- No, it's lovely! The little girl is very interesting - I have a feeling she is the breakaway, the one who won't be deceived by Orochimaru. Actually, this entire story is intriguing. I don't really understand your use of OCs, though - I've never written an OC in my life. Why couldn't you just make the characters into what you want?
But you've done a beautiful job. for OCs, they're good characters, and I like the Kakasaku one chapter a lot. I thought it was Sasusaku at first, but I was happily wrong.
Author's responseI did intend to make her that way. Origianlly, I wanted to make her be Anko, but I like the idea of a OC better, simply because Anko isn't really appealing to me as a character. I agree with Orochimaru when he says she is weak.
My Oc's are designed to actually give a view into another universe. I really knew nothing about the mist, so I made up a whole set of different laws and rules for that. I wanted to know how that system would interact with the more proper system of the leaf, as well as the new order of the land of sound. This story is just that difference between the two lands. Stories need to have a plot, so I have one in here, but life doesn't. and I was trying to convey that a little with this story.
[And... I strongly dislike sasusaku anyway. I'm glad you liked that twist.]
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