FicWad

I never imagined we would end up like this, but then again I had never imagined I would ever be with a man and be comfortable with myself as a person. I have never been so hurt, antagonized and upset by someone but still wanted them around. It’s all too confusing because the source of my pain is still here and I still want him here. Neither of us had the status we now hold when we first met, we were both regular guys from irregular families that lived in regular towns.
A continuous line of mistake’s and blunders lead me to catch the wrong train that he was on. But now I realise he was my best mistake. I was captivated by his charms and quirks and apparently he was taken by mine. The first few months where the best of my life, because I’d never really experienced love until I was with Jared. Jared was my first love and I don’t want to let him go just yet.
I’m sat here thinking about all the fun we had at first and I can’t help but break down because I’m comparing it to how things are now. We were close in the beginning but now things are unbearable.
I feel slightly bemused because I am sat in a room that claims to be something it isn’t. Our living room is no longer a living room because I feel that I’m wasting my life in this room not living it. In here we either watch TV or argue. Neither is that pleasant. This room is simply a survival room, where we sit in from day to day surviving the arguments and surviving our harrowing lives. All we do is sit here considering all the arguments that we have had, ponder over where our lives are heading and whether or not we should still be together.
He came in and sat down in the armchair across the room and gives me a look. One look, one look and he can make me angrier than the aggressive flame, one look can make me happier than a first-time father and one look can make me know it’s all worthwhile. That look made me consider not having a future with him.
“What?” He says with frustration evident in his voice. His features, tone and movement tell me that he is unhappy but he’s yet to allow himself to tell me why. Even though I am the reason for his unhappiness I still need him to say it but he’s not brave enough. I’ve known that he has been unhappy for a while and I’m pretty sure it’s because of these arguments and the way everything is turning.
“Nothing, nothing’s wrong, Except for the fact that you don’t seem to want to talk to me anymore. The fact of the matter is we don’t talk anymore and you won’t even look at me without disgust in your eyes” I reply with bitterness.
“Listen” He starts “You have no idea what goes on in my head or what is up with me right now.” His voice is becoming louder and the way he speaks becomes more heated. “You don’t even seem to realise that I need some space. I need to be on my own to think sometimes and I don’t need you giving me grief all the time. Day and night” By now he’s shouting at me “The truth is I’m sick of these arguments but they start all the time”
“It’s not my fault. You don’t open up, you won’t talk to me” I answer sheepishly. He calmed down after this and turned to me with a sad and pitiful look in his eyes.
“Gerard, I need to tell you something. It’s important and I’m really sorry.” He says while standing and crossing the room to sit next to me. Here it comes, the end.