Categories > Celebrities > Linkin Park > My number 1 fan
When the police had been. And we had given our statements. Anna said I could take a shower. I know it sounds stupid after the fuss I had kicked up to take one. But I kept trying to put it off. But what you need to understand at the moment I was afraid of my own shadow.
“Its ok the doors are locked. And there’s no way for him to get in”
Anna told me. I thinks she understood how scared I was.
“I know he cant. But I just cant get it out of my mind. I’m just so scared that if I’m alone he will get me again.”
“Do you want me to sit outside the door. While you shower?”
Chester asked me. I guess he knew how safe he made me feel.
“Yes please if you don’t mind. I know I am being irrational. But I just feel so scared right now.”
Anna went to the bedroom to get me some fresh towels. And something clean to wear. While I finished my drink. It was my third since I had arrived. And I was starting to feel a bit sleepy.
“There’s clean towels and clothes in there. You take as long as you want. She said as she walked back into the living room.
I couldn’t help but keep looking around as I walked to the bathroom. I knew I was safe Chester was right beside me.
“You wont leave me will you?”
I asked Chester as I walked into the bathroom.
“No I wont leave you. I will be sitting right here.”
He said showing me a spot on the floor right next to the door. I walked into the bathroom. And immediately checked the windows where locked. I had never been a person that was scared to be alone before. But now I was terrified, even with Chester on the other side of the door. I started to run the shower, and once the water was good and hot I climbed in. I couldn’t just enjoy the feel of the water. I just felt so dirty. I grabbed a sponge off the side of the bath and some soap. And started to rub at my skin roughly. But it still wasn’t enough. I still felt so dirty. It didn’t matter how hard I rubbed. I just didn’t feel any cleaner. That’s when I saw the scourers that Anna used to clean the bathroom. On the side of the bath. I picked up a clean one and covered it in soap. Then I started to scrub a t my skin. The harder I scrubbed the cleaner I thought I would feel. But I was wrong. I sank down to the bottom of the bath. And started to cry loudly. The more I cried the harder I scrubbed. I knew I was making myself bleed. The water that was running of me was pink but I didn’t care.
“Are you ok Ella. I heard Chester say.”
But I couldn’t answer him. I was to caught up in my pain.
“Ella, Please Answer me”
But I was in a world of my own. I just knew I had to get clean.
“Anna can you come now. There’s something wrong with Ella. She wont answer me.”
I heard the knock on the door. I heard Anna shouting. But I just couldn’t bring myself to answer her.
“Oh Ella you silly girl. What have you done to yourself.”
I heard Anna say as she took the scourer off me.
“Anna please no. I have to get clean.”
I told her through my sobs. Then the water stopped and she wrapped a towel around me. She helped me to my feet, and out of the tub.
“Come on, lets get you cleaned up.”
She said as she cleaned off all the blood with a sponge. Then she helped me get dry and dressed.
“I know you feel dirty honey. But that wont help.”
And I knew she was right. But it did not change the way I felt about myself. “
“I’m going to go and make you a bed up on the sofa. I think you need to get some rest. Things will look better tomorrow. They always do.”
When she had gone. I just sank to the floor and put my head on my knees and cried. Then there was a knock on the door.
“Ella sweetie, Can I come in?”
“yes Chester come in.”
I said through my sobs. He walked straight over to me and knelt down.
“Hey what’s all this? Why did you do it?”
He asked as he looked at the raw skin on my arms.
“I’m never going to be clean. I’m not a whore like he said I was. But now I feel as dirty as one.”
I said as I cried.
“Ella Its not your fault. You never asked for this.”
He said as he put his arms around me.
“No matter what he said you not a whore. I know your not. You will get over this. And you will be happy again I promise.”
I wished I could believe him.
“Ella I have to be getting home. My wife will be wondering where I am.”
I cried even harder at the thought of him leaving me. I was so scared and only he made me feel safe.
“Chester please don’t go. I’ so scared.”
I cried in to his chest. Where my head was now laying. He helped me to my feet. And walked me through to the living room where Anna and Mike where sat chatting.
“Mike is it ok if I stay over. And use your phone to tell Sam where I am. Ella wants me to stay. I guess It will make her feel safer having two guys in the house.”
“yeah its cool with me. But where will you sleep?”
“The chair is ok with me.”
