Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I Will Always B the 1
Some Secrets Werent Meant to be Told
4 reviewsThe one where She tells him the truth and all hell breaks loose
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Chapter 3:
~
Patrick’s House
Glenview Illinois
Thursday March 8, 2007
~
I didn't think I'd ever have to do this. I sat in my jeep outside the address Lupe had given me and looked up at the house. It was a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Nothing flashy, it was a conferrable sized house very 'homie' and warm and in many ways perfect. It suited him or at least the him I imagined him to be. I'm sure that made no sense to most... i guess all I'm trying to sat is that I don't really know much about him. How sad is that?
I don't know anything about the father of my child. I ran my hand over my face and took in a shaky breath.
"Payton" I said her name out loud for encouragement. She was the reason I was here I couldn't stray from that.
Before I knew it my feet had carried me up his front steps and to the door. I felt my arm rise and I heard myself knock, then I waited. Looking out into the street to avoid thinking of what was happening, I was so caught up in the 2 kids playing catch across the street that I didn't hear the door open. I was startled back to reality when I heard someone clear their throat and I spun around, my hair flying everywhere, and faced someone who wasn't Patrick. She folded her arms and leaned against the door frame as she watched me.
"Can I help you?" she asked looking my scrubs up and down skeptically
"Actually maybe you can. I'm looking for Patrick"
At the mention of his name she tensed.
"He doesn't live here" she said before she began to step back and was about to close the door but I held the door open with my hand and foot. She glared at me then.
"Back off or ill call the cops" she said through gritted teeth.
I hadn’t really put much thought into weather he had a girlfriend or how this looked; A 21 year old girl showing up at his door asking to see him. Even i would have thought I was a crazy groupie.
"Look I'm not crazy, I promise, its just really important that I talk to him. Its a life and death situation" She laughed.
"Right well that's all nice but like I said he doesn't live here." She was forcing the door shut on me when I heard a deep voice from behind the door.
"Alicia honey who is it?" he stated pulling the door open and spotting me. He smiled politely looking at me with a bit of confusion obviously not recognizing me. It took him a few seconds but then what little color he had in his face drained and his mouth hung open.
"Andrea?! What- I mean why- how'd you" Alicia and i looked at him in shock. Alicia because of his reaction and me because he actually remembered my name. I was honestly not expecting that. He stared at me with a mixture of confusion awe and guilt in his eyes. It felt like hours but it was only seconds later when Alicia spoke up.
"Patrick who is she?" she said with a bit of an attitude in her tone looking at me up and down and making me feel about 2 inches tall.
"She's umm... she" Patrick stuttered which only made Alicia even more pissed.
"Patrick" she said between gritted teeth in a tone that said 'you are making me look bad'
I rolled my eyes frustrated because I really wanted to get this over with but at the same time I felt bad for him. How does he explain me to her.
"I'm a friend"
"I've never met you before" she said looking at me suspiciously
"We haven't spoken in a while Its been-"
"2 year and a month" Patrick finished for me. Again Alicia and I looked at him like he had 2 heads, then we fell into another awkward silence.
"Not to be rude or anything but I really have to talk to you and I have to be downtown in 2 hours."
He nodded still lost in his mind somewhere and stepped back to let me in. Alicia reluctantly also stepped aside and watched as I walked through the door. I stood in the hallway unsure of where to go next.
"Hey guys what the hell is- oh you're not Alicia" Pete Wentz spoke as he came out of a room to my right.
I was about to speak when Patrick grabbed my hand and led me off down the hall.
'Who's she" Pete whispered to Alicia as Patrick turned right into a room and closed the door behind us. He stood leaning against the door studying me. I took a seat in one of the chairs and watched him come to sit in front of me, he was still staring.
"You’re staring." I said slightly uncomfortable
"Sorry its just-unreal that you are here I feel like if I blink you’re going to be gone." he said almost as if in a trance. He must have not wanted to say that out loud though because he shook his head and blushed a bit.
