Categories > Anime/Manga > X
The End of The Rainbow
1 reviewA hospital room. Two men. One is awake, one is asleep. Yet, both are waiting for something. At the end of it all, have they found what they were searching for?
1Moving
The End of The Rainbow
by Ariss Tenoh
The little green line moved steadily forward on the black screen before jumping up for a moment and then emitting a beeping sound.
Subaru thought he would go crazy very soon from that small innocuous beep. But he'd been thinking
that for entire days and nights which on today totaled nine months.
He didn't know if he would go crazy from the waiting, the beeping sound, or the utter silence of the room's four white walls.
Probably all three, he thought in a dispassionate manner.
Why had he said those words? Why after so long did he confess to his failure at not only achieving vengeance for his sister but also at hating the man. Because you knew this was your last chance, his mind whispered.
Yes, Subaru answered himself, and I heard words I never believed he would say them to me.
When the daze caused by those precious words had lifted, he had found himself kneeling on the hard asphalt of a broken bridge with the corpse of his beloved in his arms and copious amounts of blood splattered all over him.
His blood.
The blood had cooled on his clothes and skin. It had been itchy.
Subaru had felt dirty at that moment. Inexplicably filthy. Oh it wasn't because it was that man's blood on him. No, no, no. He would've felt /honoured/. But he knew it was his failure which brought about this man's end. Failure. Failure. You should have prevented it, you should have told him, why didn't you tell him, you couldn't save her and now you can't save him either He'll probably die it would serve you right if he did you deserve it you can't save anyone not even yourself your fault your fault always your fault guilty guilty guilty guilty GUILTY
Blood dripped from small crescent-shaped wounds from tight fists with white knuckles from Subaru's hands.....
Subaru took one long deep breath and cleared his mind of every single thought. It was a constant battle not to surrender, not to /give in/, not to escape into insanity or some similar state. That wouldn't solve anything, and deep in Subaru's heart he knew his past actions had brought him to this chair in this hospital room.
"It's your birthday today, do you know that?" Inwardly he winced at how loud and harsh his voice sounded in the room. As though he'd tipped some unknown balance somewhere in the cosmos and the contents of that scale had spilled to pollute this room, but he went on irregardless.
"I know you lied to me. Your birthday isn't on the first of April. Even on that day I knew you were lying but I wouldn't tell you that. I thought it was impolite."
One sharp bark of laughter, like a glass flung at a wall, hit the air.
"Too polite! Isn't that funny? Oh yes, I can see now all those instances where you laughed and YOU were too polite to tell me that I was naive and stupid."
He sighed in appreciation. "You are so polite, Seishirou-san. Even when you were doing your best to kill me at Nakano Plaza."
"So polite," Subaru murmured.
The moon was rising. He could see it in the window across him. It was a full moon tonight. The ninth one he'd seen from this window.
"I hate this room," Subaru began again. "It's so quiet. So plain. So /white/."
A full minute of silence.
"I went to your house. It's very beautiful. Warm colours and rich textures, and a balanced mix of small modern pieces with the overall traditional Japanese architecture."
"You're a very sensual man. I didn't know that." Subaru smiled wistfully.
"But you probably know everything about me. Don't you?" Subaru leaned back in the white plastic chair trying in vain to ease the ache in his lower back. "Everything but the most important thing."
The smile vanished like morning dew under the glare of a rising sun. Subaru stared at the ceiling, his eyes were narrow and intense.
"That I love you. I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you to my grave beneath the Sakura." Subaru slouched in the chair and leaned his head back so far it would have touched the wall if he'd sat closer to it. He didn't. He always sat close enough to the bed as to be on it or in it.
His bared throat caught the moonlight from the window, the muscles moved when he swallowed.
"I love you and I always will. It would sound ridiculously romantic if it wasn't true." Subaru's head moved back and his chin almost touched his chest. His eyes snapped back to the still figure on the bed. His green and gold eyes looked through his eyelashes and he said softly, "So true."
