Categories > Books > Harry Potter > When Love Fades
When Love Fades
Remus has been in love with Severus since their school days. Twenty years later, he finally tells him. Songfic (When Love Fades by Toby Keith)
?Blocked
Written for The Silver Snitch - Serpentine Moon Challenges #: 8
Award: Tied for 1st Place
Penname: DBZVegeta
Fic title: When Love Fades
Summary: Remus has been in love with Severus since their school days. Twenty years later, he finally tells him. Songfic (When Love Fades by Toby Keith)
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Rating: NC-17
# of Chapters: 1
Category: Romance Angst Graphic Smut
Beta: Keikokin
When Love Fades
~*~
Going through the motions pretending to be
The man you used to see in me baby
You don't want to hurt me so you play along
~*~
Severus Snape stood outside Remus Lupin's door, a frothing goblet clenched in one hand. Raising his free hand, he knocked hard upon the door. Several minutes passed with no response and knowing that Lupin had to be in the room, he reached out and turned the handle. Opening the door and striding angrily into the room, his cloak rippling out behind him.
"Lupin, where are you?" he sneered looking around the darkened room. "I've brought your blasted potion, so get out here and take it."
"I'm here, you don't have to yell," came a soft voice from across the dark room. Snape turned and tried to look through the hazy darkness for the man. As he peered into the darkness searching for him, suddenly the wolf popped up in front of him.
Even though he'd seen it countless times before, Severus was still awed by the sight of Lupin's transformation from one entity to another. The silken fur rippled, as it appeared to flow inward, skin and muscle shaping and shifting form as bones changed and reset. And where once had stood a massive silver wolf, there was now a tall, lean man, his light skin naked in the flickering of the candlelight.
Bending lithely, Lupin retrieved his cloak from the floor. The material billowing as he spun it around and settled it over his broad shoulders.
"Here, be quick about it, I have other things to do," Snape snarled, tearing his gaze away from Lupin's athletic build, as he shoved the goblet at the man standing in front of him.
"Thank you," Lupin softly replied, as the goblet was removed from Snape's hand. Severus watched as the other man quickly gulped down the potion, a grimace spreading over his face at the taste. Lupin handed the goblet back to him and turned away, gagging.
Severus stared at his back for a second before swirling around, with every intent on leaving. However, before his hand could reach the doorknob, Lupin's voice cut through the room.
"What's your hurry, can't stand to be around the big bad wolf?" he said, his voice hoarse from the burning affects of the potion.
"Well, unlike you, I take my job seriously and have things that must be done," Severus snapped back, turning to look at the man behind him. Remus still had his back to him, his body mostly cloaked by the dim light in the room.
A snort of cynical laughter echoed the room as Remus moved through the gloom to stand at the open window, looking out over the moonlit scenery. "That's what you see, isn't it? A carefree, happy go lucky man without a care in the world. Never mind that he has been cursed with the affliction of being a werewolf and has always been, and will always be treated as a outcast for the rest of his life, living off the charity of others to be able to survive." Another short scornful laugh followed his words, "Going through the motions of life, pretending to be someone else. But then again, you would never see the truth, would you?"
"Whatever are you babbling about?" Severus growled, his impatience telling in his tone.
"Is that all you see in me; the hideous werewolf that almost killed you when we were younger? The one that you now have to help every month just so that your attacker may live?"
Severus stared at the back of the other man, wondering if he had finally gone off the deep end. He decided to play along and try to find out what was wrong with him, not that he cared one bit about what was going on with him.
"What do you want me to see? It is my job as Potions Master to prepare your drink. I have no problem with that," he snapped back, leaning against the closed door behind him.
"Ah, duty before self. Such a dedicated man you have become," mocked Remus' voice, cutting through the dim of the darkened room. "Never mind your feelings, the loathing that you must feel, or the hatred that wells up in the very core of your being." A snort of laughter came again, this time it seemed tinged with a bit of hysteria.
~*~
And it don't feel right, and it don't feel wrong
It just feels like a memory
Barely alive
When will we let it die
~*~
Severus determined in that instance that something didn't feel right with this situation. Remus normally was a quiet, humble man. The person who stood in front of him, cloaked in the dim light of the moonlit room was someone he hadn't seen in a long, long time. Not since the day, following the night of the attack, which had changed both of their lives so deeply. But that had been over twenty years ago, which raised a very troubling question. What had happened to bring about this sudden bout of self-loathing?
Severus decided immediately that he needed to get to the bottom of what was eating the man, even if he couldn't care less what happened to him. Severus knew that his animosity had been eating away at his soul ever since that fateful night and even though his curiosity didn't feel wrong, his mind told him to turn around and walk out the door while his heart screamed at him to stay. He sighed heavily as he looked through the gloom of the room before answering back. His tone sharp with his impatience, "Feeling a bit masochistic today?"
Remus whirled around, infuriated by the sarcasm in Severus' voice. He stalked across the room to tower over the dark-headed man leaning against the heavy door, his hands coming up to slam forcefully against the aged wood, trapping Severus between his arms.
