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I guess its okay I puked the day away.
I guess its better you trapped yourself in your own way
And if you want me back
You’re gonna have to ask
Nicer than that.

I felt bad…really bad…extremely bad. Jon called my cell almost twenty times on my drive home.

“Anna I didn’t mean it, I swear. Just please call me back when you get this.”

That’s what most of them, in fact probably all of them sounded like. After a few hours of “damn myself” I decided to pick up my phone and surrender to the guilt. It was nearly one in the morning but he still answered.

“Annabelle, god I’m so glad you called,” Jon yelled into the phone.

“Jon,” I wanted to waste no time, “I’m scared.”

Of course he had no idea what I was referring to but he continued to try to comfort me.

“Ann, you always said you loved him so what’s the big deal. I wouldn’t push this on you unless I though Brendon wasn’t right for you but everyone---“

“No Jon, I’m scared of him.”

He was silent. I watched the clock on my kitchen counter. Five minutes of listening to him breathe had passed before he found his words.

“Did he---Has he ever hurt you?”

My breathing sped up slightly, giving myself away. Jon put two and two together.

“Ann how come you never told me?” I sighed heavily on the other line.

“Well, Jon no one really knows.” That was my pitiful defense.

“How exactly is ‘no one’?”

“Pete,” I stuttered out.

He was quiet again, thinking things though this time before he asked another question.

“What happened?”

I had just gotten out of the shower. My t-shirt and shorts were still sticking to my half-way dry body when I heard the door of our hotel room open. I was excited to see him in his post-show glory. I had missed him so much that day it was unbelievable. I ran out into the living room to meet him.

“Hey B, how did it go?” I asked while watching him lean his worn out body against the frame of the door.

“Fine.” That wasn’t like him at all.

“Just fine?” I pressure.

“Fine, damn stop with the questions! You’re giving me a headache,” he yelled at me.

He left the door and walked back over to the couch where he sat.

“Well, what’s crawled up your butt?” I was trying to joke around with him. Innocent little jokes. Then I noticed something off. His eyes were blood shot.

“Why are you looking at me like that Annabelle?”

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

This has to be a dream,I thought to myself. Then i braced my mind for the answer to my question.

“Brendon, are you high?”

“What the fuck?” he yelled. “Why the hell are you asking me this?”

“Because,” I started, “dammit Brendon just answer the question.” I tried to keep my voice low while his raised continuously as he spoke.

“Look it’s none of you business!”

“How is it none of my business?!” I shouted back at him. I felt my body temperature rising and the tears in my eyes burned. “Go to hell!”

“You should really watch your mouth. Such a young girl like you should say such profanities. If I were your daddy,” I flinched at the memory of him, “I would wash your mouth out with soap. But I have a better soap if you will.” He was acting like a child now but he laughed and spread his legs. He seemed amazingly calm; the eye of the storm. “Come here and make yourself useful. You’re so hot when you’re mad.”

“And what? Suck your dick? HA! My mom taught me not to put small things in my mouth,” I laughed, “you know choking hazard.” I know low right? He was the total opposite in reality but in fight world, you have to aim low.

He stood from his seat and raced to the spot, in front of the door, where I was standing.

“Bitch,” he growled in my face.

“You know what; you’re not going to treat me like this. I’m leaving.” I grabbed the doorknob in front of me and made an attempt to turn it. His hand was locked around my wrist.

“Fuck you.” I shook off his grip and pointed my finger in his face. He hated that.

“No Brendon, fuck you. I am tired of your shit. Why can’t you just be a real man and own up to your mistakes. Stop fooling yourself babe. You can’t stop me. You are sleeping alone tonight.”

He stepped back as if he was going to let me through but to my honest to god surprise he pulled me back, violently.

I stumbled slightly with his force. Anger twisted into his beautiful face. That was the last look I got of him for weeks.

I saw his fist coming out of the corner of my eye and braced myself as best as I could. His hand landed exactly on my left eye. I fell to the floor screaming the only words I could find as he left the hotel room, “I HATE YOU.”

Later I made my way down the hall to the only person I knew would be up at two in the morning.

“What the hell Ann?” Pete whispered as he pulled me into the safety of his room. “What happened to your face?”

He settled me down on the bed with a makeshift icepack and wrapped his arms around my shaking body.

“You know Pete, that was the first time I ever even thought about those words when it came to him. I feel like my whole world just came crashing down. He’s my life, my love dammit but he can’t see that can he?” I started to cry out of my right eye due to the fact my left was swollen shut.

“Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do I still love him?”


I was wrapping up my work in Mr. McDaniels’ room when he walked in mumbling to himself about a strange boy lurking outside the corridors.

“What’s are you talking about?” I laughed. McDaniels was my favorite vocal teacher at UNLV. He was charming and very cute but he also was just a friend.

“There is some guy that was outside of the classroom. Said he was looking for Theory,” he laughed. “I told him to get out.” We didn’t talk much about it and i didn’t think anything of it until my professor warned me.

“Be careful out there Miss Williams.”

I walked out into the dark corridor. It was well past seven and the moon lit my way through the clouds and huge glass windows.

Mr. McDaniels’ warning floated in my head like a ghost. Things got eerie.

I walked down the stairs and into the main hall that lead to the parking lot where my car was waiting for me. I stood in front of the glass doors, fishing out my keys from my purse when I saw someone standing outside.

I recognized the figure almost immediately. His mop of black hair blew with the wind and his thumbs were twiddling behind his back.

Noooo, I thought.

I took a moment to regain myself and then I opened the door. He heard the hinges squeak and turned to face me.

“Hey,” Brendon said in a whisper. He took a step closer to me but I withdrew back to the door.

“Hi,” I said. “What are you doing here Brendon?” Hopefully this time he wouldn’t holler at me like a child.

“I was looking for you,” he whispered. He looked a little scared. Vulnerable was more like it. “I miss you,” he added.

He walked closer to me again but this time I didn’t move. I looked in his eyes. They were clear. Maybe Jon and the guys were right.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“Brendon, I really have to go,” I replied but my legs didn’t move. He walked closer to me until there was no room left between us.

His arms slithered their way around my waist, hooking gently at my back. I took in his sinful scent. God, he was intoxicating. His smell, his look, his Brendon-ness. There is no other way to describe it.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been dying to see you Baby,” he whispered in my ear. His thick lips brushed lightly on my lobe and continued to trek down my neck, making me shiver. I sighed heavily, trying to keep my failing composure. He continued.

“God, Annie. I’ve screwed up, I know but I will do absolutely anything to have a second chance with you.”

He leaned in farther and I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. I let my books fall to the ground, along with my mind.

“Now, I have you exactly where you should be and I’m not letting you go again….and Annie…I love you.”

Without another word spoken, I let go and gave into him.



My foot on your neck
I finally have you,
Right where I want you.