FicWad

I pray for a heart that will save my own...



Every night for as long as I can remember, through desperation I would lie in bed and repeat those words over and over again.



My life was a living hell that I couldn't get myself out of. Not only did I need someone to help me - to save me -but I needed someone to spend the rest of my life with. I couldn't stand being alone.



Alright, you could say I wasn't really alone; I had Mikey, who I loved to death, and a few friends, but I needed someone special, someone that really understood me. Someone I could share everything with and go on until the end of time with. I needed, if you will, to find my soul mate.



Corny, isn't it?



It may seem that way, but it's the truth. The awful truth...



I was depressed. I didn't understand life or its meaning. I didn't know where I was going or what would become of me. In my frustration I ran to an unlikely friend - alcohol. That new acquaintance introduced me to another bad habit - drugs.



For a long time, if I wasn't drunk or drugged, I was asleep. It was all I would do. Knowing that I was an alcoholic and drug addict only made my depression worse, and so I drank and drugged myself even more. It seemed like a never-ending circle...



It seemed like the end of my very fucking life.



God knows Mikey tried to help me, but he couldn't. Only one person in the world could. I feel ashamed now for what I made Mikey - poor Mikey - go through... he didn't deserve a fucked-up brother like me.



My life was fucked up. Really. I was in a deep black pit that only got deeper. I could look up and all I would see is more darkness. So I kept looking down and digging a deeper pit. Digging and digging.



I would lie and bed and think about what would happen to me when I got older - if I didn't die of an overdose first. I wondered who I would turn into, who I would meet, and most of all, who I would end up with, if I ended up with someone...



I prayed I wouldn't end up alone.



How sad it would be to walk through life alone! How terrible, how tragic to walk a lonely road until the day you leave this world. Is there anything worse?



As I look back a few years now, it strikes me as amazing how drastically a life can change. How one moment, one look, one person could affect another being so much as to change their life forever... as you have done to mine.



Because of you, I got out of the deepest pit the world had ever seen. You helped me the way only you could. You made me see that true love really exists in a time that I thought I would take my life away before spending the rest of it alone and miserable.



Because of you... I'm alive.



How lucky I was to have found you! I thank the stars every day that I wake up and see you sleeping next to me with that angelic look on your face. You, with your beautiful hazel eyes that are the windows to your soul; the eyes that turn dark when you are angry, that seem to swirl when you tease me, and get bright when you smile. With your brown bangs hanging over your face, you look up at me with puppy eyes when you think you've done something that will displease me... you don't seem to understand that nothing you could do could stop me coming home.



You are the reason I breathe, the reason I live. Without you, I wouldn't exist.



You saved me from my own self-destruction, and for that I am ever thankful.



Remember this... I love you now and forever and more so every day. I mean this more than words could ever say... I hope to be lucky enough to spend the rest of my days with you.



My savior... never had I imagined that I would be fortunate enough to have someone like you. Not in my wildest dreams...



Frankie... I prayed for a heart that would save my own... and I found you.