Dearka waved extravagantly to catch Yzak's attention. "Get your butt in gear, oh loud one. You've got a bunny to feed and a mom to meet. Come on!"

Dullindal put a weary hand to his head. Nothing ruined a well-built sexual tension like three boys hollering in a space slightly bigger than a toilet stall.

"My ears are bleeding," he muttered. He decided to escape - and proceeded to melt into a puddle on the floor.

"Nooo!" Yzak shrieked, fingers splayed across his cheeks. "What about my extra credit? MY extra credit?!!"

"Professor, don't go!" Athrun cried, kneeling on the floor beside the puddle. "I've had straight A's in every subject since kindergarten. I need the extra credit!"

"Professor! That is so cool! I don't need extra credit but if you show me how to do that, you can give them some of my points!" Dearka grinned, running up to the puddle.

"I don't hear anything! Goodbye students!" He melted happily through the floorboards. A minute later, all that remained was the teacher's crumpled uniform.

Dearka wrinkled his nose. "Ew. Can't he melt WITH his clothes on?"

"Shit!" Athrun cursed "Now I'll never pass Chem!"

"You scared him away! It's all your fault!" Yzak roared.

"I've every right to be here!"

"Grade hog!" Yzak snapped,

"Speak for yourself!"

"Why you---!"

Dearka sighed loudly. "Geez, what's the big deal about extra credit? If you studied harder, you'd pass, just like me." He blew on his nails and buffed them on his shirt.

A dead silence quickly descended, and when Dearka looked up he realized he'd said the wrong thing. Eyes blazing, the two boys advanced on him. He stepped back, and after a tense moment, turned tail and dashed out of the lab.

"DEARKAAAA!"

- end -

A/N: Whew! That was crazy! How did you find it? Drop me a line if you wanna cheer me up :P Thank you for reading!