"Masochistic, am I? You're one to talk! Living a half-life, not even a whole man. Tell me, what does it feel like to live the memory of your old life? Before you became so cynical? I want to know what it feels like to you. I'm barely aware of being alive anymore."
"Lupin, I think you have seriously lost it. Have you ever considered checking yourself into St. Mungo's for treatment?" Severus said, his eyes rolling as he looked up into Remus' shadow darkened face. He was slowly becoming more nervous, as a tick appeared in the upper corner of Remus' cheek.
"Do you?" Remus growled, leaning in, just a little-a brush of bodies, his breath feathering over Severus' upturned face. "I would have thought that you would be expecting this a long time ago."
Remus lowered his head closer to his, stopping only an inch from contact. He saw Severus' eyes darken, heard the sharp intake of breath and knew his answer in that instant. He waited as he listened to the pounding of his heart, the smell of his fear and saw the dilation of his eyes.
"When Severus, when will you let this die within me? Why must you torment my soul every day of my life?"
~*~
Where do you run
Where do you hide
After a promise breaks
Who'll be the one
To say goodbye
And who'll be the one to stay
When love fades
~*~
Remus continued on, ignoring the shocked look that unfolded over Severus' face at his words. "Where am I to run to? Where do I hide now? I cannot continue with this farce any longer. I have watched you since that day, even when you didn't know that I was there; I was watching. I promised myself that I wouldn't do this, wouldn't break my vow. But twenty years is much too long, and I must say it now before I lose myself."
Severus finally found his voice, hoarse and rough with his agitation. "And what is so important that it took you twenty years to tell me?"
Remus tilted his head slightly; his golden eyes shadowed and dull as they stared down into Snape's eyes. "This," with that one word, Remus leaned the rest of the way forward and crushed his mouth to Severus. This was no gentle exploration, no tentative kiss. It was heat and hunger, passion warring with anger, strength versus strength. In the instant their mouths met, it deepened immediately; pleasure streaking though their bodies like flame set to dry timber.
Severus could taste the wildness that danced along Remus' tongue, as it darted along the crease of his lips and dipped inside when he moaned. It was intoxicating to his senses and he couldn't get enough of it. Remus' body was pressed flush against his, the firm chest straining to get closer, hips arching into his body as Severus' hands reached down to cup Remus' hips, fingers splayed over the tight firmness of his buttocks.
Then he was free, breathless and stunned, slumping hard back against the door, which was the only thing at that moment that was holding him up.
"What was that for?" Severus said, his voice breathy as he looked dazedly back up at the man standing over him.
"It was my goodbye," came Remus' soft voice, regret clearly held in that tone.
"Goodbye?"
"Yes, to the love that we can never share."
"L...l...love?"
~*~
How are we gonna let go of something that's gone
Ain't it funny how a broken heart just keeps hangin' on baby
You watched me walk away
And I set you free
But I come back to you and you come back to me
I guess it beats being lonely that's the reason why
We give it one more try
~*~
Remus looked into the face he knew and loved so well, which was a mask of pure shock. He'd seen that look once before, over twenty years ago, and it still inflicted as much pain now, as it had back then.
The years melted away as Remus allowed his mind to flow back to that ominous day, so long ago. They'd been students then at Hogwarts and though they'd been in the same grade level, he and Severus had been worlds apart.
Remus had been carefree and outgoing, boisterous and just a tad bit mischievous, which seemed to draw people to him wherever he went. He'd made friends quickly and easily in those days, which is how he'd come to know James Potter.
James, as everyone else had referred to him as, had been of a similar nature. Open, friendly, curious and with just a touch of devilry in his eyes. James had unabashedly introduced himself on the train ride to the infamous school, before hauling his other new friend, Sirius Black into the car. From that day on, the three of them had been as close as brothers.
Lily had rounded out the quartet, attempting to bring some form of propriety to the boys. Despite her repeatedly failed attempts, they had been very close. They were always there for each other in times of need, and most especially in times of great impishness.
Remus smiled softly as his thoughts shifted to Harry, Hermione and Ron. They were so much like himself, Sirius, James and Lily that at times, he felt as if he were watching history repeat itself before his very eyes.
Just as Draco Malfoy dogged their every step and continuously harassed them, Severus Snape had been their antagonist. But that's where the similarity ended.
Exactly as he was today, Severus had been reserved, aloof and very intense. He'd repeatedly rebuffed their attempts at friendship, though he had seemed to take some measure of enjoyment in following them around.
From the first moment Remus had seen him, he'd been drawn to the profound intelligence shining in Severus' dark eyes. Though both Sirius and James had thought him loopy, he'd always been curious about the odd mixture of confidence and vulnerability Severus exuded.
Over time it had become a game to him, to try to illicit raw emotion in the young man. Who even then, at a time when young boys were at their wildest, had held himself so tightly in check.
Remus soon realized that the innocent boyhood curiosity had evolved into something much deeper. He'd found himself searching for Severus, and feeling bereft if he hadn't followed the group. He would deliberately shuffle himself around in class when they were assigned to work in pairs, so that Severus would have no choice but to work with him.
