Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance
This Is How I Disappear
6 reviews"Frank just leave me alone, I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now, especially you..." [Frerard][ONE-SHOT][Language]
0Unrated
A/N - Normal writing is what’s happening in the present day. Italics are flashback. Underlined is Gerard’s thoughts and speech
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--beep--
--beep--
Why did you have to go and do a fucking stupid thing like that, Gerard?
--beep--
--beep--
I was walking down the path away from our house when I saw you leaning against that street lamp looking up in my direction. It was cold, it was dark and quite frankly, (excuse the pun) I didn’t have time for your shit tonight. As I approached you, not to quiet either I must admit, the look of disgust on your face was obvious, the light above us casting shadows over all your delicate features.
--beep--
--beep--
"Frank just leave me alone, I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now, especially you..."
Shit, he called me Frank, not Frankie or Frankles. Just, Frank. Boy he must be pretty pissed at me. Wait, what the hell did I do wrong?! It wasn't my fault that Mikey couldn't keep his hands to himself when he was drunk, which wasn't very often I must add. Okay, fine, whatever, I'm a little drunk too, but it was just a bit of fun nothing serious.
--beep--
--beep--
Oh, Gerard, please just wake up, I'm just so sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen, certainly not to you. I don't think I could live with the fact that knowing, that, your death. . . Was mostly my fault.
--beep--
--beep--
"For Christ’s sake, Gerard. Just listen to me for once in your whole lifetime!"
You laughed at me, not `cause you were happy. Because I must look so pathetic, trying to make up for my mistakes like this.
"You're so pathetic. You think you can just waltz your way up here, thinking that if you apologize, that we'll kiss and make up? Hah, if that’s what you think, you're sorely mistaken."
See, what I tell ya? I watched you as you turned your back on me and started to walk away.
“Gee. . . Why are you so shook up about this, he doesn’t mean anything to me like you do. Well, you are the one......The one that lies close to me. Whispers, hello, I miss you quite terribly…. I fell in love, in love with you, not with your brother.”
You stared at me for a moment, I don’t know if you were awestruck, or just thinking of a way to beat the living daylights out of me.
“There's things that I have done, I have seen, you never. . .
Should ever know. I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Goodbye, Frankie”
And with that you disappeared down the street, into the darkness; as if out of my life.
--beep-
--beep--
You ever had one of those out of body type experiences? That’s what I’m having right about now. I can see Frank sitting in the chair next to a hospital bed, there’s a guy in that bed. There’s wires and tubes sticking out of every visible orifice of his body. I hate to think what’s under the sheets. I cant really tell who it is, his black hair is matted to his face, and there’s blood too.
--beep--
--beep--
It seems he doesn’t have much more time to live, judging by the sounds of the heart-monitor. Beep, beep, fucking beep is all I hear. Pffft Frank is crying, what a pussy. He never cried over me, this guy must be pretty fucking important.
--beep--
--beep--
He’s not responding. I’m scared, I’m so bloody scared it’s even not funny. If I lose him. . . No, I don’t even want to think about this, I don’t want to. Not now, not ever! I jumped out of my chair and threw my arms around the unconscious, barely with me, Mr. Way.
“Gerard, I don’t care what you think of me now I still love you, and I always will!!”
--beep--
--beep--
Shit. Frank did NOT just say what I think he said. He couldn’t have. That isn’t me.... It can’t be. Oh god, I’ve screwed up big this time. Okay, can I take back everything I previously said? I can’t? .................... Damn.
--beep--
--beep--
Gerard, you’re so cold. I pulled the blankets up over your shoulders so if this really was the end, you’d go peacefully in a nice warm bed. Unlike in that muddy ditch near the river where we found you.
“Tell me Frank. Do you think I’ll ever make it to heaven?”
“I don’t know about you, but.... Gerard, I’ve already reached heaven, it’s with you.”
“I love you Frankie”
”I love you too, Gee”
--beep--
--beep--
Oh Frankie, I wish I hadn’t jumped to those conclusions. I wish I had listened to you. I wish.... I was still with you, to be awake right now. Spending my possibly last moments with you. I’m going to die alone, with you. So close, yet so far away with no way to reach you and you wouldn’t even notice me standing here. I’m crying, I don’t care.
You’re worth crying over.
--beep--
--beep-
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
“NO!! GEE, COME BACK!!”
Gerard had stopped breathing and I started panicking.
“NURSE, QUICK! PLEASE HELP HIM!!”
The nurses rushed in and pushed me out of the way, like I was a piece of furniture blocking a doorway. I felt so very, very small.
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
Oh my god, what’s happening to me? Frankie, why are you leaving? Don’t leave me yet, please.
“FRANK WHY CANT YOU HEAR ME, COME BACK HERE! ..............................
Please, I don’t want to die alone...”