He brought the hand he held to his lips and gave it a long lingering kiss. The inverted pentagrams on his hand reacted to their owner's close proximity and flared in a brilliant show of blue-white light in the dark room before they dimmed to a subdued glow.
Subaru smiled and the smile was that of a contented child who was just given his heart's desire. He lifted the hand entwined in his to his face and nuzzled its palm.
"I missed them. The marks. They disappeared for a while on the bridge and I was so anxious and worried I wanted to tear the skin off my hands and see if they were hiding in some other place in my hand." There was no overt emotion accompanying those words. They were a simple confession from one man to his lover.
"Kamui had to restrain me. He was practically hugging me to stop me from hurting myself." A giggle. "I was more calm when we reached the hospital and we got you into the ICU room." A frown. "I told him not to come anymore. Kamui, I mean. I know he upsets you, the other Kamui told me." A sweet smile. "You needn't be jealous, you know. I don't like him, not like that. I love you. Not him, not anyone else."
Feeling a bit better, Subaru moved closer and rested his face on his arms on the bedside.
"Grandmother came by once, at the beginning. Only a few days after I moved you to this hospital. I don't know how she knew the address since I checked you in under a false name. She was angry that I had changed my last name to Sakurazuka. I told her it was only appropriate given the fact we were practically married. Had been for some time now. Nine years to be exact."
Subaru pouted. "I didn't know that. The Sumeragi believe the Sakurazukamori's marks are a warning of the person's imminent death. We didn't know it was also a mark of the Sakurazukamori's Heir and/or his or her Consort."
He sighed. "You could have told me that." Then he smiled and for a moment he looked the young and happy man he should have been, instead of the haunted weary man he is. "I saw the wedding kimonos. They're very beautiful. The silk and heavy brocade, the gold and silver threads in delicate embroidery. You'd look very handsome in the black kimono."
Another kiss to his beloved's hand. The left hand, the hand Subaru always held.
"She left shortly after that. I think she knew she'd lost me the moment I had these marks on my hands." He cast a contemplative look at the back of his hands, the inverted stars glowed faintly. "We were just delaying the inevitable. My grandmother, me, you.... Hokuto-chan."
Subaru's hold tightened minutely over the other's hand.
"I'm now the Head of the Sakurazuka Clan. It's funny really. I get disowned from one clan only to become the head of another." He shook his head in amusement.
"They're all very polite and nice to me, your clan. They don't seem to mind that I'm a Sumeragi, but I suppose they've had a long time to get used to it. Your aunt provided me with a house keeper to cook and clean the house. She's a nice woman, Hanako-san. Though she keeps trying to stuff me with food at every moment I'm in the house. It's a good thing I'm always here at the hospital. There's a driver too but I don't know his name. He comes to pick me up in the morning from the house and take me back in the evening. I told him to take the day off today. Your aunt is very persistent, she keeps calling and talking to me or to Hanako-san. If I didn't know better I'd think they've put me on suicide watch."
His face became solemn and his tone even as he whispered, "I wouldn't do that. Kill myself. I'd never leave you behind. Even if you.. you... I wouldn't. He told me this eye would die too if I killed myself. I want you with me, always. Whatever part of you. This eye, the Sakura, your clan, but most importantly you."
Subaru grew silent for a moment. "I think she's worried the clan will lose another leader. Your nephew is still a child, after all."
"I didn't know you had a half-brother. But your aunt says you've never met and that he died a long time ago. You personally went to bring his child back to Kanazawa to the family estate. Or should that be village? I can't believe how large the estate and surroundings are. It's like a miniature fiefdom." Subaru smiled and continued. "I met your nephew. He's a bright boy, very sociable, and the magic is strong in him. He looks a lot like you but I suppose that's to be expected. It's a shame he's lost both his parents. He told me he doesn't remember what they looked like."
He straightened and sat back in the plastic chair. "My distant relatives, those who didn't have the power to be onmyouji or mediums or anything related to the spiritual world, used to say we were cursed to be born with them. I thought they said it because they were jealous but maybe they were right. There's a price for everything. We're just never told what that price is until we pay it."