The others had noticed his fascination with the moody student. They had tried to warn him against his feelings, but he'd chosen to ignore their advice. Looking back, he knew now that it had been that very attraction that had led to the attack on Severus.
Knowing it was the first full moon since they had learned how to change into animagi, Sirius and James had snuck away from the school to help Remus with his change. They'd been so absorbed with the upcoming challenge; that they had all failed to see Severus slipping from shadow to shadow behind them. That is, until the moment that Remus had begun to writhe and shriek in pain.
Severus had run out from his hiding place, demanding with fear in his voice to know what was happening. Whether it had been shock or disbelief Remus would never know, but Severus had not fled at Sirius' and James' frantic yells to leave. By then, it had already been too late.
In the pain filled recesses of Remus' mind, he'd seen Severus standing there frozen. That nightmarish look of shock was his last coherent thought. His mind had slid away into that dark void of his wolf form.
He'd woken to find a very sober Dumbledore at his bedside. At his almost hysterical pleading, Dumbledore had quietly told him of Severus' fate after Remus' change had been complete.
With unparalleled strength, he'd torn free of Sirius' and James' grip, before heading straight for Severus. It had been thanks to the other boys that Severus had escaped with his life.
After that Dumbledore had patted his shoulder gently, reassuring him that the incident would not lead to his expulsion. Come the next full moon, they would be better prepared. Afterwards, he had returned to his office. Then, Remus had quietly slipped from his bed and gone in search of Severus.
He had been mortified when he'd seen the damage he had done. Severus' face had been a mass of scratches and bruises. His arms were heavily bandaged where Remus' wolf teeth had sunk into the flesh, as Severus had tried to protect himself.
He'd done his best to ignore the look of horror on Severus' face when he'd pleaded for forgiveness, and after a time the two had come to a truce of sorts. Even then, Severus had been fascinated with the Dark Arts, and had reluctantly agreed to keep Remus' secret on one condition. He wanted to study Remus in depth, in order to learn more about his condition.
From that moment on, they had formed a furtive relationship. Severus studying, and Remus falling further in love. It had been this odd relationship, and Severus' genius knack for potion creations that had led to the ghastly concoction Remus drank on the eve of every full moon. Though it only lessened the symptoms, Severus holed himself up in his lab almost every night; modifying the potion in the hopes that it would one-day cure Remus of his curse.
Remus had hoped that over time, with their closeness of proximity and their shared dark secret, Severus would come to realize the depth of his feelings. He even hoped that one day, Severus might return them. But after twenty long years, he had finally given up.
"Isn't funny Severus, how my broken heart just keeps hanging on to the hope that one day you would have returned my love." A sad, rueful smile crept over Remus' face. He walked away from him once again to stand in a patch of moonlight, which washed over his upturned face. "You're free Severus, I will never bother you again."
"I will never be free of you," Severus growled, as he pushed off of the door and stalked across the room, grabbing Remus by the shoulder. Severus looked at Remus' face; his eyes flashing, and cheeks flushed. Remus looked so beautiful that Severus couldn't help himself as he leaned forward, catching those lips with his own, silencing any protest.
Remus stiffened, his eyes widening as Severus' lips covered his own. As the heat from the contact began to spread through his body, he relaxed into Severus' embrace; eyes drifting blissfully shut.
Feeling, more than hearing, the soft moan beneath his onslaught Severus gently maneuvered Remus backwards; until the edge of the bed caught the back of his legs plunging him down onto the blankets. Severus drank in the sight before him. Remus was reclining back where he had fallen onto the bed; his arms propping his torso up, his face flushed, and eyes glazed as they stared dazedly at Severus. Remus' lips were moist and swollen from the assault only seconds earlier, and his body tightened in longing to continue their actions. But he knew that if he didn't stop now, he wouldn't be able to later.
Taking a deep breath, Severus closed his eyes. He brought his hands up to tangle in his own disheveled dark hair. A soft moan caught his attention, causing him to open his eyes and look down. Remus' gaze was riveted on his chest, where the material of his robes had been pulled tight over his taut chest, defining the toned muscles hidden beneath.
"Lupin...Remus," Severus stammered softly, but was unprepared for the hands that shot up suddenly gripping his waist and pulling him off balance. He toppled forward onto the bed, Remus' arms locked around his body; their lips meshing together in a heated kiss, which only ended when the need for air outweighed the need for touch.
Remus rolled Severus over until he hovered above him. Trailing his lips down, tasting the soft skin exposed by the open collar of the black robe that Severus was wearing he nipped sharply. Remus proceeded to immediately soothe the tiny nips with his tongue.
Severus shivered as Remus' lips continued their trail down to the open collar of his robe. He started slightly upon feeling those lips press gentle kisses, one-by-one down his chest while his robe was unbuttoned slowly.
