Categories > TV > CSI

Kiss the Girls

by CerasiJ 0 reviews

Greg and Archie devise a plan to snitch kisses. And I don't mean the candy kind! [NonSlash]

Category: CSI - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor, Romance - Characters: Archie Johnson, Greg Sanders - Published: 2006-01-19 - Updated: 2006-01-19 - 2932 words - Complete

Title: Kiss the Girls
Author: Cerasi J.
Rating: PG
Archive: FanFiction.Net, FanFiction Online. If ya want it, just drop me a line and let me know.
Spoilers: None that I can think of!
Feedback: Send all questions, comments and hate mail to:
Category: Christmas fic/Greg humor
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is probably from CSI and I have a snowball's chance in hell of owning that. Everything you don't recognize probably belongs to me, and if I catch you using it... mwhahaha...
Summary: Greg and Archie devise a plan to snitch kisses. And I don't mean the candy kind!

Author's Note: Okies, this is my very first CSI fic! And I worship your comments! (Good or bad!)

Las Vegas Crime Lab
December 20th


For the last twenty minutes Greg Sanders stared out of the glass walls in the lab in utter confusion. From here he had a perfect view of the break room, where Nick Stokes was leaning casually against the doorframe, reading through a file Sara had given him. What was with Nick today? Greg wondered; must have been some pretty good aftershave the guy was wearing... because every time one of the pretty secretaries from the front offices would come past the break room, they'd stop and kiss Nick.

Just like that! Some of the girls tapped him on the shoulder and he would look up innocently at them. Most of them, however, would stand there until he noticed them. Some of them where giggly and blonde, but still fairly cute, a few brunettes and one redhead.

After the third girl, Greg was beginning to keep count. He marked a line on a piece of notebook paper whenever he looked up and noticed another attractive female demanding kisses from the oh-so-innocent Nicolas Stokes. So far there were over fifteen lines and counting. A machine behind him beeped loudly and spat out a report. Greg skimmed over it, keeping one eye on Nick who was now talking with a pretty blonde lady.

Greg ground his teeth in frustration; this guy was getting more kisses in the time span of twenty minutes than Greg had ever received in his entire life. He had to have a secret! Greg decided to break-up the little kissing party Nick had going on, so he crossed the hallway with the paper in his hand. "Nick!" Greg said excitedly, like he had just discovered a cure for cancer, "Look, does this belong to your case?"

Greg, of course, had interrupted a blossoming conversation between the young lady-Sandy-and Nick. It was obvious Nick was pretty teed at the lab tech, but he kept a straight face. "Yes, Greg?" Nick asked through clenched teeth.

"I was wondering if this belonged to your case, I saw you reading the file," Greg replied innocently, a smug grin on his face as the young lady walked off. He handed the sheet of paper over to Nick, who took it grumbling. Greg took this opportunity to shoot a quick glance around the break room. It didn't look any different... he took a step closer to Nick, pretending to read over his shoulder. It didn't smell like he was wearing any aftershave...

Suddenly Greg's eyes latched onto an object tacked above the doorframe. Mistletoe! Damn that Nick Stokes! He was suckering all those sweet, pretty girls out of those kisses! But what a great idea... he couldn't have thought of a better one by himself! Greg shot a dirty look at Nick, who was absorbed in the DNA report Greg had just handed him. The lab tech realized with some surprise that Nick's cheeks and lips were covered with faint dustings of maybe twenty different colors of lipstick.

Greg felt compelled to point this out to him, "Hey dude, you modeling for Revlon or something?" Nick glanced at Greg as if he had permanently fallen off his rocker. Greg raised his eyebrows and tried to hide a chuckle. Nick's hand flew to his face and he ran his fingers along his jaw line, he looked at his hand and noticed the mingling colors painted on his fingertips.

"Oh," Nick suddenly realized what Greg was getting at... thank God Grissom hadn't walked by! Nick turned and started to walk away from the door, "uh, thanks Greg."

"No problem," the lab tech responded, rocking back and forth on his heels, waiting for Nick to disappear down the hall. When he was sure Nick had taken the test results to Grissom, Greg bolted down the hallway to the audio room. He slid to a stop in front of the door, and poked his head in, "Archie!" Greg hissed. Startled, Archie dropped the latest issue of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and stood up. "God Greg," he panted, his blood pressure returning to normal once he realized his visitor wasn't Grissom, "What's the rush, man?"

Archie bent down to pick up his comic book, but Greg was already grabbing him by the elbow and dragging him down the hall to the lab. Archie complained all the way, but when Greg told him to shut up he fell silent. When Greg had successfully pulled his friend into the lab, he pointed across the hall to the break room and said, "Watch."

Sure enough, roughly ten minutes later Warrick entered the break room just as Sara was coming out with a cup of coffee, they both paused as they noticed the little plant tacked above the door. They both laughed and Sara gave Warrick a peck on the cheek and walked away. Archie looked at Greg in disbelief, "Dude, you dragged me in here so we could watch Sara kiss Warrick?"

