FicWad

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to these characters (yet I find that fact [not] reason enough to veer myself from using them for my own intentions). Sue me and I'll sell all that I own so that you will get nothing from me (as I've gained nothing by writing this tale)



'This is the first and last time I bring a dude to my bed'

I said those words to Hakkai, three years ago. Only two of those words cause me to be a liar, today: I'll leave it up to you to figure out which two words it is that I'm talking about.

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'I've been thinking' Sha Gojyo watched the smoke lazily drift toward the ceiling.

'Oh?'

'Yeah' he paused, taking another deep drag of his Hi-Lite, 'I'm going to seduce Sanzo' he finished, bluntly.

The redhead was suddenly sprayed with droplets of the tea that Hakkai had been about to swallow. Gojyo ran a hand over his face and brushed at his shirt while waiting on the brunette to finish his choking spell.

'W-wh-what?' Hakkai finally managed, dabbing at his own clothes with a cloth napkin.

'You think that's a bad idea?'

Gojyo leaned forward in his chair and fixed Hakkai with a frown. The brunette fidgeted beneath his best friend's scrutiny. How could he put this delicately, yet plainly enough for (even) Gojyo to understand?

'Well' Hakkai's hand went to his neck, fingers tugging at his earlobe, 'Since when, Gojyo, did you acquire a death-wish?'

The redhead grinned wickedly, puzzling Hakkai, in the process.

'You don't think I can do it, do you?'

'Well' Hakkai repeated, his cheeks tinting, slightly, 'It's not a matter of if you can do it, Gojyo-'

'Then what's the problem?'

Hakkai's healthy eye bugged before he caught himself 'Gojyo! It's /Sanzo/!'

Gojyo's shameless grin spread 'And like I said, /what's the problem/?'

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Don't get me wrong; I'm not as stupid as most people think I am. I knew that seducing Sanzo wasn't going to be easy (not to mention that I would be in for dodging more bullets than normal). It was a risk that I was willing to take.
Since the night that I had used him (in a roundabout way) as a human lighter, my attraction for that prissy monk had shifted into out.right lust. Blame it on my perverted imagination, if you want; I had seen the look in his eyes as he checked me out, that night. He wanted the long-legged and hot Sha Gojyo. However, Sanzo being Sanzo, I knew that he wasn't going to make a move. No, that would be up to me.
So I gave it some thought and decided to test the waters gently, so to speak.

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'Gojyo, do you think you should be going without a shirt?'

Hakkai gave a meaningful glance up, where the noon.day sun blazed [without] commiseration.
Gojyo's stare darted from Sanzo, who had (at Hakkai's question) turned his head (ever so slightly) to look at the half-breed.

'Ch'

Before Gojyo had the chance to reply, Goku bolted upright and began to strip himself of all his clothing, save for his jeans.

'I think Gojyo has the right idea! It's hot and nobody's around; let's all take off our clothes!'

Veins popping, Sanzo whipped around, his fan striking heads and (now) bared flesh, 'Idiots! Put your clothes back on before I really lose my temper! What are you smirking at, you perverted kappa? Shirt. On. /Now/!'

'Fuck, Sanzo! That stings, you asshole!'

Hakkai struggled to hold back his laughter, nearly biting his tongue off, in the process.

I think, Gojyo, that you might, now, see what the problem is.

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'Borrow your lighter?' Gojyo chucked his (own) emptied, therefore /useless/, lighter over his shoulder.

Next to him, Goku snored and kicked his, Gojyo's, stomach. The redhead pushed the boy's foot from his lap and leaned forward, arm pressed into Sanzo's shoulder as he held his hand open and waiting.

'No'

Gojyo's mouth dropped, 'Wha? Why the hell not, you stingy-assed priest?(!)'

'Don't play any more stupid than what you already are. I know what you did'

Gojyo had the decency to blush and because of that, he was happy that Sanzo was facing forward.

Although I'm beginning to suspect he has eyes in the back of his fucking head.

'I don't know what you're talking about' the kappa lied.

'Ch'

'Sanzo, please. I need nicotine more than I need to get laid' a half-lie.

