Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Time Warp
By Saoirse The Irish Colleen
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. All /RHPS /lyrics and associated materials are the sole property of Jim Sharman, Richard O'Brien, Richard Hartley, Lou Adler, and Michael White.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their clothes saturated, molded to their shivering bodies Katie and Percy ran up to the castle doors in hopes of finding temporary shelter or at least a tolerant host who would let them use their owlery. Percy pulled the bell chain that bore a striking resemblance to the Hand of Fate and a funeral march chimed. Katie had her doubts and each time when lightning stuck she looked up to see whose flag flew at the top of the castle, but could not make it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dumbledore finished crushing some lemon drops into a fine powder with his charmed mortar and pestle for Fawkes to nibble on and continued his tale.
"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Percy and Katie and that they had found the assistance their plight required- or had they?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Percy, let's go back. I'm cold and I'm /frightened/!" Katie quaked rubbing her arms to conserve whatever body heat she had left after getting doused by the rain.
"Just a moment Kate, they may let us use their owlery." The colossal black wood and iron door moaned open to reveal a short man in a butler's uniform which looked to be two sizes too small. His eyes were sunken in, rims tinged red. His skin was so pallid it had a bluish hue that contrasted with his greasy long brown hair. And they thought Professor Snape could use some fashion tips!
"Hello." He drawled in a northern accent. Percy took his hand in a firm handshake.
"Good evening. My name is Percy Weasley, former Head Boy of Gryffindor House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this is my friend Katie Bell, student of Hogwarts and Gryffindor House Team Quidditch Chaser. You see our flying car's had a break down a few miles up the road. Might we use your owlery?" The butler clicked his buckteeth and scanned the pair hungrily. Percy was oblivious and Katie was ready to draw out her wand to Avada Kedavra the stranger.
"You're wet." The butler remarked flatly.
"Yes. It's raining," Katie uselessly pointed out.
"Yes." Percy reiterated feeling awkward. The lightning struck again, only a great deal closer illuminating the castle catching the two Gryffindors' attention and saw seven /Nimbus 2001 /broomsticks leaning up against a dying hedge.
"Yes," the butler distracted them, "I think perhaps you'd better both come inside." He stepped aside to give them access to the foyer. Percy took Katie's hand and led her in.
"You're too kind," Katie's protuberant eyes shot Percy's back with lasers. A great clamor of jazzy music and laughter trailed from behind the main gallery's closed doors. Katie and Percy so reluctant to move from their place in the entrance hall looked all round at the disturbing and grotesque artwork and artifacts that made up the decorum of the house. It also hadn't looked like it was lived in considering cobwebs hung everywhere and great clouds of dust rose from the carpet each time someone took a step. "Oh Percy I'm frightened!" Katie said wrenching his hand tighter. "What sort of a castle is this?" She hissed. Tentatively they followed the butler, now in better light could see that he had a hunchback busying himself with relocating his candelabrum.
"Probably a hunting lodge for some wealthy wizarding weirdoes," Percy mused.
"This way," the butler instructed leading them deeper into the corridor.
"Are you having a party?" Katie piped up. The butler's face split in an odd grin and faced the two unexpected arrivals.
"You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs." The three paused in front of the staircase.
"Oh lucky him." Katie replied. They did not see the person stroking a dust cloth along the banister above.
"You're lucky. He's lucky. I'm lucky," she drawled in a thick French accent, then slung a long fishnet stockinged leg over the railing and slid down slamming into the pedestal in the shape of a Manticore. "WE'RE ALL LUCKY!" She cackled throwing a feather duster to the butler. Jumping from her perch, the woman wore a tight French Maid's costume, stiletto boots, and the cap had to be magicked to her scalp because her auburn hair was so wild and teased with hair care charms and potions. The butler swung open a coffin-shaped grandfather clock containing a skeleton that began to strike midnight.
