Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Losing the Feeling of Feeling Unique
NIA’S POV
I woke up the next morning on my side, with my back pressed against Ryan’s chest, his arm draped over my waist. I started to panic as my left sleeve was rolled up, and it was clear that Ryan had seen the cuts. I jumped out of Ryan’s bed and woke him up, saying we’d be late for school. We only had 20 minutes before we had to leave, and we both had to shower, Ryan had to perfect his hair, and I needed to do my hair and make-up. After we had both showered, we shared the bathroom as Ry styled his hair and I did my make-up (hair was wet so I let it be). Today I wore black and grey eye shadow, thick eyeliner and thick mascara. As I was finishing my eyeliner, Ryan spoke up.
“You know, I’ve never realised before that the dark eye makeup you wear makes your eyes stand out and look even brighter.”
“Aww thanks RyRy. You know, maybe you should wear some eyeliner?” I drew eyeliner on his lids and under eyes, and we both looked in the mirror.
“Wow, it makes your eyes look really beautiful,” I said, and Ryan just shrugged off the comment. (Okay, I was behind the whole Ryan Ross loving eyeliner revolution – sue me!)
“Nia, please be honest with me. Have you been cutting yourself?” He said as he pulled me round to face him.
“Ry, we’re going to be late for school.” I then hurried down the stairs and out the front door. I managed to make it to school in ten minutes. Today I had no classes with Ryan, and a different lunch period to normal, so I wouldn’t see my brother until we met at Brendon’s for practise.
Classes flew by, and I walked the half hour journey to Brendon’s house, and let myself in with the spare key. I headed to the basement, setting up the microphone to suit my height and pulling my guitar out of the cupboard and making sure it was tuned correctly. By the time I had completed the rituals, Brendon, Spencer, Brent and Ryan had walked in. Ryan shot me an expression referring to our before school conversation, and I signalled for everyone to sit down. They all sank down into the couches that were set up facing the band, and I began.
“Ryan and I really need to tell you guy’s something, and it’s not going to be easy for me to tell you. To put it in as simple form as possible, we’re in a shed load of trouble with our -” Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and Ryan jumped up and swept me into his arms. I cried against his chest, which caused Spencer to throw Ryan a look.
“Dad. We’ve been having bad trouble with him for the past two years, because he’s an alcoholic, and he’s been taking it out on us.” Ryan continued, rubbing my back and comforting me. The three boys sharply took in breath.
“Can you show them your stomach bruises if I show them my chest?” Ryan whispered in my ear. I nodded my head, pulled away and fumbled with the hem of my Clandestine hoodie, and lifted it and my singlet top to the edge of my bra.
“This is what he did to me last night.” Deep purple bruises were scattered over my stomach and ribs. Ryan pulled his t-shirt off completely; showing welts all over is chest and stomach.
“I have one more thing to show everyone, and I’m not proud of it.” I let my singlet top fall, but proceeded to pull off my hoodie. I threw it onto the floor by the couch.
“I started this when he started hurting me,” I said, showing them my left arm – the one with all the scars. A few stray tears fell down my cheeks.
“Oh Nia,” Spencer said before I broke down crying. He got up and wrapped his arms around me, whilst Ryan pulled his shirt back on and got our guitars. Spencer started to gently rock me back and forth.
“We wrote a song together based on our experiences with our so called father, and we thought we could use it for the band. Nia’s going to sing and play guitar, I’m on bass and backing vocals.” I reluctantly untangled myself from Spencer, pulled my hoodie back on got my guitar and walked over to the microphone I altered earlier.
“We call this song, “Relax, Relapse”.”
The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events
This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency
This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight
You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again
You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight
The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events
The boys were all applauding at the end.
“We are happy to change any of the music or lyrics if you think best.”
“Yeah, we can discuss that later, but right now, I’d like to know what is going to happen to the band when the twins go off to college?” Brendon asked.
“Well, I was going to save this until later, but I’m repeating my senior year so I can get more college credits, and graduate with my best friend and boyfriend,” I replied. This caught Ryan’s attention.
