Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance

I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

by sjoukJDB 3 reviews

This is not about being a creature of the night. It's not anywhere near never dying. Same one-shot as 'Oh how wrong..' but this is Gerard's pov. Also explaines why he was turned.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Angst,Crossover,Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way - Warnings: [!!] [V] [?] - Published: 2007-10-15 - Updated: 2007-10-16 - 3269 words - Complete

I did NOT plan Bert McCracken in this story and I did NOT plan such a mean ending!
I did not plan anything!
why am I so mean?
And about the feelings:
Most vampires are lead by their instinct. They're nothing more than animals.
Some vampires can still keep human qualities. They can think and feel. This makes them smarter than the animals, so that's simply why they'd listen to Gee's enemy. It's al about the venom injected. But Gerard can't feel. That's because his enemy wanted revenge. Too bad he missed a small point there.

The lyrics in this story are from the songs wake the dead by the used, vampires will never hurt you by mcr, and pain by three days grace.

- - - - - -
Gerard felt rain slamming in his face. He knew he needed food, but stopping would be too dangerous. It would take him at least half an hour. Half an hour of not moving was too much. His days with Frankie would quikly shorter into one minute ending fatal. No, it wouldn't be a good idea. But then again, if he'd go on like this he could collapse or even worse, hurt Frankie. He heard rabbits in the field. Why not? They weren't large and they wouldn't take any time.
He turned and ran as fast as he could. With one hand he grabbed both animals. He ran to the road again, slowed down and bit one. Oh god, why? He thought when the liquid toutched his lips. He could almost feel the warmth, almost taste the sweetness. Almost. He almost felt good when the blood spread through his empty vains. Almost.
The second one now. Good thing Frankie wasn't like him, he couldn't have stand the fact that he'd have to kill animals and eat them. Gerard kept on walking. He knew it was a little too slow, but he couldn't help it. When there wasn't any blood left in the rabbit's vains, he sighed. This was where he thanked whatever god that he couldn't taste.
his enemies could easily track him down if they found his prey. He ripped the head of and the body in two and swallowed it. Then he heard the most terrifying (the only way he could describe it, even though it wasn't possible to get scared anymore) sound and it seemed to crush his ears (although it didn't hurt). A small part, maybe a lung or the heart, fell on the ground. Gerard stopped in his tracks. He turned around, picked it up. There was blood on flesh on the ground. Fuck. He tried to get it off.
After a minute he decided it was enough. He smelled. Nothing. He knew he had become immune for the smell of the rabbit blood after a minute, but he didn't believe it.
He ran further. Wasting time was fatal.