'Spare me your perversion'

'You'd enjoy my perversion- Ouch!' Gojyo soothed his hand over his bruised head, 'I'd really love to shove that fan- 'k, 'k!' keeping an eye on the revolver [within] Sanzo's grasp, Gojyo fell back into his seat with a huff.

He avoided looking at the blonde until he heard the leather creak when Sanzo turned away from him.
For several long moments, the night was only broken by the sounds of Goku's snoring and Gojyo's heavy sighs. It was after the redhead gave a particularly drawn out and dramatically sorrowful exhale that Sanzo's low voice joined the chorus.

'Stop doing that'

'What? Breathing? Damn, for a monk, you sure don't have any compassion'

Sanzo whirled around, 'Are you trying to pick a fight?'

'Sorry, your Majesty, I tend to get a little irritable when I don't have any nicotine in my system!'

Sanzo blew a heavy stream of second.hand smoke into Gojyo's face, 'I'd suggest inhaling before the wind carries it away'

Gojyo's expression turned furious, 'Why you royal pain in my ass!'

'Don't deceive yourself with thinking I'd be anything in your ass'

'Ga-a-!' Gojyo stood so quickly that Goku tumbled to the Jeep's floor ('Pot stickers!') and Sanzo pulled back to avoid having his face crammed full of the half.breed's crotch.

Gojyo jumped over the vehicle and stalked around to the other side of the Jeep and shoved his hand under Sanzo's robe.
The monk was completely stunned into lack of response until Gojyo's long fingers brushed the inside of his thigh. The polished steel of his banishing gun was pressed into the half-demon's skull in the time it takes for one to blink.

'What the fuck do you think you are doing?'

'Looking for your lighter. What did you think I was doing?'

'You've got one second to take your hand from off my body before I blow it off'

'Oh fu-u-uck!' Gojyo groaned.

Does he honestly expect me to not say anything perverted, after he makes a statement like that?

Sanzo's eyebrows came together and a dangerous glitter passed over the purple orbs.

'Gojyo. Do you want to die that badly?'

Obviously, he does. Time for Plan B.

Sanzo frowned when Gojyo's head suddenly dropped to his thigh and the kappa let out a low moan, 'Please. Is that what you want, Sanzo-/sama/? To hear me beg? I'm begging; pleasepleaseplease/ple-e-e-ease/ give me a light!'

'Oh for fuck's sake, you damn kappa!' Sanzo's pushed Gojyo roughly away from him and reached a hand deep into the folds of his robe.

He brought out his lighter, stroked his thumb over the flint wheel and held the flame so close to Gojyo's face that the kappa felt sure his eyebrows were nigh being singed.
Gojyo worked quickly to retrieve one of his smokes, before Sanzo changed his mind.

'Ch' Sanzo fixed Gojyo with an irritated expression when the redhead dropped his cigarette, in his haste.

'Gojyo, I'm going to withdraw my generosity if you don't fucking hurry'

Gojyo quit with the brushing away of the dirt (from the filter) and snatched Sanzo's extracting hand, covering it with his own. He held the priest's arm steady as he leaned into the flame, inhaling deeply to set fire to his cigarette.
Sending smoke curling into the sky, Gojyo leaned his head back and let out a contented sigh.

'Gojyo'

'Mm?' he took another deep drag.

'Let go of my hand'

'Eh?'

Gojyo's chin came down and his scarlet gaze fixed on Sanzo's tight expression.

'Does it make you feel uncomfortable, holding hands with another man?'

'Asshole!' Sanzo jerked his arm back and brought the (suddenly gained) fan down hard, against Gojyo's head.

This time, the kappa only chuckled at the attack and calmly walked back around the Jeep. He climbed in, pushed Goku's legs away and took his seat.

Sanzo had only begun to relax his stiff posture when Gojyo commented, under his breath.

'I think you liked me holding your hand'

'Urasai!'

Whack!

Hakkai allowed himself a tiny smile, knowing that it wouldn't be noticed by any, his three companions.

Oh Gojyo. I hope that you know what you're doing!

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I know that it seems that I'm doing nothing out of the ordinary (and it certainly doesn't sound like I'm seducing Sanzo. First, you've got to remember that this is Sanzo I'm dealing with and second, you've got to remember that this is Sanzo I'm dealing with. Got a clue, now?
Trust me, it gets better.