FicWad

This chapter dedicated to mcr_dynamite

God, you feel incredible,” Frank muttered, tipping Gerard’s head back against the pillow by pulling his hair gently, Gerard’s chin tipping up toward Frank.

Gerard didn’t answer, mumbling and opening his mouth like a fish, as if he were trying to bite at something inches away and repeatedly taken out of reach, or bobbing for apples.

“That’s it…,” Frank gasped, moving his tired hips until his movements got jerkier.

“Frank… Mm, Frankie,” Gerard sighed, reaching out to hold Frank’s shoulders steady. “You do me so good…,” he sang, closing his eyes and smiling up at the man goofily.

Frank grinned and kissed Gerard’s slightly swollen lips, wondering if he’d given the older man a bruise earlier from grabbing his face so hard. Gerard slipped his hand between them, tracing the base of Frank’s cock as he pulled out again. “Stop for a second,” he muttered. Frank complied. Gerard kissed him and closed his eyes again, jerking Frank off and sucking Frank’s bottom lip into his mouth.

Frank moaned and arched up against Gerard’s thighs. “Jesus, fuck, Gerard… ng… Just let me fuck you… Need to fuck you all the way out…” He resumed the work and Gerard let out a soft breath each time Frank hit that spot, lying back and spilling out the proper obscenities until Frank finally achieved his objective and slammed his way to both their orgasms, crying out Gerard’s name and holding onto him until they stopped seeing stars.

Gerard stared at the opposite wall of the hallway, the dry tears on his face stinging. The guys hadn’t found him yet, even after hours, but they would; they always did, except it was usually Frank who comforted him when he was upset.

“Gerard?”

Ray. It was Ray this time. Gerard turned his head the other way, closing his eyes as he felt the man sit down on the floor next to him. Ray’s arm slipped around Gerard’s shoulders and he took a shaky breath. They just sat there for a few minutes in silence, listening to each other’s trembling breaths.

“This can’t be happening, Ray.”

Ray didn’t answer, but removed his hand and turned when Gerard moved to face him.

“Tell me I’m dreaming…” He paused. “Tell me I’m fucking dreaming…” He looked up again suddenly “Oh god, this is my fault,” Gerard whispered. “It’s my fault.”

This time Ray replied, and sternly. “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare even start that. Frank fell. It was no one’s fault.”

Gerard shook his head. “No. N-no, I did this. Oh my god, I could’ve saved him, Ray. If I’d t-told you what—Oh fuck…”

“What, Gerard? What didn’t you tell us?” Ray’s voice was shriller than normal; he was trying hard not to start crying again.

Gerard mouth was slightly open and he stood up, his fingers ghosting over the wall as he dragged himself down the passage and toward the elevators. Ray went after him but he turned around angrily. “Don’t follow me, Ray!” he hissed, tears replenishing over the parched ones. He shoved Ray back, who stood shocked for a moment as Gerard entered the lift and left the hall.

Frank’s hotel room was dull. His suitcase was unopened on the floor. Gerard unzipped it hesitantly and looked inside. It was untidy and crammed, but it smelled like him. Gerard still couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t real. Frank was alive and well downstairs with the guys; Gerard had just been imagining things again.

Gerard didn’t even know why he’d entered Frank’s room in the first place. There was a strange feeling of dread in his stomach when he found the door to his own, so he’d headed here instead.

“Gerard, don’t blame yourself.”

Gerard frowned. “For what?”

“Gerard, please, don’t.”

“Mom,” Gerard said, his voice strangely alien to himself. He felt wrong and awkward, talking to himself in an empty room. “What’s going on?” As innocent as that, three simple words.

“A lot of things are going on, dear.”

“I mean, why are you hiding things from me? Why haven’t you woken up? Why did you… Wh-why did you kill… Frank?”

There was a pause, longer than before. “I didn’t kill him, honey.”

Gerard shook his head. “You did. You both did.” He kept staring at the open suitcase. “Where’s that girl? I’ll tear her fucking eyes out, mom.”

“Gerard, don’t think like that, it’s not good for you. It will only make things worse.”

“—I swear I will. If I see her face ever again, I’m gonna get her back for this. Do you hear me, mom?! I’ll fucking kill her!” Gerard smashed a framed picture of Frank and Jamia into the opposite wall, ripping his gaze from the suitcase and turning to look straight toward Donna, who stood harmlessly in the hall outside the bathroom. She looked anguished.

“Gerard, you don’t understand—”

“No, mom, I think I understand okay,” Gerard interrupted harshly, standing and brushing himself off. “It’s you who doesn’t.”

“Gerard wait—”

Before she could finish, Gerard was out the door and steps down the hall toward his own room, the dread in his mind drifting away to boiling anger.