(Peter Pettigrew)
It's astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
/The maid sighs in pleasure, licking glossy cherry lips at Percy and Katie's expressions/
But listen closely
(Fleur Delacoeur)
Not for very much longer
(Peter Pettigrew)
I've got to- keep control
I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me
(Peter & Fleur)
And the void would be calling
/They chased Katie and Percy round a green and silver statue of a wizard to the main gallery's doors that burst open/
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
/Every Slytherin student fourth year and up were in attendance along with their parents who were on the dance floor. Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle, and the entire Slytherin Quidditch team hung to the side and exploded in laughter and taunts when they saw their Gryffindor adversaries/
Let's do the time warp again
/Dumbledore transfigured the projection screen into a chart depicting moving dance steps/
Dumbledore
It's just a jump to the left
/The Slytherin alumni leapt into the /Time Warp's /first position/
(Slytherin Chorus)
And then a step to the right
Dumbledore
With your hands on your hips
/The Slytherin alumni snapped their knees together in a conga line/
(Slytherin Chorus)
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/Fleur gracefully sailed from the gallery's steps and joined in the dancing/
(Fleur Delacoeur)
It's so dreamy
Oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension
With voyeuristic intension
Well secluded I see all
/Hypnotically Katie and Percy walked down to the gallery following Fleur's every move when Peter apparated from behind/
(Peter Pettigrew)
With a bit of a mind flip
(Fleur Delacoeur)
You're into the time slip
(Peter Pettigrew)
And nothing can ever be the same
(Fleur Delacoeur)
You're spaced out on sensation
(Peter Pettigrew)
Like you're under sedation
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/Katie looked at Pansy Parkinson sitting atop a muggle jukebox with charmed green and sliver chasing lights dressed in an outrageous sparkling outfit which was a short black robe thrown over a bustier and miniskirt. The silver top hat was pinned to her head, as her stylized bleach-blond ponytail was pulled up tight with a green satin ribbon/
(Pansy Parkinson)
Well I was walking down the street just a having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise
He rode a Firebolt and the devil's eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
/Dumbledore performed the Wingardium Leviosa spell on himself to left himself onto his desk/
Dumbledore
It's just a jump to the left
/Dumbledore got into the first position/
(Slytherin Chorus)
And then a step to the right
Dumbledore
With your hands on your hips
/Dumbledore got into the second position/
(Slytherin Chorus)
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
/Dumbledore pranced about his desk/
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/Pansy jumped down from the jukebox with a catlike yowl and began her tap dance routine across the ballroom, then just as she was finishing her pirouettes Pansy crashed to the floor/
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
Dumbledore
It's just a jump to the left
/Pansy stalks over to the dancing crowd and Fleur and Peter join her/
(Slytherin Chorus)
And then a step to the right
Dumbledore
With your hands on your hips
(Slytherin Chorus)
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
/Katie nudges Percy and nods to him as they silently shuffle to the exit in hopes that no one would notice and as one they climb the steps up backwards/
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/The company falls to the floor and Malfoy, his henchmen, and the Quidditch team look on nonplussed/
Katie jogged Percy's elbow, as they stood wide-eyed and stupid in the open doorway. "Say something," Katie whispered.
"Say!" Percy exclaimed loud enough for the company to bolt up from where they were lying, "do any of you know how to Madison?" Katie groaned then snatched his arm steering him out into the corridor.
"Percy, please let's get out of here."
"For the Gods sakes keep a grip on yourself Kate." He said through a stiff grin.
"But it seems so unhealthy here." Katie replied keeping one eye on the dancers who were rising from the floor like charmed cobras and the furtively conferring Quidditch team lifting hands to shield their conspiring whispers from time to time.
"It's just a party Katie."
"Well I want to go!" She huffed.
Percy's patience was wearing thin and his wet boxers were beginning to ride up and make him itch. "We can't go anywhere until I get permission to use their owlery."
"Then ask for a house elf or something!" Katie threw her hands up.
"Just a moment Katie. We don't want to interfere with their celebration," and Percy brought his voice down an octave, "we should keep a relative peace with the dungeon-dwellers outside of school."
"I heard that, Weasel!" Flint snarled.
"This isn't the Wizarding Chamber of Commerce Percy!" Katie hissed not wanting to feel Flint's fury off the pitch.
"They're probably hosting some foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more... folk dancing!" Katie was being pushed to her limits and refused to tolerate Percy any longer.
"Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!"
Percy shook his head curtly, "I'm here, there's nothing to worry about." Not only did Percy's overconfident comment fail to alleviate Katie's fears she felt the brush of something against her back. She spun round and saw the heavily made up face of a towering blonde man and screeched before the world went black...
TO BE CONTINUED IN /"SWEET TRANSVESTITE"/!
