FicWad

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FOR MY DOOJIES
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At least 4 out of the 8 legs tapped nervously, one pair of D&G pumps, a pair of converse baseball pumps, one pair of easy checked slip on pumps and one pair of yellow, green, red and black coloured pumps.

"I heard they're nasty." Joe said, his hands folded tightly in his lap. The four men were squeezed unnaturally into one sofa in the hotel room and they anxiously awaited the next round of interviewers.

"Nasty, sexy nasty or nasty, we might actually die, nasty." Pete frowned.

"Both!" Joe gulped.

The door flew open.

Bob stood up to attention, take that how you want it, as the girls waltzed in.

"Hi, we're from the Division of Joy." Spoke the baulchy dark haired one who appeared authoritarian until she spoke in her soft high voice.

"Hey!" A bold voice squealed, Bob had closed the door before her mass volume of hair had made it through the door.

"Bob - That's rude!!" A perky high pitched voice reprimanded him, Bob looked scared.

"Sorry Kyle." He said humbly, before stepping back by the sofa.

"So as I was saying, we work for the Division of Joy and we have question that must be asked, oh, and I'm Crystal and you won't ever forget me." She said with a blossoming smile.

"Easy on Crystal." An English voice piped up.

Crystal looked at the redhead quickly and squinted her eyes.

"You can bloody stop that!" she replied.

Crystal shook her head.

"Katy." The redhead said to the boys, they nodded.

"Emma." Another voice chirped, they smiled at her too.

"I'm Alex. I'm not German." She said, pulling down a curl so it was pulled tight.

"What are you?" Pete frowned.

"Shut up!" Alex barked.

Pete slunk back into the sofa.

"Hello??" A voice called, banging on the door. Emma opened the door and in waddled a blooming maternal blonde head.

"Pregnancy has ruined me!" she whined, 4 pairs of eyes looked up at the young woman.

"I'm Sarah, don't think I'm soft either because I'm not." She said, the boys not even knowing what to say, Sarah just stuffed another marshmallow into her mouth.

"And don't think cos I'm pregnant that you can be all....nice." she said, marshmallow rolling around in her mouth.

"I want one." Kyle said, dipping her hand into the bag.

"I thought there was 7 of you." Bob said, his testosterone voice was welcome amongst the extremely toxic levels of oestrogen in the room.

"CeCe..." Katy muttered, looking at her mobile, she pressed voice dial.

"Smooches!" she instructed her phone and it dialled her number.

The girls began to take their places on the chairs and sofa before Fall Out Boy and Bob.

Alex walked over, sitting on Katy's lap.

"Um, Wife..." Katy groaned,

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she said, squeezing between Crystal and Katy.

"Kyle!" Crystal whispered to the girl who was close up inspecting Joe's hair, she touched it slightly.

"Hello my lovelies! You would not believe the guy I just made out with in the elevator-" CeCe smiled, then stared back at the 5 men gawping at her.

"What?? A girl's gotta take opportunities!" She justified.

"um...CeCe..." Emma said, gesturing to CeCe's blouse, the bust button wide open.

"Oops!" she giggled, fastening it quicky.

"This is nonsense! All of you, sit your asses down!" Crystal said suddenly, the girls hurried to sit down.

There was a moments silence as both parties exchanged looks.

Patrick squirmed slightly as the red headed Briton winked at him seductively; Crystal jibed her roughly in the ribs.

"Ow! I can't help it, he's a hot little thing!" She whispered loudly. Patrick blushed further.

"We've been watching you closely Fall out Boyz." Crystal said sternly.

"Yeah!" Kyle mimicked. Crystal glanced at her.

"What - I'm agreeing."

"Will you all shut up?" Crystal asked.

The bag of marshmallows rustled as Sarah stuffed at least another 3 into her mouth.

"What?" She asked, her cheeks bulging. Emma shook her head.

"You've been terrorising young girls from the age 13 upwards for the last 2 years with your infectious brilliant music and your stunning hot looks - what do you have to say for yourselves?!" Crystal asked angrily.

"Uh....We're Sorry?" Pete said, raising his eyebrows.

4 of the girls quickly scribbled his response into their note books, Emma held out the Dictaphone, Sarah ate, Katy stared.

"You stated that the Honda Civic Tour was postponed for personal issues, we have to know the truth or else we'll write very very bad smutty fiction about you, do you understand?" Crystal said. They nodded.

"You tell.." Pete said quietly to Patrick.