He smiled when he saw the fire burning. He smiled. Wow, I would be able to fake it all, he thought. Smiling, crying, talking... all human things he still did. Probably because he told himself he had been one of them once. Sometimes he wondered if it would've bin better if he was completely brainwashed and had turned into an animal.
Yes. it would've been. Then Frankie wouldn't have been in danger. Gerard wouldn't be hunted or be weak. He wouldn't cry, laugh, wouldn't anything.
And he wouldn't know what emotions were. Now, because he never allowed the venom to take his memories, his mind, he knew they were there.
It's like I'm a teenage boy again, he thought. Knowing sex is the best thing in the world but not knowing how it really feels. Only this time, there's no jacking off.
He slipped in through the window. He stood there in a corner. He saw Frankie felt the change. And suddenly realized something.
With one step he was behind Frankie, and he touched his cheeck. His mind told him this creature was warm. Warm blood. Gerard cursed his own mind. 'Two years Frankie.' He spoke. The sound coming out of his own mouth was weird. Frank stopped breathing. Huh? 'Why are you holding your breath?'
'Gerard..' He said letting his breath escape. His eyes were watering. Gerard quikly cathed the tear. His mind registered it was wet and salt. He cursed his mind again.
'Have you got any idea how much I missed this?' Frank asked. Gerard innerly sighed. Frank's hands were soft, his eyes had lost their sparkle, his face had lost his happyness. Everything in this room was covered in dust. Almost as a finishing touch, a broken cd lay on an old radio. 'Maybe.' He said. This time he cursed the other vampires. Why did they have to hunt him? Why did they have to follow their instinct? Why did their instinct tell them they had to kill weaker vampires? Why did they make him run? If he could just stay with Frankie! Frank needed him! 'I'm sorry Frank. But you know I can't help it.' He said. His voice sounded like a human that was about to die.
'But why can't you just take me with you? I can't live without you, Gerard. I'm dying!' Frank said. What? Was he crazy? No. He just didn't know what this 'life' was like. ' When i was a kid I was obsessed with vampires. I wanted to be one.' Gerard started, thinking back. And if they get me when the sun goes down into the ground,
And if they get me take this spike to my heart and,and if they get me and the sun goes down,and if they get me take this spike and, you put the spike in my heart. Stupid little boy he was. A wooden stake would easily break if someone tried to spike him. They'd probably be dead before they could try anyway. ' Now,' he continued, ' I finally am one, and I know now that it's not about sucking blood and being a creature of the night.' He thought back of the long journey across the whole planet he made. Night and day he had ran to get away from his enemies. He thought of the people he killed. Probably about a hundred in two years. Then he thought about the animals. Millions.
''It's not anywhere near never dying. I have enemies Frank. A lot of enemies. I was turned by an enemy because he knew it would be excactly the right way to make me suffer. I can't come anywhere near you or the guys or anyone because they will be killed.'' He thought about how he was turned.


A pair of strong arms pulled him back. 'Aah!' Gerard let out. 'Hi there Ger-bear.' No. No way. He can't be here, he can't be here, he can't be here!
'Hi.' The arms gripped tighter around his stumach making it hard to breathe. '..Sugar.' The grip loosened. 'Missed me?'
'I didn't really expect you to come back.' Gerard answered. Laughter. 'No. You thought a dead body drained from it's blood couldn't really start walking and talking
again. Well, guess what, Ger-Bear? Across the sky they can hear you one the other side. A scream that's loud enough to wake the dead. wake the dead. Wake the dead!' He sang. 'Come, Gee, take a walk with me.' And let go of him. For one second gerard considerd running, but he knew it would be useless.
'You're not quite dead, are you Bert?' Gerard asked. Bert started walking. 'No, not quite.' He said.
'You know, it was pretty crappy of you to just walk away and let me die.' Bert said. Gerard tried to stay calm, but the fact that he was walking to person that loathed him more than anyone in the whole world, and that this person was now armed with unbelievable strength (he was sure he'd have bruises on his stomach tomorrow) and a pair of ready-to-cut razorblades in his mouth, was a bit overwhelming. 'Because really,' Bert continued and Gerard couldn't help but to notice there was a little bit of dried blood on one of his fangs, ' Even if you hate a person you shouldn't just stand there and watch how all of his life is being sucked out.'
'It was too late when I came.' He answered. 'No it wasn't. I saw you standing there, with a smile on your face Gerard.' He said. Gerard stopped. His mind was telling him to not say what he was about to say, because he wouldn't survive, but fury took over. 'What?! A smile? I don't smile when people die, you faggot! Why do you always make that kind of things up? What do you have against me anyway? If I was bitten by a vampire and you saw it, you wouldn't have done anything, even if you knew you could! YOU are the one that wants me to die! I never did anything wrong to you!!' He screamed. Gerard noticed Bert's eye color went from pitch black to deep red. 'Goddammit Gerard. You always have to ruin things for yourself. We were so good for eatchother. But you wanted to become a saint and stop it. Because you were hurting people who cared about you. AKA I don't want you anymore because I finally opened my eyes, inbetween two shots, and noticed Frank fucking Iero likes me. I was going to make it painless Gerard. I was going to make you forget everything that ever happened before you were turned. But, my dear, that just made me change my mind.' He said and gripped Gerard. He started dragging him back. 'You see there honey? That's your lovely Frank. I'm sure he'll prove you not everyone is so cruel to not save someone from a big mean vampire...' Bert treathend. 'No! You can't do that!' Gerard said. 'Yes I can.' Gerard saw Frank looking in their direction. 'Go away!'Gerard screamed but Frank came closer. When Frank was close enough to see that the figure holding Gerard was in fact Bert McCracken he stopped. The next moment gerard felt a terrible pain in his neck. He tried to scream but he couldn't breathe. His eyes saw nothing and his body was set on fire. He felt a hand traveling up and down his side and going further down. 'What are you doing?!' He heard frankie scream from far away. Gerard tried to put all his pain and agony in his voice and screamed: 'HE'S A VAMPIRE! GET AWAY!'
But Frankie didn't go. Two fangs were pulled back and Gerard felt blood, a lot of blood, coming out of his neck. His vision came back and he saw Bert walking towards frankie. Without the support, Gee's legs started trembling and he fell. Bert knocked Frankie over and kicked him in the side, causing Frankie to land five foot further. In a flash he stood behind Gerard and got him up again. To Gerard's great disgust he felt Berts tongue pressed against his skin and starting to lick up some of the blood, then going upwards to the wound, and pressing his fangs in again. Gerard gasped and felt a torturing pain take over. Every part of his body felt as if it was on fire. Suprisingly he could still feel Bert's hand traveling over his stomach. It felt good. the part of skin touched by his icy hands didn't hurt. Please go on! Gerard's head was in too much pain too think properly and he softly moaned to Bert he should keep touching him. He felt Bert's lips, that were pressed against his neck, curl into a smile and his hand go further down. He still felt so much pain...thank god he was here..he moaned again when Bert's hand slid into his pants..but he was getting weaker..the pain was fading...
'Sugah..' Gerard moaned when Bert touched him and then everything went black.

