FicWad

“Gerard” My voice was shaking, “Look at me.”
He turned his head away from me. I reached over but he cringed from my touch. I didn’t know what to do. I knelt down in front of him. Gently I touched his face. “Please baby, look at me.” I whispered.
Slowly he turned to me. Oh shit, his eyes were looking at me but I knew they weren’t really seeing me. “Gerard, what did you take?”
He shook his head slowly, “I didn’t. Laura, I didn’t, I promise.”
He sounded so sincere I didn’t know what to believe. His eyes weren’t focusing and his speech was slow. “Honey, we have to get you back to the bus.”
He just stared as if he was trying to understand the words. I pulled out my cell and called Bob. I needed someone to help me get him back to the bus without others seeing him in this condition. I wasn’t sure why but I trusted Bob. I quickly explained to him that I needed his help and begged him not to say anything to anyone. I could tell he was confused but he asked no questions. He simply told me he would get to us as soon as he could. I closed the phone and my eyes. Shit, this couldn’t be happening.
“Gerard, Bob is gonna help me get you back to the bus. You understand what I’m saying, right?”
He nodded. “Laura, I saw her. I really saw her. She was standing right over there.” He pointed to an empty bank of seats. His hand was shaking. I reached out and lowered his arm.
“Baby, you know you didn’t really see her.” I got up and sat in the seat next to his. “It wasn’t her, Gerard.”
He shook his head. “It was Merri.,” he said loudly.
Crap, there were people milling around the stage and I sure as shit didn’t want any of them to hear him. I tried to quiet him. “Okay, it’s okay.” I held his hand tightly in mine.
“You don’t believe me” his tone was getting more agitated. “I fuckin’ saw her.”
“Gerard calm down.” I whispered.
“Don’t tell me to fuckin’ calm down.” He stated to stand and I jumped to my feet. I had to keep him here until Bob arrived.
“I’m getting’ the fuck out of here.” He pushed me suddenly and I fell back against the rail that surrounded the box.
“Hey, Gee” I heard Bob’s voice behind me. “What’s up dude?”
“She don’t fuckin’ believe me.” He said swaying slightly.
I looked at Bob with tears beginning to blur my sight. “We have to get him back to the bus without anyone seeing him.” My voice was pleading.
I could tell Bob was confused but he understood the urgency in my words. “Hey, dude lets go back to the bus, okay?”
Gerard tried to focus on Bob’s face. “Don’t fuckin’ wanna go back to the bus. Don’t fuckin’ wanna do anything. I’m screwed, it’s all gonna end, ya know? Fuck, it’s over.”
Bob looked at me but I couldn’t explain to him what was going on. Not now, hell maybe not ever. He slapped Gerard on the arm. “Come on man, let’s go.”
Gerard stared at him. Whatever was in his system was really doing a number on him. I straightened up and stood next to him.
“Gerard please lets go.”
He turned to me. “You, don’t fuckin’ believe me you bitch.”
Holy shit I knew how out of it he was to say that to me. I spoke to Bob, “What are we gonna do?”
Bob looked up towards the stage. Thankfully it was empty for the moment. “Find Worm and have him drive the van to the that exit.” He nodded in the direction of the nearest door. “I’ll stay with him.”
“Do we have to involve Worm?’ I asked fighting my fear.
“Worm can be trusted. He’s been with Gee for years.”
I turned and all but ran back to the bus. Luck was on my side when I found Worm eating a sandwich. I quickly explained to him that something was wrong with Gee and what we needed him to do. He never questioned anything I said. He simply stood and told me to follow him. We made it to the exit door within minutes. I jumped out of the van and started for the door. It was pushed open before I could reach it. Out came Bob struggling with the weight of Gerard who appeared to be unconscious. Bob was dragging him next to his side. Worm crossed to him quickly and took Gerard from him. I watched as he threw him over his shoulder. I had the van doors open just as he got to them. He lowered Gerard into the van and I climbed in next to him. Worm got behind the wheel and Bob jumped into the passenger seat.
I scooted on the floor of the van so I could put Gerard’s head in my lap. That’s when I saw the bruise forming on his cheek.
“You hit him?” I cried out.
Worm glanced in the rear view mirror. He and Bob exchanged a look. “I had to Laura he was getting really pissed and loud.”
I gently touched Gerard’s face. Damn it I was crying and I couldn’t stop. We reached the bus and I sat silently as Bob and Worm got him inside and to his bunk.
Slowly I walked up the steps of the bus. Ray was standing a look of utter despair on his face. “What happened?”
Shit, I didn’t know what to say cause I honestly didn’t know.
“Laura, what did he take?”
“I don’t know. I found him sitting out in the arena. He told me he didn’t take anything.”
Worm and Bob walked back towards us. Worm nodded to Ray and left the bus. I got the feeling what he had just done for Gerard he had done before many times. Bob looked at Ray then at me. His voice was soft “Laura, it’s okay. Stay with him. I need to talk to Ray.”
I nodded and moved back to Gerard’s bunk. He was still unconscious. I laid down next to him and pulled him into my arms. A few minutes later Ray appeared.
“I’ll say he can’t make the Meet & Greet cause he’s sick. He’ll make the concert.”
I looked at him in disbelief, “He won’t make the concert.”
Ray looked at me his voice was full of sadness, “He’ll make it, he always does. It’s five hours until the show.”
“But we don’t even know what’s wrong with him.”
“Laura, he took something. He’s wasted.”
I shook my head in denial. “No, he told me he didn’t. He swore to me he didn’t. Something else is wrong with him. Not that.”
“I’m sorry.” Ray said softly. “Stay with him. I’ll keep everyone else away. They’ll understand.
Fuck it I was angry. I didn’t want them all to think he was drugged out. “He didn’t take anything. You gotta believe him. I don’t know what happened but he didn’t.” I was sobbing now.
Ray shook his head. “I’m sorry.” Was all he said as he stepped back.
I hugged Gerard hard. He moved slightly and I looked down into his face. Fuck, this couldn’t be happening. I wouldn’t let this happen to him. I kissed his lips and waited.