He said as he settled me onto the sofa and himself into the chair.
“Night guys.”
Anna and Mike said as they turned the lights off.
“Night Ella sleep well honey. Remember I am here if you need me.”
“Night Chester. Thanks.”
It took a while for me to be able to sleep. But I tried to keep myself calm. And stay quiet because Chester was asleep almost as soon as he sat down. I finally drifted in to a restless sleep listening to the sound of Chester breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall. Then the nightmares came.
I was sat alone in my apartment. Just chilling with the guys. We were having a great time drinking and chatting. Then things changed and it was just me and Chester, I know that he’s married. But in my sleep I didn’t care. We where sat on the sofa chatting. Then we where kissing. It was wonderful I felt normal again. His kisses where amazing but he started to push his luck. His hands were all over me. But unlike with Phil I didn’t want him to stop. His lips moved down the side of my neck slowly. As his hands where on my breasts.
“Oh Chester.”
I whispered in his ear. Not wanting him to stop.
“See I knew you would like it. You whore.”
I wanted to scream. I started to struggle but he wouldn’t let me move. Then we where back in the car. And he was no longer Chester. He was Phil again.
“Help me, Help me please. Chester where are you?”
“Ella honey its ok. I’m here.”
Then I woke up. And Chester was knelt down beside me.
“Are you ok honey. You were having one hell of a dream. You were talking and everything.”
Oh shit how much had I said out allowed. Oh god what if I had also been talking during the nice parts of my dream.
“No not really Chaz.”
I was shaking like a leaf. I couldn’t control my whole body. I don’t know if it was fear or excitement. I had enjoyed the dream up until Chester had change into Phil.
“Move up a bit”
I shuffled up the sofa a bit.
“No lay back down.”
He told me. I slid toward the back of the sofa. And laid on my side. He lay down next to me. And put his arms around me.
“Is that better. Do you think you will be able to go back to sleep?”
No way I thought to myself. And my shaking became worse.
“Do you want me to move? Your shaking like a leaf. You know I wouldn’t hurt you don’t you?”
“Yeah I know you wouldn’t. You’re the only person I feel safe with. Thanks for this Chester.”
I told him. As I lent forward and kissed him on the forehead.
“Your welcome. Anything for my number one fan.”
He said as he returned the kiss to my forehead.
“Chester I feel so safe with you. And laying like this with you I don’t feel dirty anymore.”
“Your not dirty. You’re a beautiful women. Who just chose the wrong guy. I could kill him for what he did to you. The way he hurt you. I never could have hurt you.”
He said as he kissed the tip of my swollen nose. Then he kissed all my bruises. His kisses were so gentle.
“Chester”
“oh god I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
He said as he pulled away. I didn’t want him to stop.
“Its ok your kisses where making them feel better.”
I know what I had said was wrong. I knew he was married but I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to take away the dirty feeling I felt. He kissed my swollen cheeks again. Then he kissed my lips. They where split from the repeated punches I had been given earlier and they hurt like hell. But I didn’t want him to stop kissing me. His hands were caressing all the scratches And cuts on my back as he kissed me so tenderly.
“Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?”
He asked me. Like hell I did. I cant explain how much better he was making me feel. I wanted him so badly, It was kind of like if I could have him. It would remove the all the bad things that happened to me tonight.
“No Chester please don’t stop.”
I breathed in his ear. As I ran my hands up and down his back. I tried to remove his shirt. But my muscles hurt to much to raise it high enough. He slipped it over his body and head with ease. His body felt so amazing as I ran my hands over it gently. I just wished I could see it as well. I felt his hands working the buttons on the top that Anna had lent me. And his mouth move to my breasts. Just for a few seconds I felt myself begin to panic. I though he was going to bite me like Phil had done. But he was so gentle.
“Chester I want you. Please make it all better”
I whispered in his ear as he move his hands down and removed my pants. Then I heard his zipper and all the bad feelings came flooding back. I started to shake so badly he stopped what he was doing.
“Ella are you ok. I’m not going to hurt you.”
He told me as he held me tightly.
“I’ll stop, Your not ready. I’m sorry I tried to rush you. I can be such a selfish pig sometimes. Its just I wanted you so badly. I always have. I guess I’m no better then that jerk Phil.”