"Patrick about that night..." he stiffened a bit
"It wasn't like me to just run like that. That whole night wasn't like me and-"
I leaned over to him and covered his mouth with my hand. I felt him shiver under me but I shrugged off that little detail and I spoke.
"I'm not here for your excuses Patrick. There is really no easy way for me to do this so I'm just going to out and say what I have to say...I need you to listen to me and listen to me very well ok?" I waited for him to nod and then I remove my hand.
"That night we were careless, we were young, and we did something completely thoughtless and stupid. We apparently didn't use protection that night and so 9 months later I gave birth to a baby girl, our baby girl." I watched as his face lost all color and his eyes dulled.
"What?!" I heard the scream from the door and looked up to see a shocked Pete and a pissed off Alicia.
Patrick only looked back at her for a second before turning his eyes back to me still not saying a word.
"Dude you know this is just some kind of plot to get money" Pete said coming over to stand next to Patrick
"Patrick this can't be true I mean you didn't sleep with her, there's no way" Alicia and Pete both were yelling at Patrick and he was just staring at me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on anyone.
"Shut up. Both of you Just SHUT UP!" he sad turning his head to his girlfriend and Pete who instantly shut up and shrunk back in fear and shock at the tone he had taken. Then he turned back to me grabbed me roughly by the arm and pulled me to stand.
"There’s no way that your daughter is mine because you wouldn't be cruel enough to have kept something like that from me. You wouldn't hurt me like that." His eyes pleaded for me to tell him I was lying but I couldn't I simply bit my lip to stop the tears from coming and diverted my eyes from his.
"Oh god." He let go of my arm and began pacing in front of me tears streaming down his face mumbling incoherent stands of words to himself.
"How old is she" he asked in a broken voice.
"A year and 4 months she'll be 2 in November"
"No. No I won't believe you"
"Thank god!" Pete exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.
"Patrick" I pleaded but it fell on deaf ears he just merely put his hand up to silence me.
"Look girl your gigs up just walk away now you’re not getting a cent from him" Pete stepped up to me and put his hands on me to guide me to the door.
"Get your hands off of me" I said in a tone that made Pete back off.
"I don't have time for this. Your daughter has no time for this Patrick." I walked up behind him but he still didn't turn to look at me.
"Payton has Chronic myelogenous, an aggressive form of leukemia that will kill her before her 2nd birthday if she doesn't get a marrow transplant soon. She stopped responding to the radiation treatments 2 days ago."
Patrick turned to me then. The other 2 peoples eyes on me as well.
"That's not my problem, don't they have registries for that.. or a transplant list?" Patrick said a bit hesitantly.
I snorted
"She's been on the list for 8 months with no matches found. Much to my dismay she not only inherited your color of hair and eyes but also your AB- blood type." At this Patrick’s eyes got widened, his breathing became labored, and he just stared at me in disbelief.
"That IS your blood type right?" I came closer to him but he still didn't say anything.
"See Patrick I'm not here for your money, or your forgiveness or anything that you want to believe i can gain. I'm here because you are my last resort. The only thing that can save my daughter."
"So you’re saying if she weren't sick you wouldn't have told me" Patrick said still shocked.
I sighed
"Not unless she asked"
"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER AND YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT HER FROM ME, YOU DID KEEP HER FROM ME HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!" he grabbed both my arms and shook me. His fingers digging painfully into my flesh. Pete quickly ran over and pushed him away from me. As much as he disliked me at the moment, he didn't like the kill look his best friend had given me as he grabbed me. Patrick just glared at me.
"I was 19. 19 and pregnant by some guy I met at a club and got drunk with who ended up leaving before I even woke up. You didn't leave a number so I had no way of contacting you."
"That's not fair its not the same" he said with his eyes downcast.
"No you're right it isn't but I did what I thought best. It was obvious that you got what you wanted from me and you wanted nothing else to do with me, so I left it at that. why pursue anything so that everyone could say that I did it to trap you? I wasn't going to stand for you rejecting her. I wasn't going to be that girl who hunted down the father of her kid and forced him into something he didn't want"
"I would never.."