He held the hand in his and stroked its palm with his thumb. Subaru gazed at the figure on the bed and a fond smile crept into his expression. "There's so much I don't know about you. I'm waiting for you to wake up so I can ask you everything. We'll go to Kenroku Park together, I haven't been there yet but they say it's the Kanazawa equivalent of Ueno Park."
The shadows grew long and disappeared. Golden light touched the buildings outside. The sky was shedding its black cloak for its blue gown.
Subaru watched it all in silence, unmoved by the life stirring around him. The only life he cared about was in his hand. In the steady pulse of his beloved's hand.
"I'm waiting for you," Subaru gave the hand one last kiss and felt his body protest his sudden efforts to stand.
He stepped to the window and drew the curtains together. The room was dark again but for a narrow beam of light falling in a horizontal line across the bed's occupant.
The mismatched eyes tore their gaze from the bed, knowing what a futile attempt it was to wake a person by simply wishing it.
The door knob turned in Subaru's hand and he found himself looking at the face of his driver whose name he didn't know.
"Subaru-sama, I've brought the car. You should return to the mansion. Hanako-san has prepared breakfast for you."
Subaru glanced at the clock above the nurses' station. Its hands pointed at the numbers six and twelve. It seemed Hanako-san was a diligent house keeper.
Aware the man was waiting for a response, Subaru nodded and walked to the elevator. His heart heavy, his eyes dull and unfocused.
The driver followed at a respectful distance behind.
*
Inside the hospital room all was dark and silent as the visitor had left it. Except for the little green line now jumping at more regular intervals and causing more insistent beeps.
The bar of light on the bed glowed and seemed to be the only living thing in the room. It ended in a pool of gold in the palm of an upturned hand. The hand was sticky with cold perspiration from being held so long, but its owner was not conscious to protest its state.
The little green line was presently drawing small mountains against its black canvas. The beeping grew louder and louder, incessant and clamorous as a banshee's demented wails.
The hand twitched. Its fingers moved.
Beyond the room's sole window, pink petals drifted by.
~The End?~
___________________________________
Author's Notes:
I must say this was an unusual fic for me. The story wrote itself and I had no say in its content. Most curious.
by Ariss Tenoh
The little green line moved steadily forward on the black screen before jumping up for a moment and then emitting a beeping sound.
Subaru thought he would go crazy very soon from that small innocuous beep. But he'd been thinking
that for entire days and nights which on today totaled nine months.
He didn't know if he would go crazy from the waiting, the beeping sound, or the utter silence of the room's four white walls.
Probably all three, he thought in a dispassionate manner.
Why had he said those words? Why after so long did he confess to his failure at not only achieving vengeance for his sister but also at hating the man. Because you knew this was your last chance, his mind whispered.
Yes, Subaru answered himself, and I heard words I never believed he would say them to me.
When the daze caused by those precious words had lifted, he had found himself kneeling on the hard asphalt of a broken bridge with the corpse of his beloved in his arms and copious amounts of blood splattered all over him.
His blood.
The blood had cooled on his clothes and skin. It had been itchy.
Subaru had felt dirty at that moment. Inexplicably filthy. Oh it wasn't because it was that man's blood on him. No, no, no. He would've felt /honoured/. But he knew it was his failure which brought about this man's end. Failure. Failure. You should have prevented it, you should have told him, why didn't you tell him, you couldn't save her and now you can't save him either He'll probably die it would serve you right if he did you deserve it you can't save anyone not even yourself your fault your fault always your fault guilty guilty guilty guilty GUILTY
Blood dripped from small crescent-shaped wounds from tight fists with white knuckles from Subaru's hands.....
Subaru took one long deep breath and cleared his mind of every single thought. It was a constant battle not to surrender, not to /give in/, not to escape into insanity or some similar state. That wouldn't solve anything, and deep in Subaru's heart he knew his past actions had brought him to this chair in this hospital room.
"It's your birthday today, do you know that?" Inwardly he winced at how loud and harsh his voice sounded in the room. As though he'd tipped some unknown balance somewhere in the cosmos and the contents of that scale had spilled to pollute this room, but he went on irregardless.
