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“So, me and Patrick are off to Baby and Me class,” Pete announced.

Andy and Joe barely looked up. Andy was preoccupied with devouring a bowl of carrots and reading the comics in the newspaper while Joe was on the floor playing with his new Transformer.

Patrick waddled into the room. “Pete, get the door. That must be Dirty.”

Andy perked up. “Dirty? What’s he doing here?”

“You two are going to practice being Godfathers by babysitting Dilyn,” Pete quickly explained, opening the door for his roadie.

Dirty came in carrying his son. Pete took Dilyn and quickly passed him off to Andy.

Andy took the baby boy, looked at him, then looked back at Pete, confusion written on his face.

Patrick squatted the best he could so he was eyelevel with Dilyn, he put his hand gently on Dilyn’s head. “Their favorite video’s in the VCR. All you have to do is press play and they’ll fall right asleep.”

“We get to watch the Empire Sthtrikesth Back tonight?” Joe exclaimed.

Dirty looked worried as he followed Pete and Patrick to Pete’s car. Pete helped Patrick into the passenger seat before turning to Dirty. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave Dilyn alone with those two?” Dirty asked.

“Pft,” Pete said, shrugging off Dirty’s concern. “I totally trust Andy. Besides, Joe can, like, amuse himself.”

Dirty scratched his head. “I guess you’re right. Give me a call when your class is done. I’ll be at the bar.”

Pete waved in response and jumped in the driver’s seat. He easily snapped his seatbelt on, turned the car on and noticed Patrick was having trouble getting his seat belt on
over his growing baby bump. Pete smiled at him proudly and helped.

“Uh, I feel like a cow,” Patrick groaned as Pete put the car in drive and pulled out of the driveway.

“Well, you look beautiful,” Pete replied.
“And that’s all that matters.”

Patrick blushed, then quickly changed the subject. “You think Joe and Andy’ll be alright with Dilyn?”

“Pft,” Pete said, “Dilyn’ll keep an eye on them.”

Patrick rolled his eyes.

Joe and Andy stood in the middle of the living room, Andy holding Dilyn like and a football and Joe staring at him.

“What are we sthupposthed to do with it?” Joe accired.

“Uh,” Andy replied, studying the baby as Dilyn gurgled and tried to grab his glasses,
“I think we need to feed it or something.”

“Hey Little Dude. You hungry?” Joe asked before Dilyn started bawling. Joe jumped back. “Argh! I broke it!”

“No no! Shh! It’s okay!” Andy hushed, quickly bouncing Dilyn around which just made him cry louder. “Maybe he needs his diaper changed.”

“What makesth you say that, Andrew?” Joe replied.

“Because his diaper just exploded,” Andy said with a gag. He pushed Dilyn to Joe. “You take it.”

Joe pushed him back. “No! It’sth againstht my religion!”

“Nowhere in the Torah does it say anything about not changing diapers!”

“Yesth it doesth!”

Andy rolled his eyes. “Then we’ll just have to do it together. Hm?”

Minutes later, Dilyn was laying on the floor with Andy and Joe looking down at him. Andy had his drumsticks ready to use as makeshift tongs and Joe had a bandana tied around his nose and mouth.

“I’ll entertain the kid while you change him,” Andy suggested.

“Hey! That’sth not fair!” Joe whined.

“Life’s not fair, Joe,” Andy replied.

Joe pouted, but took Andy’s drumsticks and carefully opened up Dilyn’s diaper. “God kid! You wouldn’t be stho sthmall if you didn’t poop stho much.”

“Joe!” Andy scolded. “He’s a baby. He can’t help it.”

“But that crap’sth almostht asth big asth he isth!”

“Well, clean it up, wrap it up and throw it out!”

Joe, clearly not happy with this suggestion, grabbed the poopy diaper and headed outside to throw it away.

Andy put a clean diaper on Dilyn. “Look at that! It stays on and everything!” he exclaimed, picking Dilan up and bouncing him to test the durability of his diaper skills.

“You’re going to make a good Mom sthomeday, Andrew,” Joe pointed out making Andy jump.

Andy gave Joe an annoyed glare. “And you shouldn’t be allowed to have kids.”

Joe turned up his nose, “I’ll sthettle for ‘fun uncle’.”

Meanwhile, Patrick and Pete were sitting in the Mommy and Me class at the YMCA which was actually just a glorified expectant mother’s yoga class.

Patrick was trying to get into it, but couldn’t. He leaned over to Pete who was in a mode of stereotypical meditation. “Pete, I don’t think this is working. I’m not relaxed at all, I’m just getting pissed because I’m so fucking top heavy…”

“Patrick, dude. Drop in, tune in, drop out. It’s all in the mind.”

“Are you on something?” Patrick asked worriedly.

Pete furrowed his eyebrows. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say when you’re yogaing?”

“Yeah… if you’re on acid!”

Pete rolled his eyes. “If I was on acid I’d be running around yelling that the elevator’s on fire.”

“Excuse me, but you two are disrupting class,” the instructor said.

“Sorry,” Pete and Patrick muttered.

“Now take a deep, cleansing breath…” the instructor continued.

“Pete,” Patrick said looking around.

“What do you want, Fatty Patty? I’m cleansing.”

“Pete, everyone’s staring at us.”

“Of course people are going to look, Patrick,” Pete explained, putting his hands on his hips. “It’s not everyday you see a glowing mother-to-be with a penis and a father-to-be who looks so god damn good.”

“No, I think it’s because I’m supposed to be the one who’s cleansing and you’re supposed to be helping me keep my balance, not the other way around.”

Pete looked around, Patrick’s hands were tightly holding onto Pete’s waist so he wouldn’t fall over. “Oh yeah,” they quickly traded places.

“Patrick,” Pete whispered wrapping his arms around Patrick’s waist the best he could.

Patrick closed his eyes, trying to relax. “Hm,” he grunted.

“I love you,” he said sing-songingly. “Hey, do you want to blow his joint and have sex in the bathroom?”

Patrick put his hand over his face.