"Nuh uh." Patrick said shaking his head.

"It was your idea, you tell!" Andy said to Pete.

Pete took a long breath.

"Make it snappish, we have dinner plans." Alex said. Pete stared at her.

"Um, ok? Well, um-"

Kyle yawned loudly.

Pete looked at her too. Then back to the ring leader, Crystal.

"It was the blood!" he blurted impatiently.

Sarah choked suddenly and spat out the 2 marshmallows on to her lap.

"Oh god...blood..." Sarah said suddenly.

"What do you mean blood?" Emma frowned, holding the Dictaphone nearer.

"The pictures, signed in blood." He said.

"That's gross!" CeCe frowned.

"I know - I told him it was!" Patrick agreed, getting even a little excited that there was at least some common ground between them all.

"Dude?!" Pete said.

"Hey! It was traumatic for me - I don't have any veins!" he whined.

"Wait, wait, wait." Katy said sitting up and putting both her hands up.

"Are you saying, you had to postpone the tour because you signed those pictures in blood?!" Crystal asked, finishing Katy's sentence.

"Yeah." Pete said.

"Why?" CeCe frowned.

"Do you know how much blood they took??" Pete said, raising both his eyebrows, getting irritated, all 7 girls sat up suddenly and fear oozed out of Pete's skin. He sat back down immediately.

"Do you know how many hearts you broke?" Sarah cried, emotionally.

"How many birthday's you ruined, how many dreams you delayed, do you care??" She sobbed, Kyle handed her a tissue.

"There, there.." she said softly.

"Look what you did?!!" She mimed to the boys, they looked so sad.

"We're sorry!" Joe said, reaching out to Sarah.

"Don't touch her!!" Kyle barked. He snapped his hand back and sat down.

Katy fanned herself down with the notebook and Alex and CeCe helped.

"My my...is it hot in here?" she whispered, she shook their head, a small film of sweat was accruing on her forehead.

"Wow." She added, she undid her top more until her cleavage was showing and she looked at Patrick again with her seductively useless eyes. He grimaced.

"Fall Out Boyz!" Crystal said abruptly.

"Where were you on the night that Infinity On High was leaked on to the interweb?" She asked firmly.

"I was at Andy's." Pete said

"Patrick's" Joe said,

"Joe's" Patrick said

"Pete's!" Andy said

All simultaneously.

"Wait." Emma frowned. The boyz looked at each other nervously.

A long silence followed, it only dramatised the fat porker they'd all just been guilty of telling.

"What they mean is-" Bob started

"Shut up!" Crystal barked, Bob sat back down.

"You leaked the album yourselves you cheeky fuckers!" Kyle said, outraged.

"No!" Pete said, the only Fall Out Boy desperate enough to lie.

"You sneaky arse bandits!" Katy said, frowning at them. They all looked at her.

"[INSERT FAMOUS AUSTRIAN INSULT HERE]!" Alex said angrily.

"That's naughty!" CeCe said,folding her arms.

Sarah continued to cry. Kyle comforted her.

"Enough!!" Crystal said, ending that question, she calmly wrote down her answer and then looked at them individual.

Suddenly Kyle's cell went and she flipped it open quickly.

"Bridget! Hi!" She squealed,

"Yeah we're right here with them! I'll pass a message on!" She said excitedly. Her face fell as Bridget passed on her message to the band.

"Bridget - I don't feel comfortable saying-" She whispered frantically, standing up.

"YOU SAY IT!" Bridget yelled, everyone heard.

"No! You say it!" Kyle said, hitting the speaker button on her phone.

"Am I on?" she asked,

"Yeah, you're on Bridget." Kyle said, holding the phone out.

"OK, is Pete there?" Bridge asked.

"Yeah I'm here." He said.

"You ass! Do you know what you've done to me? You've crippled me, mentally, emotionally! You have no idea the misery I live in because of your sexiness and your inability to control yourself in the public eye - I hate you! If I had half an hour with you, I'd make out with you and then kick you in the face - that's how much I hate you!" She yelled. The girls looked on nervously.

"Um, on that note, I'll speak to you soon?" Kyle said, taking Bridget off Speaker phone.

"Ok byez." She said softly.

"She was angry." Patrick said.

"Are you angry Patrick?" Katy asked, leaning forward, Patrick glanced at her cleavage, not knowing where to look.

"Not particularly." He said slowly, she sat back again, huffing a little.

"Will you just control yourself??" Alex asked.

