FicWad

Chapter Fourteen

"Now we'll just raise the head of the bed as high as it can go and you can sit upright." The soothing voice of the therapist poured like syrup over the scene of organized chaos. Two sturdy orderlies stood at hand, one on each side of the narrow bed, ready to support the man who was the object of the exercise. The Healer Aquelev leaned forward on the balls of his feet, unaware that his nervous movements reflected the posture of the attendants. Kalek watched the proceedings with concentration, ready to call a halt at the first sign of any undue stress on his surgical handiwork. Various nurses and technicians paced like clockwork figures around the room, doing nothing to any apparent purpose save adding to the stir.

As the tall, pale man on the bed was moved into a sitting position, Aquelev glided forward to place his hand lightly on the right arm. From this touch, he would monitor the level of pain and provide a constantly varying flow of analgesic spells to mitigate the worst of it. One orderly swung the patient's legs over the side of the bed and manually flexed the knee on the artificial left limb so that Nooj could sit more normally. It was the first time he had been vertical since the encounter with Sin and he was free of the various tubes which had kept him tethered to the bed. The catheter had finally been removed. He had not realized how much the recovery of even that small amount of autonomy would mean.

He reached to adjust the spectacles which were slipping down his nose and immediately lost his balance when the right arm was no longer supporting him. Quick hands gently braced his shoulders and prevented a fall back to the mattress. "There, it's all right. Just sit still and try to focus."

"Get out of my mind," Nooj glared at Aquelev. "I've told you to stay out. I can handle this."

"No, you can't. If I stop reinforcing your own controls, you won't be able to take it." The Healer assumed his professional role.

"Let me try. I have to know." With a sudden scream, he jerked against the grip of his supporters, almost tearing free as Aquelev removed, then hastily replaced the blocking spells. Nooj was pallid, bathed in an icy sweat as he pulled himself up, straightening his back and fumbling for his dignity. "I wasn't ready. You took me off guard."

"Want to try it again?" The question was flat and toneless. Cringing inside, Aquelev dared show no hesitance in his treatment of his friend and patient.

"No. Let it go. Just stay as minor as you can. When do I start to walk?"

Kalek bent to examine the implantation sites. "No damage. That's good. Walk? You have to learn how to use the limbs first. Today, you can sit up on the side of the bed for a little while. Same thing this afternoon. Tomorrow, we'll get you into a chair and a longer time sitting. When you can stay in the chair most of the day and if the incisions are still healing well, then the therapist will start on the exercises."

Nooj shook his head, "That's too long. I don't want to wait."

The surgeon exchanged glances with the head of therapy, one of the Al Bhed who had developed the new limbs. "Very well, we can change the order in which you learn to use the neural connectors and start on the hand rather than the arm. You have to be able to sit up for several hours first, you understand?"

A grim nod was the reply, "I'll do what it takes. Let me try the chair this afternoon."

Kalek raised a brow. "You can try." He looked with grudging admiration at the man holding himself with such brittle determination, refusing to submit to the demands of his weakened body. "I think you had better lie down now. It won't do any good to overtire on your first venture. Rest and think about this afternoon."

With a silent gesture of assent, Nooj permitted the attendants to help him return to his former position. The first hurdle was past.

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"Why are you changing the program?" Aquelev asked his fellow countryman.

"No reason not to." Kalek noted with satisfaction his hands were steady today. "Do you know Palange? No? Well, he's the one who was by the bed this morning. The one I checked with. He led the team which developed the machina with artificial intelligence. He's also going to be the therapist for Nooj since he trained in that field as well. If he thinks he can do it this way, it's all right. The main thing is to keep the patient cooperative and fully involved."

"Oh, I don't have any doubt Nooj will keep his word. He a bit of a fanatic on that front. Just warn Palange his patient will take over the program unless he's very firm." Aquelev looked thoughtful. "I wish I knew what made him change his mind so suddenly. I don't know his motives and that worries me."

"I thought you were his best friend."

"Nooj doesn't have a best friend. He let me get closer to him than most but he's still a very private person who keeps himself to himself. If he has something in mind, nobody will know until the last minute."

Kalek asked with concern. "You're doing all the pain control by yourself, aren't you? Is it too much being on call all the time? I can assign another Healer to spell you if you need some time off."

Aquelev shook his head. "Nooj never asks for me. He'd rather hurt than admit weakness now he's over the first day or so. And it's better for his peace of mind to have me the one who intervenes when it's necessary. He would waste his strength fighting a stranger. I'll tell you if I need help later. Are you pleased with the progress?"

"By and large, I am." Kalek answered slowly. "You said he was strong. At first I thought you just meant physically. Now I'm beginning to see it's all through him from his body to his will. I think if any man can make this work, it will be this man. I hate to admit it but he's a marvel."

