FicWad

So I look up to the stars
And wonder out loud
Why everything I had in life
Has fallen from my arms
Can you even hear this song?
I'm screaming at the clouds
Screaming to a galaxy
That never cared at all

Me Vs TheWorld - Madina Lake



Darkness. All around and inside me; it was all I could feel and see. I felt empty inside... useless. Fake.

Everything that I had known about me or my life didn't exist. Nothing was real. I wasn't real. My child memories, my pictures, my old clothes, my toys stuck up in the attic, my fucking baby shoes- fake. Just like me. All made up to form part of the biggest lie the world had ever seen.

Gerard and I had walked back to the Underworld when I ran out of tears. We didn't say a word the whole way. When we arrived at the stone building, I softly told him I wanted to be alone, and he understood, so I went to my room and shut the door behind me.

That had been hours ago. I sat in a corner of my dark room with my head resting on my bended knees, hugging my legs. I had turned off the torch with the cone the second I had walked into the room because the light was unbearable. Darkness was my only friend now. For once Iwas glad these rooms had no windows, for every speck of light made my head throb so badly I wanted to cut my eyes out. Every tiny sound, even my very own heart beat made me think my head would explode in pain. But here in the dark it was all I could hear; the soft yet steady beat of a heart that isn't real.

What am I?

How could a person be made as if he were made of dough? 20 minutes in the oven on 220 degrees, let cool and serve! It was madness... it couldn't be true, and yet I knew it was. My mother, my own mother, wasn't mine at all. I had no parents, no sisters, no brothers, no grandparents, no fucking cousins. I had nothing. I was nothing.

Silent tears flowed down my face. How could something that doesn't exist produce tears? Even they were meaningless... mini fake versions of myself. I wiped them away angrily, my sobs increasing as another wave of pain came over me. I couldn't control it. I wanted it to end... Iwanted it all to end!

I grabbed my head, grinding my teeth, waiting for the throbbing to disappear. I cried out loud as it increased, sending atelekinetic wave through the room and making everything crash against the wall in front of me.

I breathed heavily, thankful for the slowly decreasing pain.

I cringed at the sound of the door being opened. "Frank?" Aileen whispered, unsure of what my reaction would be.

"Get out," I demanded through my teeth.

Ignoring me, she opened the door wider and took a few steps in. "I just wanted to see how you were doing," she offered in her soft voice.

"I'm fan-fucking-tastic, now get the hell out," I growled menacingly, still holding my head in my hands.

"Frank, you really should come out and eat something... you'll feel better if -"

I clenched my fists as the room began to rumble again. "No, Aileen, I won't feel better! Everything is too fucked up... the life I though was mine has disappeared, my powers are driving me out of my mind... and I don't even know why I exist in the world anymore! How the fuck am I suppose to feel better by eating?!" I was yelling, but I couldn't help it. Why the hell couldn't they understand how I felt?

"Please, just... come outside... we can help you!"

"Get the fuck out, Aileen," I said, trying to calm down before I had another outburst again. Seeing as she just stood there, I yelled, "Now!" making everything in the room tremble and scaring Aileen out of the room. She slammed the door shut behind her out of fright, sending another painful vibration through my head.

What did she know... what did anyone know? No one else in the world had lost their whole life as I had done. Sure, you could say it wasn't that great; I was ignored, had no friends except for my mother, but still, it was /mine/, it was real. Now what did I have? Nothing. I had nothing in the world... I was alone.

I was alone when I most needed company... help. Even if I wouldn't or couldn't admit it.

I groaned loudly as the door creaked open again. "Get the fuck out," I growled without even looking up to see who it was. I didn't care. I wanted to be alone... to drown alone in my own agony; but Gerard wouldn't let me.

"Come out with us, Frank, you'll feel better if you're not alone," Gerard said softly.

"Everything will still stay the same," I muttered.

