Categories > Original > Erotica > a young bothers love
chapter one
5 reviewsgerard loves his brother. but is this love more than it should be? ... enjoy i hope you like it. please comment.
-1Illiterate
Reviews
a young bothers love
(#) Lady_Sirius 2007-06-25
First, I have to question why this story is in the erotica section, as there is nothing erotic about it - and there should be some indication of it if this is an opening chapter.
Secondly, you could definitely benefit from having someone beta your work, because your grammar and punctuation are atrocious, not that your basic ideas might not be sound, but they are too difficult to read, they are rather incoherent.
And I did not expect to find a g rated story in Erotica, either - what's up with that?Author's response
ok. umm. i'm sorry you didnt like it. if that is what your trying to say. you see when i'm writing i type a thousand miles an hour. cos i have so many frikin ideas i wanna fit in. so sorry for the 'atrocious grammar and punctuation'. secondly, at the time when i put the story into the erotica section i had a mild idea of what was going to happen in the future of the story. thank you very much! seriously if you didnt like it. you didnt have to be that critical. we all make mistakes. so please if you dont like it, yes you can say so, i have no objections to that, but dont be a bitch about it. i would still love it if you continue to read my stories, i welcome all readers. and i will work on my grammar and punctuation. thanks for the review. XoxO Lost_Souls_Cry_To_Me!
a young bothers love
(#) lornabee19 2007-07-05
Hey,Im not going to b quite as harsh as the last commenter. BUT. You could put this in the My Chemical Romance fan section with the same rating.
Just letting you know if you didn't already.
Bye xAuthor's response
hey thanks. yer i only just realised. see im new to this site. so i dont know all the features. if you could give me some more tips that would be great. did you like the story(s) or was this review just to let me know?
anyway thanks. bye bye keep reading!!a young bothers love
(#) x__Doctor-Freak__x 2007-11-04
Hey .. I Know What You Mean About Typing A Thousand Miles An Hour .. If You Tyoe In Microsoft Word And Look Over It After You've finished Writing It Should Improve The Quality Of The Grammar and Punctuation. Not A Bad Story, I Quite Like The Waycest Genre That's Been Created.a young bothers love
(#) KayJay 2009-11-05
I have a few suggestions for you. One of which is to get a beta. This needs some serious polishing and to be quite honest with you, it sounds like you aren't even grasping the situation that you're trying to create - almost like it's over your head.
Another is that this belongs in the My Chemical Romance section, not the erotica section.
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