“Well, Nia is apparently staying, and I won a scholarship for a music program which runs every morning, so I’ll be out before you guys finish school, so we can keep Panic running,” Ryan replied.
“You’re okay with me repeating this year?”
“Yeah, but I’d prefer for you not to stay at home with dad.”
“Well, Nia can stay with me if she wants,” Brendon said, and I nodded my head vigorously.
“I’d love that, thanks Bear.” Brendon nodded and headed to the equipment, the rest of the band following, when my cell started ringing.
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
“Hey Petey,” I said into the receiver, walking out of the rehearsal space and into Brendon’s lounge.
“How are you Nia?”
“Got good. He did it again last night, and I couldn’t help but cut again.”
“N, you know it’s not good for you. Have you told the other’s yet?”
“I told them about it today. All of it except for the raping.” See, I have told one person, and that’s Pete, because I’ve always been able to trust him, and he’s helped me through a lot.
“Nia, you really need to tell them. I mean, once a day, everyday for four years?”
“Pete, please, I can’t. Can you just drop it?”
“Oh well, I suppose I have to. Never going to get through to you, am I? Anyway, just rang you to tell you that a few tickets and a backstage pass is heading your way. We’re back in a few months, and I got these sorted early.”
“For once,” I muttered quietly.
“I heard that. And aren’t you going to thank me?”
“Thank you Peter Pan. I’ll see you soon then?”
“Yes Tink, I’ll see you soon. Love you!”
“Love you too. Bye Pete.”
I'm back with a vengance. No longer is this fic on hiatus. It should be updated two to three times a week. I have up to the middle of chapter 10 planned out, so bear with me.
XoxO Emmi
I woke up the next morning on my side, with my back pressed against Ryan’s chest, his arm draped over my waist. I started to panic as my left sleeve was rolled up, and it was clear that Ryan had seen the cuts. I jumped out of Ryan’s bed and woke him up, saying we’d be late for school. We only had 20 minutes before we had to leave, and we both had to shower, Ryan had to perfect his hair, and I needed to do my hair and make-up. After we had both showered, we shared the bathroom as Ry styled his hair and I did my make-up (hair was wet so I let it be). Today I wore black and grey eye shadow, thick eyeliner and thick mascara. As I was finishing my eyeliner, Ryan spoke up.
“You know, I’ve never realised before that the dark eye makeup you wear makes your eyes stand out and look even brighter.”
“Aww thanks RyRy. You know, maybe you should wear some eyeliner?” I drew eyeliner on his lids and under eyes, and we both looked in the mirror.
“Wow, it makes your eyes look really beautiful,” I said, and Ryan just shrugged off the comment. (Okay, I was behind the whole Ryan Ross loving eyeliner revolution – sue me!)
“Nia, please be honest with me. Have you been cutting yourself?” He said as he pulled me round to face him.
“Ry, we’re going to be late for school.” I then hurried down the stairs and out the front door. I managed to make it to school in ten minutes. Today I had no classes with Ryan, and a different lunch period to normal, so I wouldn’t see my brother until we met at Brendon’s for practise.
Classes flew by, and I walked the half hour journey to Brendon’s house, and let myself in with the spare key. I headed to the basement, setting up the microphone to suit my height and pulling my guitar out of the cupboard and making sure it was tuned correctly. By the time I had completed the rituals, Brendon, Spencer, Brent and Ryan had walked in. Ryan shot me an expression referring to our before school conversation, and I signalled for everyone to sit down. They all sank down into the couches that were set up facing the band, and I began.
“Ryan and I really need to tell you guy’s something, and it’s not going to be easy for me to tell you. To put it in as simple form as possible, we’re in a shed load of trouble with our -” Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and Ryan jumped up and swept me into his arms. I cried against his chest, which caused Spencer to throw Ryan a look.
“Dad. We’ve been having bad trouble with him for the past two years, because he’s an alcoholic, and he’s been taking it out on us.” Ryan continued, rubbing my back and comforting me. The three boys sharply took in breath.