"Whatever you say but your actions spoke louder than your words."
"How would you know what I wanted if you never even asked me." He said with anger coming back to his tone. I sighed there was no winning this. My work pager went off and I looked to see what the message was.
MsgFrom:3128075496 Payton’s cell count dropped 1 percent.
I sighed in frustration and sadness. Everyone in the room just looked at me. I picked up my purse from the chair and turned to Patrick.
"Look Patrick, I can't turn back time. I can't change the past and I can't give you the year you lost with her but I'm asking you, No as a mother I am begging you to give her a future. You’re the only one who can. You lived fine with the fact that you walked out on me without even saying goodbye but this is your daughter. I am trying to fix my mistake, you can do the same. She needs you now and our past mistakes have to be pushed aside for her sake."
with that said I took a picture out of my purse and put it on the table in front of him. It was of Payton at the botanical gardens just before she was diagnosed with cancer. She was going to grab a butterfly and her face was just ecstatic at seeing her new little friend. He blue/green eyes shinning and her red hair flowing down her shoulder. I walked away from him and towards the door and I heard him move and pick up the picture and he began to sob. Walking out of the room I had to pass Alicia and Pete who didn't hesitate to give me death glares. I just shrugged them off and walked out. Now it was all a waiting game to see if Patrick would come around. For a second I wished things had been different. That I hadn't been so scared of what ifs when I was pregnant and I had made the call to Lupe back then instead of now. He would have been there for Payton since the beginning; he would have been there to support me those late nights when i had to be up till 2 because Payton wouldn't go to sleep. I wouldn't trade it for the world i loved my daughter but having the support would have been better than doing it alone. Then the bad thoughts crept in, the ones that had convinced me to stay away in the first place. The fact that he was always on tour would have made it exactly like it was now. I let out a sigh and turned the engine to my jeep on. There really is no way to know what could have happened. All I had to focus on was getting Payton better. Whatever it took.
~
Patrick’s House
Glenview Illinois
Thursday March 8, 2007
~
I didn't think I'd ever have to do this. I sat in my jeep outside the address Lupe had given me and looked up at the house. It was a nice house in a nice neighborhood. Nothing flashy, it was a conferrable sized house very 'homie' and warm and in many ways perfect. It suited him or at least the him I imagined him to be. I'm sure that made no sense to most... i guess all I'm trying to sat is that I don't really know much about him. How sad is that?
I don't know anything about the father of my child. I ran my hand over my face and took in a shaky breath.
"Payton" I said her name out loud for encouragement. She was the reason I was here I couldn't stray from that.
Before I knew it my feet had carried me up his front steps and to the door. I felt my arm rise and I heard myself knock, then I waited. Looking out into the street to avoid thinking of what was happening, I was so caught up in the 2 kids playing catch across the street that I didn't hear the door open. I was startled back to reality when I heard someone clear their throat and I spun around, my hair flying everywhere, and faced someone who wasn't Patrick. She folded her arms and leaned against the door frame as she watched me.
"Can I help you?" she asked looking my scrubs up and down skeptically
"Actually maybe you can. I'm looking for Patrick"
At the mention of his name she tensed.
"He doesn't live here" she said before she began to step back and was about to close the door but I held the door open with my hand and foot. She glared at me then.
"Back off or ill call the cops" she said through gritted teeth.
I hadn’t really put much thought into weather he had a girlfriend or how this looked; A 21 year old girl showing up at his door asking to see him. Even i would have thought I was a crazy groupie.
"Look I'm not crazy, I promise, its just really important that I talk to him. Its a life and death situation" She laughed.
"Right well that's all nice but like I said he doesn't live here." She was forcing the door shut on me when I heard a deep voice from behind the door.
"Alicia honey who is it?" he stated pulling the door open and spotting me. He smiled politely looking at me with a bit of confusion obviously not recognizing me. It took him a few seconds but then what little color he had in his face drained and his mouth hung open.