"But we could-"

"NO!" The nightstand, the chairs, even the closet doors were yanked off their hinges by another telepathic wave and thrown at Gerard. I gasped in fear as I saw what I had done, but then in surprise as Gerard put his hands out in front of him as if trying to stop the oncoming objects, and forming a force field in front of him unintentionally. The objects furniture crashed into the force field and fell to the floor. Gerard looked up at me with a look of surprise plastered on his face; he was getting better at using his power.

"Frank, you're making it worse... please, come out with us, we'll help you through this, you can't do it alone." His voice was soft and sweet, with a hint of urgency. My eyes shot open as I heard him speak those words.

"I'm making it worse? I'm making it worse! How could I make it fucking worse, Gerard? I have nothing left to lose! I've lost everything else, already, what else could I possibly lose?" I asked pathetically, looking up at his illuminated silhouette from the hallway light.

He looked around the room shocked as if searching for the words. "Your life, Frank! If you stay in here and let the power consume you, you'll lose you life!"

I chuckled cruelly. "I meant, what other thing could I lose that /I care about/..."

Opening his mouth in frustration, he ran his hand through his hair. Shaking his head slightly, he took two quick steps over to where I was and dropped to his knees in front of me.

My eyes widened in surprise, I didn't want him near me. I tried to back up into the corner more to get away from him. "Stop! Don't get any closer! Gerard just get the fuck out and leave me alone..."

Placing a hand on my bended knee as I held the sides of my head in desperation, he said, "I'm not going anywhere, Frank... I'm not going to leave you here alone."

"Please," I pleaded, tears filling my eyes,"leave, I don't want you to get hurt... everyone near me gets hurt but I don't mean for any of it to happen, it just does! And I can't control it..." The vibration of my head was so loud I could barely hear myself think as I rubbed the sides of my head uselessly.

"I know you don't mean it, Frankie, it's okay, we all know you don't mean it." He gently brushed my bangs away from my face with his other hand. As he spoke, tears flowed down my face from all the frustration and straight out fear I felt. I thought I could actually see his heart break before I turned away from him, ashamed of myself. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me out of the corner and against a straight wall to be able to hold me better. Running a hand through my hair as I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered, "Don't cry, babe, please, it'll be alright... everything will be alright, you'll see..."

I tried to control my sobbing, and after a few minutes of comforting words and hugging, was able to. With an arm still around me, Gerard separated himself a bit and looked into my face, which I turned away, not wanting him to see me snivelling like a baby. With his free hand, he held my face by the chin and gently turned me back towards him. He offered me asmile and wiped away the remainder of my tears from my cheeks. I offered him aweak smile in return, and he threw his arms around me once more. "It'll all be better now, don't worry, I'll help you... I'll make it all go away... I promise..."he whispered into my ear, washing away all my worries. He planted a kiss on my check as he continued to stroke my hair, and I closed my eyes, allowing the moment to consume me. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek and then on my jaw as he slowly followed it down to the corner of my mouth, where he planted another soft kiss right next to my lip-ring. His breathing became heavy, as did my own, as he slowly brushed his lips against mine, barely touching them, as if thinking about what to do. After what seemed like an eternity, he decided to go for it. I felt his warm lush lips press softly against mine, and then again but with more force. My heart raced as he held the back of my head with his hand, kissing me again more forcefully and rapidly with his lips parted. We both breathed heavily even though we had just begun as I grabbed his face with both hands bringing him even closer to me, without a seconds thought. We kissed each other hungrily and almost desperately, as if we only had a few minutes of life left.

Suddenly, Gerard broke apart and fell backwards so he was sitting on his ass with his hands back, looking at me with shock on his pale face. Brushing away the hair away from his face, he stood up clumsily, looking around the room as if wondering what had just happened. I watched him confused with what we had done and the way he was acting. He had kissed me first, after all.

"I... I'm s-sorry," he mumbled, before quickly leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

I stared at the door with my mouth open in the same position he had left me. I licked my lips slowly, the taste of him still lingering there. He kissed me... several times - /his lips were