“Can you show them your stomach bruises if I show them my chest?” Ryan whispered in my ear. I nodded my head, pulled away and fumbled with the hem of my Clandestine hoodie, and lifted it and my singlet top to the edge of my bra.
“This is what he did to me last night.” Deep purple bruises were scattered over my stomach and ribs. Ryan pulled his t-shirt off completely; showing welts all over is chest and stomach.
“I have one more thing to show everyone, and I’m not proud of it.” I let my singlet top fall, but proceeded to pull off my hoodie. I threw it onto the floor by the couch.
“I started this when he started hurting me,” I said, showing them my left arm – the one with all the scars. A few stray tears fell down my cheeks.
“Oh Nia,” Spencer said before I broke down crying. He got up and wrapped his arms around me, whilst Ryan pulled his shirt back on and got our guitars. Spencer started to gently rock me back and forth.
“We wrote a song together based on our experiences with our so called father, and we thought we could use it for the band. Nia’s going to sing and play guitar, I’m on bass and backing vocals.” I reluctantly untangled myself from Spencer, pulled my hoodie back on got my guitar and walked over to the microphone I altered earlier.
“We call this song, “Relax, Relapse”.”
The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events
This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relax
Just sit back, just sit back
Just sit back and relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
You're a regular decorated emergency
You're a regular decorated emergency
This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor
This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
The anesthetic never set in and I'm wondering where
The apathy and urgency is that I thought I phoned in
It's not so pleasant.
And it's not so conventional
It sure as hell ain't normal
But we deal, we deal
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight
You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again
You're a regular decorated emergency
The bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake
You've earned a place atop the ICU's hall of fame
The camera caught you causing a commotion on the gurney again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Sit back, relax
Sit back, relapse again
Can't take the kid from the fight
take the fight from the kid
Just sit back, just sit back
Sit back, sit back, relax, relapse
Sit back, sit back, bababada
You can take the kid out of the fight
The I.V. and your hospital bed
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events
The boys were all applauding at the end.
“We are happy to change any of the music or lyrics if you think best.”
“Yeah, we can discuss that later, but right now, I’d like to know what is going to happen to the band when the twins go off to college?” Brendon asked.
“Well, I was going to save this until later, but I’m repeating my senior year so I can get more college credits, and graduate with my best friend and boyfriend,” I replied. This caught Ryan’s attention.
“Well, Nia is apparently staying, and I won a scholarship for a music program which runs every morning, so I’ll be out before you guys finish school, so we can keep Panic running,” Ryan replied.
“You’re okay with me repeating this year?”
“Yeah, but I’d prefer for you not to stay at home with dad.”
“Well, Nia can stay with me if she wants,” Brendon said, and I nodded my head vigorously.
“I’d love that, thanks Bear.” Brendon nodded and headed to the equipment, the rest of the band following, when my cell started ringing.
Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman.
“Hey Petey,” I said into the receiver, walking out of the rehearsal space and into Brendon’s lounge.
“How are you Nia?”
“Got good. He did it again last night, and I couldn’t help but cut again.”
“N, you know it’s not good for you. Have you told the other’s yet?”
“I told them about it today. All of it except for the raping.” See, I have told one person, and that’s Pete, because I’ve always been able to trust him, and he’s helped me through a lot.
“Nia, you really need to tell them. I mean, once a day, everyday for four years?”
“Pete, please, I can’t. Can you just drop it?”
“Oh well, I suppose I have to. Never going to get through to you, am I? Anyway, just rang you to tell you that a few tickets and a backstage pass is heading your way. We’re back in a few months, and I got these sorted early.”
“For once,” I muttered quietly.
“I heard that. And aren’t you going to thank me?”
“Thank you Peter Pan. I’ll see you soon then?”
“Yes Tink, I’ll see you soon. Love you!”
“Love you too. Bye Pete.”
I'm back with a vengance. No longer is this fic on hiatus. It should be updated two to three times a week. I have up to the middle of chapter 10 planned out, so bear with me.
XoxO Emmi
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