Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Demolition Lovers
Cami meets Mikey. It's a chemical romance... [This chapter brought to you by my Little Santi, who typed it for me.]
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Demolition Lovers
(#) PanicFOBAcademy26 2008-01-18
sorry if I got your hopes up with a review! Thank you for a shout-out! I wuv ya bad twin!Demolition Lovers
(#) ScreamoBallerina 2008-05-02
"Camille definitely had a thing for bassists!"
well that sounds like a certain someone I know...hunh I just can't think who
OK for the Constructive critiques:
1.) Some of the spacing makes the story (especially at the beginning) hard to follow. Use your paragraphs form 7th grade (full body paragraphs with meat)and PLEASE indent
2.) Nice start to the characters. DIg really deep as you develop them. Look at WHO they are not just what you wish them to be. Give them more life.
3.) Saying that Cami rules the school is great in the summary...but when she says “I rule this school." she begins to sound like a superficial character which I know she's not but just try and dig deeper.
4.) The plot is a little strained...you leave us readers with little to keep us hooked...try and make the plot clear in the first chapter and then lead us through it as the story continues.
Overall GREAT JOB!!!! Keep writing!!!!
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