FicWad

As I sat on the plane jetting us back to Jersey my mind was mush. Gerard and I hadn’t said more than a handful of words to each other since he had gotten Ray’s call. I couldn’t help it but right now I had a whole lot of hatred for Ray. Had he called Gerard just to cause trouble? Shit, would he have even known where we were if I hadn’t told him about the wedding?
Gerard had his head back against the seat and was sleeping. He looked so peaceful but I knew that was such an illusion. He was tormented beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. If only I could help him, if only he would let me try. He woke as the stewardess announced we were preparing to land.
“Feel better?” I asked softly.
He shrugged, “Same.”
Once we were on the ground and getting ready to deplane he turned to me, “Don’t forget to smile Laura.”
I wanted to lash out at him but didn’t. When we reached the gate I saw Ray and Christa waiting for us. Gerard whispered to me, “Don’t mention a fucking thing in front of Christa.”
I nodded, “I understand Gerard. Just smile and pretend we’re a totally happy newlywed couple.”
He started at me.
“Hey, you guys. Congrats” Christa said as she ran to hug first Gerard then me. I glanced at my husband who was smiling. I too pasted a smile on my face.
“So, how was Vegas?” Christa wanted to know. “Was the ceremony romantic?’
“It was perfect.” I said “Everything I dreamed it would be.” Gerard had his arm around me and I could feel him tense.
Ray said our bags would be taken care of and we moved out of the airport as quickly as possible. Both men were recognized several times. One young fan shy asked for an autograph.
Gerard took the piece of paper she handed him and signed his name. He even added a small doodle. The girl was thrilled. Ray signed his name and we all started to move away. “Thanks so much” the girl said smiling.
“Your welcome.” Gerard answered. “Wish we could talk but I’ve got to get my wife home then head to a meeting.”
“Wife?” the girl repeated. “You’re married?”
Gerard once more but his arm around me. “Yeah, this is Laura.” The young fan smiled and said hello. Shit I was getting to be an old pro at this smiling.
When we got to the car Christa started asking about the wedding again. I really liked her and tried my best to answer her questions. My mind and heart just weren’t in it. I must have been giving the right answers cause Christa didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong.
“Laura, we’re gonna drop you and Christa off at their place. Ray and I have to talk to Brian then we’ll be back as soon as we can.” Gerard told me. He had turned to look at me cause he was sitting in the front with Ray.
“Oh okay” I said with a fucking fake smile.
“I really think it was wrong to make you guys come back from Vegas. I told Ray he should tell Brian that whatever the meeting was about it could just wait until tomorrow.” Christa said.
Ray laughed, “Babe, I told you it’s important.”
Gerard nodded, “Laura understands don’t you Honey?”
I started at him. “Of course I do. I understand completely.” I said in my sweetest voice. I saw Gerard and Ray exchange a glance.
They dropped Christa and I off and drove away swiftly. Christa showed me the apartment then we sat down to talk.
“So tell me the truth, why did you marry Gerard?” She asked bluntly.
Talk about being thrown for a loop. I just stared at her. Where the hell had this question come from?
She sighed, “Okay I’m kinda blunt sometimes. Let me rephrase a bit. Why did you marry a guy so fucking messed up I’m not sure how he functions.”
Now I wasn’t just confused I was angry. “He’s not messed up” I defended him.
Christa shook her head sadly; “I’ve been with Ray for a couple of years. Sometimes I look back and wonder how in the hell it took me so long to see something was terribly wrong.” She looked near tears.
“Terribly wrong with Gerard?’
“Terribly wrong with Gerard and Ray. Ray just hides it better and for a while I thought that whatever it was had passed. But then I heard that Gerard had dumped Eve and was with you. Shit, Ray would call me and I could hear it in his voice.”
“Hear what?” I asked.
She shook her head, “Anger. But not only anger I could hear fear.”
“Did you ask him why?” I asked softly.
Standing she went into the kitchen and returned with two glasses of wine. I started to decline the glass she held out to me but decided I needed it. “I should be an actress. I’ve never said anything to Ray and as far as I know he thinks I’m blissfully unaware anything is wrong.”
I took a sip, “I’m confused. Why not just ask him?’
She ran her finger along the rim of the glass, lost in thought. Finally she spoke, “Cause I love him so much and I’m afraid if I did he’d stop seeing me.” He took a deep breath, “Aren’t I pathetic?”
“No, love makes you do stupid things.” I said sadly. “And that answers your question about why I married Gerard.”
She looked into my eyes and nodded, “Yeah, I understand.”
Both of us sat silently. Finally I decided to see if she had any idea, even the smallest thought on what had happened. “Do you know anything? When it happened. Where?”
“Gerard’s old house.” She answered without hesitation. I know that Ray frequently drives by it. The day he told me Gerard had purchased the house he could hardly hide his emotions.”
I sat thinking about sharing my information with her but decided against it. I was still way too unsure about what was going on. She sat down her wine glass and gestured to me to follow her. She spoke as we walked towards the bedroom. “Laura, I’m gonna show you something but please promise me you won’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t,” I promised. She crossed the bedroom to the closet. Reaching up on a high shelf she lowered a box. “This is Ray’s stuff,” She said as she placed the box on the bed. “He’d be livid if he knew I’d been through it.”
I moved over to stand by her. I watched as she took out a small book and began to flip through the pages. Out fell an envelope.
“I found this one day not long ago.” She removed the letter and handed it to me. As I read it a chill ran down my spine….

Ray I love you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for trying to help me but I’m beyond helping. I’m broken and can’t be fixed. I’m sorry my actions have hurt you but Gee is in my heart. I can’t stay away from him. Sometimes I wish I could but I can’t help myself. He is my soul mate he is my whole life. Please forgive me.” It was unsigned.

I looked up at Christa. She had taken something else out of the book and handed it to me. In my hand I held a photo of a girl. I began to tremble. Smiling up from the photo was the girl I had seen in Gerard’s sketchbook. I was staring at a photo of the dead girl.