Greg reached out and smacked Archie upside the head, "No, you idiot! I stood here for twenty minutes and watched Nick stand in that doorway; every pretty girl that came by gave him a kiss, man! I was thinkin'..." They both looked at each other and grinned, "Great idea," Archie agreed, "do you wanna go first or should I?"

"Me first!" Greg called and scampered across the hallway to the break room. He stood against the doorframe, trying to look casual. How casual could you get in a lab coat? It seemed that he had to wait forever, but he was finally rewarded when Archie signaled that someone was coming.

Greg pressed his back to the doorframe and crossed his arms, studying his feet. Sure enough, Catherine rounded the corner with a coffee mug in her hand. She gave Greg a funny look as she walked to the table and poured herself a cup of coffee.

Greg suddenly felt very stupid and he turned to go back to the lab when Catherine called, "Waiting for someone, Greg?" Greg stopped in his tracks; across the room Archie was pressing his knuckles to his lips and trying not to laugh. Greg glared at Archie and offered him an obscene gesture before turning back to Catherine, who was reading over a newspaper spread out on the table. "Uh, no..." He tried once again to escape to the safety of the lab.

"Then why are you standing under that mistletoe?" He stopped where he was; knowing Catherine's eyes would be glued to his back. Archie was grabbing his sides laughing by now. "Oh, heh, I didn't realize..." He started; turning around, knowing blood was flooding his cheeks in a tidal wave. Catherine gave him an "you know you're lying" look and chuckled, "My sister used to say that mistletoe should be banned to adolescent boys because it becomes a societally approved excuse to demand kisses." Catherine raised her eyebrows for emphasis and Greg slumped his shoulders.

She smiled at him, her blue eyes twinkling. She started to walk past him, but stopped and said, "I'm sure you'll meet a nice girl, Greg, give yourself time, you're young yet." Standing up on her tiptoes she placed a kiss on Greg's cheek. He could feel himself blushing even harder; he kept staring at his feet, completely embarrassed. He watched Catherine leave and slinked back to the lab and to a hyperventilating Archie. "Oh my God!" his friend laughed, "She's almost old enough to be your mom, dude!"

"No, she isn't," Greg protested, offended on Catherine's behalf, "My mom's in her late forties and besides, Catherine's a very nice lady and she's a good friend."

"A good friend, huh?" Archie's eyes were glazed over manically. "My turn!" he squealed and scampered across the hallway. Greg watched his friend, suddenly feeling very depressed. He never had a date in high school, never had a date in college, and he'd still never had a date! What made Catherine think that a pretty girl would want to go out with a lowly lab tech? He'd never even been kissed before, well, not on the lips and not by a woman outside of his immediate family

Now in a mood, Greg gave up on the mistletoe idea and went back to work. Snapping on a pair of latex gloves he set to dividing a blood sample into smaller test tubes for processing. He suddenly realized Archie hadn't come back yet. Greg looked up and saw his friend speaking to a drop-dead gorgeous brunette. Anger and disappointment raged through his veins. He watched Archie casually look up and point, the girl looked up too, and giggled. She leaned forward and planted a sound smack on his lips.

Now Greg was just down right disgusted. He decided to blame Nick for the whole embarrassing ordeal with Catherine. Greg glared through the glass walls at Archie as the young lady took his hand and a pen from her hair and wrote her phone number down on his palm. The girl left and Archie strolled back into the lab, grinning. "Well, Greggo, it's been fun, but I must return to my own lab now."

He gave Greg a playful salute and swaggered back down the hall. Greg mocked him harshly, returning to the work that he took comfort in when things like this happened.

Later that evening...

It was four hours until the end of his shift, and he could barely keep his eyes open. Greg looked over at the dreaded break room. He needed coffee... but could live without it. He returned to watching the computer run DNA matches. Five minutes later his head dropped towards his chest and he jerked himself awake. Must stay awake... he glanced over at the darkened break room. God, he could use some coffee...

Greg frowned and felt heat creeping to his cheeks. It wasn't that he was embarrassed about the whole mistletoe/Catherine giving him a kiss deal, that part he could handle; it was the other part that embarrassed the hell out of him. You know, the other part that went something like: 1) He got caught trying to snitch kisses, 2) He had never been on a actual date and 3) He was almost twenty-three years old and had never been kissed on the lips by a woman outside his own family.

God, how embarrassing.

Fighting away his own personal feelings, he rose and grabbed the coffee mug he kept on his desk and snuck across the hall. He tried not to look at the evil holiday plant hanging above the door. The door to the break room was closed and the lights were off, which was strange...

