FicWad

Chapter 1

I couldn't believe I was sitting here listening to him. After all, I had left my job as a "stage mom" to the members of Metallica seven months ago. This shouldn't have been happening. I was getting marred in two months; I didn't have time to be having this conversation.

"Sarah, I miss not having you around. I always had someone to confide in. Now that you're gone it's not the same. Not to mention I don't have anyone to keep me organized. Do you know I haven't been able to find my lucky sticks since you left?" Lars sat across from me in the semi dark limo holding his cell phone in his hands. He kept playing with the antenna, pulling it up and down before he tossed it down onto the seat. Looking at his cute little face was causing me to question my decision of quitting the job that I loved so much. When he finally met my eyes, he wore a pleading expression and I felt a twinge of guilt.

"You know I'm getting married next month. I can't go back out on the road with you guys. It would absolutely crush Robin if I did." I watched his face as he snickered at the mention of my fiancé. He and Lars didn't have exactly what you'd call a good repoire. From the first day I introduced him to the band, Lars had given him a hard time. He didn't have much use for anyone that didn't like rock music. Robin was more of a jazz fan and made the mistake of announcing that "Rock music is for mindless degenerates" in front of the band one day while they were setting up for rehearsal. I had just come from the dressing rooms, setting out their clothes for the show that evening, to see Lars in Robin's face pointing a bony finger into his chest.

"Degenerates? Is that what our fans are? Well guess what pal, you just called your girlfriend that. She lives for our music. Why don't you ask her?" At that point it got ugly. James had stepped in and begun tossing around insults of his own.

"Hey Robin, don't you have a band of merry men to get back to? I don't recall inviting you here tonight. In fact, this is a closed rehearsal. No one but the staff is supposed to be here." He handed off his guitar to Kirk and closed the gap between him and Robin. "Oh I almost forgot. Steve Erkel called, he wants his pants back." I watched in horror as James headed off the stage, glaring at me with those cold blue eyes. When he walked past me, he muttered "I know you can do better than that."

When the rest of the band converged like vultures on Robin, I figured it would be best to get him out of there. Grabbing him by his hand, I couldn't drag him off the stage fast enough. Then came the biggest mistake of his life. He stuck his hand in the air and extended his middle finger. It took all the strength I could muster to not slap him down into the floor. Things have been on edge with them since then.

"Bob said he heard you're going to work for the Dave Matthews band after the wedding." Lars had snapped me out of my thoughts when he spoke. "I've entertained the idea, but haven't made a final decision on it." Things sure do get around in this business. I had only been asked to tour with Dave Matthews a few days prior to my meeting with Lars. The fact that Bob had already caught wind of it was a surprise.

"I can't see you doing that. It's so... uh.... Not you Bettie." All the band members referred to me as Bettie from one time to another. One week after I had started working for them back in 1991, Kirk pointed out my uncanny resemblance to the 40's pin up Bettie Page. Since none of them could remember my name, it just kinda stuck. As time went on, I started to notice that none of them called me Sarah unless they were angry at me, or wanted me to take them serious. The fact that Lars was calling me that right now showed me that he was sincere.

"I have to do what's best for my marriage Lars." I stated. I knew where he was headed with his remark, and I didn't wish to go there. He and I had shared some heated discussions about my choice for a husband. He had made his opinions of Robin bluntly known to me, and everyone else.

"He controls you. You let him dictate everything you do, wear, and think. Is that really how you want to live your life? My God woman! You're 31 years old! You can make those choices yourself!" He always looked wild eyed when he went on these rants. Yep, here we go again. Second verse, same as the first. I sat there quietly and heard him out. I know there's no getting around it when he's in these moods. You would think after about fifteen years I would have known a little better. I shouldn't have stayed silent that long. Tonight, he hit me where it hurt.

"Sarah, why did you really leave? Don't tell me it's because you wanted a family. I know you better than that and I know it would take miracle from God, the Jaws of Life, and an act of Congress to pull you away from what you love so much. What did he say to make you give up your dream?" Lars was leaning to me, a few inches from my face. Taking my hands in his he held on to me trying to see the truth in my dark blue eyes. Why I couldn't lie to this man I'll never know.

"This is a lot deeper than you could possibly understand. I love Robin. He makes me happy... and me coming off the road will make him happy. End of story." I forced myself to look away from him before he could see the doubt on my face.

"I'm listening to what you're saying, but what I'm hearing is he pretty much said leave Met behind, or I'm gone. And what's the difference between touring with us, and touring with Dave Matthews?"

No sooner than those words crossed his lips, he knew the answer to his own question. He sat back in his seat and shook his head at me, frowning. "Fandens meisje... you told him didn't you?"

I would have given anything to be anywhere else at that moment. Getting out of the car wasn't an option, as we were on the interstate, going over 70 miles an hour. I no longer carried my "bag of tricks" (so the boys called it) filled with anything and everything to repair, restring, retouch, and replace. I also carried a roll of duct tape in it, which I would have found very useful in shutting Lars up right then.

Rolling my eyes, I took a cigarette out of my pack and started searching for a lighter. Digging past my keys, make up bag and wallet, I found the lipstick I had been looking for the week prior and a ticket stub from a yawn of a jazz concert, but no lighter. I heard the well-known clink of a Zippo top and the limo brightened. Looking up from my exploration in the deep abyss known to most of society as a purse, I saw Lars smiling at me, through the dancing flame. "Here Bettie, this one's yours anyway."

Taking the lighter from him, I lit my cigarette and inhaled deeply. I knew Robin wanted me to quit, and I would... in time. As I closed the top to the lighter, I noticed the familiar engraving on the front. The ace of spades. Closing my hand tightly around the cold metal casing, I looked to Lars. "Yes I told him. And don't 'damn girl' me. I learned a bit of your lingo along the way. Hiding behind your native tongue won't get you anywhere with me. I want to do this right and keeping secrets from Robin isn't the way to a good marriage. You have to have trust to build a healthy relationship."

"Doesn't that go for both parties involved?" He knew that he had won that little battle in the on going war that was my life. I shrank back unable to come up with an answer to his honest question. After a few puffs of my cigarette, I decided to change the subject. "Where did you find the lighter?" I asked, hoping he stick to the new topic.

"Funny story actually. We were sitting the break room at HQ the week after you left, and it came flying past my face along with some pictures, a necklace, and a pair of stiletto heels. I'm not sure what happened to the rest of the stuff, but I was able to find the lighter." He lit a cigarette of his own and rolled the window down allowing warm night air to permeate the limo.

"He was pissed huh?" I asked, flicking the ashes from the tip of my cigarette mindlessly. I could only imagine what happened when everyone finally realized I was gone. The testosterone show that was Lars was telling me about was something that I had lived through many times, but the one that was going on that day was one that I'm glad I didn't have to see.

When he finally answered, it was as if his mind was back at the day it all went down. "Pissed isn't the word for it Sarah. I don't think there's any one word that fits it. Maybe you should try, angry, hurt, sad, heartbroken, crushed, hostile, abandoned, dread-"

"Ok, ok... I get it. So I didn't handle it the best way. But Lars, there was no other way to handle it. Everyone assumed if they ignored it, then it didn't exist. None of you took me seriously when I said I was leaving. That's the price you pay when you don't listen. I had to move on with my life. It's time for me to take it to the next level." I flipped what was left of my cigarette out the window, and returned my attention to the man who was burning a whole in me with his glare.

Taking a drag, he rolled his head to the side and blew out the smoke in a dramatic breath. "Why don't you try telling him that?"