FicWad

I woke up in the morning not feeling refreshed and replenished. In fact, I didn’t even wake up in the morning. I slept from about one o’clock in the morning until around about three. I lay next to Kate, I knew that she was awake too, but I didn’t say a word. Yet again we’d gone to bed allowing an argument to stew between us, we didn’t clear the air and we didn’t make things right. I must’ve dropped off at around five, and when the sound of my alarm clock rang through the room I groaned into my pillow too tired to turn it off.

Being accused of having an affair isn’t nice, especially when you’re not sure if you’re having one or not. It’s fair to say I was confused about my feelings towards Beth. Not only because she’s beautiful, but mainly because I don’t want to fall into any more clichés. It’s always been an issue for me, clichés, because I constantly fear the inescapable. That is, being 80 years old and with a wife I don’t love, children that won’t speak to me and grandchildren I’ve never met. I don’t want to end up like that.

Thinking about being with Kate ‘til death do us part’ has frightened me since the day I said it. Last night, Kate threatened to get rid of the baby if I didn’t stop seeing ‘whoever the slut was’. It made me think, being a dad would be amazing and I was scared, literally struck still with fear, that she would actually get rid of it. For the first time since I was little I wanted to be a father.

After driving home from my date (Was it a date?) with Beth, I assumed that Kate wouldn’t mind that I was an hour or so late. How wrong was I? I placed my key in the door and turned it, as I stepped into the house my blood ran cold. Kate had prepared a special dinner, she had time to because of my ‘Late working hours’ and had even allowed herself a glass of wine for the occasion.

The table was all set up, there were two candle placed in the centre of it and two of our best dinner plates had been laid out on either side. My food was still there, and was almost as cold as the atmosphere around us. The bottle of wine was empty and Kate stumbled through screaming and shouting the odds. It would have been a perfect evening of uncomfortable dining, had I not been late.

“You’re having an affair, that’s why you’re late” She slurred, stumbling a little as she went to sit down in the living room. I followed her through, catching her just before she slipped and fell onto our newly installed laminate flooring. Funnily enough, she said it would be better for us to have laminate flooring for when we had children, “I don’t want to … Hic … Have someone’s baby, when he’s fucking someone else. Who is she? Who are you fucking?”

“No one. It’s only you, come on let’s get some water.” I took her by the arm to try and lead her into the kitchen, but she shook me off and stormed out of my grasp.

“LEAVE ME ALONE.” She bellowed through her sobs, she ran the tap cold and poured herself a glass of water and turned on the kettle. Three coffees later she was sober but was still livid. She made her way back to the front room, coffee number four in hand, and sat down making a point to ignore me.

“Look, Kate, I’m sorry I wasn’t home in time. I’m sorry I missed the meal, it looked like it would have been really romantic,” I didn’t seem to be helping the situation, she had tears trickling down her face and her lower lip was quivering, “Sorry”

“If you’re not committed to having this baby, I’m going to get rid of it. I don’t think you want it, and I can’t raise a child on my own. I’m going to get an abortion.” Her voice was unsteady, the cup was shaking in her hand and little droplets of coffee tipped onto her cream skirt, staining it.

“No, no, no, no, no. That’s not what I want, I want this baby,” I choked a little on the next few words, knowing that I wanted the baby, but not sure if I meant what I was about to say, “And … I want you”

“I need some more coffee,” She handed me the cup, “Will you make it?”

“Okay” I took the cup out of her hand and walked into the kitchen. We had three rooms down stairs, Kate had left her own stamp on the lay out of this house, and we’d done everything just as she wanted it. As you entered the house in the front doorway, you were immediately faced with the stairs leading to my bathroom and the three upstairs bedrooms.

To the left of the staircase there was the living room, and to the right was the dining room. Everything in the living room was cream, plain and quite boring in my opinion but that’s just how Kate liked it. There were no doors downstairs except for the front door, everything was open plan. The cream sofa was up against the wall and the TV was in the corner, to the right of the fireplace.