He said as he started to sit up. I couldn’t believe what he had said. He had always wanted me. I always thought he thought of me as one of the guys. I’m the one who was selfish. I had let it get this far for my own selfish purposes. I wanted him to help me forget. I had used him to help me forget what had happened. Now I just wanted him. He made me feel so safe. He was so gentle and loving unlike all the other guys I had known.
“Chester please don’t go. Stay with me. Its not your fault its mine. I need you to stay. I want you. I just got scared I thought you was going to hurt me. But I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Your not like Phil. Please Chester.”
I sounded so desperate I know I did. But I could think of nothing else but him.
“I could never hurt you. I care about you so much. I always have. I wanted to kill him when I sore what hen did to you tonight. And believe me if I ever see him again I will. I’m not using you I want to be with you.”
“I know your not.”
I told him as I kissed his back and put my arms around him.
“Please lay here with me again. I need you to hold me.”
I said I thought he was going to go back to his chair for a minute. I was so scared I had blown thing with him. Then he laid back down and put his arms back around me. He was the one shaking now as I covered his mouth with mine and kissed him.
“Make love to me Chester please.”
I asked him. As he rolled on top of me to kiss me.
“I wont hurt you I promise.”
He kept telling me as he made love to me. And as he did I forgot everything that had happened. I felt clean, as if he was my first. And in a way he was. He was the most gentle considerate lover I had ever had. And I felt myself falling for him.
“Are you ok”
He asked me as he held me in his arms afterward. He held me so tightly until the sun came up. And mike walked in the room and spoilt everything.
“What the hell is all this?”
Mike demanded. I didn’t know what to say.
“What Mike, She needed a little comfort that’s all. I only held her nothing more.”
And at that moment the dream was over. Chester had lied about us. So I knew he would never tell his wife about us.
“Well it doesn’t look like it to me. And it wont to Anna so I suggest you both get up and dressed before she comes in.”
He said as he left the room. And me and Chester alone.
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t let them find out about us like that. I have to tell Sam about us myself.”
I didn’t believe him. After all he was a guy. And I knew I would never believe another guy again.
“It ok Chester you do things when your ready. Thanks for all you did last night. I will never forget it.”
I said as I pecked him on the lips and got myself dressed. And I never would forget what he did for me. For many reasons. We got dressed had coffee together then Anna took me home.
“Its ok the doors are locked. And there’s no way for him to get in”
Anna told me. I thinks she understood how scared I was.
“I know he cant. But I just cant get it out of my mind. I’m just so scared that if I’m alone he will get me again.”
“Do you want me to sit outside the door. While you shower?”
Chester asked me. I guess he knew how safe he made me feel.
“Yes please if you don’t mind. I know I am being irrational. But I just feel so scared right now.”
Anna went to the bedroom to get me some fresh towels. And something clean to wear. While I finished my drink. It was my third since I had arrived. And I was starting to feel a bit sleepy.
“There’s clean towels and clothes in there. You take as long as you want. She said as she walked back into the living room.
I couldn’t help but keep looking around as I walked to the bathroom. I knew I was safe Chester was right beside me.
“You wont leave me will you?”
I asked Chester as I walked into the bathroom.
“No I wont leave you. I will be sitting right here.”
He said showing me a spot on the floor right next to the door. I walked into the bathroom. And immediately checked the windows where locked. I had never been a person that was scared to be alone before. But now I was terrified, even with Chester on the other side of the door. I started to run the shower, and once the water was good and hot I climbed in. I couldn’t just enjoy the feel of the water. I just felt so dirty. I grabbed a sponge off the side of the bath and some soap. And started to rub at my skin roughly. But it still wasn’t enough. I still felt so dirty. It didn’t matter how hard I rubbed. I just didn’t feel any cleaner. That’s when I saw the scourers that Anna used to clean the bathroom. On the side of the bath. I picked up a clean one and covered it in soap. Then I started to scrub a t my skin. The harder I scrubbed the cleaner I thought I would feel. But I was wrong. I sank down to the bottom of the bath. And started to cry loudly. The more I cried the harder I scrubbed. I knew I was making myself bleed. The water that was running of me was pink but I didn’t care.
“Are you ok Ella. I heard Chester say.”
But I couldn’t answer him. I was to caught up in my pain.
“Ella, Please Answer me”
But I was in a world of my own. I just knew I had to get clean.