Remus looked up Severus' body, his gaze locking with dark eyes clouded with passion, as he slipped free the last button of Severus' robe and pushed the edges of the robe open. Severus' eyes snapped shut tightly, his mouth parting with sweet gasps escaping between his bruised lips. Crawling forward Remus reached down to take one dusky red-brown nipple into his mouth. He smirked softly around his target at the sudden strangled moan he drew from the other man. One hand came up to tease and mimic the actions of his lips on the other neglected nipple. Cries of delight filled the room as he slowly tantalized the hardened nubs with his fingers and mouth.
Severus' robe slipped farther off as Remus broke off his torment and leaned upwards, nuzzling the fluttering pulse dancing along Severus' neck. His tongue dipped out to test the flesh, to consume the taste and smell that solely belonged to Severus. He hid his smile as Severus arched upwards; pressing his body desperately into his, silently begging for more.
Remus left a trail of kisses down his body, following the light pattern of dark hair as it descended into the waistband of his boxers. When he reached Severus' navel, he plunged his tongue in and worked it around several times drawing moans from him.
Severus reached out and pulled Remus up. Murmuring in his ear, "Too many clothes," he tugged at the fastenings to Remus' robe, determined to rid the other man of the obstruction.
Remus laughed lightly as he sat back on Severus' legs and stripped off the offending garment, once again tossing it to the floor as he reached down, tugging away the remaining clothing that shielded his view of Severus. The sight of all that pale skin against his bedcovers set his need free inside him, primal and raw. His hands gently caressed the exposed skin, exploring the dips and ridges now visible. His tongue traced wet lines across pebbled nipples, a rippled abdomen and down to steely thighs, bypassing arching hips that strained against his hands.
With a sound of desire, Severus reared up, arms and legs snaking around Remus, their mouth fusing together. Remus' fingers dug harder into Severus' hips, knowing that he was leaving bruises, but couldn't care less at the moment. His mouth crushed Severus' until he moaned in dazed pleasure. He reached up, grasping a handful of Severus' dark hair and pulled his head back roughly. Remus' lips attacking the skin of Severus' neck as his other hand drifted down to encircle the hardness that was pressing against his stomach.
Remus leaned back suddenly and looked down, his golden eyes flashing hotly, his hand still wrapped around the straining hardness. "Is this what you want, Severus?" he said hoarsely.
"You came back to Hogwarts for me, didn't you? So why shouldn't I come back you? It's been twenty years Remus. I think, that we have both been lonely," Severus panted slightly, his voice hoarse with the fiery passion that raced through his veins. "I am not sure if I am ready to go back to the way it was before, but I know I can't let you walk away from me again. I don't know where this will lead us, but I am willing to give it one more try," Severus said, looking up at the familiar face above him, his breath catching at the beautiful face so close. "I let my hatred for your friends cloud my mind to what we could have had. I let them win."
"We both did," Remus sighed regretfully. "They didn't understand my feelings for you, they saw it as an impossible obstacle. After that night I listened to them, instead of my heart. As I watched helplessly as our love faded I could only pray that one day, you would see that it wasn't really me that wanted this great distance between us."
~*~
Where do you run
Where do you hide
After a promise breaks
Who'll be the one
To say goodbye
And who'll be the one to stay
When love fades
~*~
"I can't promise that I won't run and hide from you this time," Severus said, one hand reaching up to stroke Remus' high cheekbone tenderly. "But I'll try not to break this vow to you. If love does truly fade this time, then I will be the one to say goodbye this time."
"There won't be another goodbye if I can help it," Remus said, leaning forward to kiss him, his hand moving to position Severus at his entrance as he leaned back against the silky hard erection, feeling the burn as he slowly took that hardness within him.
"Remus, no! You aren't ready!" cried Severus. Remus ignored him, his breath coming in great gasps as he slid down Severus' hard length, until it was fully sheathed inside him.
Remus shut his eyes, raking his short nails down Severus' clenched stomach, and leaned his head back, reveling in the feel of Severus' hot, hard length pulsing within him. It was all that he could do to not grind heatedly down on the torrid shaft. He held still letting himself adjust to the invasion, before opening his eyes and looking down into Severus' concerned face.
"I'm all right, Severus," he whispered, shifting slightly causing Severus to moan beneath him.
"Hmm, yes. Please Severus, make love to me," moaned Remus as he shifted again to feel that hot pleasure racing though his body. Slowly Severus began the rhythmic thrusting that sent his body into sensory overload.
Remus' mind shut down and he fell into the pleasure that heated his entire soul. It was like coming home, the feelings sweeping over his body, entwined with the man filling him. He could feel the building pressure as his release drew near. He leaned down and their lips met as a sudden wave of heat flushed over his body causing him to jerk and groan. Remus cried out as his essence spilled forth, coating their sweat slicked stomachs with his hot seed. Severus' fingers clenched Remus' narrow hips tightly, as his own heat flowed deep into his lover.
Remus collapsed forward onto Severus, as their passion began to fade into a soft afterglow. Leaning up onto his elbow, he brought one hand up to gently sweep the sweat-laden hair from Severus' flushed face. Severus' eyes fluttered open and he looked up into Remus' beautiful, golden gaze.
"I'll be the one who stays this time," Severus said, reaching up to gently touch the glowing face of the man above him. "You'll come back to me as I will come back to you, each time our love fades. No matter how long it takes we will always come back to each other."