"I know. And he's as loyal as he is brave. That's why I couldn't bear to lose him. You don't find that sort very often."

"Too bad he's a Deathseeker."

"Don't bruit that around. It's not general knowledge, not even among the Crusaders. I'm hoping we can turn him from that if the implants are impressive enough." The Healer sighed.

"I still can't understand why a living person with so much ahead would choose to throw it all away for some vague idea." The surgeon looked at his hands; they were still quiet.

"It's part of some sort of chivalric idea, I think. It may be one of those things a Warrior culture finds essential. We practical hoi polloi would find no value in something like that." The two men laughed softly and comfortably together.

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Nooj hated the fact that the most efficient way to shift him from the bed to the chair was in the cradling arms of two orderlies. However, since it was obvious it was to be that way or postpone the beginning of therapy, he closed his eyes, clamped his lips shut and pretended he was somewhere or someone else.

Once settled in the padded chair, he observed with sour interest the almost choreographic actions of his attendants. His left leg was manipulated so that the sole of the foot pressed firmly against the rest attached to the chair and a small table was moved into position at his left side. The machina arm was gently moved to the table, the elbow bent manually so that the wrist could lie flat on the surface. A soft band was tightened around his chest to make sure he did not slip and similar straps were used to hold the insensate arm properly in place.

With the exercise of a great deal of will power, Nooj had made himself look at the replacement limbs. The garish color and the exposed mechanism continued to repel him but he could appreciate the skill and craftsmanship of the design. Now, he carefully examined the structure of the hand he was to learn to use. It was a module of rods and pulleys, attached to the arm by an intricate connector which, from its appearance, would permit turning and flexing. Small cables passed over gleaming guides and led to increasingly minute points of attachment. It looked like a skeletal model of a human hand cast in metal and ceramic. He thought with some dismay how difficult it would be to keep debris out of the multiple openings.

"Hello." Nooj was distracted by the voice of the lanky raw-boned man standing before him. "I'm Palange, your therapist. I see you're looking at your new hand. It may look peculiar now but we're making a special padded glove for you to wear which will protect the delicate parts of the hand and make it look more like the one it's replacing. You can have any color, so long as it's black." He laughed at his own joke and held out his own hand for Nooj to shake.

Nooj declined the offer, not willing to accept this new person without more information. "I was wondering how to keep all the mechanical parts clean."

Palange looked younger than he probably was, like so many who spend their lives with the young or damaged. His Al Bhed eyes were larger than most and his desert-bleached hair fell artlessly across his forehead and into his field of vision. He was continually having to push it back. "Don't worry about it. We'll teach you how to care for the new things at the same time we teach you to use 'em. I worked with the team that developed these so anything you want to ask ..."

"how long will it take me to walk?"

"That pretty much depends on two things. First - how hard you're willing to work. And second - how much talent you have in using your mind, not thinking, but directing. It's hard to explain what I'm talking about but you'll see, probably today. Want to get started?"

Nooj answered immediately and with force. "Yes."

"OK. Go into your mind. Close your eyes if it helps, and look for the place your hand is. Find your right one first by moving your fingers and seeing where you sense it. Then look for the place the left one should be." Palange put the tips of his fingers lightly on the artificial hand.

Aquelev moved a little closer in order to monitor the condition of his friend. So far, the pain was easily controlled but who knew what Nooj might trigger moving inside his own head?

The interior of the mind is a strange and confusing place. It is not an orderly attic but a confused morass of unlabeled switches and paths ending nowhere. Nooj flexed his right index finger and with small effort located the genesis of the movement then, using that knowledge as a template searched for the equivalent location for the left hand. He found the general area and gingerly probed the neurons there. What he felt was the brutal pain he associated with what Kalek had called 'phantom limb syndrome'. It was the right place but the connection seemed to be to the destroyed hand not the new one. The correct triggers must be in this general vicinity, he thought and redoubled his search.

"Rest now for a little." A comforting touch on his shoulder broke his concentration. "Tell me what you found." Palange bent a compassionate gaze on the frustrated man.

When Nooj had told the therapist what the problem was, Palange massaged his own chin thoughtfully. "I see. I didn't know about the other thing. Let me give this some thought. You've worked hard enough today and should rest now. Tomorrow I'll try to have some suggestions to get past this."

Nooj was too exhausted to argue. Without complaint, he permitted the orderlies to restore him to his bed and raise the protective railings.

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He lay in the darkened room, motionless but awake for a long time. Failure had never come easy to him and this inability to move quickly to secure his release from the hospital was intensely frustrating. Turning back the covers from his left side, he glared at the unresponsive hand. The attendants had carefully arranged the machina arm alongside his body, the hand turned on its edge, fingers straight, not quite touching his thigh. With his full attention engaged, Nooj tried again to make the digits move. He struggled with the mental controls until his head ached, his eyes burned and his concentration began to falter as he passed into a dreaming state.