"Andrea?! What- I mean why- how'd you" Alicia and i looked at him in shock. Alicia because of his reaction and me because he actually remembered my name. I was honestly not expecting that. He stared at me with a mixture of confusion awe and guilt in his eyes. It felt like hours but it was only seconds later when Alicia spoke up.
"Patrick who is she?" she said with a bit of an attitude in her tone looking at me up and down and making me feel about 2 inches tall.
"She's umm... she" Patrick stuttered which only made Alicia even more pissed.
"Patrick" she said between gritted teeth in a tone that said 'you are making me look bad'
I rolled my eyes frustrated because I really wanted to get this over with but at the same time I felt bad for him. How does he explain me to her.
"I'm a friend"
"I've never met you before" she said looking at me suspiciously
"We haven't spoken in a while Its been-"
"2 year and a month" Patrick finished for me. Again Alicia and I looked at him like he had 2 heads, then we fell into another awkward silence.
"Not to be rude or anything but I really have to talk to you and I have to be downtown in 2 hours."
He nodded still lost in his mind somewhere and stepped back to let me in. Alicia reluctantly also stepped aside and watched as I walked through the door. I stood in the hallway unsure of where to go next.
"Hey guys what the hell is- oh you're not Alicia" Pete Wentz spoke as he came out of a room to my right.
I was about to speak when Patrick grabbed my hand and led me off down the hall.
'Who's she" Pete whispered to Alicia as Patrick turned right into a room and closed the door behind us. He stood leaning against the door studying me. I took a seat in one of the chairs and watched him come to sit in front of me, he was still staring.
"You’re staring." I said slightly uncomfortable
"Sorry its just-unreal that you are here I feel like if I blink you’re going to be gone." he said almost as if in a trance. He must have not wanted to say that out loud though because he shook his head and blushed a bit.
"Patrick about that night..." he stiffened a bit
"It wasn't like me to just run like that. That whole night wasn't like me and-"
I leaned over to him and covered his mouth with my hand. I felt him shiver under me but I shrugged off that little detail and I spoke.
"I'm not here for your excuses Patrick. There is really no easy way for me to do this so I'm just going to out and say what I have to say...I need you to listen to me and listen to me very well ok?" I waited for him to nod and then I remove my hand.
"That night we were careless, we were young, and we did something completely thoughtless and stupid. We apparently didn't use protection that night and so 9 months later I gave birth to a baby girl, our baby girl." I watched as his face lost all color and his eyes dulled.
"What?!" I heard the scream from the door and looked up to see a shocked Pete and a pissed off Alicia.
Patrick only looked back at her for a second before turning his eyes back to me still not saying a word.
"Dude you know this is just some kind of plot to get money" Pete said coming over to stand next to Patrick
"Patrick this can't be true I mean you didn't sleep with her, there's no way" Alicia and Pete both were yelling at Patrick and he was just staring at me with the saddest expression I had ever seen on anyone.
"Shut up. Both of you Just SHUT UP!" he sad turning his head to his girlfriend and Pete who instantly shut up and shrunk back in fear and shock at the tone he had taken. Then he turned back to me grabbed me roughly by the arm and pulled me to stand.
"There’s no way that your daughter is mine because you wouldn't be cruel enough to have kept something like that from me. You wouldn't hurt me like that." His eyes pleaded for me to tell him I was lying but I couldn't I simply bit my lip to stop the tears from coming and diverted my eyes from his.
"Oh god." He let go of my arm and began pacing in front of me tears streaming down his face mumbling incoherent stands of words to himself.
"How old is she" he asked in a broken voice.
"A year and 4 months she'll be 2 in November"
"No. No I won't believe you"
"Thank god!" Pete exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.
"Patrick" I pleaded but it fell on deaf ears he just merely put his hand up to silence me.
"Look girl your gigs up just walk away now you’re not getting a cent from him" Pete stepped up to me and put his hands on me to guide me to the door.