end flashback

So cheap. The cheapest of all things was that Bert had turned him in such a way that Gerard had kept his mind and memories, and didn't blindy follow his instincts like an animal, like most other vampires.
'I've spent these past two years running Fank. I've finally lost them. Sadly, it will be a matter of days before they find me again.' His mind flashed back to the rabbits. If I'm lucky. 'If that happens, then you're dying.' Because then they'll show you how you can kill a vampire very slowly and painfully. And then they'll bite you and let you die too.
'And please, Frank, when I said I'd never leave you, I ment it.' Because I'm immortal.
Gerard saw in frank's eyes that he was thinking about how he had spend the past two years. He wasted them. Why Frank? Gerard wondered. Apperently, wondered out loud cause frank looked up. 'Gerard..are you crying?' He asked. Yes, he was right. Gerard felt the acid running over his cheeck. Of course. It'd have hurt me to see he wasted his life. Because of him. 'You can't hurt me Frank. But it's the only human instinct that's left.' He said. 'What?' Frank asked confused.
'Look at your hands. it looks they haven't touched anything but coffee cups in the past year.' Gerard said. 'I want to be with you, but I can't. I do my best to protect you but I can't. Not from myself. It's supposed to hurt.' He said and the tear rolled down his face. 'Gerard. You're the only thing that makes me happy. Please stay. I don't care what happens. Please?' Frank pleaded. If I'd stay you'd never be happy again and you know that damn well. 'No.' He simply said. 'Then turn me.' Frank said. Okay, Gerard thought, it's time to tell him why not. 'No. wouldn't be able to enjoy anything.' He said.
'So? I don't do that now to.' Frank protested. Well, if he's like that..Gerard thought and he gripped Frank's face, leand in close and tried to concentrate as hard as he could on Frank's lips and not on his neck, because the adrenaline he used to get from kissing was now produced for biting, so he'd better focus..
Feels soft. Creature is producing adrenaline and testeron, heart stopped beating and now speeds up double. Gerard cursed his own mind once again when he felt Frank knees giving up. He catched him and made him sit down. Infront of the fire. His teeth had longed and he was having trouble keeping his mouth closed. Somehow the thought of that you could compare this to a boner crossed his mind. You can't really hide it, it doesn't really feel great unless you do something about it, and you can't let it dissapear immediately, although you want to...But Frankie was relaxed now. thank the lord for fire. He knew this was the right timing.
'I couldn't feel a thing Frank.'
He moved his head lower, and opened his mouth. His teetch touched Frank's skin. He wanted to bite. He didn't. He pressed a litle harder and saw a scratch forming. Then he kissed it, and Frankie relaxed again. After a while Frank was asleep. Gerard smiled, although he didn't feel happy.
Then, the most terrifying, for as far as Gerard could get scared, was heared. A hiss of victory. More than a hundred miles away, Quinn Allman, a vampire without a soul or a mind, one like thousands of others, found a small heart, that had the smell of a vampire on it.
Gerard knew he had a chance of one on a hundred to make it out before Frankie got hurt. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and quickly wrote down
I will never leave you
I promise