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They were on one of the ledges just beneath the main surface of the Calm Lands, hidden from casual view. The three of them - Kaith, himself and Nepetu. He and Kaith were cushioned in the soft air, she sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest. The Queen Coeurl lay a little distance away, alert for intruders as usual. He was content. Kaith breathed deeply and turned to offer her mouth. He kissed her with increasing passion, lifting her breasts in both his hands. Gently he laid her back on the grass and knelt over her, exploring her with his lips and his touch. Her skin was satin under his fingertips, warm and yielding. There was nothing about her which was not perfection and he reveled in the re-discovery of her body as he tenderly removed her clothing only pausing in his journey through her garden of wonders to shed his own garments. Everywhere he ventured was a fresh delight; his touch left a path of light across her loveliness like moonlight on a lake. He drew her to him and felt the narrow bones in her shoulders and spine as weightless as the elegant armature of a bird resting lightly in his palms. The feel of her smooth flesh and the taste of her mouth stoked his desire and he shifted his position in order to satisfy their mutual need. Tremors of fulfillment coursed through him and he was suddenly awake with the smell of lust in his nostrils and the sensation of moisture in his groin.

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It had been a long time since such an occurrence; he was taken aback that it should have happened at this time when he could not manage the cleaning up by himself. It seemed to put a final stamp of humiliation on the day. He knew he would be discovered by those who bathed him each morning and feared there would be smirking comments and ribald jokes in which he would be expected to share. It was somewhat comforting to know that this particular system still functioned as it should, but he would have preferred the proof manifest itself after he had regained more of an ability to care for his own needs. Should he ask for Aquelev to be called? The Healer was the closest thing to a confidant he had and could be trusted to keep his secret. But Aquelev was not of that class expected to do personal and intimate services for a patient. Nooj was not willing to break the caste barriers to that extent. Helplessly, he resigned himself to the gibes of the orderlies and turned his head forlornly to the side.

His glance fell upon one of the sources of his despair, the implanted arm. There was something different about the way it looked. Quietly, he fumbled for his spectacles and awkwardly hooked them in place. There was no mistake - the metal fingers were curled inward. They had been left straight, parallel to the leg and now they were touching the sheath which provided support to the lower limb. Nooj turned his gaze away and counted to ten very slowly before he dared look again. The fingers and the thumb had moved since they had been arranged in place. They were definitely bent toward the palm. He clamped down on his excitement and tried to shift them deliberately. Slowly they stretched back into a line, then jerkily moved into a curve again. With a sudden impetuous impulse, Nooj closed the hand, making it into a fist. If he could have raised his arm, he would have made an exultant stab into the air. The hand worked! He could control it! He formed the mental image of Kaith's breast and, mentally, cupped the machina hand gently around it rejoicing to see the skeletal phalanges take the shape of the treasured memory. It was true! Kalek and Aquelev had told him the truth! These were usable objects. The hand might be able to grip a sword's hilt. It might even be possible for him to rejoin his unit, to be a Crusader again. He dropped back against his pillow, ignoring the throbbing pain from his side, and laughed silently to himself.

He reached for the shoulder controls and thought he felt an answering twitch. It was difficult to tell since the weight of the metal and ceramic arm made it far more difficult to shift. With the glee of a boy in a toy store, he tried the elbow and was rewarded with the sound of scratching against the sheet as the joint flexed slightly. He braced himself against the pain he knew would accompany a more forceful action and tried again. The arm bent until the hand pressing against the sheath stopped the motion. He could see the clumsy disposition of the limb in the dim light. Taking a deep breath, he stretched out the arm again so that it lay straight beside his torso.

Nooj was exhausted but still too excited to sleep. Overriding the stabbing sensations which prevailed throughout most of his left side, he forced himself to rest until his energy had the time to recoup itself. He would try the leg before he was done. It should be easier because more of the original limb remained.

After a while, he could contain his impatience no longer. Eagerly, he sent his determined commands to the left knee. He could not see it as clearly as he had the arm but the dim shape shifted slightly. Even so slowly, ever so minutely, the thin cables began to contract and the lower leg rubbed against the linens. Suddenly breathless, Nooj let go and relaxed. His head was pounding with the effort of concentration and his side was ablaze with agony but he was oblivious to all that. He could do it! He could move the abominations which had been foisted upon him! There was no doubt he would walk again. Abolished was the hideous future of a slumped heap in an invalid's chair - dependent always upon the kindnesses of strangers. He would be a functioning man again. With a wry twist of his mouth, he remembered just how functional he was. What did that matter? He was on his way to freedom, he would fight again. He would even face Sin for an unprecedented third time. And this time he would win!

Then utter weariness claimed him and he slipped without protest into the world of sleep - and no dreams.