FicWad

Band practice was, well, band practice. I put all my effort into it. Yep. I wasn’t thinking about how Dwayne looked. I didn’t at all imagine him to be tall and handsome, with an amazing musical talent and other huge assets. It didn’t even cross my mind that Patrick was still in love with him, after he tried to force him to have sex. Nope, I didn’t think about that at all. I wasn’t imagining them both kissing, laughing together, just talking huddled up on the couch. Not at all. There was some other reason why I kept messing up the notes for Dead On Arrival. Some other mysterious reason why I couldn’t look Patrick in the eye. Joe kept shaking his head. Andy sighed a lot. Patrick just grinned at me encouragingly and understood that it must be difficult for me, considering I’d only ever played it once before. Yeah, that’s why I completely sucked today.

‘We’re getting there’ Patrick nodded, excitedly

‘Yeah,’ Joe snorted, ‘On one song’

‘Shut up’ Patrick retorted, ‘It’s a start... Besides, all in all we’ve only got, like, four songs anyway’

‘Awesome.,.’ Joe rolled his eyes, ‘So we can be on stage for the whole of... sixteen minutes’

‘Whoa’ I called, ‘Who said anything about performing live?’

‘Do you not get how a band works?’ Andy asked, stopping twirling his drumsticks to mock me

‘Well..’ I sighed, ‘What if I suck?’

‘We’re going to practice a hella lot first’ Patrick comforted me, ‘Plus we need some more songs... We could write some together... You know, me write the music and you write the lyrics’

‘I don’t know...’ I groaned, ‘My way with words is kinda lacking’

‘Are you kidding?’ Joe hooted, ‘That song you wrote was amazing! Seriously, you just have to write from your experiences’

I nodded, still doubting myself. I’d never been fantastic grammatically and weaving sentences was not my strong suit. Ask my English teacher, she’d tell you. I completely flunked English. Which is strange cause, well, that’s the language I use all the damn time! I suppose I just can’t talk properly either.

‘Break anyone?’ Patrick asked, removing his guitar ‘We’ve been playing for about... three hours straight’

‘I wondered why it’d gotten repetitive’ I said under my breath and dropped my bass into the stand
We temporarily relocated to the kitchen where Joe’s mom was scuttling around doing shit. She was washing dishes in a big blue sink. There was a red sink on the other side of the room. It was weird being in a Jewish kitchen. There was two of everything and I didn’t want to touch anything just in case I was messing it up. Red for meat. Blue for dairy. That’s what they taught us in Religious Education.

‘Dude,’ I laughed, ‘Sucks for you! You’ll never know the joys of cheeseburgers’

‘Neither will Andy’ Joe chuckled, ‘He’s a vegan’

Andy nodded. Crossing his arms.

‘Well, good for you’ I smiled, ‘Honestly, I’d love to be vegan or vegetarian but damn it those steaks kick my ass every time’

‘Murderer’ Andy grinned wickedly

‘Yep’ I answered plainly, still grinning

I turned to look at Patrick who was staring out of the window intently. He waved for me to join him. I walked hesitantly to his side.

‘Pete...’ He grunted, moving his hat around his head, ‘You are not going to believe this’

Looking out of the window, I stared into Joe’s back yard. Everything seemed the same as it was earlier. A tree, grass and a hedge that appeared to be eating someone. My jaw dropped as a head popped up out from behind the hedge before returning to hiding. The four of us exited through the kitchen door and stood in the doorway.

‘Hey Joe’ Andy started, head tilted to the side, ‘Why’s there a pop star in your bush?’

‘That’s what she said’ I giggled, but my head dropped when no one laughed along

‘I have no idea...’ Joe answered, still staring at the deranged woman hiding in his back yard

‘Well,’ Patrick smiled evilly, ‘Pop is short for popular and that is so far from what her music is.’

Stumbling her way towards us, black hair swishing, one stiletto missing she stopped directly in front of Patrick, nose almost touching his.

‘Well, meow fag’ She screeched, I pulled her by the back of her t shirt so she was in front of me instead

‘I hear that word escape your vicious little mouth again, I’m going to put my foot down your throat,’ I growled, she whimpered, ‘Now, why are you following me?’

‘Following you?’ She cackled, ‘Why are you following me?’

I predicted this conversation would soon turn into an argument seemingly between two mental patients. I ran my hand down my face and sighed. There was no arguing with Ash. Seriously. Don’t even try because even if she is wrong she will be so damn stubborn that even you’ll be convinced that she’s telling the truth.

‘Right...’ I shook my head, ‘If I’m following you... Then why were you hiding in a hedge watching me?’

‘Well,’ She gestured that I was stupid, great ‘If I’m watching you and know where you are at all times then I know you’re not following me. Logic or what?’


‘You know,’ I smiled, ‘You’re right, that is amazing logic. We have a special word for that, it’s called stalking’

‘Why would I bother stalking you anyway?’ She screeched some more ‘You’re not even interesting’

‘Fine,’ I exhaled, ‘Feel free to stalk me, I’m going in here now. Just so you know where I am’

Joe took a step forward and ran his hand over his hair, smiling at Ash.

‘You could stalk me if you want’ He winked, I grabbed his arm and pulled him back indoors

‘Down boy’ I whispered to him

‘Wait!’ Ash cried, I turned

Looking at the other three who were already back inside, I held five fingers up, indicating I’d be there in five minutes. Closing the door behind me, I continued to stare at Ash. Her eyes were hollow. I’d seen that expression before and my eye drooped. I knew what was wrong. The paranoia, hollow eyes.

‘Ash...’ I sighed, leaning back against the house, ‘What did you do with the Zoloft you stole?’

‘Threw it in the bin or whatever’ Ash screeched, ‘Why? What do you care? You’re not getting it back’

‘I don’t need it anymore’ I shrugged, ‘I’m feeling better actually’

There was a brief silence in which I could see her considering admitting to what she had done. I knew what she had done with them without even asking. She turned her empty eyes up at me and I almost felt sorry for her. I mean, I did care for her once. Even if she was being a complete bitch now, I still cared about her. Maybe that’s what Patrick was talking about with Dwayne.

‘How do you stop the shaking?’ She hardly breathed, her eyes filling with tears

I wanted to touch her. Not in a dirty way. I mean, just wrap my arm around her. I’d been through that shit before and even though this was her own doing, I still felt sorry for her. I should’ve know that’s what she’d do. First the Valium and now this. She moved through drugs quicker than a pharmacist. She was a ‘star’. ‘Stars’ were meant to be troubled that’s how you get the sympathy vote. That’s what she claimed anyway. Valium and Ritalin for the stress, alcohol for the fun and ecstasy for the good times. Of course, readers of A’ Tude magazine only ever read about the first two. The good, legal and not frowned upon drugs. She said she’d quit from it all. I would call it a relapse but she never really stopped in the first place.

‘I can’t believe I’m doing this’ I grumbled, pulling her into a hug

She didn’t stop me. She couldn’t. She seemed so helpless and frail. I could feel her quivering in my arms. That wasn’t all I could feel pressed up against me. She was... slightly larger than I remembered. A little rounder, but not all over. I didn’t want to let go cause I knew if I did, I’d probably fall over from the shock. Ash was pregnant.