FicWad

Notes: This is a fic that was requested to me by Luc Court(noted for Red as Snow and Blind Spot). I thought he would have requested Baralai fics since he seemed to be a huge Baralai fan, but I was pleasantly surprised that he asked for Shuyin/Lenne. This is a change of pace for me because I usually write male/male couples, but Shuyin/Lenne are among my all time favorite het pairings. This is "R" rated because I firmly believe that Shuyin has a potty mouth, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Enjoy.

*

Shuyin began to imagine how many things he would no longer be doing with Lenne. He began to count in the millions how many "no mores" and "not anymores" that applied to her. All this because she came to his apartment and told him that she would be in the front lines during the war. As he stood at a window that overlooked the city lights of Zanarkand, he remembered how he didn't ask why, because he didn't have to. Shuyin knew damned well why she was going to die.

Lenne was a talented Summoner and so were countless other men and women, mostly women, but nearly all of them, regardless of gender, had Guardians that would die by their side. While his face fell at the thought of thousands of people dying for Zanarkand, his entire mind, body and soul fell when he realized that Lenne would no doubt be among them. He couldn't save her. She didn't want him to. Balling his fist, he desperately regretted not telling her that he didn't give a flying fuck what she wanted, that if she were to die, that he would die with her. Would that have made things better? Hell no, and Shuyin knew that. So, he remained silent, trying to hold back his emotions as she said her good-byes. He nearly broke down when she hugged him, and he did when she kissed him.

Shuyin closed his brown eyes as he remembered how she tried to soothe him with her words, her lips, her hands, but he still cried tears of rage. When she finally left, he knelt on the floor for what had to have been hours. He didn't sob, he didn't even shake, but he felt as if he could just ignite and burn everything in his path. He'd start with all of Zanarkand for being so fucking stupid that compromise was a foreign word. Then, all of Bevelle for honestly believing that killing a bunch of people would somehow bring peace and make things better. But, most of all, he wanted to scorch all the other areas of Spira for not doing a god damned thing but seeing all this as amusing entertainment. Not their problem, nah. So long as it's not them, it's all good. It fucking wasn't, and Shuyin ground his teeth every time those from outside of Bevelle and Zanarkand laughed when he tried to tell them that.

So, now Lenne will die, and he will be all alone. All because of the words and actions of a stupid, monstrous few. Not that he blamed Yu Yevon entirely. After all, who wants to bend to people who want you broken? But, he was still part of the problem. Shuyin wished that Zanarkand had a better, smarter leader, but he knew that he may as well have shit on hand hand and wished on the other, while having no doubt that the hand smeared in shit would fill up much faster.

He tapped on the window glass, wondering what it would feel like to punch right through it. He'd be cut, sure, and it might distract him from the pain in his heart, but might was the operative word. He lowered his blond head, realizing that no amount of physical pain would ease the pain in his very soul.

"I have to do something," he whispered. "I can't stay here. If I let this go, I will be no different from the rest of Spira who chose to do nothing."

But, what could he do? If he fought in the front lines with Lenne, he either would end up badly wounded or dead. He didn't mind dying by Lenne's side, for he honestly believed that dying by her side would be the greatest honor of all, but what good would that do for Lenne? Or anyone? It sure as shit wouldn't have stopped the war. No, there had to be another way. He began to wonder what as he walked away from the window to the bed. Once he sat down with his head between his hands, he heard the phone ring.

"Lenne!" Shuyin immedietly picked up the phone. "Lenne?"

Sure enough, it was her, and for the first time in her life, she sounded truly scared, but she tried to hide it.

"Shuyin, flee."

"No," Shuyin snapped. "You demand I stay away from the front lines and now you tell me to flee? Why?"

"I heard something from Yu Yevon himself. It's about Bevelle."

"What about Bevelle?" Shuyin asked flatly.

"They have a weapon. A huge powerful weapon. No one, not even Yu Yevon himself knows if it will be used."

"But, it exists, that's the point, right?"

"Yes. Shuyin, listen, there is no hope now. Anyone out in the front lines now is sure to die. Yu Yevon is desperate and may try to destroy all of Zanarkand so Bevelle cannot touch it. If you don't flee, you will die. You will become part of the Dream of the Fayth."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Shuyin asked, bewildered. He actually had an idea of what she was talking about, but only an idea. Lenne was right, it might mean that he would die, but he wouldn't be part of the Farplane, but rather, a dream version of Zanarkand.

"I am talking about your death. I accept mine, but I can't accept yours."

Shuyin held the phone tightly, "What makes you think I can accept yours?"

"Just do what I ask, Shuyin, just go far away, so I can die knowing that you'd be safe."

Tears stung Shuyin's eyes and he pitched forward, phone in hand, "Lenne, if you want me to flee, then you abandon the front lines and you come to me, got it? That's the only way I'm going to leave my homeland!"

"You know I can't do that," Lenne replied sadly. "I can't abandon this fight."

"You've got to be shitting me," Shuyin would have laughed if he didn't feel ready to die inside. "There has to be a way, damn it!"

"If you love me, Shuyin, you would respect my wishes and allow my final moments to be at peace, knowing that you are safe."

"But, I-I..." He didn't dare say he couldn't. But, the idea of living without her made him sick to his stomach, and what of the rest of Zanarkand? They would all be dead, and he would have nowhere to go. Then, he remembered the huge weapon. If it's a big enough weapon, and not some sort of bomb, it could be used against its makers. Pressing his lips together, he decided to tell Lenne what she wanted to hear. "Okay, Lenne. I'll flee." He took a deep breath as tears filled his eyes, and that made him even angrier.

"Thank you, Shuyin. I wish I had the time to tell you in a thousand words how much I love you."

Shuyin sighed, "I don't need a thousand words. I only need three. I love you."

"I know. Good-bye, Shuyin." Before Shuyin could say anything more, the line went dead.

After he put the phone down, he stood up and walked over to the dresser drawer, spotting his car keys on top. He grabbed a heavy cloak for traversing through Mt. Gagazet, a few essentials, his sword, and a handgun. Once he had everything he needed for what he planned to do, he grabbed the car keys and slowly closed his fist around them.

"Yea, I'll flee alright," he growled as his chest slowly rose and fell. His piercing dark eyes fell on the black baby grand piano near the window. The sight of it nearly made him break down again as he remembered how Lenne would sit beside him and sing while he played. Gritting his teeth, he turned away and stalked out of the apartment.