“Anna can you come now. There’s something wrong with Ella. She wont answer me.”
I heard the knock on the door. I heard Anna shouting. But I just couldn’t bring myself to answer her.
“Oh Ella you silly girl. What have you done to yourself.”
I heard Anna say as she took the scourer off me.
“Anna please no. I have to get clean.”
I told her through my sobs. Then the water stopped and she wrapped a towel around me. She helped me to my feet, and out of the tub.
“Come on, lets get you cleaned up.”
She said as she cleaned off all the blood with a sponge. Then she helped me get dry and dressed.
“I know you feel dirty honey. But that wont help.”
And I knew she was right. But it did not change the way I felt about myself. “
“I’m going to go and make you a bed up on the sofa. I think you need to get some rest. Things will look better tomorrow. They always do.”
When she had gone. I just sank to the floor and put my head on my knees and cried. Then there was a knock on the door.
“Ella sweetie, Can I come in?”
“yes Chester come in.”
I said through my sobs. He walked straight over to me and knelt down.
“Hey what’s all this? Why did you do it?”
He asked as he looked at the raw skin on my arms.
“I’m never going to be clean. I’m not a whore like he said I was. But now I feel as dirty as one.”
I said as I cried.
“Ella Its not your fault. You never asked for this.”
He said as he put his arms around me.
“No matter what he said you not a whore. I know your not. You will get over this. And you will be happy again I promise.”
I wished I could believe him.
“Ella I have to be getting home. My wife will be wondering where I am.”
I cried even harder at the thought of him leaving me. I was so scared and only he made me feel safe.
“Chester please don’t go. I’ so scared.”
I cried in to his chest. Where my head was now laying. He helped me to my feet. And walked me through to the living room where Anna and Mike where sat chatting.
“Mike is it ok if I stay over. And use your phone to tell Sam where I am. Ella wants me to stay. I guess It will make her feel safer having two guys in the house.”
“yeah its cool with me. But where will you sleep?”
“The chair is ok with me.”
He said as he settled me onto the sofa and himself into the chair.
“Night guys.”
Anna and Mike said as they turned the lights off.
“Night Ella sleep well honey. Remember I am here if you need me.”
“Night Chester. Thanks.”
It took a while for me to be able to sleep. But I tried to keep myself calm. And stay quiet because Chester was asleep almost as soon as he sat down. I finally drifted in to a restless sleep listening to the sound of Chester breathing and the ticking of the clock on the wall. Then the nightmares came.
I was sat alone in my apartment. Just chilling with the guys. We were having a great time drinking and chatting. Then things changed and it was just me and Chester, I know that he’s married. But in my sleep I didn’t care. We where sat on the sofa chatting. Then we where kissing. It was wonderful I felt normal again. His kisses where amazing but he started to push his luck. His hands were all over me. But unlike with Phil I didn’t want him to stop. His lips moved down the side of my neck slowly. As his hands where on my breasts.
“Oh Chester.”
I whispered in his ear. Not wanting him to stop.
“See I knew you would like it. You whore.”
I wanted to scream. I started to struggle but he wouldn’t let me move. Then we where back in the car. And he was no longer Chester. He was Phil again.
“Help me, Help me please. Chester where are you?”
“Ella honey its ok. I’m here.”
Then I woke up. And Chester was knelt down beside me.
“Are you ok honey. You were having one hell of a dream. You were talking and everything.”
Oh shit how much had I said out allowed. Oh god what if I had also been talking during the nice parts of my dream.
“No not really Chaz.”
I was shaking like a leaf. I couldn’t control my whole body. I don’t know if it was fear or excitement. I had enjoyed the dream up until Chester had change into Phil.
“Move up a bit”
I shuffled up the sofa a bit.
“No lay back down.”
He told me. I slid toward the back of the sofa. And laid on my side. He lay down next to me. And put his arms around me.
“Is that better. Do you think you will be able to go back to sleep?”
No way I thought to myself. And my shaking became worse.
“Do you want me to move? Your shaking like a leaf. You know I wouldn’t hurt you don’t you?”
“Yeah I know you wouldn’t. You’re the only person I feel safe with. Thanks for this Chester.”
I told him. As I lent forward and kissed him on the forehead.
“Your welcome. Anything for my number one fan.”
He said as he returned the kiss to my forehead.