"Promise me," Remus said softly.
"I promise."
~Fin~
Award: Tied for 1st Place
Penname: DBZVegeta
Fic title: When Love Fades
Summary: Remus has been in love with Severus since their school days. Twenty years later, he finally tells him. Songfic (When Love Fades by Toby Keith)
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Rating: NC-17
# of Chapters: 1
Category: Romance Angst Graphic Smut
Beta: Keikokin
When Love Fades
~*~
Going through the motions pretending to be
The man you used to see in me baby
You don't want to hurt me so you play along
~*~
Severus Snape stood outside Remus Lupin's door, a frothing goblet clenched in one hand. Raising his free hand, he knocked hard upon the door. Several minutes passed with no response and knowing that Lupin had to be in the room, he reached out and turned the handle. Opening the door and striding angrily into the room, his cloak rippling out behind him.
"Lupin, where are you?" he sneered looking around the darkened room. "I've brought your blasted potion, so get out here and take it."
"I'm here, you don't have to yell," came a soft voice from across the dark room. Snape turned and tried to look through the hazy darkness for the man. As he peered into the darkness searching for him, suddenly the wolf popped up in front of him.
Even though he'd seen it countless times before, Severus was still awed by the sight of Lupin's transformation from one entity to another. The silken fur rippled, as it appeared to flow inward, skin and muscle shaping and shifting form as bones changed and reset. And where once had stood a massive silver wolf, there was now a tall, lean man, his light skin naked in the flickering of the candlelight.
Bending lithely, Lupin retrieved his cloak from the floor. The material billowing as he spun it around and settled it over his broad shoulders.
"Here, be quick about it, I have other things to do," Snape snarled, tearing his gaze away from Lupin's athletic build, as he shoved the goblet at the man standing in front of him.
"Thank you," Lupin softly replied, as the goblet was removed from Snape's hand. Severus watched as the other man quickly gulped down the potion, a grimace spreading over his face at the taste. Lupin handed the goblet back to him and turned away, gagging.
Severus stared at his back for a second before swirling around, with every intent on leaving. However, before his hand could reach the doorknob, Lupin's voice cut through the room.
"What's your hurry, can't stand to be around the big bad wolf?" he said, his voice hoarse from the burning affects of the potion.
"Well, unlike you, I take my job seriously and have things that must be done," Severus snapped back, turning to look at the man behind him. Remus still had his back to him, his body mostly cloaked by the dim light in the room.
A snort of cynical laughter echoed the room as Remus moved through the gloom to stand at the open window, looking out over the moonlit scenery. "That's what you see, isn't it? A carefree, happy go lucky man without a care in the world. Never mind that he has been cursed with the affliction of being a werewolf and has always been, and will always be treated as a outcast for the rest of his life, living off the charity of others to be able to survive." Another short scornful laugh followed his words, "Going through the motions of life, pretending to be someone else. But then again, you would never see the truth, would you?"
"Whatever are you babbling about?" Severus growled, his impatience telling in his tone.
"Is that all you see in me; the hideous werewolf that almost killed you when we were younger? The one that you now have to help every month just so that your attacker may live?"
Severus stared at the back of the other man, wondering if he had finally gone off the deep end. He decided to play along and try to find out what was wrong with him, not that he cared one bit about what was going on with him.
"What do you want me to see? It is my job as Potions Master to prepare your drink. I have no problem with that," he snapped back, leaning against the closed door behind him.
"Ah, duty before self. Such a dedicated man you have become," mocked Remus' voice, cutting through the dim of the darkened room. "Never mind your feelings, the loathing that you must feel, or the hatred that wells up in the very core of your being." A snort of laughter came again, this time it seemed tinged with a bit of hysteria.
~*~
And it don't feel right, and it don't feel wrong
It just feels like a memory
Barely alive
When will we let it die
~*~
Severus determined in that instance that something didn't feel right with this situation. Remus normally was a quiet, humble man. The person who stood in front of him, cloaked in the dim light of the moonlit room was someone he hadn't seen in a long, long time. Not since the day, following the night of the attack, which had changed both of their lives so deeply. But that had been over twenty years ago, which raised a very troubling question. What had happened to bring about this sudden bout of self-loathing?
Severus decided immediately that he needed to get to the bottom of what was eating the man, even if he couldn't care less what happened to him. Severus knew that his animosity had been eating away at his soul ever since that fateful night and even though his curiosity didn't feel wrong, his mind told him to turn around and walk out the door while his heart screamed at him to stay. He sighed heavily as he looked through the gloom of the room before answering back. His tone sharp with his impatience, "Feeling a bit masochistic today?"
Remus whirled around, infuriated by the sarcasm in Severus' voice. He stalked across the room to tower over the dark-headed man leaning against the heavy door, his hands coming up to slam forcefully against the aged wood, trapping Severus between his arms.
"Masochistic, am I? You're one to talk! Living a half-life, not even a whole man. Tell me, what does it feel like to live the memory of your old life? Before you became so cynical? I want to know what it feels like to you. I'm barely aware of being alive anymore."
