FicWad

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Ok this fic is based on a conversation I actually had with my 7 year old brother who had his first experience with bullies when he started Junior school in September.
Although for most of you this fic is just something you’ll read, think about for 2 seconds then forget for some people it really isn’t that easy.
If you are being bullied, at school or home or where ever, please don’t blame yourself. It really is not your fault. Don’t loose yourself to it. Find something; music, writing, anything, and drown it all out.
It’s hard I know but hold on and try to talk to somebody about it. You’d be surprised at who’s been bullied and who understands.
Together we will change the world.
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Gerard’s POV
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“Mikey? Mikey can I come in?”
“Go away Gerard.” He sniffles back from the other side of his bedroom door. He emphasises the point by throwing something hard at the door itself. I flinch at the dull thud it makes. I hate seeing him like this. Why can’t he see that our hearts are breaking for him too?
“I’m coming in. Please don’t throw anything. I don’t want a concussion.” I open the door slowly and make my way over to the side of my younger brother’s bed. I settle myself down slowly. Taking the time to pull the batman covers over him properly first.

“Did mum send you up?”
“No.” I object. “I just wanted to make sure my little brother was ok. I’m allowed to do that aren’t I?”
“What do you care?” He huffs. “You’re just like them.”
“Don’t say that Mikey. Please never say that again.” I plead around the thick lump in my throat.
“You laughed. I saw you laughing. I heard you.” I close my eyes tight and turn my head away from his shaking back as sobs rack his body.
“I didn’t mean it… I didn’t know it was you…”
“So it’s Ok to laugh then? As long as it isn’t your brother?”
“Mikey that’s not what I meant…”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was just hurt that’s all. I’m just being over sensitive.”
“No you’re not. Don’t take the blame for this too. None of this is your fault Mikey.”
“Then why does it feel like it?” He sighs. “If I could just fit in more, just be better, be more like them then it would all be Ok.”

I stay silent. Unsure of how to answer him. I’d never fit in before at school but I hadn’t been bullied either. I didn’t come home sporting bloody noses and cracked lips on a regular occasion. I was never chased home. I was never shut in lockers, pushed into bushes, shouted at for being a ‘freak’. And I could understand why he may think it’s his fault because he doesn’t fit in and at times I did feel like life would be so much easier if I’d tried harder to be one of the popular kids instead of being myself.

“Mikey?” I whisper quietly in case he’d managed to fall asleep.
“What is it Gerard?” He asks impatiently. Still not believing that I cared about him. Just thinking I was here to ridicule him. I bet he hates me for laughing. I hate me for laughing.
“I love you Mikes. You know that right?”
“Of course you love me, I’m your brother. I love you too. I just don’t like you.”
“Mikey…”
“Don’t Gerard, just don’t. You don’t understand. You act like you do. Like you can put yourself in my shoes just because you were invisible at school. What you don’t understand is that I would give everything, absolutely everything to be invisible for just one day. One day of not getting paper thrown at my head. Of not getting in trouble for things that I haven’t done but that they’ve pinned on me. Of not being shouted at and ridiculed. Don’t try and tell me that it’s Ok because I’m a better person than them because I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like a person. So how can I be a better one? When I’m not even a person to begin with.”
“Oh Mikey.” I murmur and scoop him up into my arms. He cries gently into my t-shirt as I hold onto him for dear life. Fearful that he was going to slip away from me any second now. “I want my brother back. I’ll kill them all, just so I can have my brother back.” I vow. “Please please just come back to me Mikey. You’re my little brother. I need you. We all do. Please stop slipping away from us.” I beg and join his tears. How could anyone ever hurt him? He’s just a kid. The nicest person in this damn town. Now he’s just a shell.

“Mikey?”
“Yeah Gerard?” He asks, looking over the side of his bed. I’d pulled all my bedding into his room and set up camp on his bedroom floor. It was like old times when we’d sneak into each others rooms and stay up late reading comic books by torch light.
“Don’t worry about them yeah?”
“It’s easier said than done.”
“I know, but like in the long run.”
“What do you mean?” He asks sounding confused. Hell I wasn’t even sure what I was talking about any more.
“They rule the school now Mikey but kids like us? We’re going to rule the world.” I promise. “We’ll be making a difference while they’re selling soggy burgers out of a van.”
“Every one says that.”
“Yeah well everyone else is bull shitting but I mean it. I’ll make sure we get somewhere in life. I’ll carry you on my back to the edge of the world just so you can spit in fate's eye if it makes you happy.”
“Will you teach me guitar?”
“What you gunna kill it with the power of rock?”
“No.” He laughs. It’s good to see him smiling again. “I want to play guitar. We could be in a band, go places, sleep with all the hot shots hot girl friends. Get cheered on by the people who used to throw food over us.”
“They used to call us names, now they want our autographs.” I smile at him. “That would be awesome Mikes.”
“So you in?”
“Yeah I’m in.” I promise. “We’ll get somewhere Mikey. We’ll leave them all behind in a field of dust.”