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
“GERARD, I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU—“
“PLEASE FRANK IM BEGGING YOU—“
“BECAUSE—“
“I—“
“STILL—“
“LOVE—“
“YOU!!!”
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
Mother fucker, how DARE he do something like that to ME?! He’s supposed to love me, bull--SHIT. That’s the last time I’M EVER TAKING HIS SHIT AGAIN! He’s going to regret it too, bastard. I’m speeding now, yeah so what? It’s a stolen car, doesn’t matter where I’m going anyways. Let’s see if Frank’s right. Let’s see if I get to heaven. I can see the river up ahead. Perfect. Let’s go a little faster, try a little harder. You wanna see how far down I can sink? Up the banks of the river and---
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
That felt fantastic. It’s colder in here than I would have expected. Ah my seatbelt is caught around my throat! Shit, I can’t breathe. I’m having second thoughts! Someone! Anyone! Please... HELP ME!!”
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
“I’m calling it… Time of death, 11:48pm”
No, the nurse didn’t just say that did she? I pulled back curtains and strode in.
“Sir! It’s best if you don’t come in yet!”
I tried to look over her shoulder, but y’know, being the world’s smallest mammal and all I couldn’t. I ducked under her arm and rushed over to Gerard.
“No, he’s not… Please tell me he’s not!”
Gerard was lying there, motionless. His gown was unbuttoned and pulled down to his stomach exposing the pale flesh of his torso that I had memorized so well. I knelt down, resting my head in my arms upon his chest, no longer rising nor falling. I would never hear my favourite song ever again, the steady beating of his heart.
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Iero. There was nothing we could do for him, he was too far gone. But he wasn’t in any pain at all when he died.”
I stared at her. How could she possible know how Gee, my Gerard felt in his last moments?
“He was in pain, a lot of it. And you know why? Because he died alone. I promised him, if worst ever came to worst, I would be with him as he passed. I couldn’t even carry out his last wishes for him. His heart is broken, in more ways than you could ever know. That anyone could ever know!”
I think I scared her, she’s backing away know. I watched her as she left the room with the other nurses. I stayed there for a while with him; I couldn’t believe he was really gone. I stood up and trailed my hands up to his face, as I leant down and placed a final kiss to his chapped and faded lips. I don’t know if it was my imagination, or because I was in a state of shock, but as I walked out of the hospital room I swear I could hear him singing to me.
“I'm just a ghost, so I can't hurt you anymore, so I can't hurt you anymore.”
“And without you, is how I disappear”
”And without you, is how I disappear”
”Forever.”
” Forever now...”
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--beep--
--beep--
Why did you have to go and do a fucking stupid thing like that, Gerard?
--beep--
--beep--
I was walking down the path away from our house when I saw you leaning against that street lamp looking up in my direction. It was cold, it was dark and quite frankly, (excuse the pun) I didn’t have time for your shit tonight. As I approached you, not to quiet either I must admit, the look of disgust on your face was obvious, the light above us casting shadows over all your delicate features.
--beep--
--beep--
"Frank just leave me alone, I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now, especially you..."
Shit, he called me Frank, not Frankie or Frankles. Just, Frank. Boy he must be pretty pissed at me. Wait, what the hell did I do wrong?! It wasn't my fault that Mikey couldn't keep his hands to himself when he was drunk, which wasn't very often I must add. Okay, fine, whatever, I'm a little drunk too, but it was just a bit of fun nothing serious.
--beep--
--beep--
Oh, Gerard, please just wake up, I'm just so sorry. I never meant for anything like this to happen, certainly not to you. I don't think I could live with the fact that knowing, that, your death. . . Was mostly my fault.
--beep--
--beep--
"For Christ’s sake, Gerard. Just listen to me for once in your whole lifetime!"
You laughed at me, not `cause you were happy. Because I must look so pathetic, trying to make up for my mistakes like this.
"You're so pathetic. You think you can just waltz your way up here, thinking that if you apologize, that we'll kiss and make up? Hah, if that’s what you think, you're sorely mistaken."
See, what I tell ya? I watched you as you turned your back on me and started to walk away.
“Gee. . . Why are you so shook up about this, he doesn’t mean anything to me like you do. Well, you are the one......The one that lies close to me. Whispers, hello, I miss you quite terribly…. I fell in love, in love with you, not with your brother.”
You stared at me for a moment, I don’t know if you were awestruck, or just thinking of a way to beat the living daylights out of me.
“There's things that I have done, I have seen, you never. . .
Should ever know. I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Goodbye, Frankie”
And with that you disappeared down the street, into the darkness; as if out of my life.
--beep-
--beep--
You ever had one of those out of body type experiences? That’s what I’m having right about now. I can see Frank sitting in the chair next to a hospital bed, there’s a guy in that bed. There’s wires and tubes sticking out of every visible orifice of his body. I hate to think what’s under the sheets. I cant really tell who it is, his black hair is matted to his face, and there’s blood too.
