FicWad

“I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.” The crowd was wild and it felt good. I looked over at Frank and he nodded, I kissed him full on the mouth and they cheered crazily. I pulled away to get the next line in.
“These bright lights are always blinding me…”

After the show we all trooped back to the hotel suite we were staying in. I sat down on the sofa and began reading Catcher in the Rye for about the hundredth time. Bob, Ray and Mikey stood up.
“We’re going to head down to the pub,” Bob said, “you guys coming?”
“Nah,” I told him, “I’m kind of tired.”
“Frankie?” Bob asked.
“No,” Frankie said, “I think I’ll stay here.” Bob shrugged and the three of them left the room.

I put my book down, suddenly very aware of Frankie. I could still taste him in my mouth, still feel his lips on mine. I pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to go there again.
“Good show,” I said, trying to break the tension I could feel building. He nodded absently.
“Gerard?” his voice was suddenly serious, “can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” I told him.
“Can we stop doing the stage kisses?” That took me by surprise; I never thought he objected to them. Immediately my heart sank, to never feel him again… But of course I would do what he wanted.
“Sure, if you want,” I said as if it didn’t matter, “why?” He must have heard the desperation in my last word as his face suddenly softened.
“It hurts too much,” his voice was so quiet I could hardly hear him.
“I can be gentler,” I told him, knowing that wasn’t what he meant. He shook his head.
“Not physically,” he tried to explain. “It’s knowing it doesn’t mean anything, that it’s just another kiss for the cameras, that hurts.” He paused for a long time and looked me in the eye, as if deciding what to say. Finally he spoke, “I want it to mean so much more.”

I crossed the room and sat down next to him, forcing him to look at me.
“Then why not let it mean more?” I asked gently. Then I pressed my lips to his and we kissed like we never had before. This time I didn’t have to pull away to get the next line out in time, I didn’t have to shut myself off from him, to pretend it was just for the fans. He ran his fingers through my hair and opened his mouth to let out tongues slide together. I was in ecstasy; I could hardly believe it what was happening. The truth was I had been afraid to keep on living, afraid to walk this world alone. But I was alone no longer, all I knew was Frankie; the sweet taste of his lips, the gentle caress of his arms.

His lips hardly left mine as his hand moved down to undo the buttons of my shirt; I shivered with pleasure as his fingers brushed my bare skin. I tugged his t-shirt off, then pulled him back to me, not wanting to be apart even for a moment. He tried to undo my studded belt but couldn’t get the clasp open. I moved his arms away and did it myself, letting my jeans slide down the floor. As we stood there in out boxers he suddenly started giggling in a way only Frankie could at a time like this. I kissed him quiet and pulled him down to the floor on top of me. He kissed me all over, his scent over powering me. I don’t think I could have stopped him if I wanted to, which I most certainly didn’t.

A sound of laughter at the door made me turn around. Bob was standing there trying to stifle hysterics. Frankie and I jumped up.
“How long have you been there?” I demanded.
“Long enough,” Bob laughed. “I’m just going now.” I glared at him as he left the room.

That evening when the rest of the band got back there seemed to be a subtle change of sleeping arrangements. Mikey had moved from the room we had shared and Frankie’s stuff had been left there instead, obviously Bob had told them what had happened. I heard my brother’s distinctive laugh as Frankie came in. God he was beautiful; his dark hair messed up, his eye liner smudged, his hazel eyes sparkling at me. I grinned at him as he kissed me, and at last I was happy.