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I hadn't gotten much sleep at all since that terrifying dream only four days ago.

Frank got into the habit of taking me along to band practice with hi to keep me from freaking out at home.

Everywhere I turned it seemed like someone was there, staring at me. It was always the same person and it always was when I was alone.

Pete.

I called Jodee numerous times to ask her if Pete was ok. Better yet, still alive. But the answer was always yes. Lst time I called he had actually been sitting right next to Jodee, watching cartoons and putting his arm around Ashlee, who had just gotten back from getting a nose job and looked, as Jodee liked to describe it, like how if Joe and Andy decided to have a baby with birth defects.

Ugh. Nasty.

She handed him the phone but as soon as I heard his voice on the other line filter through I hung up before the horrid dream came back.

AS days wore on the bags under my eyes got bigger and bigger. My Chemical Romance got signed to a label and was being shipped off to Chicago, IL.

Great.

Frank of course told me I had to come along and so I found myself , sitting in a smelly van with five guys, a tour manager, and Brian, their manager in general, squeezed in betwwen Ray, eating his afro as it bobbed in the wind, and Frank who offered me a smoke which I declined because a) I hate smoking and people who smoke next to me and b) I was afraid I'd light Ray's thing for hair on fire.

"Gerard turned around and quit staring at me." I snapped. Gerard's eyes locked mine and he smirked.

"Well, someone woke on the wrong side of the bed didn't they?" he teased.

I snorted.

"What do you mean 'woke up'? I haven't slept since May 26." I stated. "I feel like shit and I don't need your eyes undressing me."

Gerard smiled.

"Hmmmm...you're right I've got hands. I could just undress you with those."

I opened my mouth to retort but Gerard's eyes captured mine and I completely lost my breath. I could hear my thoughts cheesily whisper to him,

'Hey give that back.'

My imaginary Gerard raised his eyebrows at me and murmured, 'What?'

'My breath.'

Then Frank lit a cigarette and blew the smoke toward the window. Past me. I coulghed and hacked and broke eye contact to cover my nose with my hands and not inhale second-hand smoke.

"Frank, could ou not smoke next to me please? I'm sorry but I can't breathe."

Frank looked at me, the cigerette dangling between his lips. We stared at each other for a moment when he smiled graceously at me.

"Of course, Dra." He whispered, then he took the cigarette from his lips an dplaced a kiss on my lips. After that he unbuckled his seatbelt and moved up beside Gerard.

Gerard raised his eyebrows at me and then turned around and rested his head on Frank's shoulder. "Franky, I missed you! I love you!" he exclaimed. He looked back at me and winked.

Why that no good, dirty, man-whore!!

I looked around to try and find something to throw at his head. I could steal Ray's GameBoy...no, he'd kill me. Matt's got drumsticks!!!

I reached back and stole one of Matt's drumsticks and, as hard as I could, I chucked it at Gerard's greasy, stupid, beautiful head.

Wait, what?

Gerard let out a wail upon impact and whipped around to look at the seats behind him.

"Who threw that?" he hissed.

Everybody looked up from what they were doing, (except of course Frank) and looked at each other, then they all pointed in my direction.

"Thanks guys. I love you too." I whispered shrinking lower in my seat.

Gerard bent over and picked up the drumstick. He looked at it and then at me "You threw a drumstick at me?" He asked.

"Ye-" I started but just as I started Gerard threw it back at me. It was a little too far left and I dodged it easily so the drumstick hit Ray in the afroed head. He looked up at the feel of a drumstick falling into his lap*.

"Ok, Kendra, Gerard you're going to stop now. Kendra, go sit by Brian and Matt, give Matt his drmstick. Gerard, turn around and be quiet." Ray said. he sounded like my mom, but I obeyed anyways and unbuckled my seatbelt and sat beside Brian. Leaning over him I handed Matt his drumstick.

"Thanks it helped a lot." I said.

"Go to Hell, Kendra!" Gerard cried but remained faced forward.

"I already am, Gerard!" I called back. Gerard stayed quiet but Frank murmured a,

"Be nice guys."

Like I wanted to be nice. I leaned my head against the seat wishing I could go to sleep, but everytime I closed my eyes the image of my dream with the knife standing in my chest came back.

I had to stay awake.

Yet, I found myself drifting off to sleep anyways, the seat was jumping with the car as it bumped along pot holes so, without asking, I turned over and leaned on Brian's shoulder. He didn't seem to mind.

I closed my eyes in fear of the memory of a dream I didn't want but that didn't happen. In fact when I closed my eyes it was just dark with the extent of the sunlight filtering through I slowly drifted off into sleep.

What felt like a second later I woke up. It was night time. The stars were glittering gliently** in the sky. I looked around. Mikey was driving. Frank was beside him, his head thrown back, snoring softly. Brian shifted slightly in sleep and moved closer to Matt who had curled himself into a ball at the corner. Gerard was bent over something. While I had been asleep he had moved to the third row. The row before me.

I leaned forward slightly and watched him draw. He seemed to be in a trance-like state. His pencisl skimmed over the paper forming a forehead, mouth, eyes, I let out an unaudible gasp, it was me, fast asleep. It looked so beautiful. Not because I mean not to be vain or anything.

"That's a beautiful drawing. I murmured.

Gerard folded up the book and dropped it on the floor. He looked up. "Kendra."

"Was-was that me?" I asked.

Gerard looked down to the floor where his drawing book lay. It stared up at us, mocking us, for being so mean to each other . He sighed and nodded.

"The light was perfect." He muttered, "I had to draw it."

Mikey nodded to the music coming from the radio that was turned down so low that only Mikey could hear. Frank let out a loud snort from beside him and then turned toward the window, his face pressed against it.

I gazed at Gerard's white face. He avoided my gaze and looked out of the window. "So what's plauging your dreams?" he finally whispered.

I looked up at him confusedly.

"How did you know?" I murmured.

He shrugged. "You don't get mch sleep. You can't seem to look at Frank the same way yo did the first time I met you. You don't seem to want to get close to anyone hense the drumstick throwing. Obviously you're plagued by some freaky image. Besides you were tossing and turning when you were asleep. Nearly kicked Brian in the balls*."

I scratched a bug bite nervously.

"It's someone I think I still love." I whispered.

Gerard turned his head quickly to look at me. "So you still love some guy while dating Frank?"

I fumbled for words for a moment and then jsut as I was about to tell him that I loved Frank, Mikey called, "Welcome to Chicago."

Oh, we meet again Illinois.

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Woot!!!!!

*= because he couldn't feel it when it hit his HEAD!!!

**= I love that word even though I don't know what it means...

*= ok this cliff note or what ever it's called has two in one. I just added this cause I felt I had to it wasn't in my little book of Kendra-ness, secondly, Gerard says balls funny.

KK. Love you guys!!! Keep reading and responding!