"I can't. I'm sorry!" She whispered,

"Peter Wentz - Why did you upload pictures of your penis on to the interweb?" Crystal asked, getting the interview back on track.

"I am not discussing this."

"Answer the question." Sarah cried, Pete looked sad that the pregnant employee of Divison of Joy was so distraught.

"I didn't mean to!" he said quickly.

"What??" Joe freaked.

"You uploaded them??" Andy asked, they all turned to him.

"I was attending to some...business...the sidekick just uploaded them!" he said quickly.

"Business?"

"He was jerking off." Patrick said quickly.

"Oh my god!" CeCe said, putting a hand over her mouth.

"That's probably the most awful story I've ever heard." Emma said, still holding out her Dictaphone.

"I didn't mean it - I was devastated!" He said quickly.

"Have you seen them?" Alex whispered to Katy.

"No?"

"I have." Kyle smiled.

"You have - were they-"

"-Psst!! Girls??!!" Crystal whispered, nodding her head towards Pete.

"You've seen them?" Pete asked Kyle weakly; the workers of Division of Joy were reducing him to rubble.

"Yeah." Kyle said.

"What did you think?" Pete asked,

"Oh that's horrible." Joe said, turning away from Pete.

"They were alright." Kyle shrugged.

"Alright?" he asked, a little let down.

"What - it was a picture of your dong? What do you want me to say?" She frowned.

"Something more than alright!" Pete said.

"Um...the lighting could've been better cos you know... it's all about lighting." Kyle said.

"Right of course..." Pete said, thinking about it.

Crystal coughed loudly. Alex jumped slightly and the curl she'd been twisting and pulling down, coiled back up on top of her head.

"We have one more question that, by laws enforced by the Division of Joy, you must answer." Crystal said, they all moved a little again in their sofa.

Patrick glanced at Katy, she bit her lip a little and smiled, he smiled back, looking away quickly.

"The dolls." Crystal said firmly. Sarah suddenly began crying again and huddled over her growing bump.

"We have reason to believe they are far more destructive than they first appeared...." She added.

"That's preposterous!" Bob yelled, standing up.

"You sit down Bob!" Crystal said, standing up. The squared each other up. He sat down.

"What are you talking about?" Patrick asked.

"Look at her!!!" CeCe said gesturing to Sarah's bump.

The Fall out Boyz looked at Sarah's baby bump.

"That's the work of the Patrick Doll!" Kyle said angrily, Patrick's mouth opened and covered it with his hands. He began shaking his head.

"Yeah that's right Fall Out Boyz, you're spawning yourselves illegally through the innocent use of the Fall out Boyz dolls to unsuspecting adoring young women and maybe some young boys all over the world - what do you have to say for yourselves?!!" She yelled.

"Crystal? Simmer down yo." Katy said, pulling her back, steam was coming out of Crystal's ears.

"This can't be right." Joe said, looking at his band.

"Oh it's right! Look at her scan photo's!!" Emma said, shoving Sarah's scan photo's. The baby appeared to be wearing some form of cap on it's head, it's pinky's were curled up and fingers splayed expressively.

"It has chubby ears!!" Sarah cried.

"Oh dear god!" Andy said, recoiling at the scan photo.

"We have a problem." Bob said deeply.

"Indeed you do!" Crystal said.

"This is awful!" Patrick whispered.

"We have the right to arrest you and take you in for further questioning." Crystal said.

"I want Patrick." Katy said quickly.

"You'll get who you're given." Crystal said.

"Patrick." Katy said quickly again.

The girls all stood up, Alex, Katy, CeCe and Kyle taking out hand cuff's.

"Let's cuff Bob for funzies!" Kyle said excitedly.

"Get off him - he's mine!" Katy said, pushing CeCe away from Patrick.

"No - he's mine!" She whined.

"Listen smooches, it's imperative he comes with me." Katy said.

A click was heard and Katy's mouth opened in shock as she looked down and saw CeCe had clipped her own wrist to Patrick's.

"That's harsh." Katy said sadly.

"Don't fight over me girls, Katy you have this hand.." Patrick said holding out his other uncuffed hand.

"Thanks." She smiled, he smiled back at her and they looked at each other.

"Come on - let's close this up, move it, move it, move it!" Crystal barked.

"Ow, that pinches!" Pete whined as Alex walked behind him.

"Oh shush, pretty boy." She said.

They all bundled out the door and Crystal took one last look at the room.

"I love my job..." she smiled, closing it firmly.