"I know you lied to me. Your birthday isn't on the first of April. Even on that day I knew you were lying but I wouldn't tell you that. I thought it was impolite."
One sharp bark of laughter, like a glass flung at a wall, hit the air.
"Too polite! Isn't that funny? Oh yes, I can see now all those instances where you laughed and YOU were too polite to tell me that I was naive and stupid."
He sighed in appreciation. "You are so polite, Seishirou-san. Even when you were doing your best to kill me at Nakano Plaza."
"So polite," Subaru murmured.
The moon was rising. He could see it in the window across him. It was a full moon tonight. The ninth one he'd seen from this window.
"I hate this room," Subaru began again. "It's so quiet. So plain. So /white/."
A full minute of silence.
"I went to your house. It's very beautiful. Warm colours and rich textures, and a balanced mix of small modern pieces with the overall traditional Japanese architecture."
"You're a very sensual man. I didn't know that." Subaru smiled wistfully.
"But you probably know everything about me. Don't you?" Subaru leaned back in the white plastic chair trying in vain to ease the ache in his lower back. "Everything but the most important thing."
The smile vanished like morning dew under the glare of a rising sun. Subaru stared at the ceiling, his eyes were narrow and intense.
"That I love you. I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you to my grave beneath the Sakura." Subaru slouched in the chair and leaned his head back so far it would have touched the wall if he'd sat closer to it. He didn't. He always sat close enough to the bed as to be on it or in it.
His bared throat caught the moonlight from the window, the muscles moved when he swallowed.
"I love you and I always will. It would sound ridiculously romantic if it wasn't true." Subaru's head moved back and his chin almost touched his chest. His eyes snapped back to the still figure on the bed. His green and gold eyes looked through his eyelashes and he said softly, "So true."
He brought the hand he held to his lips and gave it a long lingering kiss. The inverted pentagrams on his hand reacted to their owner's close proximity and flared in a brilliant show of blue-white light in the dark room before they dimmed to a subdued glow.
Subaru smiled and the smile was that of a contented child who was just given his heart's desire. He lifted the hand entwined in his to his face and nuzzled its palm.
"I missed them. The marks. They disappeared for a while on the bridge and I was so anxious and worried I wanted to tear the skin off my hands and see if they were hiding in some other place in my hand." There was no overt emotion accompanying those words. They were a simple confession from one man to his lover.
"Kamui had to restrain me. He was practically hugging me to stop me from hurting myself." A giggle. "I was more calm when we reached the hospital and we got you into the ICU room." A frown. "I told him not to come anymore. Kamui, I mean. I know he upsets you, the other Kamui told me." A sweet smile. "You needn't be jealous, you know. I don't like him, not like that. I love you. Not him, not anyone else."
Feeling a bit better, Subaru moved closer and rested his face on his arms on the bedside.
"Grandmother came by once, at the beginning. Only a few days after I moved you to this hospital. I don't know how she knew the address since I checked you in under a false name. She was angry that I had changed my last name to Sakurazuka. I told her it was only appropriate given the fact we were practically married. Had been for some time now. Nine years to be exact."
Subaru pouted. "I didn't know that. The Sumeragi believe the Sakurazukamori's marks are a warning of the person's imminent death. We didn't know it was also a mark of the Sakurazukamori's Heir and/or his or her Consort."
He sighed. "You could have told me that." Then he smiled and for a moment he looked the young and happy man he should have been, instead of the haunted weary man he is. "I saw the wedding kimonos. They're very beautiful. The silk and heavy brocade, the gold and silver threads in delicate embroidery. You'd look very handsome in the black kimono."
Another kiss to his beloved's hand. The left hand, the hand Subaru always held.
"She left shortly after that. I think she knew she'd lost me the moment I had these marks on my hands." He cast a contemplative look at the back of his hands, the inverted stars glowed faintly. "We were just delaying the inevitable. My grandmother, me, you.... Hokuto-chan."
Subaru's hold tightened minutely over the other's hand.