A tear landed on it and burned a hole in it. Fuck. If the vampire smelled the acid he was screwed.
Suddenly, the window was smashed. Gerard looked up. 'Quinn?' He asked. What the fuck? He walked to the window and climbed through it, hoping Quinn didn't suspect there were any humans inside. 'He turned you? Why?' Gerard asked. ' I found you. Now I'll kill you.' He simply said an smiled. A real smile. Quinn could still feel emotions, although he couldn't really think. This also ment he was stronger then Gerard. Although, really, there weren't that much vampires who were weaker...
Still Gerard tried to attack him. He didn't have that much of a choise. It was either dying running or dying fighting..he prefered the last one.
Gerard jumped but Quinn caught him and punched him in the stomach. Then his sharp fingernails ripped Gerard's arm open. A few drops of blood dripped out. Fuck, that'd mean he didn't have much strength anymore. 'Quinn, stop.' A voice said. No! Gerard looked up and a tear came almost immediatley. Behind Bert, Jeph and Dan looked at him with numb faces, and in their eyes you could read one word; blood. 'You fucking piece of shit. You turned your own bandmates?' Gerard said angrily.
Bert smiled. 'A minor problem I've discovered too late. You are still able to have feelings for the person that gave you the most intense feelings you've ever experienced.' He spoke. Gerard felt like crying. 'No..that can't be you. I love Frankie. Not you.' He said. 'Yes, that might be true, Ger-vear, but you can't love anymore. Intense doesn't mean love. Intense includes..pain. But pain isn't stronger than love..well not physical anyway. And lust can also be intense. Love can be stronger than lust, but when you look at the amount of cheating husbands in this world...Anyway. A combination of pain, lust, fear, disgust and hate together is stronger than love, Gerard.'
'Please Bert. Just kill me.' Gerard said. Frankie wouldn't die. He would, but he'd like to not die while moaning Bert's name, like last time.
'Yes you will. Oh, I'm sorry, I can read your mind too.' Bert said and stepped closer. He roughly gripped Gerard's head and pulled him into a kiss. Gerard's hands grabbed Bert's hair. This felt so good, so familiar. Bert stroked his crotch and gerard felt himself harden. 'Please Sugar..' He pleaded. Bert just smiled while Quinn grabbed Gerard's hand. Jeph and Dan both grabbed a leg and the kiss was broken. Gerard could think again. 'Goddammit! I HATE YOU!' He screamed when he realized what's happened. Bert just grabbed Gerard's other hand. He didn't really feel comfortable like this, hanging above the ground ready to get ripped into four pieces. To make it worse his hand was currently being licked, sucked and bitten and it felt purely disgusting. But it stopped and he heard something so much worse than a trigger being pulled. Bert simply said 'Pull' and squeezed Gerard's hand to make sure Gerard kept feeling. And then, Gerard realized something. While it felt like his limbs were about to be torn of, he began singing: 'Pain, without love. Pain, can't get enough. Pain, I like it rough, cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.'
Sign up to rate and review this story