"Get your hands off of me" I said in a tone that made Pete back off.
"I don't have time for this. Your daughter has no time for this Patrick." I walked up behind him but he still didn't turn to look at me.
"Payton has Chronic myelogenous, an aggressive form of leukemia that will kill her before her 2nd birthday if she doesn't get a marrow transplant soon. She stopped responding to the radiation treatments 2 days ago."
Patrick turned to me then. The other 2 peoples eyes on me as well.
"That's not my problem, don't they have registries for that.. or a transplant list?" Patrick said a bit hesitantly.
I snorted
"She's been on the list for 8 months with no matches found. Much to my dismay she not only inherited your color of hair and eyes but also your AB- blood type." At this Patrick’s eyes got widened, his breathing became labored, and he just stared at me in disbelief.
"That IS your blood type right?" I came closer to him but he still didn't say anything.
"See Patrick I'm not here for your money, or your forgiveness or anything that you want to believe i can gain. I'm here because you are my last resort. The only thing that can save my daughter."
"So you’re saying if she weren't sick you wouldn't have told me" Patrick said still shocked.
I sighed
"Not unless she asked"
"SHE'S MY DAUGHTER AND YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT HER FROM ME, YOU DID KEEP HER FROM ME HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!" he grabbed both my arms and shook me. His fingers digging painfully into my flesh. Pete quickly ran over and pushed him away from me. As much as he disliked me at the moment, he didn't like the kill look his best friend had given me as he grabbed me. Patrick just glared at me.
"I was 19. 19 and pregnant by some guy I met at a club and got drunk with who ended up leaving before I even woke up. You didn't leave a number so I had no way of contacting you."
"That's not fair its not the same" he said with his eyes downcast.
"No you're right it isn't but I did what I thought best. It was obvious that you got what you wanted from me and you wanted nothing else to do with me, so I left it at that. why pursue anything so that everyone could say that I did it to trap you? I wasn't going to stand for you rejecting her. I wasn't going to be that girl who hunted down the father of her kid and forced him into something he didn't want"
"I would never.."
"Whatever you say but your actions spoke louder than your words."
"How would you know what I wanted if you never even asked me." He said with anger coming back to his tone. I sighed there was no winning this. My work pager went off and I looked to see what the message was.
MsgFrom:3128075496 Payton’s cell count dropped 1 percent.
I sighed in frustration and sadness. Everyone in the room just looked at me. I picked up my purse from the chair and turned to Patrick.
"Look Patrick, I can't turn back time. I can't change the past and I can't give you the year you lost with her but I'm asking you, No as a mother I am begging you to give her a future. You’re the only one who can. You lived fine with the fact that you walked out on me without even saying goodbye but this is your daughter. I am trying to fix my mistake, you can do the same. She needs you now and our past mistakes have to be pushed aside for her sake."
with that said I took a picture out of my purse and put it on the table in front of him. It was of Payton at the botanical gardens just before she was diagnosed with cancer. She was going to grab a butterfly and her face was just ecstatic at seeing her new little friend. He blue/green eyes shinning and her red hair flowing down her shoulder. I walked away from him and towards the door and I heard him move and pick up the picture and he began to sob. Walking out of the room I had to pass Alicia and Pete who didn't hesitate to give me death glares. I just shrugged them off and walked out. Now it was all a waiting game to see if Patrick would come around. For a second I wished things had been different. That I hadn't been so scared of what ifs when I was pregnant and I had made the call to Lupe back then instead of now. He would have been there for Payton since the beginning; he would have been there to support me those late nights when i had to be up till 2 because Payton wouldn't go to sleep. I wouldn't trade it for the world i loved my daughter but having the support would have been better than doing it alone. Then the bad thoughts crept in, the ones that had convinced me to stay away in the first place. The fact that he was always on tour would have made it exactly like it was now. I let out a sigh and turned the engine to my jeep on. There really is no way to know what could have happened. All I had to focus on was getting Payton better. Whatever it took.
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