"I'm now the Head of the Sakurazuka Clan. It's funny really. I get disowned from one clan only to become the head of another." He shook his head in amusement.
"They're all very polite and nice to me, your clan. They don't seem to mind that I'm a Sumeragi, but I suppose they've had a long time to get used to it. Your aunt provided me with a house keeper to cook and clean the house. She's a nice woman, Hanako-san. Though she keeps trying to stuff me with food at every moment I'm in the house. It's a good thing I'm always here at the hospital. There's a driver too but I don't know his name. He comes to pick me up in the morning from the house and take me back in the evening. I told him to take the day off today. Your aunt is very persistent, she keeps calling and talking to me or to Hanako-san. If I didn't know better I'd think they've put me on suicide watch."
His face became solemn and his tone even as he whispered, "I wouldn't do that. Kill myself. I'd never leave you behind. Even if you.. you... I wouldn't. He told me this eye would die too if I killed myself. I want you with me, always. Whatever part of you. This eye, the Sakura, your clan, but most importantly you."
Subaru grew silent for a moment. "I think she's worried the clan will lose another leader. Your nephew is still a child, after all."
"I didn't know you had a half-brother. But your aunt says you've never met and that he died a long time ago. You personally went to bring his child back to Kanazawa to the family estate. Or should that be village? I can't believe how large the estate and surroundings are. It's like a miniature fiefdom." Subaru smiled and continued. "I met your nephew. He's a bright boy, very sociable, and the magic is strong in him. He looks a lot like you but I suppose that's to be expected. It's a shame he's lost both his parents. He told me he doesn't remember what they looked like."
He straightened and sat back in the plastic chair. "My distant relatives, those who didn't have the power to be onmyouji or mediums or anything related to the spiritual world, used to say we were cursed to be born with them. I thought they said it because they were jealous but maybe they were right. There's a price for everything. We're just never told what that price is until we pay it."
He held the hand in his and stroked its palm with his thumb. Subaru gazed at the figure on the bed and a fond smile crept into his expression. "There's so much I don't know about you. I'm waiting for you to wake up so I can ask you everything. We'll go to Kenroku Park together, I haven't been there yet but they say it's the Kanazawa equivalent of Ueno Park."
The shadows grew long and disappeared. Golden light touched the buildings outside. The sky was shedding its black cloak for its blue gown.
Subaru watched it all in silence, unmoved by the life stirring around him. The only life he cared about was in his hand. In the steady pulse of his beloved's hand.
"I'm waiting for you," Subaru gave the hand one last kiss and felt his body protest his sudden efforts to stand.
He stepped to the window and drew the curtains together. The room was dark again but for a narrow beam of light falling in a horizontal line across the bed's occupant.
The mismatched eyes tore their gaze from the bed, knowing what a futile attempt it was to wake a person by simply wishing it.
The door knob turned in Subaru's hand and he found himself looking at the face of his driver whose name he didn't know.
"Subaru-sama, I've brought the car. You should return to the mansion. Hanako-san has prepared breakfast for you."
Subaru glanced at the clock above the nurses' station. Its hands pointed at the numbers six and twelve. It seemed Hanako-san was a diligent house keeper.
Aware the man was waiting for a response, Subaru nodded and walked to the elevator. His heart heavy, his eyes dull and unfocused.
The driver followed at a respectful distance behind.
*
Inside the hospital room all was dark and silent as the visitor had left it. Except for the little green line now jumping at more regular intervals and causing more insistent beeps.
The bar of light on the bed glowed and seemed to be the only living thing in the room. It ended in a pool of gold in the palm of an upturned hand. The hand was sticky with cold perspiration from being held so long, but its owner was not conscious to protest its state.
The little green line was presently drawing small mountains against its black canvas. The beeping grew louder and louder, incessant and clamorous as a banshee's demented wails.
The hand twitched. Its fingers moved.
Beyond the room's sole window, pink petals drifted by.
~The End?~
___________________________________
Author's Notes:
I must say this was an unusual fic for me. The story wrote itself and I had no say in its content. Most curious.
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