“Chester I feel so safe with you. And laying like this with you I don’t feel dirty anymore.”
“Your not dirty. You’re a beautiful women. Who just chose the wrong guy. I could kill him for what he did to you. The way he hurt you. I never could have hurt you.”
He said as he kissed the tip of my swollen nose. Then he kissed all my bruises. His kisses were so gentle.
“Chester”
“oh god I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
He said as he pulled away. I didn’t want him to stop.
“Its ok your kisses where making them feel better.”
I know what I had said was wrong. I knew he was married but I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to take away the dirty feeling I felt. He kissed my swollen cheeks again. Then he kissed my lips. They where split from the repeated punches I had been given earlier and they hurt like hell. But I didn’t want him to stop kissing me. His hands were caressing all the scratches And cuts on my back as he kissed me so tenderly.
“Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?”
He asked me. Like hell I did. I cant explain how much better he was making me feel. I wanted him so badly, It was kind of like if I could have him. It would remove the all the bad things that happened to me tonight.
“No Chester please don’t stop.”
I breathed in his ear. As I ran my hands up and down his back. I tried to remove his shirt. But my muscles hurt to much to raise it high enough. He slipped it over his body and head with ease. His body felt so amazing as I ran my hands over it gently. I just wished I could see it as well. I felt his hands working the buttons on the top that Anna had lent me. And his mouth move to my breasts. Just for a few seconds I felt myself begin to panic. I though he was going to bite me like Phil had done. But he was so gentle.
“Chester I want you. Please make it all better”
I whispered in his ear as he move his hands down and removed my pants. Then I heard his zipper and all the bad feelings came flooding back. I started to shake so badly he stopped what he was doing.
“Ella are you ok. I’m not going to hurt you.”
He told me as he held me tightly.
“I’ll stop, Your not ready. I’m sorry I tried to rush you. I can be such a selfish pig sometimes. Its just I wanted you so badly. I always have. I guess I’m no better then that jerk Phil.”
He said as he started to sit up. I couldn’t believe what he had said. He had always wanted me. I always thought he thought of me as one of the guys. I’m the one who was selfish. I had let it get this far for my own selfish purposes. I wanted him to help me forget. I had used him to help me forget what had happened. Now I just wanted him. He made me feel so safe. He was so gentle and loving unlike all the other guys I had known.
“Chester please don’t go. Stay with me. Its not your fault its mine. I need you to stay. I want you. I just got scared I thought you was going to hurt me. But I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Your not like Phil. Please Chester.”
I sounded so desperate I know I did. But I could think of nothing else but him.
“I could never hurt you. I care about you so much. I always have. I wanted to kill him when I sore what hen did to you tonight. And believe me if I ever see him again I will. I’m not using you I want to be with you.”
“I know your not.”
I told him as I kissed his back and put my arms around him.
“Please lay here with me again. I need you to hold me.”
I said I thought he was going to go back to his chair for a minute. I was so scared I had blown thing with him. Then he laid back down and put his arms back around me. He was the one shaking now as I covered his mouth with mine and kissed him.
“Make love to me Chester please.”
I asked him. As he rolled on top of me to kiss me.
“I wont hurt you I promise.”
He kept telling me as he made love to me. And as he did I forgot everything that had happened. I felt clean, as if he was my first. And in a way he was. He was the most gentle considerate lover I had ever had. And I felt myself falling for him.
“Are you ok”
He asked me as he held me in his arms afterward. He held me so tightly until the sun came up. And mike walked in the room and spoilt everything.
“What the hell is all this?”
Mike demanded. I didn’t know what to say.
“What Mike, She needed a little comfort that’s all. I only held her nothing more.”
And at that moment the dream was over. Chester had lied about us. So I knew he would never tell his wife about us.
“Well it doesn’t look like it to me. And it wont to Anna so I suggest you both get up and dressed before she comes in.”
He said as he left the room. And me and Chester alone.
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t let them find out about us like that. I have to tell Sam about us myself.”
I didn’t believe him. After all he was a guy. And I knew I would never believe another guy again.
“It ok Chester you do things when your ready. Thanks for all you did last night. I will never forget it.”
I said as I pecked him on the lips and got myself dressed. And I never would forget what he did for me. For many reasons. We got dressed had coffee together then Anna took me home.
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