--beep--
--beep--
It seems he doesn’t have much more time to live, judging by the sounds of the heart-monitor. Beep, beep, fucking beep is all I hear. Pffft Frank is crying, what a pussy. He never cried over me, this guy must be pretty fucking important.
--beep--
--beep--
He’s not responding. I’m scared, I’m so bloody scared it’s even not funny. If I lose him. . . No, I don’t even want to think about this, I don’t want to. Not now, not ever! I jumped out of my chair and threw my arms around the unconscious, barely with me, Mr. Way.
“Gerard, I don’t care what you think of me now I still love you, and I always will!!”
--beep--
--beep--
Shit. Frank did NOT just say what I think he said. He couldn’t have. That isn’t me.... It can’t be. Oh god, I’ve screwed up big this time. Okay, can I take back everything I previously said? I can’t? .................... Damn.
--beep--
--beep--
Gerard, you’re so cold. I pulled the blankets up over your shoulders so if this really was the end, you’d go peacefully in a nice warm bed. Unlike in that muddy ditch near the river where we found you.
“Tell me Frank. Do you think I’ll ever make it to heaven?”
“I don’t know about you, but.... Gerard, I’ve already reached heaven, it’s with you.”
“I love you Frankie”
”I love you too, Gee”
--beep--
--beep--
Oh Frankie, I wish I hadn’t jumped to those conclusions. I wish I had listened to you. I wish.... I was still with you, to be awake right now. Spending my possibly last moments with you. I’m going to die alone, with you. So close, yet so far away with no way to reach you and you wouldn’t even notice me standing here. I’m crying, I don’t care.
You’re worth crying over.
--beep--
--beep-
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
“NO!! GEE, COME BACK!!”
Gerard had stopped breathing and I started panicking.
“NURSE, QUICK! PLEASE HELP HIM!!”
The nurses rushed in and pushed me out of the way, like I was a piece of furniture blocking a doorway. I felt so very, very small.
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
Oh my god, what’s happening to me? Frankie, why are you leaving? Don’t leave me yet, please.
“FRANK WHY CANT YOU HEAR ME, COME BACK HERE! ..............................
Please, I don’t want to die alone...”
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
“GERARD, I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU—“
“PLEASE FRANK IM BEGGING YOU—“
“BECAUSE—“
“I—“
“STILL—“
“LOVE—“
“YOU!!!”
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
Mother fucker, how DARE he do something like that to ME?! He’s supposed to love me, bull--SHIT. That’s the last time I’M EVER TAKING HIS SHIT AGAIN! He’s going to regret it too, bastard. I’m speeding now, yeah so what? It’s a stolen car, doesn’t matter where I’m going anyways. Let’s see if Frank’s right. Let’s see if I get to heaven. I can see the river up ahead. Perfect. Let’s go a little faster, try a little harder. You wanna see how far down I can sink? Up the banks of the river and---
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
That felt fantastic. It’s colder in here than I would have expected. Ah my seatbelt is caught around my throat! Shit, I can’t breathe. I’m having second thoughts! Someone! Anyone! Please... HELP ME!!”
--beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~--
“I’m calling it… Time of death, 11:48pm”
No, the nurse didn’t just say that did she? I pulled back curtains and strode in.
“Sir! It’s best if you don’t come in yet!”
I tried to look over her shoulder, but y’know, being the world’s smallest mammal and all I couldn’t. I ducked under her arm and rushed over to Gerard.
“No, he’s not… Please tell me he’s not!”
Gerard was lying there, motionless. His gown was unbuttoned and pulled down to his stomach exposing the pale flesh of his torso that I had memorized so well. I knelt down, resting my head in my arms upon his chest, no longer rising nor falling. I would never hear my favourite song ever again, the steady beating of his heart.
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Iero. There was nothing we could do for him, he was too far gone. But he wasn’t in any pain at all when he died.”
I stared at her. How could she possible know how Gee, my Gerard felt in his last moments?
“He was in pain, a lot of it. And you know why? Because he died alone. I promised him, if worst ever came to worst, I would be with him as he passed. I couldn’t even carry out his last wishes for him. His heart is broken, in more ways than you could ever know. That anyone could ever know!”
I think I scared her, she’s backing away know. I watched her as she left the room with the other nurses. I stayed there for a while with him; I couldn’t believe he was really gone. I stood up and trailed my hands up to his face, as I leant down and placed a final kiss to his chapped and faded lips. I don’t know if it was my imagination, or because I was in a state of shock, but as I walked out of the hospital room I swear I could hear him singing to me.
“I'm just a ghost, so I can't hurt you anymore, so I can't hurt you anymore.”
“And without you, is how I disappear”
”And without you, is how I disappear”
”Forever.”
” Forever now...”
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