FicWad

He was lying there, asleep on my bed, his book left open beside him. His growing hair fell over his closed eyes, framing his beautiful head. On his face was a peaceful expression that I had seen so few times during his waking hours. My heart beat faster at the very sight of him; I wouldn’t have swapped anything for that moment. I don’t know how long I sat there, just watching him sleep, but I couldn’t bring myself to move away. I imagined myself lying next to him, kissing his sweet lips, tasting his tongue in my mouth. God I’d done it enough times on stage, but I wanted it to mean something, wanted to tell him how much he meant to me. I felt tears prick my eyes and I let them fall without trying to wipe them away. It was hopeless. He could never love me, who was I kidding? He was far too good for me, and anyway, he was straight. It hurt so much I couldn’t take it anymore; I briefly considered ending it, but I knew I didn’t have the guts. Instead I just sat there, my vision blurred with tears, lost in my pain.

I didn’t even notice he had woken up until I felt fingers on my cheeks, brushing away my tears. He sat up and put his arms around me, his touch causing bittersweet feelings to rush through me. How long had he been awake? How long had he seen me watching him?
“What’s wrong?” he asked softly, his breath tickling my cheek.
“Nothing,” I said quickly, too quickly. His bright eyes bore into my skull, seeing past my fragile mask. I could not his from those perfect eyes. “I’m, sorry,” I whispered.
“What for?” Of course he hadn’t realised, his self esteem was far too low, he’d never have guessed. But I had to tell him. Though the rejection would probably kill me, he had to know.
“Loving you.”

There, I had said it. Suddenly suicide seemed a very good idea, I had enough pills at home, it couldn’t hurt worse than this. I turned away so he wouldn’t read the pain in my eyes, but his hands were on my cheeks, turning my face back towards him.
“I love you,” he said simply. Then he leant forward and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me softly. For a moment I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, but I didn’t care. What did oxygen matter when his sweet lips were against mine? Then as movement gradually returned to me I responded to his kiss, working my lips against his. He bit me gently, causing my mouth to open and his tongue slid out to meet mine. I moaned with pleasure as his sweet taste filled me and I leaned in closer to him. Eventually I pulled away, gasping for air. He lay down, pulling me next to him, holding my hand in his, He didn’t try to do anything more, for which I was surprisingly grateful. There would be time for that later; but right now this was enough. Lying there hand in hand, heart in heart; that was all I’ll ever need.