Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Real or Fake
Reviews
Real or Fake
(#) xxACoalminexx 2007-10-29
Uh...would you mind if I made a few suggestions? (That's a dumb/rhetorical question because I'm going to suggest my heart out anyway...)
First thing's first, let me start off by saying that you are a very good writer. You know how to use words the right way. I don't think I could find more than one mistake in your whole story so far. Great job! Keep up the good work on that!
BUT (of course, there is a but) I think you are kind of rushing into things. You introduced the characters and then boom! stuff starts happening. I really don't think you can fall in love with somebody that quickly...not to crush anyone's ideas on love at first sight. I guess I'm biased on that.
And then the fight. I don't mean to be rude, but that was sort of stupid. If a couple was truly in love, they wouldn't fight over something that trivial. It sounds like some middle school relationship. And I thought the whole thing was way too fast. They should at least converse (shout at each other) more, with more depth that "you're annoying me". Because that's basically what Jenna is saying to poor Frankie.
One last pointer, I think you should take of some conversations and add more description & imagery.
But that's just me, you don't have to listen to it. It's your story, the constitution says you have freedom of speech. Or whatever. I suck at history. I also realize that you haven't written this since 2006 (according to ficwad, but I don't know for sure) so maybe you quit on this or something. I hope not, I wanna know what happens next!
Love Much,
Coal
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