By Saoirse The Irish Colleen
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. All /RHPS /lyrics and associated materials are the sole property of Jim Sharman, Richard O'Brien, Richard Hartley, Lou Adler, and Michael White.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Their clothes saturated, molded to their shivering bodies Katie and Percy ran up to the castle doors in hopes of finding temporary shelter or at least a tolerant host who would let them use their owlery. Percy pulled the bell chain that bore a striking resemblance to the Hand of Fate and a funeral march chimed. Katie had her doubts and each time when lightning stuck she looked up to see whose flag flew at the top of the castle, but could not make it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dumbledore finished crushing some lemon drops into a fine powder with his charmed mortar and pestle for Fawkes to nibble on and continued his tale.
"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Percy and Katie and that they had found the assistance their plight required- or had they?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Percy, let's go back. I'm cold and I'm /frightened/!" Katie quaked rubbing her arms to conserve whatever body heat she had left after getting doused by the rain.
"Just a moment Kate, they may let us use their owlery." The colossal black wood and iron door moaned open to reveal a short man in a butler's uniform which looked to be two sizes too small. His eyes were sunken in, rims tinged red. His skin was so pallid it had a bluish hue that contrasted with his greasy long brown hair. And they thought Professor Snape could use some fashion tips!
"Hello." He drawled in a northern accent. Percy took his hand in a firm handshake.
"Good evening. My name is Percy Weasley, former Head Boy of Gryffindor House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and this is my friend Katie Bell, student of Hogwarts and Gryffindor House Team Quidditch Chaser. You see our flying car's had a break down a few miles up the road. Might we use your owlery?" The butler clicked his buckteeth and scanned the pair hungrily. Percy was oblivious and Katie was ready to draw out her wand to Avada Kedavra the stranger.
"You're wet." The butler remarked flatly.
"Yes. It's raining," Katie uselessly pointed out.
"Yes." Percy reiterated feeling awkward. The lightning struck again, only a great deal closer illuminating the castle catching the two Gryffindors' attention and saw seven /Nimbus 2001 /broomsticks leaning up against a dying hedge.
"Yes," the butler distracted them, "I think perhaps you'd better both come inside." He stepped aside to give them access to the foyer. Percy took Katie's hand and led her in.
"You're too kind," Katie's protuberant eyes shot Percy's back with lasers. A great clamor of jazzy music and laughter trailed from behind the main gallery's closed doors. Katie and Percy so reluctant to move from their place in the entrance hall looked all round at the disturbing and grotesque artwork and artifacts that made up the decorum of the house. It also hadn't looked like it was lived in considering cobwebs hung everywhere and great clouds of dust rose from the carpet each time someone took a step. "Oh Percy I'm frightened!" Katie said wrenching his hand tighter. "What sort of a castle is this?" She hissed. Tentatively they followed the butler, now in better light could see that he had a hunchback busying himself with relocating his candelabrum.
"Probably a hunting lodge for some wealthy wizarding weirdoes," Percy mused.
"This way," the butler instructed leading them deeper into the corridor.
"Are you having a party?" Katie piped up. The butler's face split in an odd grin and faced the two unexpected arrivals.
"You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs." The three paused in front of the staircase.
"Oh lucky him." Katie replied. They did not see the person stroking a dust cloth along the banister above.
"You're lucky. He's lucky. I'm lucky," she drawled in a thick French accent, then slung a long fishnet stockinged leg over the railing and slid down slamming into the pedestal in the shape of a Manticore. "WE'RE ALL LUCKY!" She cackled throwing a feather duster to the butler. Jumping from her perch, the woman wore a tight French Maid's costume, stiletto boots, and the cap had to be magicked to her scalp because her auburn hair was so wild and teased with hair care charms and potions. The butler swung open a coffin-shaped grandfather clock containing a skeleton that began to strike midnight.