Kate was sat at the end of the couch when I walked into the room with her coffee. She was crying gently, trying to make sure that I wouldn’t be able to hear, but I could. I didn’t want to walk in to comfort her, when people cried it made me very uncomfortable, another reason for me to give up my job and become a shopkeeper. Ok, so I wouldn’t become a shopkeeper but you get the point, right?

“Uh … Kate?” She wiped her eyes as I put the drink down on the coffee table, in front of her.

“Are you having an affair? What’s she like? Is she prettier than me? Why did you marry me if you love her?” She didn’t give me a chance to answer, she just continued to ramble on and on, “I can see why because I’m going to get huge and fat and frumpy and I’m going to look terrible. WHYAREYOUHAVINGANAFFAIR? Whydidn’tyoujust …havesexwithme? That’stheproblem,nowI’mpregant. Gaaah!”

“I’m not having an affair!” I bellowed above all of the noise that she was emitting.

I tried to back away slowly. Taking one step back, she started to ramble. By my third step backwards she had raised her voice. I was back in the kitchen and she was shouting, making sure

Kate went completely mental, I’m not sure if any of my patients have ever been as bad as she had just become. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, she rushed everything she said. Oh God, she hadn’t stopped shouting for over five minutes. I couldn’t hear her properly, it was damn near impossible to understand her.

“I’mgoingtobeddon’teventhinkaboutfollowiingmeupyoucansleepinthespareroomtonight” She exhaled heavily and ran up the stairs, and if we had any, she would’ve slammed the door.

“Night Hun” I call after her, hoping I might win back her favour.

“Good Night” She yelled back down the stairs, “Don’t bother coming to bed tonight – You’re on the sofa”

“Oh, it’s so over,” I mumble to myself, “So, so, so over”

I flipped up the screen of my mobile and brought up the messages section. I read through some of my old text messages when an idea struck me, I might not be so bored if I text Beth. I directed the phone to the empty space, where I hit a mini form of writers block. What was I going to say? I felt slightly nervous, trying not to be too flirty, trying to be flirty enough. I’d like to say the dating game was tricky, but technically, I’m not dating her.

“Really enjoyed my coffee and cake. Looking forward to tomorrow. Patrick” Should I add a kiss? If I added a kiss it may look flirty, and I may just come across as a man slut. Then again, if I didn’t add a kiss, she probably wouldn’t add a kiss. Oh God, I wanted her to add a kiss.

I deleted the message and started again.

“Coffee and cake delicious. Company wasn’t bad ;]. Looking forward to tomorrow. Patrick x” I’ll add the kiss, definitely adding the kiss.

I deleted the message again. What if she thought I was insulting her purposely? It was harmless flirting, she’d get that right? What if I gave her the wrong impression? She knows that nothing can happen. So do I, well, morally I don’t want things to happen. But I’m pretty sure my baby was conceived because of Beth, after all, I was thinking about her at the time.

I started again, whatever I wrote now; I was going to send it.

“Hey Beth, looking forward to coffee and cakes tomorrow. Do you want to spend lunch with me? Had fun tonight, hope you did too! Patrick x” She’d given me her mobile number just before she’d gotten out of the car, she told me to text her when I got in, and that’s what I was doing now. I pressed the send button, and waited for her to text me back. I didn’t have to wait long, but the time it did take seemed almost millennium-like.

“Enjoyed it too. Sure, lunch sounds good. What about after work? We still on for that? Or did you get into too much trouble? Much Love Beth x” Came the reply. I didn’t want to put her off for tomorrow night, so when I replied, I lied.

“No, no trouble at all. Yeah, we’re still on. Can’t wait to taste Becca’s cakes again. Ps sorry for going all emo about my dad. Patrick

“Totally understandable (: My life hasn’t always been all coffee and cakes you know. Beth x