"Lupin, I think you have seriously lost it. Have you ever considered checking yourself into St. Mungo's for treatment?" Severus said, his eyes rolling as he looked up into Remus' shadow darkened face. He was slowly becoming more nervous, as a tick appeared in the upper corner of Remus' cheek.
"Do you?" Remus growled, leaning in, just a little-a brush of bodies, his breath feathering over Severus' upturned face. "I would have thought that you would be expecting this a long time ago."
Remus lowered his head closer to his, stopping only an inch from contact. He saw Severus' eyes darken, heard the sharp intake of breath and knew his answer in that instant. He waited as he listened to the pounding of his heart, the smell of his fear and saw the dilation of his eyes.
"When Severus, when will you let this die within me? Why must you torment my soul every day of my life?"
~*~
Where do you run
Where do you hide
After a promise breaks
Who'll be the one
To say goodbye
And who'll be the one to stay
When love fades
~*~
Remus continued on, ignoring the shocked look that unfolded over Severus' face at his words. "Where am I to run to? Where do I hide now? I cannot continue with this farce any longer. I have watched you since that day, even when you didn't know that I was there; I was watching. I promised myself that I wouldn't do this, wouldn't break my vow. But twenty years is much too long, and I must say it now before I lose myself."
Severus finally found his voice, hoarse and rough with his agitation. "And what is so important that it took you twenty years to tell me?"
Remus tilted his head slightly; his golden eyes shadowed and dull as they stared down into Snape's eyes. "This," with that one word, Remus leaned the rest of the way forward and crushed his mouth to Severus. This was no gentle exploration, no tentative kiss. It was heat and hunger, passion warring with anger, strength versus strength. In the instant their mouths met, it deepened immediately; pleasure streaking though their bodies like flame set to dry timber.
Severus could taste the wildness that danced along Remus' tongue, as it darted along the crease of his lips and dipped inside when he moaned. It was intoxicating to his senses and he couldn't get enough of it. Remus' body was pressed flush against his, the firm chest straining to get closer, hips arching into his body as Severus' hands reached down to cup Remus' hips, fingers splayed over the tight firmness of his buttocks.
Then he was free, breathless and stunned, slumping hard back against the door, which was the only thing at that moment that was holding him up.
"What was that for?" Severus said, his voice breathy as he looked dazedly back up at the man standing over him.
"It was my goodbye," came Remus' soft voice, regret clearly held in that tone.
"Goodbye?"
"Yes, to the love that we can never share."
"L...l...love?"
~*~
How are we gonna let go of something that's gone
Ain't it funny how a broken heart just keeps hangin' on baby
You watched me walk away
And I set you free
But I come back to you and you come back to me
I guess it beats being lonely that's the reason why
We give it one more try
~*~
Remus looked into the face he knew and loved so well, which was a mask of pure shock. He'd seen that look once before, over twenty years ago, and it still inflicted as much pain now, as it had back then.
The years melted away as Remus allowed his mind to flow back to that ominous day, so long ago. They'd been students then at Hogwarts and though they'd been in the same grade level, he and Severus had been worlds apart.
Remus had been carefree and outgoing, boisterous and just a tad bit mischievous, which seemed to draw people to him wherever he went. He'd made friends quickly and easily in those days, which is how he'd come to know James Potter.
James, as everyone else had referred to him as, had been of a similar nature. Open, friendly, curious and with just a touch of devilry in his eyes. James had unabashedly introduced himself on the train ride to the infamous school, before hauling his other new friend, Sirius Black into the car. From that day on, the three of them had been as close as brothers.
Lily had rounded out the quartet, attempting to bring some form of propriety to the boys. Despite her repeatedly failed attempts, they had been very close. They were always there for each other in times of need, and most especially in times of great impishness.
Remus smiled softly as his thoughts shifted to Harry, Hermione and Ron. They were so much like himself, Sirius, James and Lily that at times, he felt as if he were watching history repeat itself before his very eyes.
Just as Draco Malfoy dogged their every step and continuously harassed them, Severus Snape had been their antagonist. But that's where the similarity ended.
Exactly as he was today, Severus had been reserved, aloof and very intense. He'd repeatedly rebuffed their attempts at friendship, though he had seemed to take some measure of enjoyment in following them around.
From the first moment Remus had seen him, he'd been drawn to the profound intelligence shining in Severus' dark eyes. Though both Sirius and James had thought him loopy, he'd always been curious about the odd mixture of confidence and vulnerability Severus exuded.
Over time it had become a game to him, to try to illicit raw emotion in the young man. Who even then, at a time when young boys were at their wildest, had held himself so tightly in check.
Remus soon realized that the innocent boyhood curiosity had evolved into something much deeper. He'd found himself searching for Severus, and feeling bereft if he hadn't followed the group. He would deliberately shuffle himself around in class when they were assigned to work in pairs, so that Severus would have no choice but to work with him.
The others had noticed his fascination with the moody student. They had tried to warn him against his feelings, but he'd chosen to ignore their advice. Looking back, he knew now that it had been that very attraction that had led to the attack on Severus.
