Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the Elder War
Visitor in the Castle
1 reviewMystery and intrigue surround a tragic event in Knockturn Alley while a visit to a place fills with memories brings about comprehension.
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Harry Potter and the Elder War
(#) Inverarity 2007-12-31
The basic idea is interesting -- I haven't seen too many fics dealing with Harry's work as an Auror. I'm a little skeptical about your uber-powerful villain who's able to flatten experienced Aurors more easily than Voldemort did, but you could do interesting things with it.
You have quite a few spelling and grammatical mistakes ("forrest"), and while you make good use of descriptive adjectives and adverbs, some of your prose is a little overwrought. Don't throw lots of extra words into sentences just to make them more flashy.
Lastly, the dialog between Harry and Ginny, quite frankly, is painful. "Hey, sexy"? I can imagine them being very affectionate, in the aftermath of DH, but constantly cooing and burbling at each other as they do here does not seem at all in character for either of them. No wonder Ron looks nauseated!
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