He opened the door and groped for the light switch, found it and flipped it on. A strangled moan greeted him from the couch tucked against the wall. "Hello?" Greg called with a startling realization that he wasn't alone. "Hi," a groggy young woman's voice greeted him at she sat up on the couch and blinked sleep out of her eyes.

Greg stared wide-eyed at her, where exactly had this girl come from? She certainly wasn't from around here... he'd never seen her around the halls or anything... he took a step closer, his gray orbs examining her slightly kinky, sleep tousled sand colored hair and those bright green eyes. She had the kind of eyes that could make a man forget the Super Bowl was on. Greg found it becoming hard to breath, and was it getting hotter in here?

"Uh," the girl rubbed her eyes and blinked, searching for something, she reached for a pair of eyeglasses with a faux gold frame. She put them on and smiled at him as her eyes finally took focus. "Hello."

Greg's mouth went dry and his vocal cords seemed to be on hiatus, "Hello," he finally greeted her in return. The young woman stood, rewarding Greg with a glimpse of a short skirt and long legs. He found his eyes wandering her form, drinking in everything. The stone colored skirt that rested nicely just above her kneecaps and suede black boots that rose high enough to hide most of her suntanned legs, but sat just low enough to let Greg use his imagination. He found himself not needing that coffee fix anymore...

He cocked an eyebrow, "Uh, can I help you?" She glanced guiltily around the room, "No... sorry, I'm, uh, here on business, and I just got in, uh, Mr. Grissom said he'd be right back and the next thing I knew you turned on the lights and I was waking up... I must have fallen asleep... I just flew in from San Francisco."

"Wow, must have been a late flight," Greg murmured incoherently, finding himself wanting to reach out and fix the collar of the girl's rumpled business jacket. "Yeah," she agreed, pushing a hand with perfectly squared fingernails through that mess of fluffy hair, "I'm Gillian, by the way." She extended her hand and Greg took it, toying with the idea of kissing the back of her hand, but then deciding that he had enough kissing for today.

"Greg Sanders," he said, shaking her hand, "I work in the lab." She offered him a sunny smile, "Pleased to meet you Mr. Sanders."

"Uh," he fumbled for words, "Greg. You can call me Greg..." Gillian's smile didn't waver, "Okay, Greg. Am I keeping you from something? Oh, and I didn't mean to startle you when you came in."

"N-no problem," Greg turned away from those stunning green eyes and dove for the coffee pot. "Do you know what time it is?" Gillian asked, looking for a clock.

"Nighttime?" Greg replied hopefully as he started to get a grip on his emotions. Gillian looked at him and laughed, "You're funny!" she exclaimed, pushing her hair back again. Greg could only smile at her. "So," she said, walking around the room and taking in the details, "you said you work in the lab? Are you working on any evil projects Dr. Frankensanders?"

Greg laughed out loud, was this girl flirting with him? "Would you like to see the evil projects I'm working on?" he asked coyly, setting down his coffee mug. She raised her eyebrows, "Of course, do you have two lab rats that help you?"

Greg took the bait without missing a beat, "Sure, but they always screw up my plans for world domination. 'What are we going to do tonight, Sanders?' They always ask, 'Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.'" He paused, "Except tonight, I told them I was going to go to the break room and find a pretty girl to test my experiments on."

Gillian giggled and her cheeks flushed a delicate pink. "Can I see your lab then?" She asked with a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Well," Greg said, walking toward the door, "I'll have to kill you when I'm done showing you everything."

Gillian followed him toward the door, laughing. Greg paused in the doorway, watching her laugh and thinking she was the most beautiful girl he'd met in a long time. Suddenly she stopped laughing and her eyes landed on the dreaded piece of Christmas foliage. "Hey," she said, pointing upwards. "Is that mistletoe?"

Greg gulped and looked up, "Uh..." How could he do this without coming away looking like a pervert? He hoped Gillian didn't think he'd stopped in the doorway on purpose... she gazed up at the plant and looked back at Greg. He smiled weakly at her, wanting to protest that he had nothing to do with the hanging of the vile vegetable... or whatever it was.

"Look," he started to say, holding up his hands, but he was cut off when Gillian chuckled and said, "Well, we can't break tradition now, can we?" And with that, she leaned forward, and waited for Greg to make the first move. For a moment he stood there in shock, but quickly recovered. He bent his head and touched her lips gently with his. For a moment, panic coursed through him, What if she only wanted me to kiss her on the cheek!?

Gillian didn't break off the kiss, however; instead she took a step closer to him and tilted her face up. After a moment of holiday bliss Greg stepped back and his face registered something close to smugness.

"Are you still gonna show me the lab?" She asked, as if nothing had happened at all. "Of course," Greg said, taking her arm and leading her across the hallway, a question suddenly popped into his mind, "Hey, do you like baseball?"

"Baseball?" Gillian snorted, "I only like hockey."

Greg grinned, getting the feeling that these last four hours of his shift wouldn't be as long as he had previously thought.

The End.
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