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The people of Konoha were used to living among highly skilled shinobi. They had grown accustomed to seeing the village’s protectors bounding across rooftops or heaving weapons at one another in playful battle. Through experience, they had also become rather adept at reading the elite ninja’s often changing moods. They were aware that a tired shinobi usually meant a cranky shinobi, which was why they were giving Kakashi a wide berth on the street. They could tell by the way the normally graceful jounin was dragging his feet that he wasn’t just tired: he was cashed.

The civilians had seen the normally elusive ninja more than usual in the past several days, often at dawn, and often covered in mud and leaves. For the fifth morning in a row the owner of the pastry stand stopped wiping down his counter and watched the man slouch by, giving off an attitude of general grumpiness. Mothers pulled their children out of his way. Even the dogs on the street skirted around him, tails between their legs and eyes cast down in submission. He was blissfully unaware that all this was taking place around him. There was only one more mission for him to complete and that was to make it into his apartment before he fell asleep in the gutter.

It had been five days since he had slept, save for those three minutes he had dozed off while standing outside the Hokage’s office the night before, waiting to receive his 4th consecutive mission. He was about ten yards from his door when the only person in Konoha who didn’t seem to be aware of his currently lethal state slipped out of an alley and fell into step next to him.

“My eternal rival! Are you ready for another day of defending the most honorable village in the world?”

Oh gods.

Kakashi didn’t even expend the energy of turning his head to look at the shimmering Gai. The sunlight hurt his eyes as it was and the gleam coming off his companion’s white teeth would probably have been enough to burn his retina. Gai was strutting next to the grey-haired man with his chest thrust forward, looking as if at any moment someone might jump out and snap his picture for the “Most Shining Man of the Year” Award.

“Perhaps we could have that hundredth battle today, my worthy comrade! The sun is shining, the breeze is warm and I feel success in the air!”

Kakashi still hadn’t made any acknowledgement that the tall and boisterous man was walking next to him. Conversely, the people on the street were retreating into shops and cafes, aware of the impending doom.
“So, my friend, what shall it be?”

Not taking his eyes off the ground, Kakashi muttered, “How about we play the quiet game, Gai.”

Gai emitted a booming laugh that made Kakashi’s already aching head spin.

“Oh, my worthy rival! Always your sense of humor inspires me!”

Kakashi was about to tell Gai to shove off when a soft call from above made him stop walking all together. He looked up at the white dove that was circling overhead and murmured, “This is getting ridiculous.”

He made a quick decision to ignore the bird and continued walking in the direction of his apartment. He had been wearing the same underwear for two days. He was at least giving himself the luxury of changing his clothes. Gai followed him to his door where his fellow jounin turned and gave him a look that clearly said, “Go away before I physically remove that smile from your face.”

Gai finally got the idea and said brightly, “Perhaps we should save our friendly competition for another day. I would not want to battle my eternal rival when he is not in his top fighting shape!”

He clapped Kakashi on the back, sending the grey-haired jounin pitching through his door, and bounded down the steps to the street.

Kakashi groaned as he stumbled into his small apartment. It was dark and quiet, and his bed seemed to be beckoning to him. He blinked. His bed was beckoning to him. He shook his head sharply. I really need to get some sleep, he thought. He moved towards his dresser, hoping it would continue to act like a normal piece of furniture and pulled out another set of regulation black pants and shirt. He was in the process of stripping off his mud-stained shirt when a tapping at his bedroom window made him turn.

Perched on the ledge outside was the snowy-white bird, looking indignant and pecking at the glass with its beak. “You certainly are persistent,” he muttered. He turned away from the window again, removing his shirt completely and scratching absently at his hair, which was sticking out at more angles than usual. He was slipping out of his pants when the sound of breaking glass made him drop to the floor and reach for the kunai that he kept hidden under the dresser.

He looked up to see the bird soar through the now shattered window and perch above him on the end-post of his bed. He considered flinging the kunai at it but instead rose to his feet, hands out in a gesture of defeat. “Can I at least get dressed first? Or does she want me to come half naked?” The creature seemed to consider him for a moment and then ruffled its feathers in a peaceable sort of way.

“Thank you,” Kakashi muttered under his breath, fully aware of the absurdity of the situation: him standing barely clothed in his bedroom and speaking to a bird. He dressed himself as quickly as possible, trying in vain not to feel self-conscious under the bird’s steady gaze.

When he was finished he turned back to the creature, which ruffled its feathers again, an action that Kakashi perceived as approval. The bird took off out the window and Kakashi once again stepped out of his front door.

“This better be good," he murmured, before locking his door and trudging down the steps to the street below.