Knowing it was the first full moon since they had learned how to change into animagi, Sirius and James had snuck away from the school to help Remus with his change. They'd been so absorbed with the upcoming challenge; that they had all failed to see Severus slipping from shadow to shadow behind them. That is, until the moment that Remus had begun to writhe and shriek in pain.
Severus had run out from his hiding place, demanding with fear in his voice to know what was happening. Whether it had been shock or disbelief Remus would never know, but Severus had not fled at Sirius' and James' frantic yells to leave. By then, it had already been too late.
In the pain filled recesses of Remus' mind, he'd seen Severus standing there frozen. That nightmarish look of shock was his last coherent thought. His mind had slid away into that dark void of his wolf form.
He'd woken to find a very sober Dumbledore at his bedside. At his almost hysterical pleading, Dumbledore had quietly told him of Severus' fate after Remus' change had been complete.
With unparalleled strength, he'd torn free of Sirius' and James' grip, before heading straight for Severus. It had been thanks to the other boys that Severus had escaped with his life.
After that Dumbledore had patted his shoulder gently, reassuring him that the incident would not lead to his expulsion. Come the next full moon, they would be better prepared. Afterwards, he had returned to his office. Then, Remus had quietly slipped from his bed and gone in search of Severus.
He had been mortified when he'd seen the damage he had done. Severus' face had been a mass of scratches and bruises. His arms were heavily bandaged where Remus' wolf teeth had sunk into the flesh, as Severus had tried to protect himself.
He'd done his best to ignore the look of horror on Severus' face when he'd pleaded for forgiveness, and after a time the two had come to a truce of sorts. Even then, Severus had been fascinated with the Dark Arts, and had reluctantly agreed to keep Remus' secret on one condition. He wanted to study Remus in depth, in order to learn more about his condition.
From that moment on, they had formed a furtive relationship. Severus studying, and Remus falling further in love. It had been this odd relationship, and Severus' genius knack for potion creations that had led to the ghastly concoction Remus drank on the eve of every full moon. Though it only lessened the symptoms, Severus holed himself up in his lab almost every night; modifying the potion in the hopes that it would one-day cure Remus of his curse.
Remus had hoped that over time, with their closeness of proximity and their shared dark secret, Severus would come to realize the depth of his feelings. He even hoped that one day, Severus might return them. But after twenty long years, he had finally given up.
"Isn't funny Severus, how my broken heart just keeps hanging on to the hope that one day you would have returned my love." A sad, rueful smile crept over Remus' face. He walked away from him once again to stand in a patch of moonlight, which washed over his upturned face. "You're free Severus, I will never bother you again."
"I will never be free of you," Severus growled, as he pushed off of the door and stalked across the room, grabbing Remus by the shoulder. Severus looked at Remus' face; his eyes flashing, and cheeks flushed. Remus looked so beautiful that Severus couldn't help himself as he leaned forward, catching those lips with his own, silencing any protest.
Remus stiffened, his eyes widening as Severus' lips covered his own. As the heat from the contact began to spread through his body, he relaxed into Severus' embrace; eyes drifting blissfully shut.
Feeling, more than hearing, the soft moan beneath his onslaught Severus gently maneuvered Remus backwards; until the edge of the bed caught the back of his legs plunging him down onto the blankets. Severus drank in the sight before him. Remus was reclining back where he had fallen onto the bed; his arms propping his torso up, his face flushed, and eyes glazed as they stared dazedly at Severus. Remus' lips were moist and swollen from the assault only seconds earlier, and his body tightened in longing to continue their actions. But he knew that if he didn't stop now, he wouldn't be able to later.
Taking a deep breath, Severus closed his eyes. He brought his hands up to tangle in his own disheveled dark hair. A soft moan caught his attention, causing him to open his eyes and look down. Remus' gaze was riveted on his chest, where the material of his robes had been pulled tight over his taut chest, defining the toned muscles hidden beneath.
"Lupin...Remus," Severus stammered softly, but was unprepared for the hands that shot up suddenly gripping his waist and pulling him off balance. He toppled forward onto the bed, Remus' arms locked around his body; their lips meshing together in a heated kiss, which only ended when the need for air outweighed the need for touch.
Remus rolled Severus over until he hovered above him. Trailing his lips down, tasting the soft skin exposed by the open collar of the black robe that Severus was wearing he nipped sharply. Remus proceeded to immediately soothe the tiny nips with his tongue.
Severus shivered as Remus' lips continued their trail down to the open collar of his robe. He started slightly upon feeling those lips press gentle kisses, one-by-one down his chest while his robe was unbuttoned slowly.
Remus looked up Severus' body, his gaze locking with dark eyes clouded with passion, as he slipped free the last button of Severus' robe and pushed the edges of the robe open. Severus' eyes snapped shut tightly, his mouth parting with sweet gasps escaping between his bruised lips. Crawling forward Remus reached down to take one dusky red-brown nipple into his mouth. He smirked softly around his target at the sudden strangled moan he drew from the other man. One hand came up to tease and mimic the actions of his lips on the other neglected nipple. Cries of delight filled the room as he slowly tantalized the hardened nubs with his fingers and mouth.