(Peter Pettigrew)
It's astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
/The maid sighs in pleasure, licking glossy cherry lips at Percy and Katie's expressions/
But listen closely
(Fleur Delacoeur)
Not for very much longer
(Peter Pettigrew)
I've got to- keep control
I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me
(Peter & Fleur)
And the void would be calling
/They chased Katie and Percy round a green and silver statue of a wizard to the main gallery's doors that burst open/
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
/Every Slytherin student fourth year and up were in attendance along with their parents who were on the dance floor. Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle, and the entire Slytherin Quidditch team hung to the side and exploded in laughter and taunts when they saw their Gryffindor adversaries/
Let's do the time warp again
/Dumbledore transfigured the projection screen into a chart depicting moving dance steps/
Dumbledore
It's just a jump to the left
/The Slytherin alumni leapt into the /Time Warp's /first position/
(Slytherin Chorus)
And then a step to the right
Dumbledore
With your hands on your hips
/The Slytherin alumni snapped their knees together in a conga line/
(Slytherin Chorus)
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/Fleur gracefully sailed from the gallery's steps and joined in the dancing/
(Fleur Delacoeur)
It's so dreamy
Oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension
With voyeuristic intension
Well secluded I see all
/Hypnotically Katie and Percy walked down to the gallery following Fleur's every move when Peter apparated from behind/
(Peter Pettigrew)
With a bit of a mind flip
(Fleur Delacoeur)
You're into the time slip
(Peter Pettigrew)
And nothing can ever be the same
(Fleur Delacoeur)
You're spaced out on sensation
(Peter Pettigrew)
Like you're under sedation
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/Katie looked at Pansy Parkinson sitting atop a muggle jukebox with charmed green and sliver chasing lights dressed in an outrageous sparkling outfit which was a short black robe thrown over a bustier and miniskirt. The silver top hat was pinned to her head, as her stylized bleach-blond ponytail was pulled up tight with a green satin ribbon/
(Pansy Parkinson)
Well I was walking down the street just a having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise
He rode a Firebolt and the devil's eyes
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
/Dumbledore performed the Wingardium Leviosa spell on himself to left himself onto his desk/
Dumbledore
It's just a jump to the left
/Dumbledore got into the first position/
(Slytherin Chorus)
And then a step to the right
Dumbledore
With your hands on your hips
/Dumbledore got into the second position/
(Slytherin Chorus)
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
/Dumbledore pranced about his desk/
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/Pansy jumped down from the jukebox with a catlike yowl and began her tap dance routine across the ballroom, then just as she was finishing her pirouettes Pansy crashed to the floor/
(Slytherin Chorus)
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
Dumbledore
It's just a jump to the left
/Pansy stalks over to the dancing crowd and Fleur and Peter join her/
(Slytherin Chorus)
And then a step to the right
Dumbledore
With your hands on your hips
(Slytherin Chorus)
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
/Katie nudges Percy and nods to him as they silently shuffle to the exit in hopes that no one would notice and as one they climb the steps up backwards/
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
/The company falls to the floor and Malfoy, his henchmen, and the Quidditch team look on nonplussed/
Katie jogged Percy's elbow, as they stood wide-eyed and stupid in the open doorway. "Say something," Katie whispered.
"Say!" Percy exclaimed loud enough for the company to bolt up from where they were lying, "do any of you know how to Madison?" Katie groaned then snatched his arm steering him out into the corridor.
"Percy, please let's get out of here."
"For the Gods sakes keep a grip on yourself Kate." He said through a stiff grin.
"But it seems so unhealthy here." Katie replied keeping one eye on the dancers who were rising from the floor like charmed cobras and the furtively conferring Quidditch team lifting hands to shield their conspiring whispers from time to time.
"It's just a party Katie."
"Well I want to go!" She huffed.
Percy's patience was wearing thin and his wet boxers were beginning to ride up and make him itch. "We can't go anywhere until I get permission to use their owlery."
"Then ask for a house elf or something!" Katie threw her hands up.
"Just a moment Katie. We don't want to interfere with their celebration," and Percy brought his voice down an octave, "we should keep a relative peace with the dungeon-dwellers outside of school."
"I heard that, Weasel!" Flint snarled.
"This isn't the Wizarding Chamber of Commerce Percy!" Katie hissed not wanting to feel Flint's fury off the pitch.
"They're probably hosting some foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more... folk dancing!" Katie was being pushed to her limits and refused to tolerate Percy any longer.
"Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!"
Percy shook his head curtly, "I'm here, there's nothing to worry about." Not only did Percy's overconfident comment fail to alleviate Katie's fears she felt the brush of something against her back. She spun round and saw the heavily made up face of a towering blonde man and screeched before the world went black...
TO BE CONTINUED IN /"SWEET TRANSVESTITE"/!
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