Several hours later he stirred and opened his eyes slowly. “Laura?”
“Hey” I smiled at him. “I’ve been wondering when you were gonna open those beautiful eyes.”
He blinked and I almost started crying when I saw how lost he looked, “What happened?’
“I’m not sure.” I told him honestly. “Do you remember anything?”
He shook his head slowly. I could see the movement was causing him pain. “I was headed for the photo shoot.”
“Yeah, that’s right” I said encouragingly.
“I remember stopping and talking to some of the crew. I was thirsty and went over to the catering area to get a Diet Coke.” He closed his eyes a moment. “Then…I walked out onto the stage.”
He stopped and I saw the look of fear fill his eyes. “Oh fuck.”
“It wasn’t her.” I whispered
His eyes met mine. “How do you know?”
I tried to keep my voice steady, “You told me you saw her. I found you sitting out in the arena seating. You told me who you thought you saw.”
He reached out and pulled me to him. “Laura, I saw her. I know I did.” His voice broke.
“Gerard listen to me. I don’t know what happened but I’m not gonna believe for one minute that you took drugs or that you saw a ghost.” Fuck, I was so scared.
“The only other option is that I’m losing my mind.” He said. I felt his body shake. “I’m losing my fucking mind.
I had no more words. I simply held him.

He did make the concert. I sat watching him wondering how he could transform himself into the man who was now on stage. I understood he was on autopilot but the fans did not. They saw the Gerard why had come to see, the man they loved. I watched the man I loved pretending to be that person. When the concert was over he walked up to me.
“Can we get away for a few hours?” He asked me as if I was suddenly in charge.
“Of course we can. The busses aren’t gonna pull out until 2:30. We’ll take one of the vans.” He and I walked out of the arena with the other members of the band watching us. I knew what they were thinking. They believed Gerard had returned to his former ways. I didn’t believe it for a second.
I talked to Worm about taking a van while Gerard showered. He came out, his hair still wet. “You’re gonna catch cold.” I told him. “Why don’t you dry your hair?’
“I just wanna get the fuck out of here.” He said taking my arm. We reached the van when Ray called out. Gerard looked off into the distance never meeting Ray’s eyes.
“What’s up? Where are you two going?”
“Were going for a drive, for some fresh air.” I said linking arms with Gerard.
Ray nodded, “Yeah, fresh air is good.”
Gerard continued to look away. “See you in a couple of hours.” I said as Gerard and I turned towards the van.
“You driving, Laura?” Ray asked causing Gerard and I to stop. I felt Gerard tense.
“No, I don’t like to drive at night.” I lied. We got into the van and pulled away from the busses. We drove across the parking lot and to the side entrance. Gerard stopped the car “You want to drive?”
“No thank you.” I answered reaching out and touching his cheek.
“He fucking thinks I’m gonna wreck the van.” Gerard said angrily. “He thinks I shouldn’t be driving cause I’m still wasted.”
I wanted to get away from this place. “Let go,” I said softly. He looked at me for a brief moment then put the car in gear. Neither of us spoke for several minutes. I was surprised when he turned into the parking lot of a fast food place. He parked at the back of the lot and shut off the engine.
“Laura, do you believe me?” He turned in his seat to face me.
“About?”
He frowned, “What?”
“Do I believe you about? About what, Gerard?”
“Fuck Laura. Don’t do this to me. I can’t take your random crap right now. I have to know what you think?”
I leaned across and kissed him hard. My tongue forced it’s way into this mouth. Slowly I felt his body lose some of its tension. I pulled back from him. “I’m not being random. Do I believe you when you said you didn’t take drugs? Yes, I believe you. Do I believe you when you said you saw Merri? No, I don’t believe you saw a ghost.”
He pulled away from me. “Then I’ve fucking lost my mind.”
“No, I refuse to believe that. There is an explanation for what happened today. We just have to find it.”
“Would you stop being such a fucking optimist? How the hell can you believe there is some fucking explanation?”
I let his anger roll off me. “I can believe that because I believe in you.” I said locking eyes with him.
He looked away, “I don’t want to take you down into this fucking madness with me.”
“No worries. That’s not gonna happen.”
He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Laura, I’m scared.”
“Me too” I admitted, “Until I’m with you.”
He sat up and pulled me into his arms. “Without you I would disappear.” He whispered into my ear.
I kissed his neck, “I won’t let that happen, ever.” There were so many unanswered questions I couldn’t begin to think straight. The only thing I knew was that I had to find the answers. I would never let him disappear.