FicWad

There was this thought you see, one I’d been having for a while. It’s hard to say without seeming heartless, but the truth of it was; I wasn’t in love. I had been, so madly, so deeply, but everything had happened so fast without a thought or a care in the world. I began to slow down, I began to realise I didn’t love you; at least not in that way. It was then I knew I had to let you go.

That final walk to your house felt like a lifetime, with every step my dread grew. When I saw you I froze. Trying to keep the tears back, forcing my voice to work. As I said ‘I think we should take a break’ my voice cracked. I began to tremble but you just shrugged and said ‘fine’. I needed to explain, tell you I was sorry, but you stood there saying you were fine. Watching the pain grow behind your eyes hurt like nothing has ever hurt before. Seeing tears build up and your face grow stone-like. That last look you gave me I shall never forget; there was so much sadness, frustration, anger… hatred and all because of me. You turned away, but not before I saw a single tear escape. Then you walked away. I couldn’t move, I just watched you go.

I didn’t cry, I couldn’t. I was numb. The first few days passed in a blur, it’s hard to distinguish one from another. The only thing I could see was your face that last look you gave me, that look of contempt haunted me it was there every time I closed my eyes.

The days turned to weeks and the numbness gave way to pain. Excruciating pain with no cure. I could hardly sleep, and when I did I replayed that moment. It became ingrained in my mind. Everything reminded me of you. I began to remember all the good times we’d had. Then the doubt crept in. In those last few weeks all I could think of was reasons why we shouldn’t be together, yet now all I could think of was reasons why we should be together. But I knew that I’d blown my chance, I had made the biggest mistake I could have. And I missed you so much.