Severus' robe slipped farther off as Remus broke off his torment and leaned upwards, nuzzling the fluttering pulse dancing along Severus' neck. His tongue dipped out to test the flesh, to consume the taste and smell that solely belonged to Severus. He hid his smile as Severus arched upwards; pressing his body desperately into his, silently begging for more.
Remus left a trail of kisses down his body, following the light pattern of dark hair as it descended into the waistband of his boxers. When he reached Severus' navel, he plunged his tongue in and worked it around several times drawing moans from him.
Severus reached out and pulled Remus up. Murmuring in his ear, "Too many clothes," he tugged at the fastenings to Remus' robe, determined to rid the other man of the obstruction.
Remus laughed lightly as he sat back on Severus' legs and stripped off the offending garment, once again tossing it to the floor as he reached down, tugging away the remaining clothing that shielded his view of Severus. The sight of all that pale skin against his bedcovers set his need free inside him, primal and raw. His hands gently caressed the exposed skin, exploring the dips and ridges now visible. His tongue traced wet lines across pebbled nipples, a rippled abdomen and down to steely thighs, bypassing arching hips that strained against his hands.
With a sound of desire, Severus reared up, arms and legs snaking around Remus, their mouth fusing together. Remus' fingers dug harder into Severus' hips, knowing that he was leaving bruises, but couldn't care less at the moment. His mouth crushed Severus' until he moaned in dazed pleasure. He reached up, grasping a handful of Severus' dark hair and pulled his head back roughly. Remus' lips attacking the skin of Severus' neck as his other hand drifted down to encircle the hardness that was pressing against his stomach.
Remus leaned back suddenly and looked down, his golden eyes flashing hotly, his hand still wrapped around the straining hardness. "Is this what you want, Severus?" he said hoarsely.
"You came back to Hogwarts for me, didn't you? So why shouldn't I come back you? It's been twenty years Remus. I think, that we have both been lonely," Severus panted slightly, his voice hoarse with the fiery passion that raced through his veins. "I am not sure if I am ready to go back to the way it was before, but I know I can't let you walk away from me again. I don't know where this will lead us, but I am willing to give it one more try," Severus said, looking up at the familiar face above him, his breath catching at the beautiful face so close. "I let my hatred for your friends cloud my mind to what we could have had. I let them win."
"We both did," Remus sighed regretfully. "They didn't understand my feelings for you, they saw it as an impossible obstacle. After that night I listened to them, instead of my heart. As I watched helplessly as our love faded I could only pray that one day, you would see that it wasn't really me that wanted this great distance between us."
~*~
Where do you run
Where do you hide
After a promise breaks
Who'll be the one
To say goodbye
And who'll be the one to stay
When love fades
~*~
"I can't promise that I won't run and hide from you this time," Severus said, one hand reaching up to stroke Remus' high cheekbone tenderly. "But I'll try not to break this vow to you. If love does truly fade this time, then I will be the one to say goodbye this time."
"There won't be another goodbye if I can help it," Remus said, leaning forward to kiss him, his hand moving to position Severus at his entrance as he leaned back against the silky hard erection, feeling the burn as he slowly took that hardness within him.
"Remus, no! You aren't ready!" cried Severus. Remus ignored him, his breath coming in great gasps as he slid down Severus' hard length, until it was fully sheathed inside him.
Remus shut his eyes, raking his short nails down Severus' clenched stomach, and leaned his head back, reveling in the feel of Severus' hot, hard length pulsing within him. It was all that he could do to not grind heatedly down on the torrid shaft. He held still letting himself adjust to the invasion, before opening his eyes and looking down into Severus' concerned face.
"I'm all right, Severus," he whispered, shifting slightly causing Severus to moan beneath him.
"Hmm, yes. Please Severus, make love to me," moaned Remus as he shifted again to feel that hot pleasure racing though his body. Slowly Severus began the rhythmic thrusting that sent his body into sensory overload.
Remus' mind shut down and he fell into the pleasure that heated his entire soul. It was like coming home, the feelings sweeping over his body, entwined with the man filling him. He could feel the building pressure as his release drew near. He leaned down and their lips met as a sudden wave of heat flushed over his body causing him to jerk and groan. Remus cried out as his essence spilled forth, coating their sweat slicked stomachs with his hot seed. Severus' fingers clenched Remus' narrow hips tightly, as his own heat flowed deep into his lover.
Remus collapsed forward onto Severus, as their passion began to fade into a soft afterglow. Leaning up onto his elbow, he brought one hand up to gently sweep the sweat-laden hair from Severus' flushed face. Severus' eyes fluttered open and he looked up into Remus' beautiful, golden gaze.
"I'll be the one who stays this time," Severus said, reaching up to gently touch the glowing face of the man above him. "You'll come back to me as I will come back to you, each time our love fades. No matter how long it takes we will always come back to each other."
"Promise me," Remus said softly.
"I promise."
~Fin~
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